CHAPTER 3
A Merry Evening with a Distant Relative
I was not so unreasonable as to be prejudiced against the duke's keeperbecause he disliked my complexion; and if I had been, his most civiland obliging conduct (as it seemed to me to be) next morning would havedisarmed me. Hearing that I was bound for Strelsau, he came to seeme while I was breakfasting, and told me that a sister of his who hadmarried a well-to-do tradesman and lived in the capital, had invitedhim to occupy a room in her house. He had gladly accepted, but now foundthat his duties would not permit of his absence. He begged thereforethat, if such humble (though, as he added, clean and comfortable)lodgings would satisfy me, I would take his place. He pledged hissister's acquiescence, and urged the inconvenience and crowding to whichI should be subject in my journeys to and from Strelsau the next day.I accepted his offer without a moment's hesitation, and he went off totelegraph to his sister, while I packed up and prepared to take the nexttrain. But I still hankered after the forest and the hunting-lodge, andwhen my little maid told me that I could, by walking ten miles or sothrough the forest, hit the railway at a roadside station, I decided tosend my luggage direct to the address which Johann had given, take mywalk, and follow to Strelsau myself. Johann had gone off and was notaware of the change in my plans; but, as its only effect was to delaymy arrival at his sister's for a few hours, there was no reason fortroubling to inform him of it. Doubtless the good lady would waste noanxiety on my account.
I took an early luncheon, and, having bidden my kind entertainersfarewell, promising to return to them on my way home, I set out to climbthe hill that led to the Castle, and thence to the forest of Zenda.Half an hour's leisurely walking brought me to the Castle. It had beena fortress in old days, and the ancient keep was still in goodpreservation and very imposing. Behind it stood another portion of theoriginal castle, and behind that again, and separated from it by a deepand broad moat, which ran all round the old buildings, was a handsomemodern chateau, erected by the last king, and now forming the countryresidence of the Duke of Strelsau. The old and the new portions wereconnected by a drawbridge, and this indirect mode of access formed theonly passage between the old building and the outer world; but leadingto the modern chateau there was a broad and handsome avenue. It was anideal residence: when "Black Michael" desired company, he could dwell inhis chateau; if a fit of misanthropy seized him, he had merely to crossthe bridge and draw it up after him (it ran on rollers), and nothingshort of a regiment and a train of artillery could fetch him out. I wenton my way, glad that poor Black Michael, though he could not have thethrone or the princess, had, at least, as fine a residence as any princein Europe.
Soon I entered the forest, and walked on for an hour or more in its coolsombre shade. The great trees enlaced with one another over my head, andthe sunshine stole through in patches as bright as diamonds, andhardly bigger. I was enchanted with the place, and, finding a felledtree-trunk, propped my back against it, and stretching my legs out gavemyself up to undisturbed contemplation of the solemn beauty of the woodsand to the comfort of a good cigar. And when the cigar was finished andI had (I suppose) inhaled as much beauty as I could, I went off intothe most delightful sleep, regardless of my train to Strelsau and ofthe fast-waning afternoon. To remember a train in such a spot wouldhave been rank sacrilege. Instead of that, I fell to dreaming that Iwas married to the Princess Flavia and dwelt in the Castle of Zenda, andbeguiled whole days with my love in the glades of the forest--which madea very pleasant dream. In fact, I was just impressing a fervent kiss onthe charming lips of the princess, when I heard (and the voice seemed atfirst a part of the dream) someone exclaim, in rough strident tones.
"Why, the devil's in it! Shave him, and he'd be the King!"
The idea seemed whimsical enough for a dream: by the sacrifice of myheavy moustache and carefully pointed imperial, I was to be transformedinto a monarch! I was about to kiss the princess again, when I arrived(very reluctantly) at the conclusion that I was awake.
I opened my eyes, and found two men regarding me with much curiosity.Both wore shooting costumes and carried guns. One was rather shortand very stoutly built, with a big bullet-shaped head, a bristly greymoustache, and small pale-blue eyes, a trifle bloodshot. The other was aslender young fellow, of middle height, dark in complexion, and bearinghimself with grace and distinction. I set the one down as an oldsoldier: the other for a gentleman accustomed to move in good society,but not unused to military life either. It turned out afterwards that myguess was a good one.
The elder man approached me, beckoning the younger to follow. He did so,courteously raising his hat. I rose slowly to my feet.
"He's the height, too!" I heard the elder murmur, as he surveyed my sixfeet two inches of stature. Then, with a cavalier touch of the cap, headdressed me:
"May I ask your name?"
