The door at the end of the hall opened, and I craned my neck to see who was disturbing our practice. If it was somebody important, like another member of the Högdragen or the King, I’d have forced myself to my feet, but it was only Tilda, carrying two bottles of water, so I could keep relaxing.
“I thought you two could probably use a bit of a break by now,” Tilda told us with a smile and she sat down cross-legged on the mat.
“Thank you. ” I sat up so I could take the water from her and quickly guzzled it down, while Kasper gave her an appreciative peck on the mouth.
“Aren’t you working this morning?” Kasper asked, motioning to her uniform.
“I am, but they’re just running drills, so I snuck out for a few minutes. ” She smiled when she looked up at him, but it was bittersweet. “If you’re leaving soon, I want to get in as much time with you as I can. ”
Kasper slid across the mat, moving closer to her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned in even closer. “I’m sorry. You know I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to. ”
“I know. ” Tilda let out a heavy sigh and stared down at her lap. “I’ll miss you, but I understand. I just wish that this didn’t mean we’d have to postpone our wedding. ”
As a member of the Högdragen, Kasper really had no choice. King Evert hadn’t consulted with him last night about whether he’d be willing or able to go, and he hadn’t needed to. Being on the Högdragen was essentially like being property of the kingdom. Everyone in Doldastam had to follow the King’s orders, but none so strictly as the Högdragen. If the King said jump, they didn’t ask how high—they just jumped.
“I shouldn’t be gone for very long,” Kasper assured her. “We just have to make sure the Queen is safe and help set up a more functional guard, and then we’ll be home. And as soon as I get back, we’ll be married. ”
He put his hand on her stomach, rubbing the bump where their child grew, and Tilda smiled at him. They kissed again, more deeply than the last time, and while it wasn’t a crazy makeout session, it was enough that I began to feel uncomfortable.
And not just because I felt like a creepy voyeur. They were so clearly in love—evident in the way they looked at each other and touched one another. For a fleeting second, it made me think of Ridley and wonder if I had made the wrong choice pushing him away.
But then I remembered why they were kissing in the first place. Kasper was comforting Tilda because he was leaving her, because he wasn’t in control of his own life. He’d given himself to the Högdragen, and no matter how much he loved her, she’d have to come second to the job.
I didn’t want to do that to anyone else, and I never wanted to be forced to choose between love and duty. So it was best if I just avoided love altogether.
“I can give you two a minute alone, if you want,” I offered.
“No, we’re fine. ” Tilda laughed and blushed before putting some distance between her and Kasper. “I should probably get back soon anyway. ”
“And we should get back to training,” Kasper agreed.
“How is that going?” Tilda asked me. “He’s not being too rough on you, is he?”
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“No. He’s not dishing out anything I can’t take. ”
“I’ll have to try harder then,” Kasper said, and Tilda laughed.
“You two just better not hurt each other,” she warned us. “Or you’ll have me to deal with. ”
“Yes, ma’am. ” I saluted her, and she rolled her eyes.
“I really should get back,” she said, and she kissed Kasper before getting to her feet. “I’ll see you tonight?”
“As soon as I’m done working the dinner for the Skojare King and Queen,” he said. “Then I’ll be over. ”
“I love you. ” Tilda looked between the two of us. “Both of you. So play nice. ”
As soon as she was gone, Kasper and I got up, and he told me to come at him again like I had before—only this time, he would teach me how not to end up flat on my back.
FOURTEEN
beholden
Even though there were only eight of us attending the celebratory dinner, we still waited in a line to be announced by King Evert’s personal guard, Reid Kasten. It was a meeting of royalty, which called for formality. King Mikko Biâelse of the Skojare, and Linnea’s grandmother, Marksinna Lisbet Ahlstrom, had arrived to retrieve Linnea.
They were so grateful that Ridley and I had found her that we were invited to attend the dinner as honored guests, which felt a bit odd for us. I would always have rather been working than making awkward dinner conversation, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy a reason to put on the new dress I’d gotten from the town square.
