And then something had gone horribly wrong.
For it hadn’t been Frederick who’d downed the glass with the poison, but his brother Leopold instead. A man who’d had a wife and a little daughter.
He had died that night in his wife’s arms.
And Charlotte had lost all hold on reality.
Driven by vengeance, she had gone after Frederick again and again, almost killing his new wife and unborn child in the process. Until he had stopped her and sent her to Winham Institute.
And now, he was here.
And so was his wife.
With her arm linked through his, the marchioness stood by her husband’s side, a gentle smile on her scarred face as she gazed up at him. In answer, his lips curled up as well, and he leaned over to whisper something in her ear.
Lost in each other, they didn’t notice her, didn’t see the enemy that had once sought to destroy them.
Frederick.
His name echoed in Charlotte’s mind, and her heart twisted and turned in agony as the memories of her atrocities returned.
He had committed her to Winham Institute−in agreement with her family−because he believed her to be a danger to him, to his family, to society in general.
He hadn’t been wrong.
And yet, Charlotte knew that she would have deserved far worse, and a part of her had hoped that she would be allowed to pay the ultimate price. For only then, could she ever have considered her debt repaid.
Instead, she was now married to a man whom her heart was starting to care for … deeply, welcomed into a new family and currently enjoying a night dancing with her husband.
None of this was right.
None of this was what she deserved.
“Are you all right?”
Startled, Charlotte blinked, and a single tear ran down her cheek.
Stepping back, her husband lowered his head, looking into her eyes, his own narrowed in concern. “Are you all right?” he repeated. “Who did you see? Was it−?”
“No one.” Shaking her head, Charlotte once more glanced over his shoulder at the happy couple whose life she’d almost destroyed. “No one.”
Her husband took a deep breath. “Please be honest with me. I promise there is nothing to fear. I will protect you.”
Slowly, her eyes shifted back to his, and she saw the sincerity of his words plainly visible on his face. He truly cared for her, did he not?
Yes. She was certain of it now. He would stand by her and see her safe, and all he asked for in return was honesty.
Honesty.
Charlotte’s head swam as the reality of her situation suddenly stood before her, plain and simple: he knew nothing about her, nothing of whom she truly was, and if he did, he would turn from her without a look back.
And she deserved nothing less.
“Would you mind if we returned home?” she asked, trying to find a way through the chaos in her head. “I’m not feeling too well.” Keeping her head down, she avoided his questioning eyes.
After a while, he nodded. “All right.” Then he escorted her out of the ballroom, down the steps and into their carriage.
The entire drive home, Charlotte sat in her seat, eyes fixed on something she couldn’t name while her mind replayed the moment she had caught sight of Frederick and his wife.
Frederick, her old friend. How had it come to this?
Back at their townhouse, Charlotte allowed her husband to guide her up the stairs as her mind was still elsewhere. She barely noticed the touch of his hand or the frown that drew down his brows as he watched her carefully, waiting for an explanation or possibly a breakdown. Who knew what he thought of her in that moment?
Outside the door to her bedchamber, Charlotte turned to him, forcing her attention to remain in the here and now…at least for a moment. “I’m sorry we had to leave early. I truly did enjoy myself. Thank you.” She smiled at him then, realising quite unexpectedly that for once she was not lying. “Good night.” Then she turned around and stepped over the threshold into her room, closing the door behind her.
Instantly, the here and now vanished, and her mind was once more drawn to a time and place that meant nothing but shame and regret, pain and torture. Yet, she couldn’t stay away because deep down she knew she deserved it. No one could escape her past, especially a past like hers. She understood that now, finally accepting that the life she had falsely acquired was nothing but a dream. After all, she had no right to be happy. She had lost that right a long time ago.
Her head began to pound. However, before she realised that it hadn’t been her head after all, but a rather insistent knock on the door, said door flew open and her husband strode in, his face tense and rather determined as he came toward her. “I apologise for invading your privacy;” he said, regret in his voice as well as an urgency that betrayed his unrest better than the slight tremble in his hands, “however, I insist that you tell me what happened tonight. Whom did you see?”
