Charlotte nodded, hearing the sincerity of her mother-in-law’s words. Herself trapped in a marriage to a man she never wanted, the countess probably had been a kind and loving woman … once. “I cannot fault your husband for thinking as he does,” Charlotte said, remembering that she was no longer an earl’s daughter.
The countess’ features darkened. “But I can,” she said, shaking her head. “Although he is my husband, I have long since moved past the notion that I see it as my duty to support his every whim and excuse his heartlessness even toward his own children.” She sighed, openly meeting Charlotte’s gaze. “I myself have made mistakes. In the early years of my marriage, I felt too … miserable about my own fate for me to see how much my son and daughter suffered. Thank God, they had each other.” A hint of pain came to her eyes before she reluctantly went on. “Only when my husband … lost interest in me did I find a way to be the mother I wanted to be. Unfortunately, by then, it was too late for my son. He had grown into a man all on his own without his mother’s help and despite his father’s influence. But my daughter,” a sad smile curled up her lips as tears welled up in her eyes, “she was still young, so young, and I cherished the few years we had together. It broke my heart when my husband married her to that man.”
Initially surprised that the countess would share such intimate details of her life, Charlotte soon came to understand what compelled her mother-in-law to speak as the same desire echoed within Charlotte’s own heart. More than anything, she wished she could speak honestly to someone, anyone, to share her thoughts and feelings, confess her wrongdoings and reveal her hopes and fears … and have someone listen and maybe, just maybe, understand.
“Your son is tortured by that as well,” Charlotte said. “He believes it to be his fault for he promised to protect her, and then when she needed him, he couldn’t.” Although her husband was a grown man, maybe the relationship to his mother could still be mended. Maybe it was not too late for them.
“I know,” the countess said, shoulders slumped as though unable to bear the weight resting on them any longer. “When I found out about my husband’s intentions, I wrote a letter to Sebastian, hoping that he would be able to help.” She sighed. “However, my husband discovered what I intended to do and prevented me from ever mailing the letter.”
“Does your son know that?” Charlotte asked, wondering.
The countess shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. He has every right to be angry with me for I failed them both as a mother. I will never forgive myself for allowing my husband to turn me into such a cold and heartless ghost, oblivious to my children’s needs, for so many years.” Looking up, a soft smile came to her lips. “I’m so glad that he found you.” Swallowing, Charlotte froze. “I can see how much he cares about you. At first, I feared he had only married you to punish his father. I mean no offence, but my son often seems willing to do his utmost to spite his father … even before Victoria was married.”
Charlotte didn’t know what to say. Of course, she couldn’t openly contradict her mother-in-law and reveal her husband’s plan.
“Although not unburdened,” the countess continued, unaware of Charlotte’s turmoil, “he seems … cheerful at times. I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. Pray tell, how did you meet?”
Charlotte swallowed as the thoughts buzzed in her head. Did he truly care for her? Of course, she had noticed his kindness toward her, but did it speak to more than just his amiable character?
“My dear?”
Charlotte’s head snapped up. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, remembering that her mother-in-law had just asked her a question. “I was the companion to Lord Ashwood’s sister at Farnworth Manor when your son came to visit his friend.”
The countess’ eyes began to glow. “When was that?”
Charlotte swallowed. “About a fortnight ago.”
Her mother-in-law’s eyes grew round, and the corners of her mouth strained upward into a beaming smile. “And then he whisked you away to Gretna Green? Oh, how romantic!” she exclaimed, and for a moment, Charlotte could barely remember the reserved woman she’d seen over breakfast. “I’ve never experienced anything like it, but always hoped that my children would. At least, my son was fortunate enough to marry for love.”
Marry for love? The words echoed in Charlotte’s head as she stared at her mother-in-law’s beaming face.
“I couldn’t be happier,” the countess exclaimed, sighing with relief. “Have you written to your own mother? I’m certain she will be equally delighted.”
Charlotte tensed. What was she to say? That her mother believed her dead? That even if she knew Charlotte was alive, she’d shy away from acknowledging any connection to her daughter for fear of a scandal? “I haven’t seen my family in years,” she heard herself saying, unable to lie when her mother-in-law had just confided in her so openly. “Something happened that sent us in opposite directions. I’m afraid she would not be pleased to hear from me.”
“I’m so sorry, my dear,” the countess said, honest regret in her blue eyes as she looked at Charlotte’s bent head. “I can see how much it pains you. Do you not think you should write to her nonetheless? Give her the chance to be happy for you? After all, a mother’s heart never forgets.”
Tears stood in Charlotte’s eyes as she looked at her mother-in-law, wishing with all her heart that what she said could be true. Oh, how she missed her own mother! All her life, she had been Charlotte’s confidante, a loving hand to guide her through life, and her heart ached for the unquestionable safety that only a mother could provide.
Only her mother hadn’t.
As the tears began to run down her face, Charlotte suddenly found herself pulled to her feet and propelled into her mother-in-law’s arms. Holding her tight, the countess mumbled soothing words of comfort in Charlotte’s ear while stroking her back the same way her own mother had a million times.