As much as I loved working out and showing my strength—the way I had been all day with Kasper—I loved getting dressed up almost as much. For most of my life, I’d been pigeonholed as purely a tomboy, but that wasn’t accurate. I could hold my own wrestling in the mud with boys, and I could hold my own in a gown in the ballroom.
The dress I wore today was silvery white with a damask design in pale blue velvet over it. The front hem of the dress fell just above my knees, on the off chance I’d need to fight or run, and the back flowed out much longer behind me, trailing on the ground.
As strange as I felt waiting beside Ridley in line to enter the dining hall, Kasper seemed even more awkward. He’d only planned on working the party—standing at attention by the door. Instead, Markisinna Lisbet had insisted he join as a guest, and he stood behind us, fidgeting with his uniform and muttering anxiously.
Reid loudly announced King Mikko and Queen Linnea, and they entered the dining hall to formally greet Evert and Mina before taking their seats at the long table. Since Lisbet was of a lower rank than them—a Markisinna is a step below Princess—she would be introduced after them. While waiting, she took a moment to turn to Ridley and me.
Her golden hair was carefully coiffed on her head, and her elegant gown easily surpassed mine in loveliness. Large diamonds and sapphires adorned heavy rings on her fingers. Even though she had to be in her sixties, she still had an incredible, refined beauty.
“I am so sorry about the way things went in Storvatten when you were there before,” Lisbet said, her brilliant blue eyes moist with tears.
“There is no need to be,” Ridley assured her.
I wasn’t completely sure what she was apologizing for, other than when Victor Dålig had slammed my head into the wall. But that wasn’t her fault. That was mine.
She smiled and took my hand and Ridley’s in each of hers—her skin soft and warm like thin velvet. “I cannot thank you enough for bringing my granddaughter safely back to me. Anything—anything—either of you ever need, let me know. ”
“Marksinna Lisbet Ahlstrom of the Skojare,” Reid announced.
Lisbet squeezed our hands and mouthed the words thank you again before letting go. She gathered up the length of her dress, then entered the dining hall.
Since Kasper was a member of the Högdragen, it meant he outranked us, so he was called next, leaving Ridley and me alone in the foyer. As the Överste, Ridley could’ve worn his uniform the way Kasper had, but instead he’d chosen a well-tailored suit.
As we waited, he readjusted the cuff links in the sleeve of his black dress shirt. I stood with my hands clasped neatly in front of me, watching as Kasper stiffly greeted everyone in the room.
“Are you heading out tomorrow?” Ridley asked, still fixing the diamond cuff link.
“I believe that’s the plan. We’re leaving first thing in the morning to head back to Storvatten. ”
“It’s a really good opportunity for you. ” He’d finished his readjustment and folded his hands behind his back, standing tall and proper. “Working with the Högdragen like this. And you’ve earned it. Nobody has worked harder for recognition than you have. ”
“Thank you. ”
“But I have to be
honest,” he said in a low voice. “It’s not gonna be the same here without you. ”
He looked at me then, his deep-set eyes under a veil of thick lashes. The heat I’d been longing to see in them had returned, and for a moment, there was nothing else. It was only me and him, and the warmth growing in my belly, and the way he made me feel so light-headed and wonderful all at once.
And then, “Ridley Dresden, the Överste of the Kanin,” Reid announced so loudly it almost felt as if he were shouting inside my head.
Ridley walked away from me, leaving me behind to catch my breath. Which was just as well, because I’d never have made it through the introductions without a moment to gather myself.
I was seated next to Lisbet, and after I’d gotten settled in I realized that must’ve been a deliberate choice. All the Skojare—me, Lisbet, Linnea, and Mikko—were on one side of the table, a row of pale blonds across from the darker complexioned Kanin: Ridley, Evert, Mina, and Kasper.
For a second, before I got myself under control, I felt a wave of anger wash over me. I hated being singled out or deemed as “other” simply because of the color of my hair and skin. Even though this hadn’t been done out of malice, it still stung every time I was deemed “un-Kanin. ”
But then I reminded myself that it was an honor to even be here, that I was still seated next to royalty. And maybe the decision had to do with ranking, and since I was the lowest one here, I was seated with our guests instead of next to our King.
