But if God cared about him, if God had plans for him the way Katy always said, then why this? Why a baby with a woman he had never really cared for as more than a friend? Was it a lesson of some kind, so he’d have to spend the rest of his life learning to love, loving out of obligation, for the sake of a child?
Dayne looked out over the water. The sky had been brilliant blue all day, and the sunset was already casting a pink glow over the ocean. Whatever God was trying to teach him, Dayne had a pretty strong sense that he and Kelly wouldn’t last. He would try, of course. And he would be the best father ever, active in his child’s life from the beginning.
One of the two seagulls hopped toward him, stopped, and turned its head one way and then the other.
“No food over here, buddy.”
The seagull pecked at something, then took off over the water.
If Kelly wanted to marry him, he’d do that too. It would be better for all of them, really. He and Kelly understood each other, the strange lives they lived. That way the baby would have both parents under one roof. If she’d agree to stay together, he would do it. Kelly was his friend, and he could learn to love her.
If only he could let go of Katy Hart.
That’s why he needed to talk to her tonight. So he could close the book on this wonderful, mysterious chapter in his life. So he could say good-bye to the girl who had captured his attention in a handful of minutes on a community theater stage in Bloomington, Indiana.
Movement caught his attention, and he looked to the right. At first he wasn’t sure if it was her, but then he knew. Her long blonde hair was tucked into a baseball cap, but nothing could hide the way she walked, the sway of her lithe body as she headed down the sand. Even though she was a hundred yards away, he could feel her eyes on him.
He glanced around, in case a lone photographer was lurking somewhere he’d overlooked. He knew their places—near a cropping of bushes, along one of three staircases, on the hillside beneath one of the closer houses. Every spot was clear.
Dayne leaned back on his hands and stared at the setting sun. He would’ve wanted this conversation on the beach—because maybe somehow the wind and waves would smooth out the rough edges of the moment. But he couldn’t take a chance. Especially in the fading daylight. There might not be a photog hanging around this minute, but they’d be back. And if they caught the two of them together, there was no telling what damage they could do to Katy.
Dayne stood and stretched. She could see him; she’d know where to go. His gaze cast downward, he jogged lightly up the sandy hill to the gate that led to his private stairway. Once he was inside the gate, he took the first six stairs, turned, and sat down, waiting for her.
After fifteen minutes, he heard quick footsteps and the sound of her breathing. She opened the gate and stepped inside without knocking—just the way he’d asked her to do.
She shut the gate behind her and leaned against the fence. Her sides were heaving, her eyes wide. “I . . . I saw you come inside.” She bent over and put her hands on her knees. “I ran . . . the rest of the way. Just in case.”
He wanted to go to her, wanted to sweep her into his arms and kiss her before either of them had a chance to talk about why she was here. But he forced himself to stay controlled. Katy deserved better. He stood and held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go to the deck.”
She looked hesitant, but she took his hand.
The feel of her skin against his almost changed his mind—about the conversation, about the kiss. Even about his allegiance to Kelly. Find control, Matthews, he told himself. You have no choice here. The temptation passed. He squeezed her fingers and started up the stairs.
He led her through the back door into the house, and around a half wall to the deck slider. The deck had a tinted privacy wall and rail system that allowed a view of the beach but made it harder for passersby or paparazzi to get a clear photo opportunity.
He released her hand. “Want something to drink?”
Katy had her breath back, but she looked nervous. She removed the baseball cap, and her blonde hair tumbled around her shoulders. “Water, thanks.”
“Okay.” With everything in him he wanted to pretend he was fine, that her being here was simply the fulfillment of how he’d hoped things would go during this stage of the court proceedings. That they were about to share an evening catching up and dreaming about what ifs and maybes. But that wasn’t the case. His grin died before it touched his lips. He went inside, found a couple cold bottles of Dasani, and brought them back onto the deck.
Dayne had two lounge chairs and a small wicker sofa on the deck. Katy was already sitting on one end of the sofa, her cap on the adjacent glass-top table. He put the bottled water down next to Katy’s hat and took the seat beside her.
The sun had dropped halfway behind the sea. Pinks and oranges streaked across the deep blue sky.
Katy gave him a soft smile. “Gorgeous view.”
Dayne studied her, the way the fading sun reflected in her eyes. “Yes.” He blinked and turned toward the beach. “I . . . I never get tired of it.”
The wind had died down, but still there was the occasional sound of a seagull. Dayne leaned back into the sofa cushion and stretched out his legs. Katy smelled wonderful, something subtle and innocent, like her. He wasn’t in a hurry. If the scene they were playing out was on a television screen, he’d hit the Pause button and never touch it again.
She pulled up her legs and turned her body toward him. “Well, I’m here.”
“Yeah.” He shifted so he could see her better. “Thanks.” He nodded toward the beach. “The press hounds aren’t around yet. No one saw you come up.”
“Then why . . . ?”
“I couldn’t take a chance.” He sat a little straighter. “It’s private here.”
“Oh.” She nodded, nervous. “Okay.” Her expression told him she wanted to say more, wanted to know why he’d asked to meet with her. But she stopped short of saying anything more.