"As you have taken the first step in the acquaintance, gentlemen," saidI, with a smile, "suppose you give me a lead in the matter of names."
The young man stepped forward with a pleasant smile.
"This," said he, "is Colonel Sapt, and I am called Fritz von Tarlenheim:we are both in the service of the King of Ruritania."
I bowed and, baring my head, answered:
"I am Rudolf Rassendyll. I am a traveller from England; and once for ayear or two I held a commission from her Majesty the Queen."
"Then we are all brethren of the sword," answered Tarlenheim, holdingout his hand, which I took readily.
"Rassendyll, Rassendyll!" muttered Colonel Sapt; then a gleam ofintelligence flitted across his face.
"By Heaven!" he cried, "you're of the Burlesdons?"
"My brother is now Lord Burlesdon," said I.
"Thy head betrayeth thee," he chuckled, pointing to my uncovered poll."Why, Fritz, you know the story?"
The young man glanced apologetically at me. He felt a delicacy whichmy sister-in-law would have admired. To put him at his ease, I remarkedwith a smile:
"Ah! the story is known here as well as among us, it seems."
"Known!" cried Sapt. "If you stay here, the deuce a man in all Ruritaniawill doubt of it--or a woman either."
I began to feel uncomfortable. Had I realized what a very plainlywritten pedigree I carried about with me, I should have thought longbefore I visited Ruritania. However, I was in for it now.
At this moment a ringing voice sounded from the wood behind us:
"Fritz, Fritz! where are you, man?"
Tarlenheim started, and said hastily:
"It's the King!"
Old Sapt chuckled again.
Then a young man jumped out from behind the trunk of a tree and stoodbeside us. As I looked at him, I uttered an astonished cry; and he,seeing me, drew back in sudden wonder. Saving the hair on my face anda manner of conscious dignity which his position gave him, saving alsothat he lacked perhaps half an inch--nay, less than that, but stillsomething--of my height, the King of Ruritania might have been RudolfRassendyll, and I, Rudolf, the King.
For an instant we stood motionless, looking at one another. Then I baredmy head again and bowed respectfully. The King found his voice, andasked in bewilderment:
"Colonel--Fritz--who is this gentleman?"
I was about to answer, when Colonel Sapt stepped between the King andme, and began to talk to his Majesty in a low growl. The King toweredover Sapt, and, as he listened, his eyes now and again sought mine.I looked at him long and carefully. The likeness was certainlyastonishing, though I saw the points of difference also. The King's facewas slightly more fleshy than mine, the oval of its contour the leasttrifle more pronounced, and, as I fancied, his mouth lacking somethingof the firmness (or obstinacy) which was to be gathered frommy close-shutting lips. But, for all that, and above all minordistinctions, the likeness rose striking, salient, wonderful.
Sapt ceased speaking, and the King still frowned. Then, gradually, thecorners of his mouth began to twitch, his nose came down (as minedoes when I laugh), his eyes twinkled, and, behold! he b
urst into themerriest fit of irrepressible laughter, which rang through the woods andproclaimed him a jovial soul.
"Well met, cousin!" he cried, stepping up to me, clapping me on theback, and laughing still. "You must forgive me if I was taken aback. Aman doesn't expect to see double at this time of day, eh, Fritz?"
"I must pray pardon, sire, for my presumption," said I. "I trust it willnot forfeit your Majesty's favour."
"By Heaven! you'll always enjoy the King's countenance," he laughed,"whether I like it or not; and, sir, I shall very gladly add to it whatservices I can. Where are you travelling to?"
"To Strelsau, sire--to the coronation."
The King looked at his friends: he still smiled, though his expressionhinted some uneasiness. But the humorous side of the matter caught himagain.
"Fritz, Fritz!" he cried, "a thousand crowns for a sight of brotherMichael's face when he sees a pair of us!" and the merry laugh rang outagain.
"Seriously," observed Fritz von Tarlenheim, "I question Mr. Rassendyll'swisdom in visiting Strelsau just now."
The King lit a cigarette.
"Well, Sapt?" said he, questioningly.
"He mustn't go," growled the old fellow.
"Come, colonel, you mean that I should be in Mr. Rassendyll's debt,if--"
"Oh, ay! wrap it up in the right way," said Sapt, hauling a great pipeout of his pocket.
"Enough, sire," said I. "I'll leave Ruritania today."
"No, by thunder, you shan't--and that's sans phrase, as Sapt likes it.For you shall dine with me tonight, happen what will afterwards. Come,man, you don't meet a new relation every day!"
"We dine sparingly tonight," said Fritz von Tarlenheim.
