It hadn’t mattered. He kept uttering those words until his shaking stopped and another bout hit him, but this time I saw that the hot tea was spilling onto his arms. He still didn’t stop. He didn’t even react to his burning skin.
“Oh dear.” Aumae took the mug away, patting his shoulder. “We’ll just, huh, how about some cold water instead?”
I cleared my throat.
She amended, “I mean some room-temperature water.”
He glanced up, pale, and his lips parted to say thank you. He couldn’t. His bottom lip was shaking as well. A brief stutter was the only thing that sounded from him.
I pitied him. He hadn’t asked us to come here. He hadn’t done a thing to us, and we muscled our way into his house, taking over. I wondered what Kellan had done to scare him so much, but rethought that. I’d rather not know, though his parting words still lingered with me.
“…you’re going to turn a blind eye because that’s what you do for me.”
“Excuse me.”
Damien and Aumae gave me knowing looks as I stood from the table and headed toward the master bedroom. Kellan left the property, but returned ten minutes earlier. Mr. Ocean jerked away from the table, but Kellan scanned the group, lingered on me, and turned down the hallway. We heard the shower running moments later and when I went in there, Kellan was just standing in the shower. He’d left the door open, and his clothes were still on, plastered to him now.
I knew he felt me, but he didn’t say anything. I perched against the counter, watching him.
He stared straight ahead to the tiled wall, so I waited until he spoke, almost dully, “You’re the only good part of me, and I’m going to fuck that up.”
“Kellan.” I started for him.
“No.” He shook his head, and I held back. He added, closing his eyes, “I have no more secrets from you. I love you. You love me. We’re bonded, and yet, we haven’t bonded enough.”
I grew warm, remembering how he kissed me, touched me before. An image of him over me again, but this time moving inside of me started an ache inside of me, but it also sparked something else. My own fear. I was scared. What would happen then? Who would come for us? Who else was left to come?
“Your father.”
Kellan swung those dark and so bleak eyes my way. As he did, it was like everything clicked in place. When he looked at me, how he was looking at me, made the world make sense. It didn’t before, if he wasn’t with me or at my side, but now, as he was looking at me—I knew everything would be fine. It had to be.
The side of his mouth lifted up in a half-grin. “How do I look at you?”
“Like you’re dying of thirst and I’m the last drop of water.”
He grunted. The half-grin grew. “That sounds right.”
“Kellan.” I sighed, moving closer. I stopped just on the outside of the shower. If I took one step closer, I’d be inside. The water would move onto me, and I’d be at his side. I waited, my chest growing tight. “My father is still coming for me, isn’t he?”
He nodded, his eyes growing lidded.
“What does that mean?”
“Someone sent the demons after us, but your father found us when we rescued Vespar and Giuseppa. But Shay,” he stopped, swallowing. A haunted look came over him. “We could hide. We could use spells to shield us, maybe go back to that house and stay there. Your father didn’t know about it, and maybe he won’t find us there, but…”
There was always a but. I grew tense.
“Do you really want to do that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to hide for the rest of your life?”
My life. He said my life, not his, not ours. Mine. That told me so much—I was going to die, but he was not. We had one lifetime, mine. I knew Kellan could hear my thoughts, or at least, sense them, but this time, he remained quiet. He didn’t correct me or deny, and that, too, spoke volumes. It was like blow after blow kept coming. I wanted them to stop. I wanted to be the one to deliver the blows.
“What are you thinking?” His voice had grown hoarse.
“You know what I’m thinking.”
He leaned toward me, the water splashing off his head and sprinkling over me. “Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure?”
Was I? Did I want to hide, or did I want to fight? A lifetime with him…or nothing at all? It could all end. I knew the risks. I ground out, “We’ve been hiding all our lives. I’m done hiding.” I stepped inside the shower, the water coating me as well, and I pressed against him. “It’s time to fight.”
His eyes darkened, and then his lips were on mine, and nothing else mattered. We became one that night.
“For the record,” Damien said two days later. “I think this is incredibly stupid.”
Kellan stood next to me, holding my hand, and grunted. “For the record, no one asked you.”
“Shut up.” I held tight to Kellan’s hand, speaking to both and right then, the ground began to quake. “He’s coming.”
Two nights ago, Damien came to the bedroom. He stood in the doorway, his hands folded in front of him, and we could both feel the confession coming. It came off him in waves. Shame. Guilt. Embarrassment. And then he started by saying, “I’ve been lying to you.”