Maybe. But I didn’t really believe that.
Mikko started off dinner with a toast, standing and raising his glass of sparkling wine. The last time I’d seen him in Storvatten, he’d been a wreck—an overacting wreck, I’d suspected. But now he showed no signs of wear. His handsome face was unreadable, even when he looked down at his wife.
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“I want to thank you all for returning my wife to me and for showing her so much hospitality,” Mikko said, his deep voice betraying no emotion. “Your kindness and bravery will not soon be forgotten, and the Skojare are indebted to you. ” He raised his glass higher. “Skål!”
“Skål!” We all cheered in unison, then took a drink of our wine.
“I would also like to extend a special thanks to both Kasper Abbott and Bryn Aven,” Mikko went on, still standing and taking turns looking between Kasper and me. “You are taking on the responsibilities of another tribe, which goes far beyond your duties. While I don’t know if the Skojare need you, it will provide my wife great comfort, and it is as she wishes. ”
“It is. ” Linnea smiled up at her husband, and then she got to her feet.
It was a faux pas for her to speak while another person was toasting, and it was especially unheard of for her to stand up and join him. But when she looked out with sparkling eyes at the table, beaming with such wild delight, it was obvious that her excitement would not be held back by propriety.
“We both want to offer you our immense gratitude,” Linnea said. She lifted her glass high in the air, spilling a few drops in her haste, but she didn’t seem to notice or mind. “So to Kasper Abbott and Bryn Aven, I’d like to drink to you!”
She quickly took a drink from her glass, but everyone else was slower to follow suit. Kasper reddened and smiled thinly at her before taking a very quick sip. A King and Queen were never supposed to drink to their staff, but since Queen Linnea had suggested it, everyone had to do it or they would seem rude.
I finished my glass in one long swig because I had a feeling that it was going to be the kind of night where I’d want the wine to take the edge off, and as the dinner progressed, I was repeatedly proven right.
Linnea was almost giddy, and while Lisbet was much more composed and reserved than her granddaughter, she was also brimming with happiness. The two of them talked and giggled, steering most of the conversation. Queen Mina was determined not to be left behind, so she laughed louder and spoke quicker than she normally did.
King Evert, for his part, tried to look amused and interested, but he’d never been a good actor. I always thought that being a leader meant having a good poker face, but Evert proved me wrong in that regard.
Despite the antics of Linnea, it was her husband that kept drawing my attention. He didn’t seem annoyed or embarrassed by her behavior, nor did he seem to enjoy it. He rarely spoke, instead sitting quietly and eating his food without reacting much to what was happening.
He seemed so cold and distant. I couldn’t imagine that Linnea actually loved him or missed him the way she claimed to have.
And even as the happy haze brought on by several glasses of wine settled over me, I found myself once again wondering what exactly Mikko was hiding behind his blank stare.
FIFTEEN
intemperance
My boots came up to my knees, and my jacket went down to the ground, but the cold air still managed to get through, sending a chill down my spine. Not that I minded. As the evening dragged on, the dining hall had grown increasingly warm and stifling.
Just beyond the palace door, I breathed in deeply, relishing the icy taste of the air as it cooled my flushed cheeks. The combination of being free from the dinner, the minor promotion in job duties, and the buzz from the alcohol all seemed to hit me with the exhilarating headiness of the wind. The night suddenly felt so very alive.
“I’ll meet you at the garage at seven in the morning,” Kasper reminded me. He and Ridley had been standing just behind me, making small talk about the dinner, and now Kasper had begun to say his good-byes.
“I’ll be there,” I said with an easy grin.
Ridley waved at him as Kasper left, watching as he walked away—nearly jogging in his hurry to get to Tilda’s apartment. It was less than eight hours until he would have to be up, getting ready to depart for Storvatten, so I’m sure he wanted to make the most of their last evening together for a while.
