CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
I should have killed him.
Nixon
"Dr. Stevens is out sick today, so I'll be filling in." My eyes scanned the room, finally landing on Trace. Without breaking eye contact, I instructed everyone to take notes on the movie assignment. Papers were passed out, and then the lights went out.
Trace closed her eyes. I watched her, waiting for her to acknowledge me. Instead, a lone tear ran down her cheek. With a curse, I moved to the back of the room and took the desk behind her.
"Trace," I whispered in her ear. Her entire body stiffened. She didn't turn around.
"Trace, don't be like that. I miss you..." My lips grazed her ear. She was driving me insane — I couldn't take it anymore. "…so damn much, and I wish… I wish I could tell you… Damn it, I wish I hadn't promised, but I did. I have to protect you. Being with you. It isn't safe. You have to understand that now."
She was as still as a statue.
"Please, sweetheart. Just please remember what I said." My lip ring connected with her ear, and she shivered. "I always keep my promises. If I don't — people die. Do you understand? I can't have innocent blood on my hands, especially when it could be yours."
I let out a heavy sigh. How could I make her understand? "I had no choice, Trace."
In an instant she flipped around.
I jerked back, cursing.
"No, you listen." She pointed her finger at me and whispered so nobody else could hear us. "There is always a choice. I refuse to allow you to justify your actions by saying your hands were tied. You're Nixon Abandonato. You had a choice, and you made it. Screw your excuses. I'm so tired of it, Nixon. All of it. I'm done. I'm…" She swallowed her eyes darting back and forth. "…I'm not coming back next semester. You're right. I can't do this. It's not my world. I don't belong here."
I reached for her hand, but she jerked it away.
"You do, though, Trace. You belong here just as much as anybody else and—"
"No." She shook her head. "I don't. I can't tell them who I am, and even if I did, what would happen? I'd earn respect because of my family, but it would all be fake. Meanwhile, you'd come up with another excuse to break my heart into a million pieces, saying you had no choice. Go to hell, Nixon. Actually…" She laughed. "…don't. Because I've been living there for the past three weeks. Just stay away from me."
She grabbed her books and charged out of class. I pressed my hands against my forehead. I'd lost her. I'd lost her, and for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I loved her.
And she was walking away.
Just like I'd told her to do.
Just like I'd done.