CHAPTER NINE
I should have walked away.
Nixon
The dance was in full swing by the time I weaved my way through the crowd. Mo and Trace were both sitting at a nearby table. I wasn't sure why I did it, my intention wasn't to stalk her like a lunatic, and I still wasn't sure what I was going to do with her.
It was a problem I'd never had.
Women.
Or a woman, to be exact, one that made me want to follow her anywhere, even though I knew that it was stupid, even though I knew my reaction didn't make sense. But it was like I couldn't help myself. I absolutely loathed her for it. I hated her for making me feel things that I hadn't felt in years. What right did she have? To walk into my life and make me want to be something better, something… good?
Frustrated, I cracked my knuckles and took a few deep breaths then made my way toward the table.
The crowds parted, people stared, like always, but my focus was on her and only her. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. Kiss her? Taunt her?
Trace lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip. Almost instantly she started coughing and pounding her chest while my sister burst out laughing.
Tex was standing behind Mo, his hands massaging her shoulders. He met my gaze and winked. Yeah, I'd deal with that later.
Chase fell into step beside me. Great, probably to keep me from doing something stupid — and honestly I was thankful he was there, because that whole coughing fit had me gazing at her neck like a man freaking starved.
Phoenix pulled up a chair behind Tex.
Great, so everyone was there to witness it…
To witness my downfall, if you could call it that. When have I ever gone out of my way to talk to a girl?
"What? They don't have alcohol in Wyoming?" I'd had a good five-minute walk to their table, and that's what flew out of my mouth? Really? Chase and Tex shared a look while Phoenix chuckled behind his hand.
"Yes, but when you drink underage you get arrested, smart-ass." She set the glass down, refusing to look at me. She grabbed a chocolate-covered strawberry and twisted it between her fingers.
"There is no law here," I said, pulling out the chair on Trace's other side, pushing Mo out of the way, staking my claim. "And if there was a law, I'd be the sheriff, judge, and jury." I kept my voice even, hard, emotionless.
But all Trace did was arch one eyebrow and nod. "Good for you."
Then she did the strangest thing. She reached across the table and patted my arm, like a two year old who'd just learned how to get on his tricycle. I flinched, pulling my arm away, not because I hated it, but because I liked that feeling way too much, and I knew that she wasn't touching me out of affection. Hating that I wanted the reason behind her touch to be anything but what it was.
Damn it. I needed to put a stop to what I was feeling.
And end her desire to touch or speak to me.
Mo chuckled behind me. I kept my gaze on Trace, willing her to do something more, my heart begging her to see past the mask I was wearing and possibly challenge every damn word that left my lips.
Tex cleared his throat behind me. "May I have this dance?"
"Don't kill my brother, Trace." Mo laughed.
"I will try to control my urges." Trace saluted, and her gaze met mine again.
Chase grinned and plopped down on her left. "Oh, I wish you wouldn't."
"Leave!" I yelled, shocking myself and Chase.
He held up his hands and left the table, Phoenix laughing as he followed him toward the side of the dance floor. Losing my shit didn't even begin to describe the hellfire of emotions pounding through my chest. And all I kept wondering was why? Why her? Why now? Why the hell was I losing it?
"Why'd you do that?" Trace's head tilted, her brown hair falling softly across her shoulder.
"Because he shouldn't be flirting with you." I shrugged and plucked a strawberry off of her plate, needing something to do with my hands, considering they were awfully tempted to wrap around her hips and never let go.
She blushed from her chest all the way up to her cheeks, pissing me off all the more, because, in my mind, that meant she found his flirting… acceptable. And it wasn't. "He wasn't flirting."
"Yes, he was." I stole another strawberry.
"No…" She smacked my hand, sending the strawberry sailing to the floor. Holy shit. She just touched me twice in ten minutes. What part of the rules didn't she get? And why the hell wasn't I punishing her? "…he wasn't. He was just being nice. You should try it."
There went that damn blush again as she fidgeted with the hem of her skirt and glanced back up at me through heavy lashes.