Dayne leaned across her and took his bottle of water. As he did, his arm brushed hers, and the touch made him crazy for wanting her. How could he ask Kelly to move in with him when his feelings for Katy were all-consuming? when he had known from the first day that no one could make him feel the way this woman beside him made him feel?
He opened the water bottle, dropped the plastic cap on the table, and took a sip. He was careful to keep his distance. The ocean air smelled damp and salty, tinged with the faintest hint of seaweed. “You know what I love about the ocean?”
Katy looked out at the water. “What?”
“The sameness of it.” He laid his head back against the cushion. This was good, delaying the real conversation. It gave him somewhere to look other than at her. He focused on a wave a few dozen yards out and watched the peaking water make its way steadily to the shore, rising and building, cresting and collapsing in a mound of white foam. “No matter what else happens in a given day, the ocean comes at you the same way. Every hour. Every minute.”
“Mmm.” She kept her gaze on the ocean for a moment. Then she turned back to him. “That’s not why you asked me here.” Her voice was soft, and it mixed with the gentle breeze.
“No.” He turned toward her and searched for a way out. There was none. “No, it’s not.”
She waited, her face filled with questions.
How could he tell her? How could he tell her the truth when doing so would change everything not just now but forever? He ached to be closer to her, to take her in his arms and hug her the way he’d done earlier. But he couldn’t even do that. Not with what lay ahead.
Even so, nothing could stop him from reaching out, spanning the distance between them, and taking her hand.
“Dayne . . .” She worked her fingers between his, but the anxiety around the corners of her eyes grew stronger. “Don’t do this to me.” She began to shiver. “Whatever it is, just tell me.”
He drew a long breath. “Kelly Parker called me today when we we
re leaving the courthouse.”
“When we were in the room?”
“Yes.” He soothed his thumb along the side of her finger.
Katy seemed to process that for a moment. “You acted different all through lunch.”
“Right.” He felt sick to his stomach. “Because of what she told me.”
He felt her tense up, but she didn’t pull away.
Darkness was settling in around them, and Dayne didn’t wait another moment. The truth needed to be said, regardless of the outcome. “Katy . . . she’s pregnant. Four months.” He slid a little closer, holding his breath, waiting for her reaction. “She says . . . the baby’s mine.”
It took three heartbeats before Katy seemed to understand what he was saying. Then all at once she eased her hand from his and stood. She stared at him, her mouth open, then walked to the edge of the deck and gripped the railing. Gripped it as if she were trying to keep from falling.
He wanted to warn her that whatever photographers had moved in could easily see her there. But he couldn’t. He needed her reaction first, needed to know the thoughts that must have been tearing into her heart, her mind.
After a handful of seconds, she turned and faced him. “You didn’t know?”
Her words were like daggers, and the pain in his heart doubled. Katy deserved the truth, deserved to be set free from the mess his life had become. The mess it had always been. “I had no idea.”
“That explains it.” Her tone was resigned, as if whatever emotions were playing out in her heart she was determined to let him see just this one. “The way you were at lunch.”
“I couldn’t tell you there.” He wanted to go to her, but he couldn’t. Not until she had time to process the news. “I’m sorry.”
She sniffed and gave a slight rise of her chin. “What happens now? For you and Kelly, I mean?”
Still seated, he anchored his forearms on his knees and stared at the deck. He wanted to scream or hit something. How could he have been so stupid, so careless? “She and I’ll talk tomorrow.” He lifted his eyes to hers, but her expression was guarded. Painfully so. “I’ll be there for her. I won’t be a father like . . .” He almost said it, almost compared himself to John Baxter, the man who had given him up. But the comparison wasn’t fair, even in a moment like this. John hadn’t had a choice. He wrung his hands. “My child will know me.”
Katy crossed her arms. Even in the shadows her face was pale. “So . . . you’ll marry her?”
Hollywood wasn’t that easy, decisions never that simple. But he understood what she was asking. Now that there was a baby involved, was he going to do the right thing? He laced his fingers together and looked at her, past the block wall and razor wire she’d put up between them. “Yes.” This was maybe even harder than the first part. “If that’s what Kelly wants.”
Katy sighed, but it sounded almost like a cry. She turned around again and faced the surf, her body frozen, thoughts silent. After a minute, he saw her shoulders tremble. The reality hit then. Here was Katy Hart, standing on his deck crying. Because the questions they’d had about each other, about a future together, had all just been answered.
Dayne closed his eyes. A week earlier he’d been flipping channels on TV when he came across a strongman contest. A man with more muscles than limbs was harnessed to a city bus, straining with every step as he pulled it along behind him. Now, as Dayne blinked and stood and closed the distance between them, he felt the same way. The weight of his past was almost more than he could bear.
He came up beside her and pressed his hip into the railing. She wasn’t sobbing, wasn’t hysterical. Rather a trail of quiet tears fell from her eyes, and her expression made her look a million miles away. He touched her shoulder. “Katy . . .”
She turned to him, and something in her face changed. For the first time since he’d told her about the baby, her heart lay bare for him to see. And in that instant, Dayne knew. He knew that every time he’d ever doubted Katy’s feelings for him he’d been wrong. She was in love with him, same as he was in love with her. When it had been only their different worlds keeping them apart, she had held out hope the way he had.