Unable to resist, Charlotte’s arms closed around her mother-in-law as she rested her head on the woman’s shoulder. And for a moment, just a moment, Charlotte allowed herself to pretend that her own mother was holding her.
Chapter Seventeen – Truly Happy
A frown on his face, Sebastian walked down the hallway toward his father’s study. If he didn’t know any better−and he did−he would have thought this a game!
After taking affront at being summoned to the drawing room by his son, his father had now summoned Sebastian to his study. At first, Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time his father had wanted to see him. Only to recall a second later, that it had been to encourage him to tour the continent.
Instantly, Sebastian’s mood darkened, and a scowl replaced the frown on his face.
Cursing himself, Sebastian shook his head. He should have known! After all, he could count on the fingers of one hand how many times his father had wanted to see him in the past three decades.
Of course, he’d had an agenda! And Sebastian had allowed himself to be tricked, to be manipulated.
Never again! He vowed, pushing open the door to his father’s study without bothering to knock.
Seated behind his large desk, his father ignored his son’s entrance, keeping his head bent over a stack of papers. However, Sebastian thought to have seen a slight flinch in the man’s shoulders, and it pleased him greatly.
“You asked for me?” he said, his tone full of sarcasm.
His father cleared his throat. “I see your manners are severely lacking these days.” Lifting his head, he met his son’s eyes, his own filled with disapproval. “I suppose a tour of the continent was a bad idea after all, considering the negative influence such an experience has had upon you. I raised a gentleman of the upper class; now, look at you,” he grumbled, his narrowed gaze sliding over Sebastian’s features. “If you cannot conduct yourself in an appropriate way, society will shun you before long. Is that truly what you want?”
Sinking into an armchair, Sebastian shook his head. “For one, allow me to clarify that it
was not my experiences on the continent which brought forth these severely lacking manners. On the contrary, I acquired them right here under your tutelage. And two, I’ve told you before−although I suppose I haven’t made myself clear−that I care very little for society’s opinion … and even less for yours.”
His father’s eyes narrowed. “Do you still insist that your marriage is … real?”
“Of course, I do,” Sebastian scoffed. “After all, it is the truth.”
Shaking his head, his father took a laboured breath. “I had hoped after presenting your chosen bride, you would have come to your senses. After all, it does not seem reasonable to ruin your life simply to annoy me, now does it? Was the expression on my face truly worth throwing your life away?”
Sebastian chuckled. “That and more,” he said, leaning forward and meeting his father’s eyes. “Allow me to be frank, Father. I despise not only what you do, but also who you are.” The muscles in his father’s jaw tensed. “Marrying Victoria to that man was the final straw. So, allow me to assure you that I do what I do merely to spite you, to cause you pain, in the hopes that this world will not have to suffer your harmful presence much longer.” Then he leaned back in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face as he watched his words turn his father’s face ash white.
Swallowing, his father cleared his throat, his hands wrapped tightly around one another. “Is this how a son speaks to his father? What−?”
“If the father is you,” Sebastian interrupted, “then, yes, it is.”
Mumbling something under his breath, his father shook his head. “What did I do to deserve such disloyalty? You’re my son, heir to my title. Have I not always done everything within my power to give you a good life? A privileged life?”
For a moment, Sebastian stared at his father, dumbfounded. Then he broke out laughing. “Are you serious, Father?” he asked, wiping a tear from his cheek. “Is this truly how you see yourself and all you have done?” He shook his head in disbelief. Did the man truly not see what was right in front of his eyes?
“Then allow me to instruct you, Father.” Sitting up, Sebastian cleared his throat the way his old tutor had always done when imparting a new lecture. “Loyalty, dear Father, is based on respect, on admiration and love. I have none of those for you. Everything you’ve ever done was to look out for your own good, for what you wanted, no matter who you ruined in the process.” Rising to his feet, Sebastian took a step toward his father’s desk, then leaned forward and rested his hands on the desktop, meeting his father’s eyes. “You’ve brought this on yourself. And now, even should you wish it−and I can see that you don’t−it is too late to make amends.” Straightening, Sebastian stepped back, shaking his head. “You’ve chosen your path, and I’ve chosen mine.” He stepped toward the door. “We’re done, Father.” Then he turned on his heel and walked out the door.
Walking down the corridor toward the front hall, a smile came to his face as he remembered his father’s shocked face. Good! He thought. It was about time the man experienced the meaning of pain, of loss, of regret! And maybe, just maybe, it would be enough … and soon he would be no more.
After all, his health was far from good. Even since Sebastian’s departure to Farnworth Manor not even three weeks ago, his father’s symptoms had increased. The coughing. The paleness. The shortness of breath.
His time was running out. Fast.
As Sebastian stepped into the hall, he saw the two footmen reach for the front doors. In the next instant, they swung open … and Victoria walked in.
His breath caught in Sebastian’s throat, and he stopped in his tracks, staring at her.
