He took two steps toward me, then stopped abruptly. One hand flexed into a fist, but he forced it to relax against his thigh. “He didn’t harm you. I wouldn’t let him. I wouldn’t harm you. Leave it at that.”
I was speechless for a moment, staring wide-eyed at him until he turned away. As he did, the tension broke between us. A soft knock sounded on the door, and Aumae glided inside, a cup in her hand. She smiled, tucking a strand of her hair behind one ear as the rest gathered on her other shoulder, hanging low in a loose braid. Her robe touched my arm when she bent and placed the cup beside me on a nightstand. She turned and glanced between Kellan and me, then her smile beamed more. “I’ve brought her a cup of tea. It’s very healing, especially with her changes. It will soothe her. That’s what she needs right now.”
Kellan jerked his head to the side and left. A burst of wind rushed at me from his sudden departure, and I closed my eyes, breathing in his smell for a moment. When I opened them again as his scent had already faded, I saw my aunt watching me with concern. She sat next to me on the edge of the bed and laid a hand on my cheek. “He only means the best for you. I can see that in him. It’s so strong that there’s a different aura around him. I’ve never met a demon like him. It’s very…rare.”
“She’s holding back. There’s more she wants to say…” a voice whispered to me. I jerked when I heard it, but I calmed, knowing it was the messenger in me—or it was just me now.
I should’ve asked what else she wanted to say, what she wasn’t saying, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to hear any more new information, revelations that I couldn’t handle so I lay back down. My aunt brushed back some hair from my forehead. It was a loving touch, one that I hadn’t felt in so long, if ever.
Both of us sat there in silence, and then after a while Aumae pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “You radiate now. She’s merged with you, and you both look so beautiful. You look just like your mother now. It’s painful to see it, but also a blessing. I miss her so.”
“Where is she?” I sat up against the headboard, scooting back with my knees raised to my chest and the cup of tea in my hand.
She sat back and looked away, smiling from fond memories. “It’s painful at times to think of it, but your mother passed away. It’s been six years now.”
“What happened?”
“No one knows. She’d gone upstairs one night, and I found her the next morning. She passed away in her bed. She’d been missing you. She felt something happened to you, but we couldn’t find you.”
“She felt me?”
“You were linked together because you came from her; your Nephilim was constantly trying to find hers. At first, it was so strong, but when you were little, your connection was almost lost. It dropped overnight.”
I whispered, “When I was little?”
“You must’ve been six or so, just a little girl.” Aumae bent her head, and her shoulders shook slightly.
I heard tears in her voice, and my own throat closed up. “What do you mean you couldn’t find me before? You think my surrogate mother hid me or something? Like, kidnapped me?”
“We don’t think so. We know so. You were put in her so she could birth you, but we were supposed to keep in contact with her. Of course, you were supposed to come back to us, but as soon as you were in her, they disappeared. It was like they fell off the face of the Earth. We couldn’t do anything to find you, and we tried. We tried with our messenger side, using magic. We tried asking for help, even your father couldn’t find you. They took you away, and it wasn’t until Kellan contacted me a month ago that I knew you were alive. Your mother kept saying you were, that she felt little twinges from you every now and then, but I stopped believing her. I always thought she died from a broken heart, from missing you so much.”
Kellan had contacted—I knew he had. Of course, he had since we’d found my aunt, but it hadn’t really clicked with me before now. Kellan knew. How long had he known? Had he known this whole time that I’d been taken away from my real parents? What else did he know about me? He’d known who I was this entire time, that we were soulmates, but he’d kept it a secret from me. What else was he keeping from me?
Anger started to boil inside of me. How dare he keep my mother away from me. Did he know about her? He must’ve. He knew so much, too much.
“Shay, calm down.”
I broke out of my thoughts and realized the bed had started to rise in the air, shaking from my anger. Immediately, I set it back down and stopped the trembling. My body stopped shaking, too.
“You’re starting to control yourself better.” My aunt held a hand against my cheek, brushing her thumb under my eyelid gently. “That’s good. That means you’re growing into yourself again.”
