Pain.
Blackness.
He had to hold on. Ian … where was Ian? He felt a tug at the harness and turned to see Ian floating a few feet away. He hoisted himself up on the rocks, then turned and started pulling hand over hand on the cord binding him to his brother. The current was fighting him, taking Ian, jerking Ruel back toward the water.
It seemed an eternity before Ian was close enough for Ruel to reach out and drag him up on the rocks.
Ian lay still, no longer conscious. Perhaps not even alive.
“Don’t die, damn you. You can’t die.” Ruel pressed his ear to Ian’s breast. Nothing. He shifted his head higher and detected a faint heartbeat. Alive, thank God, but for how long? He adjusted the cords of the harness over his shoulders and began to crawl over the rocks, dragging Ian behind.
One yard. Two yards. Something warm ran down his shoulder. Rain? No, blood from the cords cutting into his shoulders, he realized dimly.
He reached the embankment and started up the steep incline, his boots sinking ankle-deep in the mud.
He dragged Ian five yards. Slipped back two.
Went another three yards. Slipped back five.
He cursed and started up the slope again.
“We’ll take him. Take off the harness.”
It was Kartauk speaking, on the embankment in front of him, Ruel realized hazily. Kartauk and Jane.
Kartauk swiftly unfastened the cords from Ruel’s back. “Lord, you’re cut to pieces.”
“Ian …”
“We’ll get him.” Jane was replacing the cords around Ian’s body with the rope she carried. “Li Sung tied the other end of the rope to a tree at the top of the embankment. As soon as we reach the top, we’ll pull him up.” She tested the knot. “It’s secure. Let’s go.”
Ruel staggered behind Kartauk and Jane up the embankment. The going was difficult but not impossible without Ian’s weight burdening him. It took them ten minutes to reach the top, where Li Sung waited. Together, they pulled Ian up the rest of the slope.
“Is he alive?” Li Sung asked.
“Yes,” Ruel said. “Let’s get him under Kartauk’s lean-to and out of this rain.”
A few minutes later they managed to drag Ian underneath the crude tarpaulin-covered shelter. “Take care of him.” Ruel turned and staggered away from them toward the bridge.
“Where are you going?” Jane called.
“Kasanpore. Doctor …”
“You can barely walk. How can you make it to Kasanpore?”
“No one else. Kartauk can’t go,” he said jerkily. “Neither can Li Sung … crippled.” “What about me?”
“Stop arguing with me.” He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes blazing at her. “Just keep Ian alive until I get back.”
Jane held her breath as she watched him start across the gorge. The bridge appeared to be still intact, but she couldn’t be sure after the punishment it had taken.
Her breath expelled in a rush of relief as Ruel finally reached the bank on the other side. A moment later he was lost to sight around the bend.
Keep Ian alive until I get back.
And how was she going to do that? Jane wondered in despair as she turned to stare down at Ian. He looked as if he was barely clinging to life right now, and it would be hours before Ruel could get back with help. The blanket they had draped over him was already damp and she had no way to keep him dry, no way to build a fire.
And when Ruel returned with help, they would find Kartauk.
She might not be able to keep Ian alive, but there was a chance she could still save Kartauk from Abdar. She turned to Li Sung. “I want you to take Kartauk to Narinth.”
“I won’t leave you here,” Kartauk said.
“Do what I tell you!” She had to pause to steady her voice. “I’ve lost everything else. I won’t lose you to Abdar. I’ll tell everyone Li Sung was killed in the train wreck. Perhaps Abdar will think you were on the train and killed too. When you get to Narinth, put up at an inn near the waterfront and contact me when you’ve arrived.”
Kartauk frowned. “I don’t think—”
“Stop thinking and do what I tell you. I’ll be safer here than you will. It may take you days to get to Narinth on foot.”
Li Sung grasped Kartauk’s arm. “She’s right. There’s nothing we can do to help her, and your discovery will only endanger her. I will make sure he is kept safe, Jane.”