In that first moment, all he could see was the little auburn-haired girl, who had followed him like a shadow all his life. He remembered the trusting smile on her beautiful face, yet untouched by the world’s harsh truths. He remembered how her azure eyes had sparkled whenever he’d found her high in a tree or on a bucking horse. Always, she’d been certain that he would catch her should she fall.
And he always had.
Pulling off her gloves, Victoria turned her head, her gaze gliding over the familiar surroundings until they fell on Sebastian. Instantly, a deep smile came to her lips that lit up her whole face, making her glow like the sun she was to him.
In that moment, as they looked at each other the same way they had a million times before, everything was as it always had been.
As Sebastian hastened toward her though, he couldn’t stop himself from noticing the slight differences in her face. The deep blue of her eyes failed to sparkle the way he remembered. A strain rested on her lips as they curved upward. And small lines creased her face that spoke of pain and sadness.
Involuntarily, his steps slowed, and the coward inside wanted nothing more but to turn and run. For if he looked at her, he would see what he’d done to her by breaking his promise.
“Sebastian,” Victoria called, an emotional hitch in her voice as she threw herself in his arms. “Dear Brother, it is truly good to see you.”
Feeling as though in shock, Sebastian slowly closed his arms around his sister, feeling her small body rest against his. So fragile. So innocent. So in need of protection. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her scent and was once more transported back in time.
How was it that some things changed in such a way that they could unhinge the world while others stayed the way they were down to the most minuscule detail?
“I’ve missed you, big brother,” Victoria said, stepping back, her eyes gliding over his face. “You look good.” A soft laugh escaped her, and yet, to Sebastian’s ears it sounded strained. “But then again, you always have.” Handing her coat to one of the footmen, Victoria grasped his hands. “I feared you wouldn’t be here,” she whispered, her eyes full of concern. “After the way you left, I thought you’d break with Father for good and never set foot in his house again. I feared I’d never see you again.”
Sebastian swallowed. “I’m sorry, dear Sister. I should not have left the way I did. I was angry, furious, and I did not consider your feelings the way I should have. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Of course.” Holding his gaze, Victoria shook her head. “Please, do not for a second believe that I said what I did out of anger. I was just …” Her voice broke, and for a moment, she closed her eyes. “You’ve always been the one constant in my life, and …,” a soft smile came to her lips as she shrugged her slender shoulders, “I’m simply lost without you. Please promise me that you will never leave me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Sebastian said, his voice choked as he fought back tears, “for you’re like the sun to me, and I cannot live without you either.” A radiant smile came to his sister’s face, and impulsively, he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. “Nothing in the world could ever sway me from your side.”
“Good,” Victoria mumbled into his shoulder.
For a moment, they simply stood in the front hall, holding each other. Then Sebastian cleared his throat and stepped back, knowing that he couldn’t escape reality much longer. Looking deep in her eyes, he asked, “How are you, dear Sister?”
Instantly, her features darkened before she could force a smile back onto her face. “I’m fine, Sebastian. Truly. There’s no reason for you to worry.”
“Your husband?” Sebastian growled out.
Victoria took a deep breath. “I admit he’s not the husband I would have chosen, but…”
“But what?” Sebastian demanded as her voice trailed off and her gaze dropped from his.
Again, she swallowed, and although she forced her eyes back up, they wouldn’t quite meet his. “Please, Sebastian. You know as well as I do that a marriage of convenience is the normal way to go about conducting these affairs. This is nothing out of the ordinary. Please, do not act as though Father sold me off to a slave trader.”
Sebastian scoffed, knowing how true her off-hand remark was. “Let’s not debate the normalcy of an arranged match,” he said, still holding
her hands in his. “What I want from you is honesty.” A tremble went through his sister’s hands as she swallowed. “How are you?” he asked again. “And please, do not pretend that I cannot see the truth on your face.”
“All right,” she finally relented. “If you insist. No, I am not happy.” Sebastian tensed. “But neither am I miserable. Please, you must believe me, and do not blame yourself for neither do I.”
Gritting his teeth, Sebastian remained still for a moment, waiting for his hammering pulse to slow. “I know this to be a lie, dear Sister, for you’ve never been able to hide anything from me. Again, I ask you to be honest and not spare me the guilt that is rightfully mine.”
Pain shone through her eyes as she shook her head. “Please, listen, Sebastian, and know that I do not blame you. You could not have prevented what happened. It was not your place.” She took a deep breath and gently squeezed his hands. “I do not wish for you to mourn me as though I’ve died. I want you to be happy. Please, do not add to my misery by being miserable yourself for I know that I am the reason why.”
“But−"
“No,” Victoria interrupted. “I need you to be happy; do you hear me? I need you to smile and laugh and find love. I need you to find a woman who is your match. I need at least one of us to be truly happy.” She swallowed. “Can you do that for me, dear Brother?”
A soft curl came to Sebastian’s lips as Charlotte’s image unexpectedly appeared before his eyes.
“What is it?” Victoria asked, speculation lighting up her eyes. “What don’t I know?”
Holding her hands safely in his, Sebastian met her eyes and smiled. “I’m married, dear Sister.”
Eyes going wide, Victoria gawked at him.