“Kellan said we can be strong now. What did he mean by that?” I was hesitant to ask her, but he’d brought us to her for a reason. A part of me knew that I was supposed to find answers that he couldn’t tell me, but there was so much I didn’t know what to ask or who I should ask. I was still afraid to trust anyone.
“I can’t really answer that. I just know that he wanted me to meet you. He wanted you to meet me, and you’re already going strong. You’ve merged with your messenger side. You’re so much stronger than you know, but I can see it in you. So can he. That demon of yours is one very smart, very powerful demon. He knows what he’s doing and if I didn’t see how much he loves you, I would fight him myself for you. I would take you away from here, away from the mess you’re in, but I trust him. I trust that he knows what he’s doing. You’re linked to him. Anyone can see how powerful your connection is. You two need each other.”
“Can a demon be good?”
“Before I met Kellan, I would’ve said no. But even as I say that, there’s darkness in him, too. Complete darkness that only the most evil have in them. Your demon is more demon than you know, less human than you think.”
I frowned, wondering what she meant by that, but then my aunt stood again. With a final squeeze to my hand and another soft kiss on my forehead, she went to the door. “I have to leave for some things. I will be back soon, in a few days.”
“Where are you going?” My heart picked up a beat, feeling panic. Was she coming back?
“Just to get some items that will help you guys. I promise. I’ll be back in no time. You won’t even miss me.” Then she shut the door quietly, and I was left sitting in bed, wondering why I felt a part of myself had just left me. Was my connection to her so strong already that I needed her with me? Was I comfortable with that connection, the feeling of needing her so much? I sighed, finishing my tea. A part of me didn’t want to need anyone, miss anyone, even love anyone. It’d always been me against the world, and I didn’t altogether enjoy that I was starting to lose that feeling. It usually meant that something awful was going to happen.
I’d been home alone for twenty-four hours when Kellan finally showed. He found me in the kitchen, making some food and brewing coffee. My head was bent over the stove, thinking when his voice broke my concentration. “Your powers have increased.”
“What?” I looked up with my hands braced on the counter. He looked so good…too good. I swallowed tightly and kept myself from throwing my body against him, hugging him or doing something worse.
He grinned crookedly, a small smirk, and placed three paper bags on the table. He nodded toward the stove. “You’re not using your hands when you stir that thing. And you’re putting stuff away without even looking. You’re starting to control your power. That’s good.”
Shocked, I looked around and then realized I had been putting away pans, condiments, anything that I’d taken out. I’d been doing it in the back of my mind, without even thinking about it.
“You’re doing it naturally now. You don’t even have to think about it, and it’s already done. You’re becoming a force.”
“What do you mean?” What did he mean? It was only flour and a few mixing bowls.
“Nothing, just that it’s natural to you now.
You’ve become stronger since she’s merged with you. You look at me differently, too. Did you notice that?”
“I do? How did I look at you before? How do I now?”
“You haven’t always trusted me, but you’ve softened to me a bit, since finding out we’re soulmates. Now distrust is there again, but it’s more. There’s a part of you that won’t ever trust me, not fully. I think it’s from her. She’ll never trust me.”
He spoke so candidly, as if we were discussing the weather. I hated that. I hated how casual this seemed to him and I turned, hissing, “How dare you talk like that—as if it’s okay that I don’t trust you. I should trust you. It should bother you that I don’t trust you—” My words were cut off as Kellan lunged at me, growling. He pinned my arms against the counter behind me, pushing his body against mine, his eyes peering down into mine.
He wanted to dominate me, and a part of me wanted him to. I bit back what I’d been about to spew at him when I saw the fury in his eyes, brimming just under the surface. Then he leaned closer, nipping at my lips with his. I gasped, arching against him and felt him between my legs.
He whispered against my skin, tilting my head up with a hand beneath my jaw, on my neck, “It doesn’t bother me that you don’t trust me. I’m a demon, Shay. You’re not supposed to trust me, but you should love me. It would bother me if you didn’t love me.” Then he licked my neck, lingering at the corner of my mouth and sweeping in, taking everything from me as he savored the kiss. “But I know you love me. You love me so much that you can’t handle it. You’re terrified of what you feel for me and that’s why you’re scared about not trusting me. You belong to me, and you know it. A part of you has already succumbed to me. Stop fighting it. Stop fighting us.” His hand smoothed down my arm and curved around my waist, pulling me closer against him. Then he lifted one of my legs so it entwined around his, positioning him, ready for entry. Our clothes were the only barrier stopping him from entering me.