But now . . .
She was shivering harder. “I . . . I should go.”
“This isn’t what I wanted . . . I never planned for . . .”
“I know.” She took a step back. Her eyes were dryer now, and she brushed her thumbs over the tears still on her cheeks. “Don’t say anything, Dayne.”
There was a rustling on the hillside below and the distinct sound of rapid camera clicks.
Dayne didn’t hesitate. He took hold of her arm and pulled her away from the railing.
“What are you—?”
“Paparazzi.” Dayne grabbed her baseball cap, handed it to her, and led her into the house. When he’d shut the sliding door behind them, he fell against the wall and groaned. “Why tonight?”
“It’s too dark to see anything.”
“I hope so.” He didn’t want to talk about photographers or being found out. Katy was about to run out of his life. He glanced over his shoulder at the deck. “You can’t go out that way.”
His house was warmer than outside, but still she was shaking. “I need to leave.”
He hated that she was so cold. His sweatshirt would be big on her, but it was better than watching her shiver. He pulled it off, turned the sleeves right side out, and handed it to her. “Wear this.”
She started to shake her head, but she changed her mind. She slipped it over her head and hugged herself. “Thanks.”
They needed a plan if she was going to get out without the tabs capturing every detail. “Come on.” He grabbed his keys from the counter and headed for his garage. “I’ll drive you to your car. If we get a jump on them, you can be gone before they figure out what happened.”
She looked afraid again, but she followed him to his SUV.
Dayne watched in his rearview mirror, and as soon as he pulled onto Pacific Coast Highway, he relaxed. “Must’ve been just one guy. No one’s following us.”
Katy was silent, her eyes straight ahead. They reached the parking lot in half a minute, and she pointed to her rental car. “There.”
Dayne pulled up on the far side of it and killed the engine. Suddenly the paparazzi were forgotten. Because this was good-bye. Given the circumstances, they might not be alone like this ever again. Not even at the upcoming trial.
“Keep looking for Jesus, Dayne.” She crossed her arms tight against her middle. She looked like a child, his sweatshirt bulky on her. “Especially now.”
The air inside his Escalade felt as if it were being sucked out. She couldn’t do this, couldn’t just walk out of his life. “We can still talk . . . it’s not like we can’t be—”
She held up her hand. “Please. It’s too late.” She smiled, but her eyes glistened. “Wherever you are, know this.” She massaged her throat for a moment. “I’ll be praying for you.” With that she climbed out and shut the door behind her.
“No.” The word was for his benefit alone. She was already hurrying to her car. Dayne grabbed his door handle. He couldn’t let Katy leave until he told her how he felt. Sure, they’d see each other at the trial in May, but by then he’d be weeks away from being a father. He might even be married to Kelly. He bounded out of his SUV and caught up with her just as she reached the driver’s side of her car.
Katy stopped when she saw him, her expression willing him to keep his distance, to not make this any harder than it already was. “I need to go, Dayne.”
He slowed his steps. She looked breathtaking in the moonlight, even in his baggy sweatshirt. He came closer so they were only inches apart. “I have to tell you something.”
She pressed her back against her car and searched his face.
“It was a mistake, Katy.” He reached for her hands. When she didn’t pull away, he silently rejoiced. They couldn’t go their separate ways without this moment. “I never should’ve been with Kelly.”
/> “Why?” Katy angled her head. The shine in her eyes became tears, and her chin quivered. “She’s part of your world. She was always better for you than I was.”
“No.” He tightened his grip on her fingers and did the thing he’d been dying to do since she walked through his gate. He pulled her into his arms and held her. It wasn’t the embrace of two lovers, but it was a hug that he hoped told her how much he cared, how much he would always care.
When he spoke, he breathed the words into her hair. “There’s something you have to know . . . before you leave.”
She pulled back just enough to see his face. Her cheeks were wet, and the hurt on her face was once again transparent. “Tell me.”
He brushed his cheek against hers, drying her tears. He allowed himself to get lost in her eyes. Even if this were the last time. “Katy Hart, I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you.” The tears were there for him too. He breathed in hard through his nose and stared up at the sky. When he had more control, he looked at her again. “If there was a way out, I would’ve left my world in a minute to be with you.” He wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t dare. “Don’t forget that, okay?”
His admission only made her look sadder. Her tears came faster. She crooked her finger and pressed it to her lips. “Good-bye, Dayne.”
He heard the sound just as she was leaning close to hug him once more. The pounding of feet against the pavement, the click of the camera. “Katy, quick . . . go.” He shielded her with his body, tried to block the photographer’s view, but it was too late. There were two of them now, and they were only twenty yards or so from Katy’s car. He could only hope they didn’t figure out who she was. He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I meant what I said.”
As fast as she could move, she opened her door and slid inside. It took her only seconds to start the car and back out of the spot. As she did, her eyes met his, and again he was absolutely sure about her feelings. Because the look she gave him said everything her words never had. Not that she had feelings for him or that she’d wondered about what they might’ve had. More than that.