“I’m surprised you’re in such a good mood,” Ridley said, turning his attention to me. He moved a few steps closer, filling in the gap that Kasper’s absence had left. “After that interesting evening we had. ”
I laughed. “Yeah, but it’s over now. ”
“It makes me glad we’re not royalty. I’d hate to sit through those all the time. ”
“It’s getting late. ” I exhaled deeply, letting my breath fog up the air. “I should be heading home and to bed, since I have a long day tomorrow. ”
“Yeah, I suppose. ” Ridley glanced up at the night sky, then back at me. “You be careful this time, all right?”
“I will,” I promised him.
Then, since there really wasn’t anything more to say, I gave him a small wave before turning to walk away. I’d only made it four steps before he stopped me.
“Bryn,” he said, and I looked back over my shoulder at him. “Let me walk you home. ”
They were five simple words that sounded almost inconsequential, especially since Ridley had walked me home on several occasions. But somehow tonight they felt like so much more. There was a weight to them that had never been there before.
It was in Ridley’s tone, which held a hint of urgency, his voice low but strong enough to carry. In his eyes that burned so intensely, I could almost see the hunger hidden in the darkness.
Finally, I answered him, and I didn’t even know what I would say until the word came out of my mouth. “Okay. ”
He looked relieved, and then he walked over to meet me. His steps matched mine easily. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from shaking—if it was from nerves or the cold, I wasn’t sure—and he kept his hands in his pockets. The night was quiet, the streets were empty, and neither of us was saying anything.
It was a two-minute walk from the palace to the stables, and it had never felt so strange. My heart was racing, quickly pumping blood that felt too hot in my veins, and it caused a delirious heat to wash over me.
It was really the strangest feeling. Like teetering on th
e edge of a precipice. I knew something was going to happen. And the anticipation was killing me.
My apartment was a loft above the stables, and when we reached the staircase that ran alongside the building, I started to go up. But Ridley had stayed behind. I turned back to face him, standing at the bottom of the stairs and staring up at me with the same look he’d had outside of the palace.
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“Aren’t you coming up?” I asked, and for one terrifying moment, I was certain he wouldn’t. And then he began to climb the stairs.
At the landing, I unlocked the door, acutely aware of Ridley’s body behind me. My hair had been pinned up in a loose updo, and I could feel his breath warming the back of my neck.
We went inside, pretending this was normal, that this was like every other time he’d been in my loft, but the air felt electrified. He commented on the dirty laundry overflowing my hamper, and I apologized for the cold while starting a fire in the woodburning stove.
I kicked off my boots and jacket then lit a few candles while he set aside his own jacket and shoes. Now we stood in the center of the room, a few feet of empty space between us, gawking at each other. The floorboards felt cold underneath my feet, and I kept staring at the few buttons of his shirt that had been left undone, showing off the smooth skin of his chest.
I opened my mouth, planning to ask him if he wanted to sit down or have a drink, but the words suddenly felt like a waste. I didn’t want to sit down or have a drink. I only wanted him.
I went over to him, and without hesitation, without thinking, without worry, I kissed him, knowing he would kiss me back just as hungrily. And he did not disappoint. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him, but I didn’t feel close enough. I pushed him back until he hit the wall.
Ridley stopped kissing me long enough to smile crookedly as I started to undo the buttons of his shirt, but even that quick separation felt too long. Then his fingers were in my hair, and his lips were on my mouth, and I didn’t know if I’d ever wanted anything as badly as I wanted him. My body literally ached for him, starting in my chest and working its way down to a desperate longing between my legs.
His shirt was gone, and I’m not sure if he pulled it off or I did, but either way I was grateful. I ran my hands over the firm ridges of his chest and stomach, surprised by how warm his skin felt against mine. Then I felt his hand on my thigh, curious and strong.
Just as his fingers looped around the thin waistband of my panties, Ridley pulled his mouth from mine and looked me in the eyes. “Are you sure—”
But I silenced his question by kissing him again, and I put my hand over his and pushed down, helping him slip off my panties. I stepped out of them and back from him. As he watched me, I pulled my dress up over my head and tossed it to the floor.