Again, another long silence. It was weird that Mike and Dale had stirred the pot with their remarks but everyone was looking to me to tell them what we should do with what was already in the pot. I lowered my head and kept my mouth shut.
“Well?” Janet said finally. “Somebody say something.”
Dale stood. “Fred knows Aja better than any of us. I don’t think we should be so quick to judge what he said to the Alastairs.”
Janet groaned loudly. “Didn’t you guys hear what he just said? He didn’t brush off the Alastairs because he was too much of a coward to hurt their feelings. Not because he thinks Aja can save their daughter.” She paused. “Right, Fred?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell them.”
Dale spoke carefully. “There’s an elephant is this room that none of us wants to talk about. But I think it’s something we need to face. Now.”
Shelly frowned. “Huh?”
Janet fumed. “Dale’s talking about Mike’s amazing recovery. He’s implying that Aja had something to do with it. And Mike, to my surprise, is saying the same thing, without really saying it. Why is everyone afraid to just say what they mean? Could it be because Fred’s here? And he’s sleeping with Aja?” Janet paused to catch her breath. “Am I right or am I right?”
Shelly looked stunned. She looked at me. “You had sex with Aja?”
I stood. “I’m sorry, guys, but I’m awfully tired. I’m going to go home and sleep.” I headed for the door. “Good-bye.”
I left in a hurry.
• • •
At home I spoke to my parents for a few minutes before disappearing into my room. The previous night, to keep my mom and dad from worrying, I’d called them when Aja and I had checked into the Hilton. But I’d lied and told them I was with Mike and would be at his house the whole night.
I don’t think either of them believed me because they repeatedly asked when they were going to get to meet Aja. Apparently they’d heard people around town talking about her. But they seemed to know nothing about Casey Morall’s videos. My parents had no interest in the Internet. They could send and read e-mail but that was about it.
Upstairs, lying on my bed, I blacked out. Although I’d slept well with Aja, the last few days had been stressful and I really was exhausted. I slept soundly for two hours and may have gone longer if my cell hadn’t rung.
“Hello?” I mumbled.
“Did I wake you?”
It was Janet, the last person I wanted to talk to. I couldn’t believe she had told the others I was sleeping with Aja. I wasn’t even sure how she knew, although I had kept her car the entire night. “What do you want?” I growled.
“I want to apologize,” Janet said.
“Great. Apologize after you let the cat out of the bag.”
“I know, what I said was totally rude, especially with Shelly in the room. I was just feeling pissed off about how everyone keeps acting like Aja is the second coming of Christ. Stuff like that really pushes my buttons. But it’s no excuse for what I did. I swear, Fred, I just blurted out the thing about you and Aja. I didn’t know I was going to say it until I did.”
The remark had annoyed me, especially since it had been so out of character for Janet. Growing up together, I’d always been impressed how she respected people’s privacy. Indeed, she was something of a fanatic on the issue.
But we were too close. I never could stay mad at Janet for more than a few minutes.
“It’s all right. She was bound to find out,” I said.
“Thanks. Thanks for letting it go. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
I sat up in bed. “No, wait. In a way, I’m glad you called. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about these yogis you’ve been studying.”
“You want to discuss yoga the day after you lost your virginity?”
“How do you know I was a virgin? How do you know I never had sex with Nicole?”
“By the way you walk. A girl can tell. Why the sudden interest in yoga?”
“Aja told me some pretty weird stuff about herself last night. We need to talk about it. I’m beginning to realize that girl is stranger than we thought.”
“I can come over right now if you like.”
“I’ll come to your house. I’m the one asking the favor.”
“I’d rather talk about it at your house. Is now a good time?”
“Sure,” I said.
Janet arrived twenty minutes later with several books in hand. By then I was strumming my acoustic guitar, trying to work out more verses for “Strange Girl.” I was making progress. I played Janet my latest version of the song and she liked it. She said she loved it, actually, which meant a lot to me. Janet was hard to please.
“You should put it on your demo,” Janet said, sitting on the edge of my bed. I was in the chair beside my computer.
“I’ve already laid down the tracks for three songs.”
“This might be your strongest piece. I’d include it.”
“I’ll think about it.” I gestured to her books. “Once, when we were talking about yoga and meditation, you mentioned a specific system where you realize everything is one. I forget what you called it.”
“Advaita. It literally means ‘non-dual’ or ‘not two.’ It’s the form of meditation I’m into.”
“And you believe in this system?” I asked.
“I don’t believe in anything, you know that. Advaita isn’t based on beliefs. It teaches you how to quiet your mind. It works for me. It calms me down.” Janet paused. “What does this have to do with Aja?”
I tried my best to relate what Aja had told me about the Big Person and the Little Person; not being the mind or the body. I followed that by saying how Aja had given me a glimpse of the experience. Janet laughed when I explained it had happened right after we’d had sex. Yet I could tell she was listening closely. When I finished Janet sat silent for a long time, thinking.
“So?” I said finally.
“I’m not sure. Aja sounds like she’s describing the goal of Advaita. Not only that, she seems to be saying she’s realized the goal.”
“Is that possible?”
