“I’m here now Mr. Vanwell, you’re excused.”
I shook my head, “I’m not leaving.”
“Oh really…”, she mocked, “and what is it exactly that you will be telling your wife. You’re held up with your whore?”
“First off, Ysabelle isn’t my whore, and second of all you will need to call the cops to get me to leave and even then I’d like to see them try.” I declared.
“You amaze me. Aren’t the lies getting a little much, I mean how stupid can your wife be that she hasn’t caught on to your little discretion yet? How much longer do you possibly expect this to continue, huh?’
“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
“No Darling you don’t. Ysabelle isn’t as strong as she puts off, who do you think will be here to pick up the pieces when she no longer of use to you. I will! I have been here since the beginning, I have made her who she is, and I am not about to see someone with a midlife crisis take her away from me, do you understand me? I have let this go on long enough.”
“All that matters to you Madam is if the credit card clears. If you truly cared about her you would have never let her sell herself to these so called gentlemen that do nothing, but use and abuse her.” I angrily retorted.
She cocked her head back in laughter, “And you think you’re any fucking different Sebastian, what the hell do you think you’re doing? You’re nothing but another man having an affair on the woman he has a child with. What? You didn’t think I knew…I know everything about the men that are with my girls.” She shouted stepping closer to me.
“You think you’re the first man that has fallen for one of my VIPs? MY girls are fucking jewels, that’s why I choose them. Don’t think for one fucking minute that you’re any different than my so called gentlemen, as you so call them.”
“Ysabelle matters to me, I care about her more than she’ll ever even know. You know nothing about our situation.”
“Okay…I’m game. Leave your wife, Sebastian. Tell her and choose Ysabelle and I will happily release her to you.” She taunted.
“What’s the matter, Sebastian? Can’t come up with any excuses fast enough. I love Ysabelle like she was my own. Are you aware that she’s in love with you? That if you asked her, she would give this all up for you. You forget Sebastian that SHE runs the show, I am a mere spectator.
If she didn’t want you to be paying for her time than she would be working and you would have no say. I’m letting this continue, because she hasn’t said one Goddamn thing about it. I’m not a fucking monster, although I am a business woman…in that sense you are right, I’m still fucking getting paid.”
I wanted to say so many things, I was at a loss for words.
“Where’s your wife, Sebastian? I have been in this game longer then you have even been born. You love your wife; I can even see it now while you’re standing here in your mistress’s home. It doesn’t matter which way you paint it…Ysabelle’s the other woman; she will always be the other woman. Now you just have to ask yourself is how you’re going to end it.” She cautioned.
“You’re wrong. I love her too. I fucking love her too. Don’t for one second think that I don’t. I know what I’m doing is fucked up, I don’t need you to remind me, I remind myself everyday when I’m standing in front of the mirror.
I do love my wife and I love my son, but what I share with Ysabelle surpasses anything that I’ve ever experienced with anyone and that includes my wife. I’m at a loss, I have no fucking idea which way is up anymore. When I think about not seeing her beautiful face everyday it destroys me. Call me whatever you want, that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t walk away from her, no more than she can walk away from me.”
We stayed there in a staring match before she finally broke the silence, “I have a nurse coming this evening you have until then. I imagine that’s enough time.”
“I want to stay here the entire time, Madam.”
“I am not a marriage counselor Sebastian, but you’re already rocking the fucking boat, how about we keep it in shallow water.” She said, in an annoyed tone while grabbing her purse, “I’ll let myself out. Give Ysabelle my love and let her know I’ll be stopping by tomorrow.”
I went back to Ysabelle’s room and found Chance sleeping right beside her, I grabbed her and curled her to my body, and she didn’t even stir.
I laid there with her all day contemplating everything that Madam had said; I knew it was all one hundred percent correct. Ysabelle deserved better, someone to love and cherish her everyday of her life, not just someone who would come to her when they had time.
Ysabelle was sick, I mean really sick. The nurse came by with all her medication and instructions on what needed to be done. I followed everything to a T. It was getting around the time that Julia would expect me home. I couldn’t leave her I needed to stay with her even if it were only for one night.
I grabbed Chance and took him out for a walk to call Julia.
“Hey Sebby, you on your way home?”
“I’ve actually got to meet with a client later tonight, he wants to try the yacht out for night fishing before he considers buying it.” I nonchalantly lied.
“Oh, alright. Is it a big deal?”
“It’s important.”
“Okay, I have to work late tomorrow. I’ll have my mom get Christian. What time do you think you will be home?”
“Later, I have a lot that needs to get done this week before the weekend.”
“Yeah, me, too. I miss you Sebby, how about we do a family day Sunday?”
“Perfect, I’ll call you in the morning. We will be offshore I don’t know how well my reception will be. If I can I’ll call before Christian goes to sleep.”
“Okay, I love you, be safe.
“Me, too.”
I went back to Ysabelle and she was laying in fetal position looking deep in thought.
“You’re up.” I announced.
“You’re here. I thought I dreamt it all.” She whispered smiling at me.
“Of course, there’s no where else I’d rather be.”