One of his hands gripped my neck, lifting my chin again, and his eyes watched me all the while. Peering inside of me, judging, waiting.
“What do you want?”
He smirked. “What do you think? I want you, all of you.”
My hands were helpless as they clung to his arms, holding myself upward. “Why? You knew about my family. You kept me from them. Why would you do that?”
His thumb inched upward and dipped into my mouth, hooking on the inside of my lip. His smirk looked almost cruel. “Why do you think? You’re mine, Shay. If I handed you over to your family before you knew this, what would you have done? You would’ve left me.”
“What are you saying?” My eyes glazed over, feeling him between my legs. He wanted to pierce me, shifting even harder against me, into me. I felt my desire there and knew my wetness had soaked my clothes. I wondered if he could smell it. I did. It was intoxicating and embarrassing at the same time. I bit my lip, wishing my body wouldn’t betray me while it did anyway.
“I’ve known about your mother and your aunt since I became old enough to look for them. It’s been a few years, only a few years, but I couldn’t risk losing you. Paint me the bad guy for that, I don’t care. I still wasn’t willing to gamble you and throw the dice. I brought you to them when it was safe for me. You would’ve done the same.”
I frowned, wondering what he meant, but his eyes snapped to the right. His body stiffened, and he dropped his hands from me, stepping back. I fell against the counter and would’ve fallen to the floor if he hadn’t caught me with one hand. He whispered in my head, “Something’s coming. Demons. They’re not friendly.”
Then he flung me behind him and sent two bursts of black energy at the doorframe. Two dark figures flew in, but immediately were flung backward. They ripped through the house and into the trees outside. Another black figure soared at us from above and something came over me. My head snapped back, all the way back, and my eyes shifted into yellow. I saw the demon and became furious. Yellow energy emanated from me and shot upward, slamming it away from us.
Kellan leapt after the other two and lifted his hand, catching both of them in a paralyzing grip. They floated in the air, helpless to move or fight back, as he drew them to us.
The third demon was coming back. I felt its approach and then flung my own hand outward, palm extended in the air, and I caught the demon in my grip, too. I had no idea how I was doing it, but I was angry. How dare they try to attack us? How dare they think about hurting us? My fury knew no bounds, and I was ready to tear the demon apart. I wanted to torture him one breath after another. I wanted him to hurt. He intended to hurt us. Then Kellan spoke in my ear, “Don’t kill him. Not yet. We need to find out what they know, why they came here for us.”
I growled, “I don’t care.” And I flexed my hand, bending the demon in half and it screamed. The agony that came from its mouth was genuine and blinding. I smiled, bending it even more, until I felt him ripped from my hold.
Kellan glared at me, flinging one of his demons away. It hit a tree that caught it and used both sides of its branches to tear the demon in half. It turned to dust and fell to the ground. A wind then swept it up and flung it away from us, far away. Kellan took the demon I had broken, still hanging together by a piece and rested him on the table before us. It was quivering in pain, writhing in motion, but the sound was the worst. It was a high-pitched whimper, sniffling. I wanted to silence it then and there, but Kellan clamped a hand on me, stopping me as he floated the other one to sit at the table in front of us. Its leader was still thrashing back and forth on top of the table, but this one stared at us in terror. His eyes were wide, white saucers with nothing in the middle. The entire figure was cloaked in a black robe.
“They’re from the underworld,” Kellan spoke in my ear, holding me back. He wanted me behind him, and he spoke in my head, “Remain quiet. They get information from you the more you speak. They can see into your words. Don’t do anything. Trust me.”
I trusted him, but I wanted to hurt them more. A thirst for their pain had been awakened in me. It was nearly intoxicating, threatening to take over, but I closed my eyes and battled for control. Kellan was right. He’d get the information we needed: why they were sent to us, who sent them, and what they wanted. Killing them wouldn’t help us in the long run, but I wanted to. I wanted to so badly.