"Sweetheart…" I inched toward her. "…I can be nice to you. Believe me. I can be so nice you won't know what hit you. But is that what you really want? For me to be nice?" I moved closer, making it so we were an inch away from kissing. I softly blew across her lips then licked my own.
Her breath hitched. She jerked her head away, still breathing heavy.
"Here." I held out the strawberry, daring her to take it, daring her to touch me for a third time, wondering if she was ballsy enough to do it.
The minute she reached for it, I pulled the fruit back and winked. "Tsk, tsk. Allow me."
I placed the strawberry against her lips, so damn jealous that the strawberry was getting the first taste that I couldn't suppress the moan escaping mine.
She leaned forward.
"Open," I commanded in a hoarse voice.
"No." She gritted her teeth, eyes dilating.
"Then no strawberry."
"I think I'll survive." She jerked away and stood, her entire body shaking. I reached for her wrist and tugged.
"Sit."
Slowly she collapsed back into the chair. My hand was still pressed against her wrist. The pulse on that girl was racing about as crazy as mine.
"I don't want to make your life hell. You know that, right? I don't want you to cry to sleep every night or curse me every morning. Know that you make your own choices. You create your own destiny. And baby, I have the keys. So either play by my rules or don't. The choice is yours." Worst speech in the history of threatening speeches, but as far as warning her away, it would do.
"Why does it matter anyways? Either way, I could never trust you."
I felt that statement in my gut like she'd just punched me over and over again. Because she did see through the mask, but what she saw wasn't worth saving, it wasn't worth trusting, and in my business, trust was more than love. It was everything. She may as well have taken my heart and twisted it until all the blood pooled to the floor.
"Trust is like love. It doesn't exist. It's a fairytale society feeds us in order to get us to conform. I don't expect you to trust me. I expect you to follow the rules. Rules keep you safe." There were only so many ways I could explain why it was important for her to stay away from the Elect but listen to us at the same time. If people saw the way I treated her, if they saw her as different, she was a target. So if she didn't trust me, if she refused to, then because of who I was, because of how I ran the school, I would have to destroy her. I would have to make her feel so little that she needed me.
And damn, I wanted to feel needed.
I knew what I was doing the minute the decision was made in my mind. I would embarrass her in front of everyone — set her apart, make her look weak and picked on — because if I did it, hopefully they wouldn't. If by hurting her I was protecting her, I'd do it, but at the same time, I felt angry that she was forcing my hand. Anger that she wouldn't just listen to me and do whatever I said.
"And if I don't?" she challenged like I knew she would.
I stood and dropped the strawberry on the plate. "Then you will be forcing my hand, and the last thing I want is to hear stories from my sister about how you cry yourself to sleep every damn night just because you couldn't follow a few simple guidelines."
Her nostrils flared. "Fine."
With a fake smirk, I straightened my tie. "I knew we'd und
erstand one another… eventually."
"I'm not agreeing with you. I just knew that would be the quickest way to get you to leave."
I fought to keep the bark of laughter in. That was more like it. The spark. The students would destroy her, break her, then make her suicidal. Damn, her spirit was beautiful, and it was going to get broken all because she was a pawn in a game she didn't even know she was participating in. It was my school, my job, my family. And she was standing in the way of me doing my job, in the way of me avenging her death — her parents' death.
Silently, I gathered my thoughts and then reached up and touched her cheek.
She shuddered against my palm, and again, it felt like the universe was giving me a choice to back off.
A choice I ignored. Again.
"Dance with me." It was a command, not a request.
She opened her mouth, probably to reprimand me again, so I tugged her toward the dance floor.
People gaped. After all, I rarely gave any girl attention, let alone a new student who was four years younger than me.
She started shaking the minute I tugged her into my arms.
When I looked into her eyes, I knew she knew. It was going to get worse before it got better.
We danced, and I imagined it wasn't because I was trying to make an example out of her — but because I truly wanted to dance with her.