“Yeah. It’s also possible she’s just nuts.”
“Aja’s not nuts,” I snapped.
“I hear ya. I’m just saying that it’s more likely that she’s crazy than that she’s in cosmic consciousness. Listen, there’s an old saying from the Bhagavad Gita where Krishna says that out of a thousand people who are born, only one seeks the supreme state. And out of the thousand who seek the supreme state, only one finds it.” Janet paused. “That gives Aja only a one-in-a-million shot.”
“Those are pretty lousy odds.”
Janet shrugged. “Tell me about it. But for most people even a little peace of mind is better than jumping off a ten-story building.”
“I hope that’s not why you took up the practice.”
“Nah. There are no ten-story buildings in Elder.”
“This goal of Advaita, seeking the supreme state—what does it mean?”
“It’s the oldest goal in mankind’s history. ‘Know thyself.’ ”
“Are you talking about some sort of enlightenment?”
Janet frowned. “I hate that word. It sounds so New Age. Advaita is an ancient system of meditation where you don’t meditate on anything. No god, no mantra, no philosophy.”
“So you don’t chant ‘Hare Krishna’?”
“No.”
“What do you do?” I asked.
“You’ve asked me that before. You don’t do anything.”
“You just sit there?”
“You sit there with your eyes closed and stay with the awareness that you exist. Nothing else. You don’t pretend you exist. You don’t make a mood of it. You don’t have to because everyone already exists. You just turn your mind in that direction and let go.”
“Why bother? I mean, what do you get out of it?”
“I just told you. Peace of mind.”
“O
kay, I get that. But let’s stick with Aja. She seems pretty damn peaceful. You yourself have said nothing seems to bother her.”
Janet hesitated. “That’s true. She is unique. I mean, for someone who hardly talks, she’s highly charismatic. She just had to say a few words at the Roadhouse to shut up that crazy mob. And she definitely has a strong presence about her. And you’re right, I’ve never seen her upset.”
“So . . .”
Janet interrupted. “Let me finish. I can think of a few more points in Aja’s favor. In fact, you just gave me a few extra with what you told me she said to you. It’s obvious she’s never studied classical Advaita. She doesn’t use any of the common Sanskrit words that teachers use to describe it. Still, it’s clear that’s what she’s talking about. Take the way Aja described the ‘Little Person’ to you. She told you it’s what most people think they are. Advaita would agree with that. Most people are ignorant. I’ve been studying Advaita for months and I’m still ignorant.”
“Ignorant of what?” I asked.
“Who I am. I still see myself as ‘Janet Shell.’ I see myself as having a certain kind of body. When I look in the mirror I see brown eyes, dark hair, an average face. I know I’m attractive but I know I’m nowhere close to being beautiful. That’s the body my parents gave me. Then there’s my mind, my personality. I know I grew up in Elder, and that I’m a senior in high school. I know I’m the smartest one in my school but I try not to brag about it. All these facts, all these characteristics—they’re how I define myself. And that’s what Aja calls the Little Person. Right?”
“She uses different words but it sounds like you’re talking about the same thing,” I said.
Janet continued. “Most Indian Advaita teachers call the Little Person ‘maya,’ which means illusion. Basically they say that who we think we are is not who we really are. Who we really are is the Brahman. The Brahman’s like a universal being, some kind of supersoul. Going by what you just told me, Aja’s Big Person sounds a lot like the Brahman.”
“This Brahman—a person who’s experienced it, how do they behave? How do they feel?”
“Well, if you can believe the Advaita teachers, a person who knows the Brahman lives in infinite bliss. They’re not bound by the mind or the body. They’re beyond all suffering.”
“Can they work miracles?” I asked.
“It says in the books I’ve read that the person who reaches that state can do anything he or she wishes. But I doubt they would go around interfering with nature. Chances are they would accept whatever was happening to someone else as their karma or their fate or their destiny. Whatever you want to call it.”
“What if a child’s dying of cancer? Wouldn’t they try to help them?”
Janet shook her head. “I’ve read lots of books on the few people who have supposedly realized the Brahman. None went around curing people of cancer or heart disease or even impotence.” She paused. “At least, none of them did it as a regular practice.”
“What’s that mean?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Janet.”
She sighed. “I’m not saying I believe this—I don’t—but witnesses say that sometimes miracles do happen around such people.”
“You’re saying they happen spontaneously?”
“That’s what the books say.” Janet was troubled. “I’m telling you the pros for Aja’s high state because that’s what you’re looking for. But like I said at the start, there are a lot more cons against her being that one-in-a-million soul. Hell, the very idea of the Brahman might be bullshit for all I know. I told you, I meditate because it works for me. It gets rid of my stress. That’s all I know for sure.” Janet paused. “And you already know I don’t see Aja as some kind of miracle worker. That’s not even on the table.”
“Why not?” I asked.
Janet groaned. “Because I’ve never seen her work a single miracle. Not in front of me. Neither have you. Admit it, all we’ve heard is a bunch of talk.”
I studied Janet. “You know, just now, when you spoke about the Brahman and the goal of Advaita, there was an enthusiasm in your voice. Like you really want to believe it’s true. And as much as you pretend to doubt Aja, I hear the same tone when you talk about what’s special about her.”