I knew a whole lot of shit was about to be laid on our laps and I closed my eyes, just for a moment. I needed to prepare myself, and after a few more seconds, I nodded to Damien. “Tell us everything.”
He did, later standing across the table from Kellan and me. Aumae joined us as well. We kept the lights off except for one single lamp that was behind Damien from the living room. It seemed fitting, casting him in shadow and lighting up the rest of us. Damien coughed, looking away before starting. He drew in a breath, and held it there, grimacing. “I have to first explain that there’s a war going on in the heavens. I didn’t want to be a part of this. I wasn’t a part of this, but your father,” he looked at me, a wall shifting to the side to show new emotion, “and my father, Sachiel, is on one side.”
“Wait.”
Had I heard him right?
Kellan cursed. “Of course. That makes sense now.”
“You’re my brother?”
“Half-brother. We have the same father.”
My head was pounding. There’d been so many turns and twists when it came to siblings. I looked at one that I thought had been my brother to another that was my brother. I began laughing. There was nothing else I could do. Anything else I was feeling didn’t matter. I held up a hand, shaking my head. “This is just becoming ridiculous now.”
Damien kept going, an apology in his eyes to me, “I’m not as powerful as you because my mother was full human. I lived with my family until I was little. Nine years old. That’s when Sachiel found me. I was leaving the house with my grandpa and Sachiel—”
The vision came back to me. I remembered when I first experienced it. I’d been getting into my car. That felt so long ago now.
“Who are you?”
I held my breath and closed my eyes. The ticking from someone’s watch pounded loudly in my ear. When I opened my eyes, I saw an older man across the road. He walked beside his son, and they were headed into a house. The voice didn’t come from him, but it was connected to them. I just didn’t know how.
I said, “I thought that man was your father.”
Damien had been watching me. His eyes were knowing as he nodded. “We’ve been connected since I first started talking to you. I didn’t realize how powerful you were until you slipped into my memories. I had to block you after that. I’ve been blocking you since, well,” he regarded Kellan, “until last night.” He gestured beside me. “You and Kellan fully bonded, and that ended the connection you and I had.”
“What does that mean?”
“Wait. I have more to confess.” We could see the actual pain on his face. He paled, his eyes and mouth straining at the ends. “I’m the one who revealed your hiding spot to the demons. They attacked you because of me. I tho
ught if the other side took you, I wouldn’t have to deal with Sachiel.”
It was because of him.
I leaned forward, saying softly, “We were protected there.”
“I know.” His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.
“We were safe there.”
“I know.” His eyes darted to Kellan’s, and his lips pressed together. Flinching. “And you guys defeated them.”
“You arrived the next day.” Kellan’s eyes were narrowed to slits.
“I was there before. I tracked where you were through my connection to Shay.”
I closed my eyes. I’d been betrayed through my own blood. I whispered, “They took Aumae.”
“Child.” She rested her hand over mine. “He’s confessing now. That’s all that matters.”
Kellan grunted. “I’m not that forgiving.”
Aumae insisted, “Let us hear the rest from him. He’s repenting and he’s trusting us now. He’s making himself vulnerable when he never had to. We must remember that.”
My own blood—I couldn’t get over that. A dagger was inside of me, cutting away around where my heart should be resting. It was becoming hollow, more and more, but Aumae was right. I could hear the forgiveness in her voice and I clung to it. I let it wash over me.
“I can’t track you anymore, if that makes you feel better.”
“It doesn’t.”
Damien’s head hung down, and he didn’t say anything more. I knew he had more to say, but for a moment, I needed him to shut up. For once, Kellan wasn’t the one ready to commit murder. Damien was my brother, and he had betrayed me. He hurt someone else who was good, who should have never been harmed. I glanced to Aumae and she was watching me back. Her eyes were so loving, so giving. She smiled at me. She was trying to convey the same peace to me, so that I would forgive him, but I couldn’t.
I sighed. “You can’t connect to me anymore because of Kellan, right?”
Kellan added, “You’re a part of my blood now. It’s like we’re married, Shay. You’re my family.”
My eyes went wide. Oh. “Okay.” I wasn’t surprised, not really. “That makes sense.” I guess…
Kellan grunted, hiding a smile. “I thought you knew.”
“I think I did.” I laid my hand over his. “I still would’ve done it, been with you, if I’d known the full ramifications. I’m okay with it. I am.”
