Following him, Gabriel kept his distance, sitting a bit to the side, and watched his friend closely. "Who lied to you?" he asked.
A frown on his face, Eddie looked up. "How do you know?"
Gabriel shook his head. "Just a thought." He smiled at him encouragingly. "That's what you're really mad about, isn't it? Someone lied to you, and the lie, it changed things, didn’t it?"
Eyes focused on a blade of grass he held in his fingers, Eddie nodded. "One moment everything was fine, and then..." He shrugged. "It was over."
Gabriel took a deep breath, seeing the pain on his friend's face. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," Eddie mumbled.
"Listen," Gabriel started. "I really don't want to pry, making you talk about something that is none of my business, but would you rather lose one of your best friends over it?" Eddie looked up at him. "I know you care about Jack, and the reason you're mad at him is not what you're saying it is. Maybe the reason is no real reason at all. Maybe there is nothing between you but a big misunderstanding."
Eddie shrugged.
"I promise I won't say a word."
Leaning forward, Eddie rested his elbows on his knees. "It's my dad," he all but whispered.
Gabriel nodded. "Jack told me your parents got divorced. He said it was hard for you at first, but that you seemed fine lately." Eddie looked up at him. "Are you?"
Eddie shook his head. "I don't really know how to handle it. It's been two years, and I haven't seen my dad since."
"Really? That's a long time," Gabriel said. "Why?"
"I didn't want to see him," Eddie said. "My mom was so hurt, I didn't want to hurt her more."
Gabriel waited, but when Eddie remained quiet, he asked, "Was it just your mom? How did you feel when he left?"
"At first I didn't believe it was true," Eddie admitted. "I thought he was joking, and then when he told me why, I just stared at him." He shrugged. "And then I got so angry. I told him I never wanted to see him again."
Seeing his friend's sadness, Gabriel tried to help him along. "Was it because he realized he was gay?" he asked, and ever so slightly Eddie nodded, not looking at him.
"But it's not like he had only found out then," Eddie started, the words finally flowing from his tongue. "He had always known. Even when my parents got married, he knew. But he didn't say a word. He said he had been scared of what people would say. He just wanted to be normal, like everyone else." His eyes grew angry. "And so he pretended he was in love with my mother. He pretended he wanted a family. He pretended he was happy. He pretended he loved us." He grabbed a handful of grass and tore it out with the roots. "But it was all a lie! None of it was true! Nothing!"
"That's awful," Gabriel said, wondering what it would feel like to learn that the life you loved was a lie. "I'm really sorry."
Eddie shrugged, eyes focused on a pebble he kept turning in his hands. "Well, he didn't want us, now I don't want him."
"Did he tell you he didn't love you?" Gabriel couldn't help but ask.
Eddie shook his head. "He didn't have to."
"Maybe you should talk to him," Gabriel suggested, and Eddie's head snapped up, eyes angry again. "I just mean you should know exactly how he feels before you just assume things. Maybe he didn't love your mom the way he should have, but you're his son. I don't think he doesn't love you."
Eddie just shrugged.
"But that's not what's really bothering you, is it?" Gabriel asked. "It's one thing that he is gay, but what you're mad about is that he lied to you."
Again Eddie nodded. "He should have been honest." He snorted. "But if he had, I would never have been born." He shook his head. "How do you deal with that?"
"I don't know," Gabriel said. "That's a very difficult situation." For a moment he remained quiet, then he said, "What about Jack?"
"What about him?" Eddie asked, anger flaring up again. "He is just like my father. He will hurt the people around him." He jumped to his feet. "And that's all I'm gonna say." He picked up his bike and headed back the way he had come. "Don't talk to me about this again."
Watching Eddie leave, Gabriel sighed. He knew his friend needed time to come to grips with this new situation. Gabriel only hoped that it wouldn't cost him Jack's friendship.
***
Sitting cross-legged on his bed, Gabriel stared at the painting in his hands. In bright, life-like colors Hannah had preserved a moment they had shared last summer on a simple canvas. Usually it hung on the wall beside his desk, but Gabriel had taken it down, hoping that the memories it held would somehow chase away the troubling thoughts he was unable to get rid of.
