I had a week left before our arrival at the women’s refuge, and the next day we were making our planned stop to unload and sell the tablets. River had said at dinner he wanted to scrub down the supply center on the shuttle before we docked on the station because the last time it had smelled muggy to him. I shook my head. When I’d been on the shuttle, I hadn’t smelled any musk. Maybe his sense of smell was better than mine.
I’d offered to help.
It wasn’t that River and I didn’t spend time together. Well, no that was exactly what it was. Okay. I alternated between spending the night in Jordan’s arms or Bo’s. River hadn’t shown any interest in getting to know me physically. That would be fine, except I feared it meant he would want me off the ship.
I really did want this to work. That meant it had to be real with all three of them. I couldn’t be married to the trio and only spend time with two guys. I wouldn’t force myself on River by any means. Maybe we could be friends?
I stood on the shuttle, cleaning brushes in my hand as River used his tablet to identify any molds, spores, or otherwise semi-alive things growing in the room. He tapped the screen twice. “Yep.”
“We’ve got growth?”
He looked up at me and pointed at the ceiling. “Scan says in the corner?”
We both walked to the center of the room and stared upward. Well, he was right. Now that he’d said it, I could see the black stuff in the corner. “Is there moisture up there?”
“Must be.”
Cleaning it out wouldn’t be a problem. Getting there certainly would. Even a tall ladder wouldn’t be tall enough. “How are we going to get up there? I could climb a ladder and dab at it with the anti-mold solution?”
His grin could only be called cat-like. I’d never seen River get so immediately happy? Was there something amusing about me on the ladder?
“I have a better idea. In a little while, we’ll put on a sanitizing clean into the computer and see if that helps. Before then, however, I do want to dab at it, as you put it so well, because that does help the mechanism get the job done. We won’t be climbing anything.” He put out his hand. “Here, hand me the brush with the solution.” I did as he instructed without question, although I still had no idea what we were going to do. “Computer, turn off the gravity in here but leave the oxygen levels the same.”
“Wait… what?” That second, I lifted off the ground. River tugged me to him with his free hand. He still hadn’t lost the silly grin on his face.
“Don’t worry, ‘Cilla, I won’t let you get hurt. This is fun. We so rarely have a reason to do this.”
I could see why. My heart was in my throat. I was only sort of okay with being in space as it was and… I didn’t finish my thought. Floating above the floor toward the ceiling was kind of fun. It helped that River’s smile was so infectious. I couldn’t help but grin back.
A sound dinged in the room. “River, I’m reading that gravity is off in the storage room. All okay?” Jordan’s low voice broadcasted around us.
“Yep,” River answered. “We’re being creative. All is fine.”
“Okay,” Jordan replied before the click sounded again.
We reached the ceiling, and River had to let go of me to steady himself. I followed suit, and soon, we were both stilled at the top of the shuttle.
“You can let go,” he instructed me. “Now that we’re up, very little can go wrong.”
“This isn’t some kind of test, right? Like, let’s see how long it takes Priscilla to puke?”
He shook his head, his smile fading. “No more tests, I promise.”
“Too soon for that joke?” I poked him in the shoulder. “I was kidding.”
“Might always be too soon.” He floated backward toward the small bit of mold. “I’m going to deal with this. We can kill the stuff easily and harmlessly to us. But it could make us sick if we miss it. I want to keep the system on constant monitoring, but Jordan and Bo think it uses too much energy. I got outvoted.”
I floated to the other side of the room. It was easy now, and being weightless was actually relaxing. “Do you have a problem with germs?”
“I don’t like getting sick if that’s what you mean, but no, I don’t have a problem with germs.” He rolled his eyes at me. “You sound like Bo.”
I floated back toward him. “I grew up on a farm. So, lots of germs. Lots of mold. Lots of everything.”
“What did you guys farm? I’ve never asked you.” He dabbed at the mold without looking at me. I was close enough to touch him, and yet I held back my hand. River still made me nervous. Maybe that was why I jabbed at him a little bit. I’d known I shouldn’t joke about the test. That was always going to be a bad memory for me. The truth was I didn’t find it funny, either.
I’d forgiven him. I shouldn’t do that.
“Wheat, mostly. It’s hard to get a lot of things to grow there. But the local population uses wheat, and dad sold some of his stuff in the local market or it got exported.”
He turned to look at me, which made us bang each other, hard. I oomphed, grabbing onto my head. “I’m sorry. My fault, River. I was too close.”
“No.” He reached out, grabbing me and tugging me tightly to him. “Are you okay? I just clonked you in the head.”
His cleaning brush floated past us. He must have let go when he grabbed me. “I’m fine.”
“Let me look.” He pushed my hand away so he could stare at my forehead. “Maybe we should put you in the med machine.”
“River.” I laughed. “I’m not delicate. I’m sturdy. I’ve been whacked in the head before, usually because I’m not watching where I’m going, and I’m still here to tell the tale. It’s okay.”
He cupped the side of my face. “But you are delicate. And also strong. You can be both. I mean, I didn’t realize that before I met you. I see it now.”
