Chapter 3
The Mountain Troll King
Along the cave through which Dronosh accompanied the three smaller beings, Robert and Ricky both tried to figure out a little more about these ugly creatures hidden in the mountain.
“Do all of you speak English?” Little Ricky asked.
Kile grinned aggressively at the question. “No, no. Kile only one. I find TV on road by the big smelly cans one time. It stayed there for many weeks, every time I go check on it. So…I take it. I watch it for many years now.”
“Sweet!” replied Ricky as he trudged along being steered by Kile’s touch on his shoulder.
After a few moments of thinking about it, Robert asked, “How do you turn it on?”
Kile was lost at first and his grin became only a thin-lipped smile. “Hmmm? What turn on?”
“Your TV? How do you turn it on? Do you have electricity in here?”
“Oh!” Kile said, somewhat surprised. He turned his head and rolled his eyes as if to check how close Dronosh was following behind. When he looked back to Rob his grin broadened but it wasn’t as pleasant has it had been earlier. “Uh…sometimes…”
“Sometimes?” Ricky repeated.
“Not supposed to bring human power into troll caves,” Kile grumbled under his breath, but his eyes clicked to a space several more steps ahead where the cave floor with its blue-glowing glyphs met the wall of the passage. Along most of the path there were small pebbles and palm-sized stones. Neither boy had thought anything of it before, but as they passed the spot where Kile’s eyes homed in, if only for a moment, there were a couple exposed sections where they noticed a grey electrical cable tucked along the side of the cave. It seemed to be a very thick version of the cabling Robert had seen strung through the exposed walls of a home still being built.
“Kile is only troll that knows about you very much. It is forbidden to talk to humans.”
“Why is that?” asked Robert.
Kile fussed a bit with his answer, all the while trying to maintain his grip on their shoulders, thinking it was a sign of friendship. But it made the boys a little uncomfortable as he responded.
“Um…humans used to hunt trolls.”
“Oh yeah? How long ago are we talking about?” Rob said.
“Is it ‘cuz you’re so ugly?” Ricky added.
Either Kile didn’t understand the little boy had made an unintentional insult or he was too busy trying to figure out how to answer without alerting Dronosh to the contents of their conversation. He did not reply to Ricky’s inquiry.
“Well…trolls used to eat humans too. But that all long time back.” Kile’s grimace and eyes flicked between a bogus attempt at warmth and nervousness. “Mmmm…bridge trolls still eat humans, though, but…not too many bridge trolls left. They not smart enough to hide. Stupid bridge trolls.”
After many minutes of walking with Kile’s clammy hands occasionally resting on their shoulders the boys found themselves entering a much more grand cavern. There was activity about them, and even though there seemed to be some actual lighting hanging above their heads a good seventy-five or one-hundred feet up they still had difficulty making it all out. It was still quite dark compared to outside. Shadows stomped about around them making terrible noises, and then…the heavy breathing and snorting made Robert nervous. What kind of trouble are we in? he wondered.
The corridor through which they had traveled, Kile leading them and Dronosh taking up the rear, had the softly glowing electric blue glyphs all over. But once the cave opened so broadly it was more difficult to see them, and they were farther apart. In the middle of the massive, widening cave there seemed to be silhouettes of ram-shackle buildings. Soft firelight glowed from within some of the windows of the smashed-together construction. From a few a large-headed shadow would move about. While looking up at one window, higher up in the collection of rooms, Rob thought he saw a face staring out at them. But then it was gone, like Kile when he’d first realized the two boys were watching him at the cave entrance. It was as if these trolls could appear and disappear at will, and that too made Robert uneasy.
All four came to a stop several strides into the large cave at Kile’s direction and they waited. Ricky was muttering under his breath his amazement as he struggled to look all around and take it all in. Robert just about raised his voice to ask what they were waiting for, but was halted by a huge troll waddling over towards them from one of the lower rooms in the pile of dwellings in the center of the cave. He carried a club and his attire was a mere pair of brown pants, either from dirt or by design, Robert couldn’t tell, and held up by one leather strap over his right shoulder. The creature’s club itself could have been as large as little Ricky. Even though mountain trolls apparently didn’t not stand very tall, even when fully erect, their broad shoulders, large football head and oversized hands gave this rambling troll a sense of massive weight. The sensation was confirmed in the last few steps it took towards the small group because the floor of the cave seemed to tremble with each step.
The large troll opened its mouth. Sound came out, that sounded roughly like it could be speech. Except that to Robert and Ricky’s ears it was only a prolonged grumble.
Kile replied while nodding his head but his speech was much more discernible. The words seemed to be, “K’han ne’er tray thah. Koniger tray’um de snort.”
Little Ricky laughed aloud.
“What is it, you goober?” asked Robert.
“He said, ‘snort’, didn’t he?”
“Sheesh! Ricky, just learn to keep your mouth shut, will you?”
Kile turned to the boys with a grin himself. “No, no. I do say ‘snort’! It mean ‘decide’! I tell Scrimp we need King to decide what to do since we can’t eat you.”
“Great,” mumbled Robert.