Remembering the shiny surface of the Dive's water as it glistened in the sun, only to erupt in wet, loud splashes when someone dropped from the sky, or rather the trees overhead, put a smile on Gabriel's face. More than ever he was grateful that Hannah's grandfather had given it to him, to remember his beloved granddaughter. In her short life, Hannah had painted countless pictures, but none held the sheer joy of life as the ones she'd painted mere days before her death. A frown settled on Gabriel's features as the beautiful painting inevitably brought back the memory of the night under the stars. Hannah's last night.
One troubling thought turned into another and then another, and before he knew it, Gabriel felt himself being dragged back into a circle of pain and worries. "Crap!" he cursed.
What's wrong?
Gabriel flinched, almost dropping the painting. "Don't do that," he muttered. "Don't sneak up on–"
Sneak up on you? Like I could, Hannah laughed. I believe sneaking up on someone requires feet. And I sure got none of those. At least not anymore. Again she giggled.
"How come you're always so happy?" Gabriel wondered.
He could almost see her shrug her non-existent shoulders. Why wouldn't I be? Hannah replied. A better question is, why aren't you? What's going on?
Now it was Gabriel's turn to shrug. "Everything is so messed up. I don't know what to do about it."
Tell me.
Gabriel snorted. "I wouldn't know where to begin."
Just tell me what bugs you. That, you should know.
"Okay," Gabriel snapped, getting fed up with the joyous tone in her voice. Right now, it was most irritating. "It bugs me that...that I know all the secrets but can't tell anyone. It bugs me that no one wants to talk to anyone. It bugs me that everyone seems to be sad or mad or both these days. It bugs me that..." Again he shrugged his shoulders, feeling the steam leave his body, making him feel exhausted. "...I don't know what to do about it."
Good! Hannah said. Don't you feel better now?
"Maybe," Gabriel mumbled. "But it doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it better."
But it's a start, Hannah said. Look, I can see that this is tough on you, but you're doing exactly the right thing. You're trying to help them.
"And failing at it," Gabriel huffed, putting the painting back on the wall. "Miserably."
What makes you say that?
"I tried to talk to them, but what am I supposed to do? I don't have a solution." Sinking down on his bed again, he felt his shoulders slump. "They are still as sad or mad as they were before."
But they won't be forever. These things take time, Hannah counseled.
"How do you know?" Gabriel asked, unable to believe that things would eventually look up. "I don't see them ever getting along again. And with Jack and Eddie not being friends, the whole group falls apart." Sadness tinged his eyes. "We'll all be alone again."
Don't be such a downer, Hannah snapped. Don't worry! You'll get them there.
"What are you talking about? I can't even get my parents to talk to me."
Do you remember, you once told me about that computer game that you used to play? Gabriel nodded. What was your role there?
Conjuring up an image of the endless horizon beyond the grassy plains of Candor, Gabriel smiled a little wistfully. "Laran," he answered. "The guide. Why?"
Because that is who you a
re, Hannah explained. In the game you were a guide, and believe it or not, out here in the real world, you are one too. And a more important one at that. You don't just show people how to get from A to B. You help them see what their path is. Right now, Jack and Eddie are lost and they need you to find their way back. They might not know it, and not even you seem to be aware of the difference you're making, but without you looking after them, you'd all be alone...maybe even forever.
Not knowing what to say, Gabriel looked down at his hands. Was Hannah right?
Of course, I am.
Again Gabriel's head snapped up. "Do you read thoughts?" he asked, starting to feel uncomfortable.
Hannah giggled. Only yours. And only when they're written on your face.
Chapter 13 – Father & Son
After changing into their gym clothes, they all gathered in a circle around Mr. Davis, who held a dodge ball in one hand and a whistle in the other. One sharp blow and everyone fell silent. "Listen up," he boomed. "Dodge ball, two teams, Mike and Dennis are captains. Go!" A man of few words, Mr. Davis returned to the bleachers and watched from afar as the two captains stepped up and started choosing their teams.