Janet chuckled, although it sounded a bit forced to me. “If you’re trying to label me as a true believer, you’ve got the wrong girl.”
“I’m not saying that. I’m saying you’re more open-minded than you’re willing to admit. And I can tell all this talk about Aja healing people fascinates you. Sure, you dismiss it—hardheaded Janet Shell can’t admit to having faith in anything too weird. But I’ve seen how protective you are of Aja. How you study her when you think no one else is watching.”
“What can I say? She’s different. That makes her interesting to me. Her talking to you about Advaita, in her own way, also interests me.” Janet paused. “If Aja’s here to help teach people about their Little Person and the Big Person, then I say more power to her. I mean it. It’s a relief to meet a girl with more on her mind than ‘is my mascara smeared?’ or ‘does my hair need to be blow-dried?’ You have no idea how much shit like that drives me crazy.”
That made me smile. “You know as well as I do Aja isn’t here to teach anything. Hell, I can hardly get the girl to talk.”
“Hmm. You’ve got a point there.” Janet considered for a minute. “Does Aja ever talk about how she underwent this awakening? When it happened?”
“No. I get the impression she’s always been this way.”
Janet plucked a book from her pile. “There was a woman saint in India called Anandamayi Ma, which means ‘Joy Permeated Mother.’ She was born in 1896 and was supposed to have been enlightened from the time of her birth. She was supposed to be unique in that respect. This book is all about her life. She was extremely beautiful. And she had Aja’s same habit of calling herself ‘this body.’ ”
My ears perked up. “She really called herself that?”
“Yeah. We’re talking about a famous person here. Many in India consider her their country’s greatest saint.”
“What did she teach?”
“She didn’t teach Advaita, not per se. She embraced all paths.”
“Was she married? Did she have children?”
Janet snickered. “There are funny stories about that. You know how marriages in India are arranged? She was married off to this guy when she was pretty young and on their wedding night, just when they were about to have sex, he was supposed to have realized who she was and prostrated before her. But another story says that later, when he did get horny for her, when he touched her, he received an electric shock that almost killed him.” Janet paused. “I take it that didn’t happen with Aja?”
I shrugged. “It was her idea to have sex.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
My cell phone rang. I picked it up. “Hello?” I said.
“Fred, this is Dustin Alastair. I can’t thank you enough for speaking to Aja on our behalf. She told us Lisa’s going to make a complete recovery and that we have nothing to worry about. I’d say it’s too good to be true but already Lisa’s up and running around like there’s nothing wrong with her. And neither her mother nor I told her anything about the healing Aja did on her.”
I felt dumbfounded. I wasn’t alone. It was silent in my room and I had the volume on my cell up high. Janet’s eyes had suddenly swelled wide. She’d obviously heard most of what Mr. Alastair had said. I moved onto my bed beside her.
“Mr. Alastair, would you mind if I put you on speakerphone for a moment?” I asked.
“No problem.”
I pushed the speaker button. “I’m here with my best friend, Janet, who is a close friend of Aja. We’re both a little puzzled by what you just said. When did Lisa and Aja meet? What happened exactly?”
“Oh, they never met. Aja said it wasn’t necessary. She just called us here at the Great Western.”
Jane
t and I exchanged a look. Boy, was it a long look.
“When?” I asked.
“An hour ago. That’s when Lisa suddenly felt better. I tell you, Fred, you probably think I’m a gullible man but I’ve been around. If I hadn’t seen such drastic improvement in Lisa, I wouldn’t have believed a word Aja said. But you can’t argue when your daughter rises from her deathbed and wants to go for a swim in the hotel pool.”
I looked to Janet for support. She shrugged helplessly.
“Well, I’m happy for the three of you,” I said. “You have a safe drive back to Ohio. But please do me one favor. Don’t tell anyone what Aja did for Lisa. I think you understand why.”
“I understand perfectly. God bless you, Fred. You, too, Janet.”
The man hung up. “What the hell’s going on here?” I said.
“I don’t know.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.” Janet looked stunned. “I don’t know.”
I bowed my head as I crouched on the edge of my bed. “And here I thought everything was about to calm back down. When the craziness has just begun.”
Janet put her arm around my shoulder. “You want my advice?”
“Sure,” I said.
“If all you want is an ordinary girlfriend to have sex with, then get out of town quick. And don’t come back.”
I sat up with a jerk. “Aja could be sick!”
“Huh?”
“Remember, she got sick after she healed Mike.” I frantically dialed Aja’s home number. She answered on the third ring.
“Hello, Fred.”
“How did you know it was me?” I gasped.
“It says so on the caller ID.”
God, I was losing it. I was seeing miracles everywhere.
“I heard you worked your magic on Lisa Alastair. I just wanted to know if you were feeling okay.”
“I’m fine. Are we still going to a movie tonight?”
“Sure. But—how did you know Lisa was sick?”
“Her father called and told me.”
“I got the impression you called him?”
“I did. He called me and left his number and I called him back,” Aja said.
“So you’re not sick from working on her?”