Scrimp, as the large troll must be named, nodded and turned about slowly to head off towards an opening somewhere else along the wall of the large cavern from where the small party had entered. Ricky was still trying not to giggle, which Kile in turn found amusing too.
“What’s wrong, Robbie?”
“It’s just…there’s a lot of other bad things they could decide to do to us beside just eat us.”
“You mean there’s a lot of things they could snort on us?” and with that Ricky started chuckling again. Kile joined in; he seemed to understand what the boys were saying, even the more subtle intonations.
“Whatever, doofus,” Rob replied.
And then they waited. It wasn’t more than about ten minutes, but to Robert if felt like hours before Scrimp returned with a gathering of other trolls. Ricky had spent the whole time trying to look around the huge cavern, from the weird non-direct lighting up at the top to the passing of other trolls around them entering the large cavern from side tunnels spread about its outside edge. Most trolls huffed at them and skirted around where they stood with Kile in a large circle. It certainly didn’t seem to Robert that any of them were very interested in eating them. But none were very friendly either. All were quite ugly.
Finally, Scrimp waddled up with a fair collection of four other trolls in various sizes, and even to some extent, various shapes. Three of them held spears with various rough points on the end. It would seem these three were the king’s guards. The fourth had long enough scraggly hair and a resemblance of cloths that could have been a dress, such that Robert guessed rightly this was the king’s wife, the queen. She was smaller than the others but at least as wide.
A fifth troll huddled bent down shuffling in the middle of the others and was clearly the king of the mountain trolls. He wore no crown, although he had flowing purple robes draping off of his shoulders…and he was huge. He was as large as a small mountain himself. If Rob had tried to describe the beast to a friend he’d probably have claimed it was twelve feet high. He’d be wrong. At his full height, Karapace, the troll king under Loafer Mountain stood at least fourteen-and-a-h
alf feet tall. His shoulders seemed nearly as wide as he was tall and his belly certainly was. It rolled with him as he walked, and it very nearly covered all of his short legs but the bent and crooked feet beneath him. Had Karapace stood fully erect the sight would be even more impressive and perhaps he could move along at more than a shuffle, but it seemed to the two boys that Karapace, the troll king, was old. And it seemed he was not fairing very well in his old age either.
With a cough and some spittle, the king spoke, addressing Dronosh first. “K’mani era tu die humans?”
Dronosh moved closer to the king and rolled his eyes to the side to keep the two boys in view. His reply was mumbled, even without having hidden his mouth behind his giant troll hand in an effort to be secretive when answering the king. Whatever Dronosh said to him was not actually taken very well. The King shrugged and shook his head, sending more spittle out the sides of his flabbering jowls.
“Ney, Dronosh. Keine tah neekin derre humans. Keine neekin!”
With that the king gestured to Kile with his left hand. In it was a small but highly polished wooden staff. It was not noticeable before as it nearly disappeared in proximity to the huge troll king himself. But it was marked with a number of carvings, similar to the ones the boys had seen glowing blue along the cave they had followed and here and there in the great cavern. Some of the fear Robert had been harboring was creeping away and some interest in the weird society of these trolls began to tickle his brain. Ricky was merely standing in awe, intently trying to comprehend every word uttered, though it was impossible.
Shaking the staff, the king said, “Kile! Vas era tu die humans werein grow Machsa!”
Upon the word “Machsa” the king had raised both arms and gestured around the entire cavern, looking upward and then back to Kile. He seemed to be indicating the cavern itself.
“What’s he saying?” Rob tried to ask Kile as he leaned close to the smaller troll.
The question startled Kile a bit and he flapped his hands for a moment before replying in a raspy whisper, “Wait! Wait! I tell you.”
What happened next was a lengthy explanation from Kile. The king clearly was growing tired of the explanation as he started rubbing his chin with his free right hand and nodded at the little troll. Before Kile seemed to finish, he knocked the little one aside and stepped towards the two boys. Ricky stared up at him, but Rob took a step back, afraid he was about to be squashed by one giant hand. Instead the king swept his open palm in front of them and spoke.
“Niiiisse boysss!” he started with a deep baritone chuckle. “Karapace, unal konig um Trolllllsss.”
The king patted his chest when he said his own name, and then rolled his tongue to emphasize the last word. Then he stood, hand over his heart (if troll hearts were roughly in the same place as human hearts) awaiting the boys. When neither said anything in return, he pounded his chest repeating just his name and then extended his hand to the Robert again, nodded and then hummed a little, as if he were eliciting a response from the older boy.
“Rrr…” Rob hesitated. “Robert?”
“Hmmmm!” Karapace smiled and hummed at the same time. Then he swept his hands towards Ricky and hummed yet again. “Hummm?”
“Richard! …Uh…the third!” Little Ricky said with pride, thumping his own chest and then holding out his hand to the king.
