I’m completely at a loss,
   There is no hope
   Though I know the arbitrary conception
   of suffering is racking
   my metaphysical
   handicapped ribs,
   and I dont even exist less sing,
   and I been paid
   for work I done
   when I was young
   and work was fun
   and I dont know name from mercy,
   aint got no blues
   no shoes no eyes
   no shoetongues, lungs,
   no happiness, no art,
   nothing to do, nothin to part,
   no hairs to split
   sidewalks to spit,
   words to make flit
   in the fun-of make-it,
   horror & makeshift poetry
   covering the fact I’m afraid
   to work at a steady job
   jungles of hair on my wrists
   magnified 1000 times
   in Hells of Eternity
   228th Chorus
   Praised be man, he is existing in milk
   and living in lillies –
   And his violin music takes place in milk
   and creamy emptiness –
   Praised be the unfolded inside petal
   flesh of tend’rest thought –
   (petrels on the follying
   wave-valleys idly
   sing themselves asleep) –
   Praised be delusion, the ripple –
   Praised the Holy Ocean of Eternity –
   Praised be I, writing, dead already &
   dead again –
   Dipped in ancid inkl
   the flamd
   of T i m
   the Anglo Oglo Saxon Maneuvers
   Of Old Poet-o’s –
   Praised be wood, it is milk –
   Praised be Honey at the Source –
   Praised be the embrace of soft sleep
   – the valor of angels in valleys
   of hell on earth below –
   Praised be the Non ending –
   Praised be the lights of earth-man –
   Praised be the watchers –
   Praised be my fellow man
   For dwelling in milk
   229th Chorus
   In the ocean there’s a very sad turtle
   (Even tho the SS Mainline Fishin Ship
   is reeling in the merit like mad)
   Swims longmouthed & sad, looking
   for the Impossible Except Once
   afternoon when the Yoke, Oh,
   the old Buddha Yoke set a-floatin
   is in the water where the turtle raises
   his be-watery snop to the sea
   and the Yoke yokes the Turtle
   a Eternity –
   “Tell me O Bhikkus,
   what are the chances,
   of such a happening,
   for the turtle is old
   and the yoke free,
   and the 7 oceans bigger
   than any we see
   in this tiny party.”
   Chances are slender –
   In a million million billion kotis
   of Aeons and Incalculables, Yes,
   the Turtle will set that Yoke free,
   but till then, harder yet
   are the chances, for a man
   to be reborn a man
   in this Karma earth
   230th Chorus
   Love’s multitudinous boneyard
   of decay,
   The spilled milk of heroes,
   Destruction of silk kerchiefs
   by dust storm,
   Caress of heroes blindfolded to posts,
   Murder victims admitted to this life,
   Skeletons bartering fingers and joints,
   The quivering meat of the elephants of kindness
   being torn apart by vultures,
   Conceptions of delicate kneecaps,
   Fear of rats dripping with bacteria,
   Golgotha Cold Hope for Gold Hope,
   Damp leaves of Autumn against
   the wood of boats,
   Seahorse’s delicate imagery of glue,
   Sentimental “I Love You” no more,
   Death by long exposure to defilement,
   Frightening ravishing mysterious beings
   concealing their sex,
   Pieces of the Buddha-material frozen
   and sliced microscopically
   In Morgues of the North,
   Penis apples going to seed,
   The severed gullets more numerous than sands –
   Like kissing my kitten in the belly
   The softness of our reward
   231st Chorus
   Dead and dont know it,
   Living and do.
   The living have a dead idea.
   A person is a living idea;
   after death, a dead idea.
   The idea of living is the same
   as the idea of death.