I imagined a world where my family didn't exist, where it was only us dancing in college. It was a nice dream.
But I wasn't nice.
I'd never been nice.
And she was just about to find out how horrible of a person I could be, and this wasn't even the beginning of what I had planned for her.
The song ended, and I pushed her away, feeling the loss all the way down to my toes as she stumbled backward.
"What?" I yelled and then laughed, making sure I drew everyone's attention. It had to look realistic. "Are you insane?"
Trace shook her head then hugged her arms around her body.
"You think I would actually sleep with someone like you? What type of girl are you anyway? Do they do things different out on the farm?"
Her face turned bright red. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chase tense. Yeah, it was about to get so much worse.
"Oh, they must, huh?" I folded my arms across my chest. "Trust me, Farm Girl. I don't care how much makeup you put on or how expensive your clothes may be. I don't even give a rat's ass that half the student body likes you right now. You are charity. I wouldn't even screw you if you paid me. So, the answer is no. And next time you feel like showing up to one of my school's parties, at least have the decency to wear some new shoes."
Instead of sobbing, she lunged for me, but Tex was there in an instant, protecting me, not her. Though he'd probably think he was the hero, Tex knew exactly what I was doing. I could see it in his eyes. He was a coldhearted bastard, and he knew it needed to be done. Push her away so she doesn't distract me. Push her away so they taunt her. Push her away so she learns her lesson. And never comes back. She shook so hard in his arms that I thought she was going to pass out.
Mo flipped me off. I gave her a cool nod as if to say, "Take care of it."
Soon Chase joined Tex.
Trace was yelling for them to get away from her but neither of them budged. Even when students started throwing food at her — their way of welcoming her into the group, their way of saying, if they had to choose, it would always be me. Never her.
The minute it was impossible to shoot Trace without hitting both Chase and Tex, the students stopped and looked back at me.
They were waiting for their king to command.
I smirked and offered a shrug. "What? Isn't this a party? Where's the music?"
People laughed, and the music started again.
"So…" Phoenix said, falling into step beside me as I fought the urge to run after the girl I liked. "…that was… a bit out of character."
"It was necessary."
"Because?" Phoenix's eyebrows shot up. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I like angry foreplay as much as the next guy, but why the hell did you just push her away when it looked like it was harder than hitting one of the men with a hammer?"
I swallowed and popped my knuckles — damn nervous habit. "She was getting too close. We don't want her snooping around. If people see that a girl can make me soft, where does that leave us with the investigation?"
Phoenix cursed under his breath.
"Besides, she needs us, and the only way for her to realize how much is to see how ugly things can really get."
"You're testing her?"
"She's either for us or against us. Either way, she needs to know that even if we do offer her protection from the rest of the spoiled rich kids who go here, it isn't because we like her or because she's part of us. She will never be part of what we are. The message needs to be clear. We'll protect her when she finally comes crawling back, but everything comes at a cost."
"Nixon…" Phoenix patted me on the back. "…do you think that maybe you're over reacting? Damn, she's just a girl." His face shadowed briefly before he looked down. "She's beautiful, she's—"
"You touch her, I kill you," I spat. "And you're right, she's just a girl, so find another one who can satisfy a man of your appetite."
It was a low blow. I'd never used his past against him, never discussed it, never made him feel as small as I knew he felt.
The shame that crossed his features was something I'd never seen on another human being. The horror, the sadness. And suddenly it was like I wasn't even staring at my best friend anymore but a complete stranger.
He nodded and stepped back, his jaw clenched. "Got it, boss."
He rarely called me boss. I was more friend than boss, more family than anything. After all, I'd promised him he'd be third in line, next to Chase.
Tex couldn't be, well, because he was Tex, and his history didn't allow it, but the De Langes? They needed it. Phoenix needed it.
"Phoenix—"
"See ya." He turned on his heel and walked off, shoulders hunched.
As I watched him make his way through the doors, I couldn't help but feel like I'd done something that I could never undo, and that the one action I'd just taken would seal our fate forever.