“I know you will,” she said dully. “Good luck.”
She turned back to stare down at Ian. At this moment it seemed impossible there could be good fortune anywhere in the world. Poor Ian. She doubted if he would ever see Glenclaren or his Margaret again. When she looked up a few minutes later, Li Sung and Kartauk were gone.
She trudged to the edge of the bridge and looked down at the rails crossing the gorge, then beyond them to the wreckage of the train in the river. Her stomach twisted and the bile rose in her throat. She turned and walked back to the lean-to.
Keep him alive.
It seemed an impossible task, but she had to try to do as Ruel had commanded. She had to salvage something from this horror. She had to save Ian for Ruel. She lay down close to Ian on the wet earth, cuddling close to him, trying to share her warmth.
“No!” They were taking him away from her. Didn’t they understand he would die if she didn’t keep him warm? “No, you can’t …”
“Shh, it’s all right.” Ruel’s voice. “They’re putting him on a stretcher to carry him over the bridge.”
She became conscious of voices, lanterns, movement all around her, and struggled to a sitting position. “Is he still alive?”
“Barely.” Ruel’s tone was clipped as he rose to his feet and helped her to her feet. “But we have to get him out of this foul weather. Patrick has a wagon waiting on the other side of Sikor Gorge and we’ll make better time once we reach there.” His gaze searched her face. “You look as pale as Ian. Can you walk across the bridge? There are some ties missing and it’s not safe for me to carry you.”
“I can walk.” She stumbled after the four men carrying Ian, her gaze fixed desperately on the stretcher. “He has to live … my fault.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ruel said harshly. “No one’s to blame. At first I thought Abdar must have done this, but it seems to me he would have appeared by now, and why would he want to sabotage the train? I’m beginning to think it was only an accident.” They reached the other side of the gorge, and he swung her up into his arms. “God, you’re shaking yourself to pieces. It’s no wonder you’re not thinking clearly.”
“My fault …”
She woke in her bedroom in the bungalow later to find Ruel in a chair beside her bed. He had changed to dry clothes but still looked terrible. Dark circles colored the flesh beneath his eyes, and deep grooves scored either side of his lips.
“Ian?” she whispered.
“Still with us. We were afraid to move him any farther than the bungalow, so Patrick gave up his room and brought a doctor from the fort. Dr. Kendrick’s with him now. I suppose he’s doing everything he can.”
“Of course he is.”
He said haltingly, “I want to thank you for helping my brother.” He wonderingly repeated the words. “My brother. Do you know I haven’t called Ian that since we were boys together? I thought if I could keep him at a distance …” He closed his eyes. “I … love him, you know.”
“Yes, I could see it whenever you were together.”
“Could you? Then maybe he could see it too. God knows I tried hard enough not to admit it. I didn’t want to love him. I didn’t want to love anyone, but somehow …” His eyes opened. “He won’t wake up. The doctor says there’s not much he can do. Ian might never wake up, just drift away….”
“I’m so sorry, Ruel,” she said gently.
His eyes were suddenly glittering fiercely. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Because the doctor’s wrong. I’m not going to let Ian die.”
“But i
f there’s nothing you can do …”
“There’s always something you can do.” He stood up and strode toward the door. “And I’m going to do it.”
The door slammed behind him.
Dear God, she loved him. The knowledge that had exploded inside her when she had seen Ruel running down that embankment was thorn-sharp. Wasn’t love supposed to be sweet? She felt no sweetness, only a sense of the inevitable. No matter how she had tried to prevent it, her feelings had grown, deepened until she had been forced to face and acknowledge them. She didn’t want to feel love for Ruel MacClaren, dammit. He was ruthless, mocking, and self-serving, and the most difficult individual she had ever met.
Ruel is one of the heroes of the world.
Ian had said those words and Ruel had proved him right tonight. If he was sometimes ruthless, he could also be selfless and courageous, giving with no thought for his own safety. As for mockery, it had not been present in the man she had seen a few minutes ago; he had been vulnerable and hurting. An aching sense of helplessness washed over her, and she realized she was feeling Ruel’s pain as if it were her own. It was so like him to deny his own helplessness and start moving, struggling to do something, anything.