He stalked toward them, growing before my eyes. I shrunk behind him, but Kellan took on a menacing stance. A black cloak seemed to shimmer over him, covering him before my eyes, and then I heard him speak in a different language. It sent chills down my back, and I gritted my teeth, fighting myself from lashing out. I wanted to stop the words that he spoke. I didn’t know what he said, but I wanted them to go away. I wanted it all to go away. I couldn’t stand the stench of the demons in the sanctuary’s kitchen. I cringed hearing Kellan speak to them in their own language, and I loathed the reminder that he was one of them, more powerful than they were even.
After a few moments of them fighting him, straining not to answer him, and Kellan striking them with his power, one buckled. The demon couldn’t stop babbling. The words poured out of him as he doubled over, crying, whimpering, begging. It sickened me. The entire thing made me nauseated and I bolted from the room, dashing upstairs to my bathroom. Within moments, I burst through the door and emptied my stomach’s contents into the toilet. I hurled a few more times until something exploded beneath me, under the floorboards, where the kitchen was. Immediately, I felt relief and knew that Kellan had vanquished both demons. Their presence no longer haunted me, overwhelming me with sickness. It wasn’t long before he came to the bathroom door and stood there. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and wiped some vomit from my mouth. “I’m fine.” I collapsed against the wall and sat there with my knees raised before me, my arms dangling from them, feeling lifeless.
“Your reaction was from her. You know that, right?” He sounded cautious, reserved from me.
My stomach twisted again, feeling how he watched his
words with me. It was like he was scared of me, hesitant of my reaction. I closed my eyes, pain stabbing my gut at his reaction, but I choked out, “I know.” And I did. My hatred had been tenfold since I had merged with her. Only an idiot wouldn’t have known where it had come from, but another feeling took over me. What was I supposed to do about that? I was a hybrid, half-messenger. And that side was more powerful now within me. Some of these emotions were bound to come out, right…
“I know you can’t help it.” Kellan put me at ease, sitting next to me and then reaching for my hand. “I just don’t want you to ever loathe me. That’s all I worry about.”
I was relieved. I could do that. Hell, loathing was the opposite of what I felt for him. Then I grinned, resting my head against his shoulder. “That’s the last thing you need to worry about with me.” I squeezed his hand for extra reassurance.
“I have something to tell you, something that you’re not going to like.”
My stomach twisted again, curled into a ball once more. I forced myself to ask, breathing out, “What is it?” But my teeth gritted together. I wasn’t going to like it.
“They took your aunt. They have her, and they sent them after us. They wanted to take us too.”
I closed my eyes, feeling a ball of fury roll over on itself inside of me. Something started to take over me… Then I grated out, “Tell me that you found out where they’re holding her.”
“I did. I know.” He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. I felt his hesitation as if it were my own. And I hated it.
“Well?” I snapped out.
Kellan sighed, his hand now lax in mine. “I’ll take you there.”
“Fine.” I scrambled to my feet, ready for war, but I asked first, “Who took her? Who sent them after us?”
Kellan hesitated before answering. “I don’t know. He wouldn’t say.”
He was lying. I felt it. I knew it. I could taste it, but I held my tongue. This wasn’t the time or the place to demand answers from him. All I cared about was getting my aunt back. Kellan would tell me. I would make sure of that, but he could wait. That was fine, but he would tell me. As I watched him leave the bathroom, my eyes stuck to his back, feeling his lie within me. It was a betrayal, but there was more in me, a sense of determination.
I followed behind, and I couldn’t squash the hope inside that there would be more demons to kill. It was becoming a favorite hobby of mine. The thirst was almost too powerful for my liking, but I couldn’t stop the desire. It throbbed inside of me, almost as much as my desire for him, but of that, I held my tongue. I was sure we’d finish what he had promised to start in the kitchen. When that moment happened, I could only hope I wouldn’t end up begging at his mercy, but something told me that was what Kellan wanted. It seemed up his alley, and I couldn’t stop the shiver of excitement in me.
“You coming?” He came to the doorway, dressed in black clothes