   The dead have a living idea –
   Dead, it aint my fault
   I was only an idea –
   Respected penitence in a shack
   dedicated to the study of Origin –
   The good Buddha-material
   is not a sin-cloth –
   Cloth of Light –
   Beings alive indicate death
   by their jaunty work
   Just as the dead indicate the living
   by their silence
   When rock becomes air
   I will be there
   232nd Chorus
   Buddhists are the only people who dont lie,
   In the Sacred Diamond Sutra
   Mention is made that God will die –
   “There are no Buddhas
   and no Dharmas” – means –
   There is no Universal Salvation Self,
   The Tathagata of Thusness has understood
   His own Luvaic Emanations
   As being empty, himself and his womb
   Included – No Self God Heaven
   Where we all meet and make it,
   But the Meltingplace of the Bone Entire
   In One Light of Mahayana Gold,
   Asvhaghosha’s singing in your ear,
   And Jesus at your feet, washing them,
   And St. Francis whistling for the birds –
   All conjoined though and melted
   And all be-forgotten, pas’t on,
   Come into Change’s Lightless Domain
   And beyond all Conception,
   Waiting in anticipatory halls
   Of Bar-Light, ranging, searchlights
   Of the Eye, Maitreya and his love,
   The dazzling obscure parade
   of elemental diamond phantoms
   And dominos of chance,
   Skeletons painted on Negresses
   Standing by unimportant-to-you
   Doorways, into Sleep-With-Me
   The alley way behind.
   233rd Chorus
   There is no selfhood that can begin the practice
   Of seeking to attain Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi
   Highest Perfect Wisdom
   Yet
   “Faithfully and earnestly observe and study
   and explain this Scripture to others”
   is the gory reminder of bone.
   Others. “Listen, Subhuti! Wherever
   This Scripture shall be observed and studied
   and explained, that place
   will become sacred ground
   to which countless devas and angels
   will bring offerings. Such
   places, however humble they may be,
   will be reverenced as though
   they were famous temples & pagodas,
   to which countless pilgrims will come
   to offer worship and incense.
   And over them the devas & angels
   Will hover like a cloud & will sprinkle
   offerings of celestial flowers
   upon them.”
   The Pilgrims are happy.
   The Pilgrim of the  
					     					 			Holy Grail, the Snail,
   The Pilgrim of the Fine Pagoda,
   The Pilgrim of the Five Tendencies
   to Hear and Support Prayer –
   No selfhood that can begin the practice
   of seeking to attain
   234th Chorus
   Holy poetry.
   “All things are empty of self-marks.”
   “If it is space
   that is perception of sight
   You ought to know,
   and if we were to substitute
   One for the other, who’d win?”
   Santiveda, St. Francis, A Kempis,
   Hara
   A sinner may go to Heaven
   by serving God as a sinner
   235th Chorus
   Dont camp,
   You know very well
   What’ll happen to you
   When you die
   and claim
   you dont know you’re dead
   when you die and you know
   “I know dont know that I’m dead”
   Dont camp. Death, the no-buzz,
   no-voices, is, must be, the same,
   as life, the tzirripirrit of thupsounds
   in this crazy world that horrifies my mornings
   and makes me mad wildhaired in a room
   like old metaphysical ogrish poets
   in rooms of macabre mysteries.
   But it’s hard to pretend you dont know
   That when you die you wont know.
   I know that I’m dead.
   I wont camp. I’m dead now.
   What am I waiting for to vanish?
   The dead dont vanish?
   Go up in dirt?
   How do I know that I’m dead.
   Because I’m alive
   and I got work to do
   Oh me, Oh my,
   Hello – Come in –
   236th Chorus
   The Buddhist Saints are the incomparable saints
   Mooing continue of lovemilk, mewling
   And purling with lovely voices for love,
   For perfect compassionate pity
   Without making one false move
   of action,
   Perfectly accommodating commiserations
   For all sentient belaboring things.
   Passive Sweetsaints
   Waiting for yr Holyhood,
   Hoping your eventual join
   In their bright confraternity.
   Perfect Divines. I can name some.
   What’s in a name. They were saints
   Of the Religion of the Awakening
   From the Dream of Existence
   And non-existence.
   They know that life and death,
   The knowing of life, muteness of death,
   Are mutual dual twin opposites
   Conceptioning on each side of the Truth
   Which is the pivot in the Center
   And which says: “Neither life
   nor death – neither existence
   nor non-existence – but the central
   lapse and absence of them both
   (in Love’s Holy Void Abode)”
   237th Chorus
   “Ma mère, tu est la terre.”
   What does that mean?
   For one thing, Damema was the mother of Buddhas,
   in Ancient India and Modern Asia
   you put up a Virgin Mary very weird
   in your altars and ikons, Damema,
   with crowns of light coming out of her head
   and lotuses and incense sticks
   and big sad blue eyes inside Flowers.
   People light perpetual candles to her name,
   Wax in glass with wick, fire,
   For 30 days the pale Mystic Face
   Of Damema flickers in the ceiling corner
   And the dogs bark outside.