And she had something to do too.
She lay there steeling herself, sick with dread. Then she threw aside the covers and swung her legs to the floor. She flinched as she stood up, every muscle in her body throbbing with soreness. She ignored the discomfort and moved across the room toward the washstand.
Ten minutes later she shuffled painfully out of the room and went in search of Patrick. She found him on the veranda, lounging in his favorite cushioned rattan chair, the usual glass of whiskey in his hand. God, she hoped he was still sober enough to be coherent.
He didn’t change his position as she came out on the veranda. “What are you doing up? You need your rest.” He looked down in the depths of his glass. “Go back to bed.”
“I need to have a talk with you, Patrick.”
“It’s a shame about Ruel MacClaren’s brother. I don’t think he’s going to—”
“It shouldn’t have happened, Patrick.”
“It was an accident. It was that goddamn river.” He took a sip of whiskey. “Bad luck. You know accidents happen all the time.”
“Not like this one.”
His hand tightened on his glass. “Why are you nagging me? Haven’t I got enough to worry about? The maharajah is raging mad that we lost his train and swearing he won’t pay me.”
“I don’t care about the maharajah.” She tried to steady her voice. “There’s a dying man in this house, a good man.”
“I couldn’t help it,” Patrick said defensively. “Who would have thought the river would have enough force to cause the supports to vibrate that much? It should have been all right.”
“I saw the rails, Patrick.”
He glanced away from her and took a swallow of his whiskey. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“One of the rails broke when we started over the gorge. Those rails were supposed to be of the finest-grade steel, but I went back and took a look at them. They weren’t like the rails we’d used on the rest of track. They were iron, not steel. Iron, Patrick. You know iron won’t support the same kind of stress as steel. Those rails had already been weakened by the constant vibration caused by the river hitting the supports, and when the train started across the bridge, the weight made them—” She stopped, staring at him in astonishment.
Tears were running down Patrick’s cheeks. “I didn’t want this to happen. I thought it would be all right. It was such a short stretch of track. It should have been fine. I spent too much on the brass for the locomotive and I couldn’t get another loan. I didn’t want anyone to die.”
“Oh, Patrick,” she whispered. She had hoped he would tell her she was wrong and give her a believable explanation.
“I made a mistake,” Patrick said. “But I’m going to pay for it. I’m ruined, Jane. No one will ever hire me again when they hear the maharajah blames me for what happened.”
She felt sick. “I can’t feel sorry for you, Patrick.”
He nodded quickly. “I’ll never forgive myself if that man dies.”
She wasn’t sure she could forgive him even if Ian lived.
“You won’t tell anyone about the rails? I told the maharajah it was an unavoidable accident caused by the vibration, that it was the river’s fault….” He added quickly, “It was partly true.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” she said wearily. “You may be guilty, but it was my fault too. I thought it strange you wanted to take over the construction after those rails were delivered, but I wanted to believe you were …” She trailed off as her own guilt overwhelmed her. If she had followed her instincts, Ian wouldn’t be lying in that room on the point of death. She would have seen those rails and known the danger they posed.
“That’s my girl,” he said, relieved. “And in the meantime, we’ll do everything we can to help that poor man.”
“I don’t want you here,” she whispered.
“What?”
“I can’t look at you right now.” Her tone sounded hard, she realized, yet she didn’t feel hard, only hollow. “Pack your bag and go to the Officers’ Club.”
Patrick flushed, his eyes widening in astonishment. “But I …” He met her gaze and then said lamely, “If you’re sure that’s what you want.”
“That’s what I want.” She turned and left the veranda.
The darkness was fading and Ian could see a warm, loving light beckoning, welcoming him.
“I know you’re awake, Ian. Open your eyes, dammit.”
It was Ruel’s voice again, demanding, cajoling, talking to him, always talking, taking him away from the light.
