With the temperature just below freezing and the air still, it was a perfect day for the trackers to be out running a course. Instead, I only saw two people, and because of the distance between us it took me a few seconds longer than it should’ve to realize that it was Ember training with someone else.
Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she wore a black thermal shirt and boots that went halfway up her calf. Her sparring partner was a guy, dressed similarly to her but with the addition of a thick winter cap. Even though he was taller and broader shouldered than her, Ember had no problem pushing him around.
Since no one else was outside, I decided to walk over and say hi. I’d just reached the fence when I finally recognized her combatant, and I realized with dismay that Ember had just thrown Markis Linus Berling to the ground.
“What are you doing?” I asked, but instead of a friendly greeting it sounded much more like a demand.
I’d never seen a Markis or Marksinna training before, in large part because a tracker was never, ever supposed to lay their hands on one, especially not the way Ember just had.
“Bryn!” Ember grinned at me, apparently not noticing the accusation in my tone. “I heard you were coming back today. ”
“Hey, Bryn. ” Linus smiled at me, and Ember extended her hand and helped pull him to his feet.
“What are you two doing?” I managed to sound less angry this time as I leaned on the fence.
“Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been working as Linus’s tracker, helping him acclimate and all that. ” Ember started walking over to me, and Linus followed, brushing snow off his pants as he did.
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“That’s great,” I said, and I meant it. Ember was a good tracker, and I was sure she’d be a great help to him. “But since when did acclimation include combat training?”
“I asked her to teach me. ” Linus pushed the brim of his hat up so I could see his eyes better. Freckles dotted his cheeks, and there was something boyish in his face that made him seem younger than his seventeen years.
It’d been nearly a month since I first met Linus in Chicago, when I was tracking him and first ran into Konstantin Black, which set off this whole thing. Since that time, Linus seemed to be doing well at understanding his role in Kanin society as a high-ranking Markis, adjusting quicker than most, but he still hadn’t lost his friendly innocence.
“A lot of the younger Markis and Marksinna are requesting defensive training,” Ember explained as she leaned against the fence next to me. “Things have been crazy since you’ve been gone. ”
I instinctively tensed up. “Crazy how?”
“You know how Ridley was training those scouts to go out and look for Viktor Dålig?” Ember asked.
My stomach dropped, fearing that something might have happened to him while I was gone, and it took me a moment to force myself to nod.
“Well, last week, one of the scouts reported that he thought he’d found Viktor,” Ember went on. “He managed to report back with Viktor’s whereabouts, but then all communication went silent. Ridley went with a rescue team to go after him. When they found the scout, he was dead. ”
“But Ridley came back okay?” I asked, my stomach twisting painfully.
“Yeah, he’s fine,” Ember said, and relief washed over me. “But they found an abandoned campsite, where they’re assuming that Viktor, Konstantin, and at least twenty or so other people were hiding out. They were long gone by the time Ridley and the rescue team arrived, of course, but the scary part was that the campsite was only three hours away. ”
My mind flashed back on Konstantin Black, telling me that I needed to get out of Storvatten because Viktor Dålig wanted me dead. But if Viktor was hiding out near Doldastam, it seemed like I would be an easier target for him here.
Admittedly, we had Högdragen gaurding at every door, and the Skojare had the worst security I’d ever seen. But it wasn’t like I could trust Konstantin either. He could have just been leading me down the wrong path. If I wasn’t dreaming the whole thing up in the first place.
“That’s when I decided I needed to be able to defend myself,” Linus said, and while I admired his effort, I’d seen firsthand how clumsy he could be. I hoped the training would work for him.
