CHAPTER i
A COMPLAINT.
As Cecilia now found herself cleared, at least, of all suspicionsof harbouring too tender a regard for Mr Belfield, her objections tovisiting his sister were removed, and the morning after her return to MrHarrel's, she went in a chair to Swallow-street.
She sent her servant up stairs to enquire if she might be admitted,and was immediately taken into the room where she had twice before beenreceived.
In a few minutes Miss Belfield, softly opening and shutting the door ofthe next apartment, made her appearance. She looked thin and pale, butmuch gratified by the sight of Cecilia. "Ah madam!" she cried, "you aregood indeed not to forget us! and you can little think how it cheers andconsoles me, that such a lady as you can condescend to be kind to me. Itis quite the only pleasure that I have now in the whole world."
"I grieve that you have no greater;" cried Cecilia, "you seem muchfatigued and harassed. How is your brother? I fear you neglect your ownhealth, by too much attention to his."
"No, indeed, madam; my mother does everything for him herself, andhardly suffers anybody else to go near him."
"What, then, makes you so melancholy?" said Cecilia, taking her hand;"you do not look well; your anxiety, I am sure, is too much for yourstrength."
"How should I look well, madam," answered she, "living as I live?However, I will not talk of myself, but of my brother,--O he is so ill!Indeed I am sadly, sadly afraid he will never be well again!"
"What does his surgeon say? You are too tender, and too much frightenedto be any judge."
"It is not that I think myself he will die of his wound, for Mr Rupilsays the wound is almost nothing; but he is in a constant fever, andso thin, and so weak, that indeed it is almost impossible he shouldrecover!"
"You are too apprehensive," said Cecilia, "you know not what effect thecountry air may have upon him; there are many, many expedients that withso young a man may yet be successful."
"O no, the country air can do nothing for him! for I will not deceiveyou, madam, for that would be doubly a fault when I am so ready inblaming other people for wearing false appearances: besides, you areso good and so gentle, that it quite composes me to talk with you. SoI will honestly speak the truth, and the whole truth at once; my poorbrother is lost--O I fear for ever lost!--all by his own unhappy pride!He forgets his father was a tradesman, he is ashamed of all his family,and his whole desire is to live among the grandest people, as if hebelonged to no other. And now that he can no longer do that, he takesthe disappointment so to heart that he cannot get the better of it; andhe told me this morning that he wished he was dead, for he did not knowwhy he should live only to see his own ruin! But when he saw how I criedat his saying so, he was very sorry indeed, for he has always been thekindest brother in the world, when he has been away from the great folkswho have spoilt him: 'But why,' said he, 'Henrietta, why would you haveme live, when instead of raising you and my poor mother into an higherstation, I am sunk so low, that I only help to consume your own poorpittances to support me in my disgrace!'"
"I am sorry indeed," said Cecilia, "to find he has so deep a sense ofthe failure of his expectations: but how happens it that you are so muchwiser? Young and inexperienced as you are, and early as you must havebeen accustomed, from your mother as well as from Mr Belfield, to farother doctrine, the clearness of your judgment, and the justness of yourremarks, astonish as much as they charm me."
"Ah madam! Brought up as I have been brought up, there is little wonderI should see the danger of an high education, let me be ever so ignorantof everything else; for I, and all my sisters, have been the sufferersthe whole time: and while we were kept backward, that he might bebrought forward, while we were denied comforts, that he might haveluxuries, how could we help seeing the evil of so much vanity, andwishing we had all been brought up according to our proper station?instead of living in continual inconvenience, and having one part of afamily struggling with distress, only to let another part of it appearin a way he had no right to!"
"How rationally," said Cecilia, "have you considered this subject! andhow much do I honour you for the affection you retain for your brother,notwithstanding the wrongs you have suffered to promote his elevation!"
"Indeed he deserves it; take but from him that one fault, pride, and Ibelieve he has not another: and humoured and darling child as from hisinfancy he has always been, who at that can wonder, or be angry?"
"And he has still no plan, no scheme for his future destination?"
"No, madam, none at all; and that it is makes him so miserable, andbeing so miserable makes him so ill, for Mr Rupil says that with suchuneasiness upon his mind, he can never, in his present low state, getwell. O it is melancholy to see how he is altered! and how he has lostall his fine spirits! he that used to be the life of us all!--And now hehardly ever speaks a word, or if he does, he says something so sorrowfulthat it cuts us to the soul! But yesterday, when my mother and I thoughthe was asleep, he lifted up his head, and looked at us both with thetears in his eyes, which almost broke our hearts to see, and then, ina low voice, he said 'What a lingering illness is this! Ah, my dearmother, you and poor Henrietta ought to wish it quicker over! for shouldI recover, my life, hereafter, will but linger like this illness.' Andafterwards he called out, 'what on earth is to become of me? I shallnever have health for the army, nor interest, nor means; what am I todo? subsist in the very prime of my life upon the bounty of a widowedmother! or, with such an education, such connections as mine, enter atlast into some mean and sordid business?'"
"It seems, then," said Cecilia, "he now less wants a physician than afriend."
"He has a friend, madam, a noble friend, would he but accept hisservices; but he never sees him without suffering fresh vexation, andhis fever encreases after every visit he pays him."
"Well," said Cecilia, rising, "I find we shall not have an easy task tomanage him; but keep up your spirits, and assure yourself he shall notbe lost, if it be possible to save him."
She then, though with much fearfulness of offending, once more made anoffer of her purse. Miss Belfield no longer started at the proposal;yet, gratefully thanking her, said she was not in any immediatedistress, and did not dare risk the displeasure of her brother, unlessdriven to it by severer necessity. Cecilia, however, drew from hera promise that she would apply to her in any sudden difficulty, andcharged her never to think herself without a banker while her directionwas known to her.
She then bid her adieu, and returned home; meditating the whole way uponsome plan of employment and advantage for Mr Belfield, which by clearinghis prospects, might revive his spirits, and facilitate his recovery:for since his mind was so evidently the seat of his disease, she sawthat unless she could do more for him, she had yet done nothing.
Her meditation, however, turned to no account; she could suggestnothing, for she was ignorant what was eligible to suggest. The stationsand employments of men she only knew by occasionally hearing that suchwere their professions, and such their situations in life; but withthe means and gradations by which they arose to them she was whollyunacquainted.
Mr Monckton, her constant resource in all cases of difficulty,immediately occurred to her as her most able counsellor, and shedetermined by the first opportunity to consult with him upon thesubject, certain of advice the most judicious from his experience, andknowledge of the world.
But though she rested upon him her serious expectations of assistance,another idea entered her mind not less pleasant, though less promisingof utility: this was to mention her views to young Delvile. He wasalready, she knew, well informed of the distress of Mr Belfield, and shehoped, by openly asking his opinion, to confirm to him her freedom fromany engagement with that gentleman, and convince him, at the same time,by her application to himself, that she was equally clear of any tiewith the Baronet.