As soon as he had spotted the ball in Mr. Davis's hand, Gabriel had groaned. When it came to sports that involved a round-shaped something, he was useless. More than that, he was dangerous. Most often to his own team. He could only hope that his friends would have his back in case the rest of the class spontaneously turned into a lynch mob.
Quickly two teams formed in the usual manner. The best were chosen first while those unable to function in a sport environment, like Gabriel, spent more time waiting to be picked. What was unusual, however, was that even after three rounds, Jack was still standing in the circle of the unchosen, until Dennis finally claimed him.
As Jack jogged over to his team, Mike shook his head. "Good, wouldn't want one like him on my team!"
Jack froze.
"What do you mean?" Dennis asked, looking from Mike to Jack. "He's awesome. Only because I promised Larry and Matt, I didn't pick him before."
Staring at Jack, Gabriel didn't know what to do. As he saw Mike's face split into an evil grin, he turned to look at his friends. Both Liam and Jordan were looking at Jack, and in that moment Gabriel knew that they could read the truth of Eddie's words on his face. All of a sudden they realized what Mike was probably implying and how Jack felt about that. Just like Gabriel, they could see the terror in his eyes.
The second Mike opened his mouth to say more, Jordan moved forward. Slowly at first, she stepped in-between her brother and Mike, eying her opponent through narrowed eyes. As he looked at her, he grinned. "He's not who we thought he was. He's a sissy!"
With a lot of chit-chat as well as practice throws here and there, Mike's words hadn't reached everyone's ear, and Gabriel felt relieved for the minimal attention span some of his class mates had. In the far corner of the gym, he spotted Eddie, trying to distance himself from his former friend.
Trying to keep her cool, Jordan moved forward until she was nose to nose with Mike. Gabriel could see the tension in her body as she fought down the urge to release her anger. He couldn't hear the words she all but snarled at him, but Mike nodded.
Walking over, Mr. Davis asked, "What's going on? Is there a problem here?"
Jordan took a step back and shook her head. "No problem."
As she turned away, Mike hissed, barely above a whisper, "I don't want a guy who likes guys on my team! Ugh! He–"
What happened next was a blur.
While stunned silence settled over the few people standing within earshot, Jordan lunged herself at Mike at high speed. The second her fist collided with his face, he bellowed in agony, toppling over and landing with a painful thud on his back, Jordan on top of him. Again she raised her hand for a second strike, when Mr. Davis's caught her hand in mid-air. "Everybody stop!" he shouted, accompanied by a sharp whistle blow.
Now everyone was staring, incomprehension on most of their faces. Gabriel heard more than one student mumble, "What's going on?"
Reluctantly Jordan rose to her feet, eyes fixed on Mike. "Get lost, before I break you into pieces!"
***
Approaching the Sharpes' house, Gabriel saw Jack run down the stairs from the back porch. Instantly, he turned his bike and went after him, but before he had any chance of catching up, Major Sharpe's booming voice echoed across the meadow. Jack had already reached the pile of firewood stacked up by the tree line to the west of their home, but hearing his father's voice he stopped. Not turning around, Jack sat down on a tree stump, head disappearing between his shoulders as he sunk into himself.
Not running but crossing the meadow in long strides, his father grabbed a bigger one of the logs and, setting it down, used it as a stool to sit by his son's side. For a second he just looked at him, confusion on his face, but as Jack rose to leave, he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back down, his hand resting on his son's shoulder. "Talk to me, Jack," he said, confusion replaced by concern.
"What do you want me to say?" Jack asked, slumping down, not looking at his father. "Mr. Davis told you what happened."
"But I want to hear your side of the story," his father said.
Gabriel wasn't sure what to do. Holding his bike by the handlebar, he stood, not ten feet away, listening. Although it felt wrong to eavesdrop, he couldn't bring himself to leave. Without making a sound, he walked his bike behind the left end of the long stack of firewood, carefully peeking around the edge.