“Tired.”
“You’re not tired. You’re giving up. Now open your eyes and look at me.”
Ian’s lids lifted slowly.
Ruel’s face was above him, leaner, cheeks hollowed, blue eyes blazing, compelling.
Tiger burn bright …
“Good. Now open your mouth.”
Broth, hot, meaty.
“No, don’t turn your head away. You’re going to eat all of it. You can’t fight without strength.”
“Pain. Such pain …”
“You can stand the pain. Stay with me.”
Ruel didn’t realize how great the pain was or he wouldn’t have asked him to bear it. He must have muttered the words because Ruel was answering.
“I do know. God, I’ve watched you …” His hand covered Ian’s on the bed. “But I’m not giving you up to it. You’re going to get well and you’re going to go home to Glenclaren.”
“Glenclaren.” Towers, cool hills. “Too … far away.”
“But I’m right here.” Ruel’s hand tightened on his. “And you can’t leave me. I need you, dammit.”
But Ruel never needed anyone. “No.”
“I do need you. Can’t you feel it?”
Ruel’s eyes were bright, shimmering, his grip desperately tight. Ian wanted to tell him to release him, to let him go back to the light. Yet Ruel never admitted to needing anyone, so it must be true. Not fair to leave Ruel if he was in need. He supposed he’d have to come back.
“I’ll try, lad,” Ian said weakly. “I’ll try….”
“That’s all I ask.” Ruel’s voice was husky, but Ian was aware of the steely undertone, the implacable will that had pulled him back from the comforting darkness. “I’ll do the rest, Ian.”
All is well. Kedain’s Inn.
Relief flowed through Jane as she folded the note and tore it in small pieces. Li Sung and Kartauk were safe. At least something in the world was going right.
She tossed the pieces of the note in the wastebasket, then whirled around as Ruel walked out of the bedroom. “I’ve just heard from Li Sung. They’ve reached Narinth safely.”
“Good.” Ruel carefully closed the bedroom door behind him. “Ian’s sleeping. The
doctor’s examination this morning nearly drove him insane.”
She had heard those cries of agony from the bedroom and felt as tortured as Ruel looked. “At least he’s alive and seems to be getting better every day. I think he’s put on a pound or two this week.”
And as Ian had gained, Ruel had lost. He had put a cot in the sickroom and scarcely left Ian’s side during the past three weeks. At least fifteen pounds had slipped away from his lean frame, and yet he didn’t appear diminished. Indeed, sometimes when she looked at him he appeared to cast an incandescent glow. The force of will he had expended keeping Ian alive had acted as a flame, burning, sharpening, defining him. “What did the doctor say?”
“Ian’s out of danger.”
“Thank God.”
“That’s not what Ian said.” Ruel smiled bitterly. “For once he was singularly lacking in piety. He may never walk again.”
“Oh, no!”
“Something’s wrong with his back,” he said jerkily. “He has no feeling in his legs, and he may not even be able to sit up.”
“Perhaps it’s only temporary. Perhaps the doctor is wrong.”
“God, I hope so.” Ruel turned away and moved heavily across the room. “I’ve got to get back to him. I don’t want him to wake up and find no one there.”
She watched him go back into the bedroom, tears stinging her eyes. In the past weeks, as they had labored to save Ian, she had learned Ruel was much more than the sensual mandarin she had feared. He was also a man who experienced pain and discouragement and could show gentleness as well as strength. She wanted to go after him, comfort him, try to ease the pain she sensed.
“Jane.”
She turned to see Patrick standing in the doorway, his face flushed, his manner awkward. “I heard at the club Ian is doing better. I came by to see if there is anything you need.”
She shook her head.
“Food? Medicine? We still have a little money left in the cash fund, don’t we?”
“Ruel’s seeing to everything.”
“Oh.” He still stood there, turning the brim of his hat in his big hands. “Well, if there’s anything … Let me know….”
“There’s nothing you can do.” She paused and then burst out, “Ian may never walk again.”