CHAPTER 22 Alu Then Catalin
That afternoon, Alex sat with Jaklin on the sofa reading. Mikhail was in the library surveying the books Alex's grandmother had collected throughout the decades. Alex had watched him grow restless, more distant, and dissatisfied as the day wore on. He even pushed Nălucă away. Jaklin went in to talk to him, and Alex overheard them arguing.
"My complaint," continued Mikhail, "is that not only did she kill someone, but she immediately turned on another innocent human being and almost killed him. This is like Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment where Raskolnikov kills the old woman and immediately turns on her sister and kills her also. This has really thrown me into intellectual turmoil."
"Sonia is my favorite character in all literature," said Jaklin. "She believed in Roskalnikov."
"But a serial bloodsucker?" asked Mikhail. "She's not giving it up, you know. She didn't confide in us. She stood talking to that bounty hunter, Stefan, at the crime scene with the police investigating it right in broad daylight."
"Sonia, Mikhail. She gave Raskolnikov hope that redemption was possible, even though he'd committed the two brutal murders and one of them her own friend. Alex did this not out of intent but self preservation."
"I do believe in her, Jaklin. It's not that. Sonia knew her course before hand. I have to understand what this means. Missy is no longer human."
"Don't talk like that, Mikhail. That's disgusting."
"I know. I know. Yes, she is human, but not a normal human. Plus she assaults people. She has no control over that. She's taken a life, and I don't even believe in capital punishment."
"She turned four vampires back human, two right in front of us."
"Yes, I know. She was amazing."
"So why can't you just trust her, love her?
"I do love her. I just need time to work this out. It's not a part of my philosophy."
"But that means you might quit loving her."
"No, it doesn't. Something about the three of us goes beyond even love. I just have to work out my reservations."
"She needs us. Think of her, not yourself."
When they returned to the living room, Alex went to them. "I know what you think of me," she said. "I'm so sorry that I didn't confide in you, but I couldn't stand to lose you. I didn't know what to think of myself. I know you're ashamed of me, Mikhail. I tried to tell you when my bunică died, when I took both of you into the gazebo. I just couldn't believe it of myself."
"I'm torn," said Mikhail. "I want to love you, to console you, but I can't. I just can't imagine you doing such things. I myself couldn't believe what you are, even when we followed you to that house, and you let those vampires bite you. But you were the cure then, not the disease. What bothers me most is that you have to feed. I don't know what to think."
Alex covered her face with her hands.
"The police are going to come for you," said Mikhail. He seemed desperate. "We'll be questioned as accessories to murder. And you've been attacking people on the street at night."
"I wish you wouldn't keep repeating that," said Alex.
"Listen to me, both of you," said Jaklin. "It's too soon to judge this. You've not brought any of this on yourself, Missy." Tears formed in her eyes and her voice cracked. "I for one would accuse you of nothing you did while being raped. A serial rapist, no less. Think of the women you've saved."
"I've always felt as though I was a non-person," said Alex. "I've seen myself as some strange being split into two parts that could never know each other. When we fell in love, it was as if I'd found myself. Without you two, I am a non-person. You are more than lovers. You make me who I am."
"Can you see why that close bond makes this even more critical?" asked Mikhail. "I've found myself in you two also. And I don't know what to think of myself."
"I know," said Alex, overcome by sadness and slumping onto the sofa. "I understand completely."