"Not we--with our new cousin for a guest!" cried the King; and, as Fritzshrugged his shoulders, he added: "Oh! I'll remember our early start,Fritz."
"So will I--tomorrow morning," said old Sapt, pulling at his pipe.
"O wise old Sapt!" cried the King. "Come, Mr. Rassendyll--by the way,what name did they give you?"
"Your Majesty's," I answered, bowing.
"Well, that shows they weren't ashamed of us," he laughed. "Come, then,cousin Rudolf; I've got no house of my own here, but my dear brotherMichael lends us a place of his, and we'll make shift to entertain youthere;" and he put his arm through mine and, signing to the others toaccompany us, walked me off, westerly, through the forest.
We walked for more than half an hour, and the King smoked cigarettesand chattered incessantly. He was full of interest in my family, laughedheartily when I told him of the portraits with Elphberg hair in ourgalleries, and yet more heartily when he heard that my expedition toRuritania was a secret one.
"You have to visit your disreputable cousin on the sly, have you?" saidhe.
Suddenly emerging from the wood, we came on a small and rudehunting-lodge. It was a one-storey building, a sort of bungalow, builtentirely of wood. As we approached it, a little man in a plain liverycame out to meet us. The only other person I saw about the place wasa fat elderly woman, whom I afterwards discovered to be the mother ofJohann, the duke's keeper.
"Well, is dinner ready, Josef?" asked the King.
The little servant informed us that it was, and we soon sat down to aplentiful meal. The fare was plain enough: the King ate heartily, Fritzvon Tarlenheim delicately, old Sapt voraciously. I played a goodknife and fork, as my custom is; the King noticed my performance withapproval.
"We're all good trenchermen, we Elphbergs," said he. "But what?--we'reeating dry! Wine, Josef! wine, man! Are we beasts, to eat withoutdrinking? Are we cattle, Josef?"
At this reproof Josef hastened to load the table with bottles.
"Remember tomorrow!" said Fritz.
"Ay--tomorrow!" said old Sapt.
The King drained a bumper to his "Cousin Rudolf," as he was gracious--ormerry--enough to call me; and I drank its fellow to the "Elphberg Red,"whereat he laughed loudly.
Now, be the meat what it might, the wine we drank was beyond all priceor praise, and we did it justice. Fritz ventured once to stay the King'shand.
"What?" cried the King. "Remember you start before I do, MasterFritz--you must be more sparing by two hours than I."
Fritz saw that I did not understand.
"The colonel and I," he explained, "leave here at six: we ride down toZenda and return with the guard of honour to fetch the King at eight,and then we all ride together to the station."
"Hang that same guard!" growled Sapt.
"Oh! it's very civil of my brother to ask the honour for his regiment,"said the King. "Come, cousin, you need not start early. Another bottle,man!"
I had another bottle--or, rather, a part of one, for the larger halftravelled quickly down his Majesty's throat. Fritz gave up his attemptsat persuasion: from persuading, he fell to being persuaded, and soon wewere all of us as full of wine as we had any right to be. The King begantalking of what he would do in the future, old Sapt of what he haddone in the past, Fritz of some beautiful girl or other, and I of thewonderful merits of the Elphberg dynasty. We all talked at once, andfollowed to the letter Sapt's exhortation to let the morrow take care ofitself.
At last the King set down his glass and leant back in his chair.
"I have drunk enough," said he.
"Far be it from me to contradict the King," said I.
Indeed, his remark was most absolutely true--so far as it went.
While I yet spoke, Josef came and set before the King a marvellous oldwicker-covered flagon. It had lain so long in some darkened cellar thatit seemed to blink in the candlelight.
"His Highness the Duke of Strelsau bade me set this wine before theKing, when the King was weary of all other wines, and pray the King todrink, for the love that he bears his brother."
"Well done, Black Michael!" said the King. "Out with the cork, Josef.Hang him! Did he think I'd flinch from his bottle?"
The bottle was opened, and Josef filled the King's glass. The Kingtasted it. Then, with a solemnity born of the hour and his owncondition, he looked round on us:
"Gentlemen, my friends--Rudolf, my cousin ('tis a scandalous story,Rudolf, on my honour!), everything is yours to the half of Ruritania.But ask me not for a single drop of this divine bottle, which I willdrink to the health of that--that sly knave, my brother, Black Michael."
And the King seized the bottle and turned it over his mouth, and drainedit and flung it from him, and laid his head on his arms on the table.
And we drank pleasant dreams to his Majesty--and that is all I rememberof the evening. Perhaps it is enough.