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She had wanted to be wild, courageous, and she had wanted to be a woman who could just take the pleasure he had to give.
She wasn't that woman.
Chapter 10
Chase was in the bathroom, likely hiding out, as males are wont to do when they are in a cowardly frame of mind, Khalid thought mockingly.
Kia lay in the center of her huge bed, a small, huddled little form who had cried silent tears as she climaxed between him and Chase.
Khalid finished dressing and sat down on the edge of the bed, staring back at her until she lifted those damp lashes and looked at him miserably.
He remembered being here two years before, realizing her screams and her tears weren't those of an aroused woman, and feeling fury shaking his soul. He had nearly killed Drew that night. He had wished more than once that he had left the bastard lying in his own blood.
He leaned closer and brushed her hair from her cheek, watching her tenderly.
"Tell him," he told her gently.
Her breathing hitched.
"Do you believe it would harm my feelings to know you do not wish my presence here any longer?" He waved his hand to the bed, feeling his chest tighten again as her eyes filled with tears. "My dear, as tragic as forgoing such pleasure would be, this is not what you need now. Tell him. Demand your due. "
She looked away from him, but he saw the flash of steel in her eyes. She was already there, he realized. It was the reason for the tears.
"As men, there are times when we are pitiful excuses for lovers. " He sighed. "We wound the tender hearts placed in our keeping, because our own lusts often rule us before our hearts learn how to lead us. His head fights what his heart knows. "
She shook her head. "It was only for the pleasure," she whispered, her voice rough. "I thought I could do it. "
Khalid shook his head. "I always knew differently, little one. Your heart rules your lusts, and always, Chase has drawn both your eye as well as your desires. I've known this for many years. It was Chase who did not wish to see. To see would have risked his own heart, his own purpose. Ofttimes, men such as we are, we do not see the truth of our own destinies. "
He ran his fingers down her pale cheek. "If he does not spend this night with you, and the darkness grows unbearable, I'm but a phone call away. "
"I can't…"
He placed his fingers on her lips. "I can hold back the darkness," he promised her softly. "Not your need for the one you love. I won't try to arouse you, little one, merely hold you. Sometimes, we just need that warmth in the dark, yes?"
Her fingers touched the back of his hand, a sad smile shaped her lips, and he knew she would never call.
"You deserve a very special woman, Khalid," she whispered.
He shook his head. "I deserve far less than you believe. "
He stared around the room, and wondered if his debt to her had been eased yet. A part of him felt it had not. The night he had nearly participated in the most horrific event a woman could be forced into still seared his memory.
He had sworn to himself he would never take so much as a smile that a woman did not wish to give him. That he would bring them only pleasure, never pain. Yet this delicate woman, so young, so winsome and sensual, he had nearly helped to destroy.
He heard the water in the bathroom shut off.
"I will go for now. " He rose from the bed. "Should you need me, Kia…"
She nodded as she rose up in the bed and glanced at the door before turning back to him. "I'll call. "
But he knew she wouldn't, just as she knew it.
He sighed at the thought and nodded before turning and leaving the room, and then the apartment. What more could he do at this point? This night? Tomorrow might be another matter entirely.
Kia watched as the bathroom door opened and Chase walked out, tucking his shirt into his pants. She stood by the bed belting her robe, and when he stared at her silently she stifled a sigh.
Yes, he was leaving. She hadn't expected anything more. She felt the tightness around her eyes, the tears that wanted to fill them, and pushed her fingers through her hair before leaving the bedroom.
He followed, watching in silence as she came to a stop beside the door.
Letting him go without begging him to stay was the hardest tiling she had ever done. Not because she needed him to hold back the night. Because she needed him to hold her. Because she was learning she needed more than just the pleasure.
"Don't bother coming back unless you come back alone. "
She saw the surprise that surged into his eyes. But how could he be surprised? Surely he hadn't thought it would continue like this indefinitely. That she would always be the little plaything that he could share with his friends and she would never ask for anything more.
"You haven't enjoyed it?" His eyes narrowed, his expression tightening. Not in anger. Strangely, she thought she might have sensed a small flicker of knowledge instead.
She could not afford to let herself care for him any more than she already did. Her heart was getting twisted up in this, her need for more, for something deeper, was beginning to gnaw at her like a hungry beast. Watching him leave each time, never knowing the softer, gentler side of having a lover, was starting to hurt too much. She wanted to laugh in bed with him. She wanted to wake up beside him and argue over the blankets, and how stupid was that?
And she was falling in love with him. She knew she was. Soon he would have the power to destroy her in ways that Drew could have never imagined.
She stared back at him, eye to eye, and whispered, "I don't have the strength for a broken heart right now, Chase. And this is going to break my heart. I need more than a few hours, whenever. "
"What the hell does a broken heart have to do with us?" His jaw clenched, the muscle flexing within it dangerously.
Of course, to him, her heart didn't have anything to do with it. They weren't even involved in a relationship. She was nothing but a fuck buddy, she told herself, as painful as that thought was, and she couldn't bear it anymore.