"I don't have much of a side," Jack mumbled. "Mike made some comments, Jordan lost it and then all hell broke loose." He shrugged. "There is nothing else to say."
Seeing Jack's face, Gabriel knew how scared he was. Scared of what his father might think of him. Scared that he'd feel like Mike, that he'd reject him for who he was.
"Mmh," Major Sharpe said, scratching his chin. "What comments?"
Jack's eyes darted to his father, then returned to the muddy ground in front of him. "Didn't Mr. Davis tell you?"
His father nodded. "He mentioned something."
"Then why are you asking?"
"Because I want you to tell me," Major Sharpe simply said.
Jack frowned, looking up and holding his father's gaze. "Why?" he asked. "Are you hoping for a different story?" His head sank down again and, pulling up his knees, he wrapped his arms around his legs. "If you are, you'll be disappointed."
"Is that what you're afraid of?" his father asked after seeing his face. "That I'll be disappointed in you?"
Not lifting his head, Jack only shrugged, pretending not to care.
"Look at me," his father insisted. "Why would I be disappointed? You didn't start the fight. You didn't attack anyone for no good reason."
For a moment, Jack was quiet, then he said, "For having a son like me." His words were merely a whisper. "A son who is a freak."
"Is that what you think of yourself?" his father asked.
Again Jack shrugged. "Does it matter? It's what everybody else thinks. Even Mr. Davis."
"What?" An angry frown appeared on Major Sharpe's face. "What did he say?"
"Nothing." Jack shook his head. "He broke up the fight and told Mike to knock it off, but..." Again he shrugged. "I don't know. It's just the way he looked at me. It was different than before. Now he sees me differently." Even from afar, Gabriel could see him starting to tremble. "He doesn't like me anymore. How could he?"
Looking at his son, Major Sharpe shook his head. "You scare me, Jack."
At his father's words, Jack raised his head. Gabriel saw confusion playing on his features.
"Do you really see yourself that way?" his father asked. "As someone impossible to like?"
Shrugging, Jack turned his gaze back to the ground. He took a deep breath before asking, "Don't you?"
Major Sharpe nodded his head. "I thought that's what this was about." Grabbing his son by the shoulders, he pulled him around to look at him. "Now you listen to me," he said,
speaking with a tone that didn't leave room for doubt. "You are my son, I love you and I am proud to be your father. That'll never change. No matter what."
Gabriel saw tears welling up in Jack's eyes, before in the next instant his father pulled him into his arms, stroking his head and assuring him over and over that their bond could not be broken.
***
Gabriel felt uncomfortable intruding on such an intimate moment between father and son, but he didn't dare leave for fear of being discovered.
After a long time Jack finally lifted his head off his father's shoulder, drying his tears, while Major Sharpe still held him by the arms, looking into his face. "I know that this situation is scary," he told him. "But I am here for you." A faint smile crossed his face. "As, obviously, is your sister."
Jack broke into a smile. "Yes, she really lost it," he said nodding. "She jumped on Mike like a wild cat and punched him in the face."
Major Sharpe grinned. "That's my girl."
Again Jack's face darkened. "Should it have been me?" he asked. "Should I have punched Mike?"
"Are you afraid you're not man enough because you don't go around punching people?" his father asked. As Jack shrugged, he exhaled slowly, leaning forward and resting his arms on his legs. "This is a difficult topic," he started. "There are so many kinds of expectations, and most of them are based on things which say nothing about who you are."
Jack frowned. "What things?"
His father shrugged. "All kinds of things. Like," he thought for a moment, "being tall doesn't mean you're automatically good at basketball. Most tall people aren't." Again he scratched his chin, thinking. "Or being old doesn't necessarily make you wise." He grinned for a second then looked at his son with serious eyes. "Honestly, if you ask me, what makes a guy a guy? I don't know. There are all kinds of guys," again he grinned, "and girls. Jordan is not the typical girl, but that doesn't make her any less of a girl. I don't like her punching people, just like I wouldn't like you punching people. This is not about being a real man or a real woman. This is about being who you are and doing the right thing."