He turned his hand upside down, lacing our fingers, and pulled our hands to his lap. They were hidden from the others. Damien had been waiting, he cleared his throat. “Like I was saying before, there’s a war going on above, and Sachiel is a big contender for one side.” He faltered, his head bowing slightly. “Uh…this is hard to say because this was what I was supposed to encourage. Shay, I told you before that you should bond with Kellan because then you’d be too powerful for your father to take on. That isn’t true.”
I knew where this was going.
He said further, “Sachiel wants you to bond with Kellan, because he intends to take your powers. Both of yours.”
I felt Kellan’s anger mounting and snuck a peek at him, but he wasn’t showing anything. His face was unreadable. His eyes gave nothing away, and he even held my hand in a gentle and loving way, but I felt his demon stirring away. My messenger side was awakening as well, and she wasn’t pleased.
“The truth is that neither of you is a match for Sachiel, and he knows that. I was supposed to get close to you, Shay, and get you to bond with Kellan. That was the first part of my job.”
A knot formed in my stomach. “And the second?”
“I’m supposed to deliver both of you to him.”
“You know how to call him?”
Damien nodded. “The messengers aren’t watching like they had been before. He was surprised at how you guys were able to fend him off, and how Shay killed the other messengers. He thought you guys had bonded and to be honest, so did I.”
“You told him where to watch for us?”
Damien glanced to Kellan. “Yeah. That was me. I came to get you guys and take you back there. That’s why I showed up when I did.”
I said, “And that’s why you didn’t want to help us rescue Vespar and Giuseppa?”
He lifted a shoulder, turning away for a moment. “I worried about what he would say, if it were reported to him that I helped save two demons. That was part of the reason. The other part was because they’re both demons.” He sneered, saying the last word. “It is beneath our kind to help them.”
The ground began rumbling.
Aumae and Damien both started, but I knew the cause. I was holding his hand. Both caught on when Kellan and I didn’t move.
“Oh.” Damien frowned. “I’m sorry for my part.”
“Why?”
“Why?” He echoed my question.
“Why did you do it? You were born to a human family. That means you have family still, Damien, and I’m not talking about me or our father.”
He glanced away, his jaw clenching.
“Oh dear.” Aumae spoke for the first time, her quiet words splicing through the tense room. She shifted in her seat. The corner of her mouth turned down. “Are they still alive?”
Damien jerked his head up and down. “My mother is, and so are my little sister and brother.”
He had siblings. That rocked me. “From a different father?”
He nodded again, his voice growing hoarse. “I’m sorry, Shay.”
He had a family. I did not. I tried shrugging. It didn’t matter. I had Kellan now, but my shrug fell flat. It did matter. It stung. Damien had a true family. A mother he could go back to and hug. Two siblings that would wind their tiny arms around him. I murmured, “I bet their father loves you like his.”
“He does.” Damien breathed out. “Yes. They think I was kidnapped, which I was in a way. Sachiel took me in and taught me about my messenger lineage.”
“What happens when you deliver us to him?”
Everyone turned to Kellan, hearing his question.
Damien’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “I’m free. I can go back to my family and live out my life like a normal person.”
“But you know that’s a lie, don’t you?”
Kellan’s question hung in the room as he stared at my half-brother. It wasn’t a challenge, just the truth how Kellan saw it. A second later, Damien nodded and sighed. His hands fell to the chair in front of him and curled tight around it. “I know.”
“He’ll never let you go back, if your family is even still alive.”
“I know.”
“And you’ve finally realized that now, and that’s why you’re coming clean to us.” Kellan rose from his chair. “You want our help.”
With each statement Kellan said, Damien’s gaze fell to the table, then to the floor. He looked back up now, shame brimming bright in his eyes. “Yes.”
Kellan narrowed his eyes, “That’s what I thought.”
The last two days passed too quickly. Damien explained there were only two ways to kill a messenger, and none of us would be free until Sachiel was killed. One way was to use a biblical weapon, which we had none, and Damien didn’t know where to find one.
I asked then, “And the second?”
He didn’t answer at first, drawing in a deep breath. “You’re not going to like the second option.”
“What are your choices?” Kellan mirrored Damien, standing at the opposite end and leaning forward with his hands on his chair’s backrest. “Spill it, messenger. Let’s start getting this over with.”
And he began, “Well, you see—you’ll have to let Sachiel start to drain your power…”
Here we were. Standing on a hill, feeling the ground shake with my father’s arrival, and I knew that I would either live through this or not. Those were the two options. The plan consisted of letting Sachiel start to drain our powers. Kellan and I would be linked. Sachiel would open himself up to us and he would be vulnerable. When that happened, Damien and Aumae were going to connect to
us as well, and the four of us would instead drain