As her heart hammered in her chest for more than a single reason alone, Charlotte stared at him, understanding his desire to know the truth, and yet, knowing with absolute certainty that the truth he thought he wanted to know was not the one she could give. “I saw no one,” she replied, forcing herself to hold his gaze. “I was merely overwhelmed by such a large crowd. Never in my life have I−”
“Nonsense!” her husband snapped. “You were not overwhelmed. You were terrified. For a moment, I feared you would drop dead on me.” Gritting his teeth, he stepped toward her, the pulse in his neck beating at an erratic pace. “Tell me what happened. I think I deserve to know.”
Taking a deep breath, Charlotte nodded. “You’re right. You do deserve to know; yet, you do not deserve the burden of knowing. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to your life. I should never have agreed to marry you. I should have known better, and yet, a part of me truly wanted to.” A soft smile came to her lips as she looked at him, his face aghast with surprise. “I didn’t realise it then, but from the moment we met, I recognised you as a good man, a man I could trust, a man I could even come to …” Swallowing, she bit her lower lip, knowing that revealing how she felt would only make matters worse. “None of this matters right now. What I did was wrong, and I promise I shall do whatever I can to give you back your life without further harm coming to your family.”
His eyes narrowed as he studied her face, trying to understand. “What are you saying?”
“I am not who I claimed to be,” she said, feeling a heavy weight lifted off her shoulders for the small truth she allowed herself to reveal. “I think you already know that; do you not?”
Inhaling deeply, he nodded. “I suspected, yes. Then who are you?”
Charlotte shook her head. “That is for me alone to know.”
Again, his eyes narrowed and his jaw tensed. “I think I deserve to know who my wife is,” he growled out, his arms trembling with the effort it took him to remain calm.
“I am not your wife.”
“What?” His eyes widened as he stared at her.
“Since the name I gave you is not mine,” she began, her heart twisting in agony at the pain that slowly took over his face, “we are not truly married.” She took a deep breath. “When you first came to me with your proposal, I spent all night lying awake, thinking about what to do. I was torn for I knew I could never truly be your wife.”
“The condition?”
Charlotte nodded. “I wanted you to understand that we would never truly be husband and wife, that I would never give you a child, an heir. I needed you to understand.” For a moment, she held his gaze as the memory of their conversation returned to him. “You agreed, and so I didn’t think it important that we would not be truly married. If you knew who I was, you’d understand why I care very little for my reputation. And since there would be no children who might eventually be found out to be bastards, I didn’t care.”
His eyes returned from the past and focused on her. “Then tell me who you are.”
“I can’t.” Shaking her head, she took a step back. “What matters is that you’re free. If you want me to leave tonight, I will.”
“Leave?” His eyes widened.
“Otherwise, I’ll do my best to make arrangements quickly and leave within a week or two. Explain my disappearance any way you like. Have me declared dead,” an image of her parents flitted before her eyes, “or reveal me to be an impostor and our marriage void. Do as you wish. I would never hold it against you.” Turning to step around him, Charlotte suddenly found her way blocked as he came toward her, forcing her back until she stood pressed against the wall.
As her heart hammered in her chest, old fears returned. “What are you doing?” she gasped as he leaned forward trapping her between his body and the wall, his hands resting beside her head, keeping her from slipping away.
Although his eyes burned with anger, his voice was gentle as he spoke. “You have nothing to fear. I gave you my word, and I shall never break it.” He swallowed, his eyes holding hers, and she could see the deep emotions that rested within him. “But I won’t let you leave.”
“But−"
“Never!” His voice sounded like a growl. Then he leaned closer until his cheek was almost pressed to hers, but not quite, and whispered in her ear, “Tell me your name.”
“No.”
“Tell me!”
“Why?” Confused, Charlotte wished she could see his eyes. However, she didn’t dare move, afraid of what would happen should she touch him.
“So that I can marry you again,” he whispered, his breath tickling her ear. “For real this time and forever.”
Stunned, Charlotte lifted her hands and hesitantly placed them on his chest, pushing him back. She needed to see his eyes! “Why? This is madness! Even if, the condition I presented you with that day would always stand between us. You cannot want this!”
“I want you,” he whispered, his eyes travelling over her face, and a soft smile came to his lips. “I thought you knew.”
“But why?” Charlotte demanded, terrified as the words he whispered echoed within her own heart. “You know nothing about me.”