“Linus has even rallied some of the other Markis and Marksinna. ” Ember looked at him with pride. “He’s been getting everybody to realize the importance of self-reliance. ”
Linus shrugged and lowered his eyes, kicking at the snow absently with his foot. “I was just talking, and I thought that we should all do what we can to prepare. If you’re all going off to war, you can’t be wasting your time and energy on us. ”
“Good job,” I told him. “I knew you’d be good for Doldastam. ”
He smiled sheepishly. “Thanks. But it’s no big deal, really. ”
“So along with Linus, I’ve been, uh, tutoring this other girl. ” Ember tucked a stray hair behind her ear and looked down at the ground, so she wouldn’t have to look at me. “Marksinna Delilah Nylen. She’s my age, and she’s uh…” A weird smiled played on her lips, and her cheeks reddened slightly. “She’s good. She can handle herself in a fight. ”
Ember smiled wider and laughed, almost nervously. I had seen this behavior before—Ember had a crush. I would’ve called her out on it if it weren’t for Linus standing right there. She was open about her love interests, and it wasn’t a big deal—except that Ember was a tracker and the object of her affection appeared to be royalty.
I gave her a look, trying to convey that we would talk about this more later. When she caught my eyes, Ember only blushed harder.
“So does anybody have any idea where Viktor and his band of merry men are headed?” I asked, changing the subject so Ember would stop grinning like a fool.
She shook her head. “Not at the moment. Scouts are looking into it, though. ”
“Well, the good news is it doesn’t sound like Viktor has that many people behind him,” I said. “Twenty guys does not an army make. ”
“That’s true, but Ridley is fairly certain it’s only a scouting mission, that Viktor and his men just want to scope out exactly what’s going on here,” Ember explained. “King Evert’s freaking out because Viktor’s coup fifteen years ago was only him working with a few other guys. And not only did he kill a member of the Högdragen, he got really close to killing the King.
“Imagine what he could do with twenty guys,” she went on. “And who knows how many more guys he has stashed somewhere else? Those were just the ones he had with him. He could have hundreds. ”
I’d never been angrier with myself than I was in that moment. If I had just been able to stop Viktor in Storvatten, none of this would be happening. Everything would’ve been over before it started.
“It’s not your fault,” Ember said, reading my expression. “Viktor’s obviously been planning this for a long time, and I’m sure that even if you’d gotten him, somebody would’ve stepped in to take his place. ”
“Maybe,” I allowed. “I just wish it had never come to this. ”
“I know,” she agreed. “When this all started, I thought King Evert was overreacting. But now it looks like this war is shaping up to be a big deal. ”
THIRTY-FOUR
polity
I had just stepped up to my parents’ house when my dad opened the door, as if he’d somehow been expecting my unannounced visit. His glasses were pushed up back on his head, holding back his thick black hair that had silvered at the temples.
Dad smiled at me in the way he did when he hadn’t seen me in a while—happiness with an edge of relief that I was still alive and well. Without saying anything, I came into the house and he closed the door behind me.
He pulled me into a rough hug, and it wasn’t until he did that I realized how much I needed it. I hugged him back harder than I normally did, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder.
“Is everything ok
ay?” Dad asked. I finally released him, but he kept his hands on my shoulders and bent down to look me in the eye.
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“Iver? Is someone here?” Mom asked, and she rounded the corner from the living room. “Bryn! You’re back!”
She hurried over to me, practically pushing my dad out of the way so she could hug me. She kissed the top of my head and touched my face. Whenever I came back, she seemed to almost pat me down, as if checking to make sure that I was real and in one piece.
“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Mom asked when she’d finished her inspection. “You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. ”
“I heard your mission in Storvatten went well,” Dad said. As Chancellor for Doldastam, I assumed he’d already gotten the rundown on how things went. “Did something happen that you didn’t tell the King?”
“No. ” I shook my head and let out a heavy sigh.
That wasn’t entirely true—I hadn’t told King Evert about Prince Kennet’s flirtation with me, or how guilty I had felt leaving Queen Linnea, and I definitely hadn’t been able to tell him about the lysa involving Konstantin Black.
But I didn’t want to tell my parents about any of that either. Well, at least not the Kennet and Konstantin parts. The thing with Konstantin would only frighten them.