Apparently the troll king was a little uneasy with human etiquette because while still extending his own hand he glanced over at Kile and raised an eyebrow. To the side of him Robert noticed Kile take his left hand in his right and pretend to shake it while grinning and nodding as if he were greeting himself a friendly “hello”. The king cooed a little and smiled again, turning back to the younger boy. He very gingerly took Ricky’s hand in his and shook it. It was not meant to be violent, but the sheer length and leverage of the king’s arm practically lifted Ricky off of the cavern floor and then back down again repeatedly.
Of course, Ricky thought the hand shake was fantastic and giggled while he was receiving it. Robert held very, very still, subconsciously supposing that if he did so he might not get the same welcome. It did not work. The king turned, hunched over to Robert again, extended his hand in the same gesture and hummed through his smile. Robert took it, and was also nearly lifted off the ground, saved only by his tippy-toes and a few more inches in height he held over Ricky.
“Niiiisssseee boysssss!” The king smiled, nodding and took in each of the other trolls’ responses. They all seemed eager to agree with him and smiled and nodded back. Except for Dronosh. Dronosh had folded his arms over his great barrel chest and jutted one nasty tooth from his bottom lip on the left side up over his upper lip. He glared at the group.
Kile made a gesture and asked a short question in Trollish and then was given leave by the king to speak to the boys.
“King Karapace say welcome to humans. He like you. But he concerned that you see our home. Not sure what to do with you.”
It was apparently a question. Kile stood awaiting their response. Robert stumbled before trying to respond.
“Uh…Well…We really weren’t looking for trouble. I promise we won’t say anything to anyone…uh…ever!”
Kile smiled and nodded his head. Until Ricky spoke up.
“Are you kidding!” Ricky blurted. “We have got to tell my teacher about this! Can you just imagine? We’re going to be rich! There’s trolls! REAL trolls that live under Loafer Mountain!”
Karapace’s eyes squinted at the smaller boy, one eyebrow raised. Then he looked to Kile, who by that point was flashing his hands back and forth and making a sort of tutting noise. It was apparent to everyone but Ricky that he’d said the wrong thing.
“No! No, no!” Kile spurted as quietly as he could. “You must not speak of trolls. Humans will harm trolls. King will fight if you tell others. King will eat you if you tell others.”
“Gr’omash, Kile? Dey anu? Dronosh tah neekin derre humans, oren keine?” the great King grumbled.
“Keine! Oren keine!” Kile pleaded with the King. His hands were cusped together before him.
For the next several minutes the king and Kile, with an occasional input from Dronosh discussed what to do with the boys. Where he could sneak it in, and sometimes when it was just plain interrupting Ricky would interject a “What? What does he say?” Finally, during one such interruption while the king was instructing Kile with very animated hand gestures he stopped, turned to Ricky and placed his index finger upon Ricky’s head. The tip of Karapace’s finger must have been at least half the size of Little Ricky’s head itself and he pressed down just enough that Ricky was forced to lower his chin and his knees bent ever so slightly. The king huffed at the little boy to make a final clear statement about the interruptions.
Robert was very nervous. He stood as still as he could with hands at his sides but quietly said to Ricky through the side of his mouth, “For Pete’s sake, Ricky! Keep your mouth shut for a moment unless you want to get eaten!”
As Rob completed his instruction to his little brother Karapace turned to him and listened. When finished, he looked back at Ricky and huffed again, a little spittle or perhaps boogers landing on the boys’ face and shoulders. Then he returned to the discussion with Kile. It continued for several more minutes. Dronosh continued to mumble some input here and there and even one or two of the guards with the King would interject an agreement-sounding grunt here and there.
Then something peculiar happened. The troll queen, who had merely been observing the whole meeting with narrowed and lowered eyes cleared her throat and stepped forward. All trolls suddenly stopped speaking and turned to her. Kile’s jaw seemed to unhinge mid-sentence as he waited for her response.
“Nashtu keine tah neekin derre humans. Ob giano de santey, Dronosh,” she said flipping her hand towards Dronosh. Dronosh bowed, turned and ambled off towards the cave behind them through which they’d traveled to the great cave
rn. Her speech seemed to roll off her tongue and lips more eloquently than the rest of the trolls. It was difficult for the boys to know whether that was typical of all female trolls or if the queen just happened to be more formal than anyone else in the troll village they had stumbled into unwillingly.
Taking another couple steps towards Robert she eyed him directly and asked in a steadied, staccato pronunciation, “You eat meat?”
Robert’s response was a violent nodding of his head after he realized what he’d just been asked, and then confirmed with, “Uh-huh…um, yes. We do.”
Turning to Kile, Rob’s face shown of surprise. Kile was equally perplexed and he simply turned his palms up and shrugged, mouth agape.
“You drink berrywine?” the queen asked in that same, very purposeful pronunciation.
“Uh…no. No, we’re not allowed to drink wine,” replied Robert nervously again. He shook his head just as vehemently as he’d nodded it a moment ago in answer to the first question.
“Wa-ter?” she asked, folding her hands before her.
“Yes. Water is good.”
“You eat with us,” the queen said in a tone of finality. She turned and began leading the band of trolls and humans, large and small, from the cavern towards the left-hand side of the large complex of troll homes in the center of the cavern. “We talk.”