"It has everything to do with me," she answered him. "You can come to me alone, or not at all. As hot, as wicked, as being with both you and Khalid has been, I'd like to see, just once, if you know how to fuck without him. "
A frown snapped between his brows. "This is insane, Kia. What we have is something we'll not find without a third. "
"Well, now, wouldn't I just like to find that out myself," she drawled painfully. "If you truly believe that, Chase, then you can walk right out this door and find another woman to be the filling in your and Khalid's little sandwich. You don't really need me at all. Any blond twit would work. "
"You're not turning this into something it's not, Kia," he warned her. "Emotion isn't going to play a part in this. That was the agreement. For the pleasure. That was the deal we had. "
"It's your deal then, because I've had enough. " She lifted her chin, her breathing harsh, painful. She could feel the knife stroke of pain slicing through her at the knowledge that she couldn't have even this much of him because of her own pitiful emotions. "You can return here alone, or not at all. "
Falling in love sucked. She realized that the day she had known her marriage was over, which came even before the night her husband had attempted double rape, but it hadn't hurt like this.
This was all Chase wanted from her, though, and that had the power to break her.
Chase shook his head, as though bewildered.
"Look, you just need a little time. " He cleared his throat and dragged his fingers through his hair as she watched him in astonishment. "You're obviously upset over that confrontation with Drew today. I know that's enough to throw you off balance. Once you figure out what we have here and that you don't want to let go, all you have to do is call me. "
Call me. Khalid had made that offer. Her lips curled mockingly.
Of course, he didn't truly know
why she was upset. He was a man. And this was just for the pleasure. She was just for the pleasure. She wasn't woman enough for his heart. And God help her, but she needed the emotion, the heart to go with the man.
"It won't make a difference," she finally told him softly as she opened the door. "If you change your mind, though, perhaps you could put yourself out to go to the effort of calling me. "
Chase pondered her words silently. He couldn't risk it. He knew he couldn't risk it. Kia had a power over him that no other woman had ever had. Sleeping with her, making love to her—and it would be making love, he knew with an instinct he didn't fight—would bare him to her completely.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked, moving to her slowly, cupping her cheek in his hand and watching her lashes flutter in pleasure. And in pain.
"I'm sure. "
She didn't sound sure. She sounded lost and alone, like a woman fighting her tears. But her eyes were dry, though her face was pale.
"Kia—"
"Just go, Chase," she whispered. "Please. Just go. "
He left. He forced himself to walk through the door, forced himself to keep moving as it closed quietly behind him. Just as he forced himself to walk into the early evening cold, hail a cab, and order it to Squire Point.
But he left something behind, he thought to himself. Something he might never regain.
Cameron sat back in his chair when his brother strode into the office the next morning. Late.
In the years he and Chase had both been working for Ian Sinclair, Cameron couldn't remember the last time his brother had been late. For anything.
Chase was methodical; he liked to keep his schedule, and he prided himself on being punctual. There had been a while there when Cameron had actually wondered if his brother was human rather than a robot when it came to his schedule.
"You're late. " He pointed out the obvious as Chase tossed his jacket on the hook on the wall and prowled to his computer desk.
He received some kind of grunt in reply.
Cameron grinned, sat back in his chair, and studied the enigma that was Chase. That took all of about five seconds. In the past six months Cameron had slowly been allowing that twin bond they'd once had to return. Letting go of the control he had always had over it hadn't been easy, but Jaci's love had helped. She'd soothed all those ragged, pain-filled edges and given him a reason to live again.
She'd given him the strength to take a chance on letting his brother sense his emotions, something he hadn't done in twenty years. And he'd learned it wasn't Chase sensing what Cameron was feeling. It was the other way around.
Cameron winced at the bottled emotions inside his brother, and he almost smiled. Hell, it was no wonder Chase had been amused when Jaci had walked back into their lives and proceeded to shake Cameron's little world.
It was downright funny.
To look at Chase's set, closed face no one would guess at the almost hollow anger that filled his brother, and the need. Damn, that need was enough to remind Cameron that he had a lunch date at home with his fiancée and a little afternoon love he'd been set on making.
The need trapped inside Chase was blistering hot, boiling, and threatening to explode. And Cameron had a feeling he knew exactly who it was going to boil over on. The potential for it had always been there. Even before Kia Rutherford married Drew Stanton, she had been the one woman Cameron had sensed Chase shying away from.
Chase might tell himself this was only for the pleasure, but Cameron knew better. And he had a feeling his brother was learning better.
Having a sister-in-law would be an odd experience, Cameron thought. Especially Kia Rutherford. But he imagined Chase probably felt the same way, with the wedding plans that were progressing rapidly between himself and Jaci.
He'd have his ring on Jaci's finger soon, Cameron promised himself. And he'd wear hers with pride. But that feeling wasn't helping his brother any. Chase, Cameron decided, needed a bit of help.