“I did my job in Storvatten,” I said finally, looking up at my parents’ expectant faces. “But I don’t think I helped anybody. ”
And then suddenly, the words came tumbling out of me—all the concerns I’d been trying to repress. How I wasn’t certain of Mikko’s guilt, and how Kasper and I might have inadvertently been complicit in his unjust arrest. How Linnea seemed more like a child than a Queen, and it didn’t feel right leaving her there like that, where she would be ostracized and unprotected if her husband was convicted, and how I knew if Marksinna Lisbet couldn’t deliver on her promise to change things, I would have to go back to help Linnea and Mikko. How I didn’t trust a single person in Storvatten when it came down to it—not even Marksinna Lisbet or Prince Kennet. How everyone seemed to have conflicted motives and acted cagey at times, like they were hiding something, and I could never be sure if it was because they didn’t trust me for being Kanin, or if they were up to no good.
Eventually, my mom interrupted my long rambling tale to suggest we move to the dining room. I sat at the table, across from my dad, while Mom poured large cups of tea for each us.
“You did the right thing,” Dad said when I’d finally finished, and Mom set a cup in front of me before taking a seat next to him.
“Then why doesn’t it feel that way?” I asked. “It doesn’t feel like I’ve done anything at all. ”
“Of course you did,” he corrected me. “You helped get the Skojare’s security in shape, and you brought comfort to Linnea. That’s exactly what you set out to do. ”
“But there’s so much left unfinished!” I insisted.
“That’s the problem with working for the kingdom, the way you and I do. ” He motioned between us. “We can only do what we’re commanded to do. Too many times, my hands have been bound by the law, and I know how frustrating it can be. But sometimes that’s all you can do. ”
“There are so many limitations to your job,” Mom said after taking a long sip of her tea. “That’s why I’ve never quite understood the appeal of it for you. You’ve always been so strong willed and independent. But you want a job that demands complete submission. ”
“Runa,” Dad said softly. “Now isn’t the time for this kind of discussion. ”
“No, it’s okay. ” I slumped lower in my seat. “She’s right. All I’ve ever wanted to do was make this kingdom better. I wanted to do something good and honorable. And the only way I knew how was to be a tracker or on the Högdragen. ” I sighed. “But lately I just feel no good at all. I feel like I’m often choosing the lesser of two evils. ”
“Welcome to politics. ” Dad lifted his glass in a sardonic cheer and gulped it down.
Mom shifted in her chair and leaned on the table. “You know how I feel about your job, and I’m not advocating for it. But I think you’re taking this mission too hard. ”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You were working with another tribe, and if we’re being honest, the Skojare are weird,” she told me knowingly. “I lived there for the first sixteen years of my life, and I was constantly surrounded by that ‘cagey’ feeling you described. King Rune Biâelse practically made it mandatory.
“Did I ever tell you why my mother named me after him?” Mom asked, and I shook my head. Her name, Runa, was the feminine version of Rune. “The King could be mercilessly cruel to everyone and everything, and my mom hoped—futilely, I might add—that naming me after him would somehow endear me to him. ”
“I’ve heard stories about him being an awful King, but I never realized how bad it was until I was there,” I said.
“That’s not to say the that the Skojare aren’t cold and secretive and just plain odd naturally,” she clarified. “Because they are. But Rune just made everything worse for everybody.
“And so they sent you, a Kanin, to a place where outsiders are always distrusted,” Mom went on. “The problem isn’t with you or even with your job in general, but with the mission itself. You were sent someplace where you could never really be of help, so naturally you came back feeling defeated. ”
“Your mom is right,” Dad agreed. “You were sent there more as a gesture of goodwill than anything else. You were meant to make the Skojare feel aligned with the Kanin, so that if something happens, our King might able to get his hands on the Skojare’s jewels. ”
I leaned my head back so I could stare up at the ceiling. Even though I knew what my dad was saying was true, and I’d really always known it, it still didn’t feel good to be a political pawn.
For as long as I could remember, my mom had railed against my working for the kingdom. And that entire time, I’d been completely convinced that she was wrong, that all her concerns and criticisms about our way of life were either unfounded or didn’t take into account the bigger picture—that I was helping people. I was making it better.
But now I wasn’t so sure about anything anymore.