I opened and closed my mouth. Finally, there was only one thing to say. “I didn’t realize you were paying attention to me. Other than at dinner.”
“I watch you every chance I can. I don’t know how to approach you like Jordan and Bo did. I know you’ve progressed with them, that you have some kind of real marriage with them, and we’re kind of circling each other.”
I leaned back, floating us both toward the wall. “I want to know you, too.”
“You’re so lovely.” He kissed me, lightly on the mouth then both of my cheeks. “Can we go slower? Not because I don’t want to scoot you out of here right now and show you all the ways I want to be with you, but because it takes me a very long time, a ridiculously long time, to trust things. It’s not a test, I promise. Just for me. I need to believe this is real. That it’s possible.”
“We can be however you want to be. I’m not in a hurry, except that looming deadline a week away.”
He shook his head, and then instead of telling me what he was saying no to, he kissed me. Lightly at first, but the pressure changed quickly. He put a hand on the wall, and I grabbed his shirt, trying to keep us both steady. It didn’t work. The more we kissed the more we ended up floating away. I hung on to him and he to me. Our lips were practically fused together; we only stopped to occasionally breathe. Finally, he pulled back to regard me. His mouth looked slightly swollen, and I would have bet that mine did, too.
“Can you come tonight? To my room? Not for sex. Not yet. But so we can spend time just together?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
His cat grin showed up again, and I returned it with my own happiness. Eventually, he told the computer to slowly add gravity to the room. We floated down gently, together.
River’s room was completely clean. He had knickknacks orderly displayed on shelves that didn’t need fixing. When I came to his room, he looked tired.
I touched the side of his face. He didn’t feel warm. “Are you okay?”
“I haven’t been sleeping.”
“Why not?” He moved so I could enter his space.
He shrugged. “Because I’ve been up at night obsessing abou
t how badly I screwed things up with you.”
I shook my head. “I think we got to know each other a little bit today, right?”
“We did.” He ran a hand through his dark blonde hair. “I had thought maybe we could watch something. I hooked the ship’s main computer up to my tablet so I could watch movies in here. I’m the only one who likes to.”
“Oh, we so rarely got movies. I like them, too.”
We ended up on his bed viewing a comedy. Bo had been wrong. River laughed all the time, he just did it alone in his bedroom at night. Maybe he did need me a little bit. Eventually, the program changed to a more romantic movie about a couple falling in love during the last days before Earth had its nuclear war.
River hadn’t said anything in a while, and I wondered if he’d fallen asleep. Instead, I found him staring at the screen, his eyes fixed, not even really blinking.
“Are you okay?”
He shrugged. “They’re both going to die.”
I was sure he was right. “They love each other first.”
He switched off the screen. “How awful must that have been? We barely survived as a species.”
“Okay, enough of this. That was too much of a downer for before bed.” I took his tablet and turned off the lights. The shuttle had voice recognition, but to control energy output, they used their tablets on Malice.
He sighed. “Now I’ll be up at night thinking about Earth and the near destruction of humanity.”
“Nah.” I cuddled up against him. At first, he stayed stiff, but then he started to relax, to breathe, and his arm came around me in the process. “We need to think about puppies.”
River snorted. “Puppies?”
“Sure, something like puppies. Something that’s not awful. Puppies.”
He took a second to answer me. “I don’t even remember the last time I saw a puppy. We had a bunch of dogs at the Sandler compound. I had a puppy when I was little. It peed on Garrison’s clothes, so he killed it.”
Well, that had gone downhill fast. And the imagery was horrific. No wonder River didn’t sleep well. I would cry for both the boy and the puppy another time. “How do you suppose people keep dogs on ships? I mean, they do, right? There were dogs at the space station where I was being sold.”
“They must have a designated space for them to do their business.” He paused. “Do you want a dog?”
“Not at the present time. I mean, I wouldn’t someday object to a dog. Do you want a dog?”
River nodded, his body shifting slightly in the darkness. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind a dog.”
The sounds of the ship’s fan came on. I’d gotten used to the shift in the darkness of the night. Jordan piloted us, and all would be well. “What kind of dog? On our planet, people like dogs that can protect from rodents.”
When he didn’t answer, I wondered if I’d horrified him. I lifted my head. His eyes were closed, his mouth closed, and his body still stiff. Jordan and Bo were noisy sleepers. They rolled around a lot, and it was obvious when they were asleep. Not River, it would seem. He was silent and still tense. I lay next to him, my arm on him, his touching me, and contemplated what I would do the next day. Maybe I could figure out what moisture was getting into the shuttle, and then we’d be on the space station.
River jerked awake, catching his breath in an audible gasp. “‘Cilla?”
“Yes, right here.”
“Oh, okay. I thought maybe you left.”
I shook my head. “I was going to spend the night if that’s okay.” I would leave if he wanted me to. Maybe he’d meant this to be just watching the tablet together?
His eyes were slits. “Yes, you need to stay. I want you to. But like this, okay?” He rolled over facing me, his eyes half opened. Was he actually not really awake? He tugged me to him and hugged me tighter. Now his arm and one of his legs was around me. “Keep you safe like this. I keep everyone safe. No one will take you.”