“I puked on you.”
I laid next to her reaching for her, “yeah…on yourself, the bed, and a little on the floor, too.” I said kissing her forehead, her fever had gone down some but she was still burning up.
“I have to pee.” She bashfully expressed, “I need help, it hurts to move.”
I carried her to the bathroom and kissed her forehead as I slid her down my body in front of the toilet. She snickered a little when I placed my fingers in the elastic of her sweats. I held onto her as her muscles trembled, lowering her to sit. She was swaying helplessly, I had her lean on me to steady herself.
“I can’t do it. I have stage fright.” I laughed leaning for the faucet to turn it on.
After she was done I carried her back to bed, and spoon-fed her some soup. She only ate a couple of bites before she said it was making her nauseous. I gave her medicine and she was out within five minutes.
We didn’t talk at all; she was in and out of consciousness the entire evening and night. Her body would alternate between hot and cold sweats throughout the night, and she threw up a few more times. It had only been a day and I could already tell she was losing weight.
She was fragile and moaned anytime I tried to comfort her. Getting her to drink fluids was a task, because she couldn’t keep it down, and the medication just made her sleep. I had never seen an illness take a person down like that.
The next day was much of the same. I felt awful for her. I didn’t want to leave I just wanted to stay there taking care of her, I didn’t have any other choice. I waited for the nurse to arrive, before I tried to tell Ysabelle that I had to leave.
She was asleep and only smiled with sleepy, pouty lips. I brushed her hair from her face, leaving her to sleep. I didn't want to go, nonetheless I had obligations that took precedence over my love affair. I turned back one more time, smiled a weak smile to my sleeping beauty, and left her in
the hands of the nurse.
Chapter 24
I had never been sick like that in my entire life. I vaguely remember the first few days. I know Sebastian was with me and had to leave to go back to his real life. I don’t know if it was the medication or the illness that was making me think about what a mess I had put myself in.
After he left to go back home a nurse Madam provided for me stayed the duration of my illness, she was nice and helped me when needed, it wasn’t the same, I wanted Sebastian. I couldn’t have Sebastian and for the first time in this whole fucked affair, I was resentful and angry.
I realized that I would never truly have him. I never thought I’d see the day where I would finally open my eyes and feel like his whore. The day had come and it left a bitter fucking taste in my mouth and especially in my heart.
Sebastian would never be there for me like I would need him, I certainly did not imagine that I would find myself in a place where I wanted to rely on a man, and I did. I wanted Sebastian to be that man for me.
I wanted the fairy tale and the happy ending. I wanted to be rescued.
It was a downfall of emotions when I finally admitted it to myself. I just didn’t know what I was going to do about it.
Sunday came and my nurse was excused, I was able to take care of myself and I was starting to feel like a normal person again. Chance was a trooper throughout all of it, always staying by my side filling me with love and affection. I decided that I had seen the inside of my bedroom for far too long.
I put on a top and cotton shorts with my Nikes, and Googled Dog Parks. It was such a beautiful day, the sun was warm and not scorching like I was accustomed to. I smiled at several people, as my new best friend and I walked along Haulover Dog Park. I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal. It was ridiculous, I had gotten myself into this mess. I shook my head trying to brush off the feelings that I couldn't change and walked my dog that was very happy to be out and about.
I sat on my blanket, unleashed Chance, and pulled out the tennis ball from my bag throwing it as far as I could. Chance ran right after it with the same amount of energy each time, by the tenth time he got distracted by this female Collie, and it was goodbye mom and ball.
Men.
I ran to go get the ball myself, once it was in my hand I looked for where Chance had run off to.
As I was looking through the park, I saw him and my heart literally stopped. My whole world seemed to come crashing down on me in a matter of seconds. Everything I thought I knew, everything I wanted to believe, all of it…gone.
There he was right in front of my very own eyes, it was Sebastian…with his family. His son was on his shoulders and his wife was curled up under his arm and they looked like the picture perfect family.
I had imagined this in my mind numerous times, what they all looked like together, it never took an ounce of comparison to what I was seeing. They were a family. I could feel the love and devotion hundreds of feet away. Crawling and etching its way under my skin and into my bloodstream.
And then it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.
I’ll never be the one he lays next to every night…
I’ll never be the one that he makes love to time after time…
I’ll never be the one he plans a future with…
I’ll never be the one he grows old with…
I’ll never be the one he comes home to…
And I’ll never be the one that he says ‘I love you’ to…
I’m the whore, the escort, the mistress, the prostitute, it doesn’t matter what way you say it…I’m the other fucking woman. I’ll always be second place.
I stayed there like that, lost in the zone of seeing the man that owned my heart, with the family that owned his.
I had seen families before, the easiness and carefreeness of it all. The fact of knowing that you belong somewhere and with someone, the unspoken promises and support. I had wished for a family like that of my own. A family like Sebastian’s.
The laughing, the smiling, the playing, and the unity of what they were. It was as if I was watching a train wreck, and I fucking knew I needed to stop watching but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I couldn’t move from the spot I was standing in. The feelings I experienced hurt so bad, like someone was taking a knife and jabbing me over and over again.