   They get water from the moon,
   Send boys out of sight in baskets,
   Sleep in the streets of night,
   Playing flutes & having curbstone nightclubs
   And the curbstone put there by the British –
   They honor and beseech and pray to
   Damema.
   To me Damema is like Virgin Mary,
   Mother Maya of Siddhartha Buddha
   Died at his childbirth,
   Like all mothers should be,
   Going to heaven on their impulse
   Pure and free and champion of birth.
   Damema the Milky Mother
   Damema the Secret Hero
   238th Chorus
   Who was it wrote “Money is the root of all evil?”
   Was it Oscar Wilde in one of his witties?
   Was it Celine – nah.
   Was it Alexander Pope, Benjamin Franklin
   or William Shakespeare –
   Was it Pope in one of his many
   clever lines?
   Benjamin in his Almanac of Peers
   has Richard the Chicken Liver
   Express a private pear.
   Or is Shakespeare blowing wild
   Confucius-Polonius witticismical
   Paternity-type advice –
   “Money is the root of all evil”
   For I will
   Write
   In my will
   “I regret that I was not able
   To love money more.”
   For which reason I go into retreat
   And monastery – all monastic in a cell
   With devotions and hellpellmell
   And Yumas Arctic Gizoto Almanac
   Priotho Consumas Konas
   In the Corner, & Mother Damema
   239th Chorus
   Charley Parker Looked like Buddha
   Charley Parker, who recently died
   Laughing at a juggler on the TV
   after weeks of strain and sickness,
   was called the Perfect Musician.
   And his expression on his face
   Was as calm, beautiful, and profound
   As the image of the Buddha
   Represented in the East, the lidded eyes,
   The expression that says “All is Well”
   – This was what Charley Parker
   Said when he played, All is Well.
   You had the feeling of early-in-the-morning
   Like a hermit’s joy, or like
   the perfect cry
   Of some wild gang at a jam session
   “Wail, Wop” – Charley burst
   His lungs to reach the speed
   Of what the speedsters wanted
   And what they wanted
   Was his Eternal Slowdown.
   A great musician and a great
   creator of forms
   That ultimately find expression
   In mores and what have you.
   240th Chorus
   Musically as important as Beethoven,
   Yet not regarded as such at all,
   A genteel conductor of string
   orchestras
   In front of which he stood,
   Proud and calm, like a leader
   of music
   In the Great Historic World Night,
   And wailed his little saxophone,
   The alto, with piercing clear
   lament
   In perfect tune & shining harmony,
   Toot – as listeners reacted
   Without showing it, and began talking
   And soon the whole joint is rocking
   And everybody talking and Charley
   Parker
   Whistling them on to the brink of eternity
   With his Irish St Patrick
   patootle stick,
   And like the holy piss we blop
   And we plop in the waters of
   slaughter
   And white meat, and die
   One after one, in time.
   241st Chorus
   And how sweet a story it is
   When you hear Charley Parker
   tell it,
   Either on records or at sessions,
   Or at official bits in clubs,
   S 
					     					 			hots in the arm for the wallet,
   Gleefully he Whistled the
   perfect
   horn
   Anyhow, made no difference.
   Charley Parker, forgive me –
   Forgive me for not answering your eyes –
   For not having made an indication
   Of that which you can devise –
   Charley Parker, pray for me –
   Pray for me and everybody
   In the Nirvanas of your brain
   Where you hide, indulgent and huge,
   No longer Charley Parker
   But the secret unsayable name
   That carries with it merit
   Not to be measured from here
   To up, down, east, or west –
   – Charley Parker, lay the bane,
   off me, and every body
   242nd Chorus
   The sound in your mind
   is the first sound
   that you could sing
   If you were singing
   at a cash register
   with nothing on yr mind –
   But when that grim reper
   comes to lay you
   look out my lady
   He will steal all you got
   while you dingle with the dangle
   and having robbed you
   Vanish.
   Which will be your best reward,
   T’were better to get rid o
   John O’ Twill, then sit a-mortying
   In this Half Eternity with nobody
   To save the old man being hanged
   In my closet for nothing
   And everybody watches
   When the act is done –
   Stop the murder and the suicide!
   All’s well!
   I am the Guard   
    
   Jack Kerouac, Mexico City Blues  
     (Series:  # ) 
    
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