“Sshh.” I didn’t try to move. It was nice to be this close. “We’re all safe. You have nothing to worry about right now.”
He nodded, and his eyes closed completely. He was still silent, but River was not stiff anymore. The man who didn’t trust had let me near him in his most vulnerable time. I closed my eyes. He’d get a good night’s sleep. I’d see to it.
* * *
Morning came fast. I must have slept hard. I was warm, but not stifling, and River still held me as he had when we’d fallen asleep. I could actually hear him breathing, the slightest sound of intake and outtake of breath. I’d never have noticed it at all if he hadn’t been so silent when we fell asleep.
My slight movement must have jarred him because his eyes fluttered open. His bright blue depths cleared quickly, and he smiled at me. “Morning.”
“Morning.” He still seemed soft and easy. I wasn’t anxious to go anywhere so fast.
“This is so nice.” He closed his eyes, a smile on his face. “You here with me.”
“I think so, too.” That was when I felt his erection. He either always woke up with one or he really was very glad I was there with him.
He sighed, his lids opening. “I know you’ve got to feel it. I’m, ah, a little excited you’re here. It’s okay. Just ignore it.”
“I don’t have to ignore it.”
He raised his eyebrows. “It’s so tempting, you can’t believe it. And I have never wanted anyone like I want you. But not yet? Okay? Soon. I’m just… crazy. If you knew my family, you’d understand. Compared to them, I’m downright normal. A little time. I want it to be right between us.”
I ran my hand down the side of his face. “Whatever you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You’re not.”
The space station, which Jordan called Lost In Space but I was sure had a real name, was loud yet not nearly as pulsating as the last station I’d been on. Or maybe it was just that Jordan kept his hand in mine and didn’t let me move in any direction without him right up against me.
“You doing okay, love?” Jordan called out loud enough for me to hear him. My heart turned over at the nickname. Yes, I was quickly feeling that way about all of them, too.
“Yes, honey.” I gave him one right back. “I’m okay. Where are we meeting the guy who’s taking the stuff?”
I probably made it sound even more nefarious than the transaction actually was—and it was totally illegal—by not just calling the things what they were.
River carried the box, not wanting to trust the goods in a transport, while Bo had gone ahead to make sure the buyer was legit and meet with some of their contacts on the station. I’d actually wanted to stay on the ship. Jordan had been afraid they could be raided and thought it was safer for me to go with them.
I also couldn’t be left somewhere while they did this. With so few women, I might be kidnapped right off the station. I was coming along, and I supposed it was for the best when all was said and done.
There were shops on the promenade displaying all kinds of weaponry next to ones that sold food. A woman sang on a stage, and men cheered. She wore chains around her ankles. Some of the guys threw things at her. I winced when one of the pieces of garbage struck behind her, shattering some glass.
There were restaurants with signs that said Booze on the outside. Flashing lights. Screens showing a picture of four guys who looked a little familiar. I couldn’t figure out why. The authorities were looking for them. Their last name was McQueen. They almost had as nice colored eyes as River. Of course, I was also completely addicted to Jordan’s brown, soulful depths. I equally loved staring at Bo’s light brown ones that could flare to life in a second, changing from the easy going manner he usually showed.
The space station seemed to offer just about anything a person wanted to get in trouble doing as entertainment.
Two men got into a fistfight up ahead until a third one shoved them apart, cursing and spitting while he did it. The woman on the stage stopped singing, and someone yanked her
off. I wished I could help her. Jordan leaned over and kissed my cheek. “We didn’t let that happen to you, and if there was something I could do in this moment to help her, I would.”
“I know that.” I hadn’t been born to live a sheltered life. Still, I never could have imagined this place in a million years. Were there any places left that were havens? Were there existences were people could simply be?
Was life one trip from a horrible place to another horrible place? My parents lived an existence where they made money selling their daughters and had to hide the fact that they discarded their sons. Were there simply good people around anywhere, or did I need to just get over that idea altogether? Why was I so… difficult?
Bo came up next to us, a bag swinging around his shoulders. It looked full, and I wondered if he’d been shopping. “Hey, babe. Jordan.” Bo leaned over to kiss my cheek. “You smell good.”
“Thanks.”
Jordan grinned. “She really does. I’m not going to lose her. I’ve got her. Are we all set?”
Bo nodded once. “Sure are. Where’s River?”
He pointed to the left where River sat on a bench. He was keeping a distance from us on purpose. I thought if I hadn’t been with them, they’d have been together. They were being extra cautious because of me. I didn’t mind the sensation. I really wouldn’t want to be left here in this place without them.
“Good. We never assume all will go well until it does, but things are lined up the way we wanted them, so check one, done.”
“Right.” I felt the same way about life. I really didn’t know how things were going to turn out, ever.
I turned to look at River. His expression was blank, the container in front of him labeled with the words Caution: Poison on front of it to hopefully put off a lot of interest in it. He was looking anywhere but us.
Something caught my eye. Behind River, a man stormed forward. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I had seen him somewhere before.
A few things occurred to me all at once. I wasn’t even sure which took place first. I’d never be able to recreate the experience again if I tried.