“I remember feeling frustrated when I was growing up in Storvatten,” Mom said after a long pause. “My kingdom demanded silence and obedience. It left me feeling cold and isolated, and I wanted something entirely different. ” She cast a warm glance at my dad. “I followed my heart, and I’ve never once regretted the choice I made all those years ago. ”
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I looked over at my parents, feeling more lost and confused than I ever had before. “But what if my heart doesn’t know what it wants anymore?”
THIRTY-FIVE
wedlock
The greenhouse seemed unable to contain all the plant life, and vines weaved around door frames to climb over the walls in the small adjoining room. It was usually used as a break room, but it was a perfect place to get ready for a wedding.
Flowers of pink and white and purple bloomed on the vines, and flourishing potted plants sat on every available surface. Even the two sofas in the room had floral designs stitched onto their cream fabric.
A pale pink rose blossomed at the top of the full-length mirror, and Tilda took a deep breath as she stared at her reflection. Her long hair hung in loose curls down her back. Her cheeks were flushed slightly, and carnation-pink lipstick brightened her full lips.
The light chiffon fabric of her off-white dress flowed over her growing baby bump, nearly hiding it, but still managing to highlight how curvaceous and tall she was. Soft sleeves draped off her shoulders just so, revealing her well-toned arms and olive skin.
Ember and I stood to either side of her, both of us looking short and rather plain compared to Tilda’s radiance. Our hair had been styled the same way: small purple flowers were weaved into braids twisted into an updo. br />
We wore matching dresses: pale blue chiffon that landed just above the knees, in a similar empire design as Tilda’s. Her mother, Ranetta, had made all three of our dresses, and she’d done an amazing job, especially given the short notice of the wedding.
Tilda’s mother stood behind her, carefully adjusting the wreath of flowers on her head—the Kanin tradition instead of a veil. When she’d finished, she looked at her daughter’s reflection and smiled with tears in her eyes.
“You look absolutely beautiful,” Ranetta told her.
“It’s true,” Ember chimed in. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look prettier. ”
Ilsa, Tilda’s older sister, opened the door with a quick knock, then poked her head in. “I think they’re all ready for you out there. ”
Ranetta once again assured Tilda that she looked beautiful and that everything was perfect, then departed with Ilsa to take their seats before the processional started. We could hear the soft music from the piano, and we were just waiting for our cue—“Winter” by Vivaldi to begin.
Tilda took a deep breath and stared straight ahead. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” she whispered.
“It’s a big day. It makes sense,” Ember said.
Her smoky gray eyes widened, and she nodded. “It’s a huge day. ”
“There’s nothing to be scared of. ” I tried to calm her nerves. “Do you love Kasper?”
“Of course. ” She looked down at me, her eyes misty. “I love him with everything I am. ”
“Just remember that, and everything will be okay. ”
Tilda smiled, then she reached out and took my hand. Ember was on the other side of her, and Tilda grabbed her hand too, squeezing it tightly. The three of us stood together like that until the first notes of “Winter” began.
Ember went out first, walking down the short aisle. Tilda was getting married in the flower garden of the greenhouse, and there were flowers everywhere. Potted plants had been moved to the side to make room for a white velvet carpet to run down the center, and the twenty chairs set up on either side of it were decorated with floral garlands.
At the altar, Kasper’s two groomsmen were already waiting underneath the flowered arbor. His best man was Elliot Väan, the guard he worked with, and his fifteen-year-old brother, Devin, was the other groomsman.
Devin looked just like a smaller version of his brother, but his fidgety, hyper demeanor set them apart, especially in contrast with Elliot’s severe Högdragen stance.
When it was my turn, I kept my head high and my eyes forward. I knew that Tilda had invited Ridley, and I didn’t want to see him holding hands with Juni, who would undoubtedly be getting misty eyed at the beauty of it all.
The carpet felt soft on my bare feet, and I kept my eyes locked on the pale lilac and white roses that adorned the arbor. I listened to the music and counted my steps, and I tried desperately not to think about the night Ridley and I had spent together and how I’d wished it would last forever.