I couldn’t fucking move.
I was punishing myself for being stupid, for letting my guard down, for letting someone in. I should have known better.
And in that moment I truly wanted to die. It was too late, because I was dying…I was no longer Ysa…I was Ysabelle.
I should have seen it coming, I didn’t. God had a funny way of making me that day’s entertainment. I saw Little Man running towards me.
“Ms. Ysabelle!” He yelled for the entire park to turn and look. “Hi! You have a dog? I have a dog, too! He’s over there.” He explained with a cheerful bright smile. I don’t know what came over me I crouched down to his level, and pulled him into a hug. I just wanted to feel a piece of Sebastian, because I knew that it was over.
The game.
The charade.
The affair.
His little body and arms curled around my neck just like his father’s had done so many times, he smelled just like him.
I whispered “I love you” just enough for me to hear, and kissed his cheek. I pulled away from him and his face showed concern.
God he looked so much like his father.
“Why are you crying?” He sadly asked.
“They’re happy tears.” I replied, wiping them away with the back of my hand. I stood up and saw a woman running towards us with Sebastian right behind her.
“Christian! You cannot runaway like that.” She said to her son not even looking at me, she didn’t have to Sebastian’s face said it all.
“It’s alright, this is my friend Ms. Ysabelle.”
“Oh,” she said standing up to greet me.
Her face turned pale, “Oh, my God.”
Sebastian looked back and forth between her and I showing concern for I didn’t know whom.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be staring, wow…you look just like her.”
“Excuse me?” I knew who she was talking about. The reason of why Sebastian wanted me.
“Julia.” He finally said.
“I’m sorry, Sebby just look at her. Do you know this woman?” She questioned.
“Yeah mom, she’s dad’s friend, we played at the beach.” I could see Sebastian’s Adams apple move and the distress all over his face. I should have exposed him, all the lies, the secrets, and the infidelity. I wanted to hurt him; I wanted him to hurt just like I was.
I couldn’t do it.
I was a woman in love.
“Yes, I know your husband through my husband. We bought a yacht a few months ago.” I lied putting my left hand in my shorts.
“You said you weren’t married.” Christian chimed in.
“Buddy…I think you got it wrong. Ms. Ysabelle is married to a client of mine.”
Christian cocked his head to the side as if challenging out the lie, and then abruptly shrugged his shoulders. I saw Sebastian breathe out air in relief, before he scooped him in his arms to pick him up.
“Right….well I’m sorry for all this. I didn’t mean to intrude on your family time.” I said with a weak smile.
“No, I apologize for the third degree. Christian gets excited when he sees people he knows. He’s a social butterfly.” She calmly stated, “I’m Sebastian’s wife Julia, it’s nice to meet you.” She said extending out her hand to shake mine. I did, taking in her beauty. She was lovely, exactly what I would picture Sebastian to be with.
“Ysabelle.”
“Well Ysabelle, I apologize for my abruptness, it’s just you look like someone who was very dear to me.”
Staring right at Sebastian, “No worries, I actually get that a lot.” I reminded. To which Sebastian closed his eyes like I had hurt him.
“I
t was nice meeting you, I’m going to go find my dog. He seems to have wandered off.” I nervously laughed.
“Okay.” Sebastian finally spoke looking right at me.
I walked away from the man I loved that day. Now all that was left was to let him know.
I was in bed when I got his text later that day.
S – I’m so sorry Ysa.
Y – Mmm hmm.
S – I don’t even know what to say or do to make this better. I promise you that I will do anything in my power to make that happen.
You can’t.
Y – Yep.
S – Don’t shut me out, please talk to me. I don’t care what it is just talk to me.
Y – Ok, can I see you tomorrow?
S – Of course I will be there before work. I can’t wait to hold you. I miss you so much.
Y – :-)
S – Sweet dreams my girl.
I didn’t reply.
I got out of bed went and grabbed the boxes I had purchased that afternoon. It was time to clean house.
*S*
I laid awake for the longest time with my wife in my arms, staring at the blank ceiling and feeling like shit. I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to let Julia and Ysabelle run face to face into each other. I ran my finger up and down Julia's arm while she slept nestled to my chest. I'm pretty sure besides the night Christian was born, the night I sat with Ysa while she was sick was the longest night of my life.
I wanted to see her. I needed to see her, I needed to tell her that it was going to be okay, to reassure her that we were fine. I think I saw the sun coming up before I finally let the exhaustion take over. Julia was up and gone when my alarm sounded. I was glad that she'd taken the time to drop Christian off. I had an agenda, somewhere very important that I needed to be.
I felt a hint of guilt when I read Julia's note telling me that I was sleeping so sound that she wanted to let me sleep, she was taking Christian to school, and then I love you Sebby at the bottom.
I drove to Ysabelle’s condo with a pain in my heart, the way she looked when I saw her yesterday looked like she had been crying. And then her responses to my texts were short, not that I blamed her. I knew this was a cop out, I stopped and got her favorite breakfast and coffee from a diner she frequented.