A slow smile curled up his mouth. “I may not know your true name, but I know more about you than you think.” He took a deep breath and met her eyes. “Despite all the secrets you keep−for whatever reason−you’re an honest person. You despise lying. Every time you open your mouth, knowing that you cannot speak the truth, you cringe. I’ve watched you. I know it to be true.”
Staring at him, Charlotte felt herself tremble as he dragged her actions before her eyes.
“You are gentle and caring, sweet and compassionate. Although she barely knows you, my sister confided in you, did she not?”
Swallowing, Charlotte nodded. “But that is of no importance. It is always easier to confide in someone whom you cannot hurt with the words you speak.”
“That may be true,” he agreed, “but it doesn’t change the fact that she chose you. Only you.” He inhaled deeply, and the expression in his eyes grew serious. “There is something in your past that brought you to your knees.”
At his words, Charlotte flinched, and she saw her own pain reflected in his eyes.
“Something that stole every bit of self-esteem that you had,” he continued, the pain he felt over her suffering clear in his voice. “Something that crippled you; yet, you found the strength to rise again.”
As tears streamed down her face, blurring her vision, Charlotte wanted nothing more but to lean against him and let go of all the pain and be free of it. But she knew it to be wrong for he thought her a victim.
She had been. Once.
But she wasn’t any longer.
Her hands balled into fists, and she raised her chin, willing her lips to stop quivering. “You know nothing of what you speak!” she cried. “You don’t know what I did!”
“Then tell me,” he urged. “Tell me and free yourself of this burden.”
Though tempted, Charlotte shook her head. “I crossed a line,” she whispered, understanding only too well the pain she’d caused others for it had been hers as well, “and there’s no going back.”
As he looked down at her, tears misted in his eyes and he swallowed. “So, you’ll simply walk away.”
“I have to.”
His lips pressed into a thin line. “I will not let you.”
“It’s not your choice.”
Swallowing, he nodded, then hung his head as though the burden had suddenly become too much to bear. “All right, I’ll make a deal with you.” Lifting his head, he met her eyes. “I will let you leave,” he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “if you tell me the truth. Everything.”
Charlotte’s eyes opened wide. “I can’t. I ...”
“This is it,” he pressed before she could say anything more. “My only offer. Think it through, but don’t for a second believe that I’ll let you slip away unnoticed.” Gritting his teeth, he stepped back. “I vowed to protect you, and whether it is legally binding is of no importance to me. I cannot simply let you walk out of my life.”
As he shook his head, determination shone in his eyes, and Charlotte knew that there was nothing she could do to dissuade him from the decision he’d made. In that moment, he reminded her of Kenneth. She would have to find another way.
For in her heart, she’d vowed to protect him as well.
And the only way to do so would be to leave.
Chapter Twenty-Seven – A New Secret
The next few days passed in awkward silence.
Although Charlotte could plainly see her husband’s desire to speak to her, he kept his distance, giving her time to think about his offer.
And yet, there was nothing to think about.
She couldn’t tell him.
And he couldn’t know.
There had to be another way.
After three days without a brilliant thought of how to solve her dilemma, Charlotte felt the almost desperate need to escape her husband’s watchful eyes for at least a few hours. Knowing that he would never allow her out of the house alone for fear she would not return, there was only one choice.
Dressed in a warm coat, Charlotte headed toward the front doors just as the carriage she had ordered arrived outside.
However, even before the footmen could allow her through, her husband appeared as though he had been hiding behind the large curtains. “Where are you going?” he demanded, his voice vibrating with fear and longing as his eyes studied her face almost lovingly.
“To see Victoria.” Meeting his gaze, Charlotte couldn’t help but cherish the moment he looked at her with such intensity that she would have preferred to stay with him instead of stepping out into the cold. “Am I permitted to go?” she asked, a touch of humour in her voice.
In answer, his lips curled up into a smile. “Of course.” As she stepped back and turned to the door, he added, “Hurry back.”
Ignoring the tantalising shiver that ran down her back, Charlotte fled the house … or rather her husband’s presence. Although she was not yet ready to admit to herself how much she longed to be near him, she could not hide from the fact that the mere sight of him warmed her body inside and out.
Something truly strange was happening to her.
Maybe she had caught the flu.
Arriving at Victoria’s townhouse, Charlotte was still deep in thought and barely heard the butler’s mumbled words as he led her into the front drawing room. As he stepped out to alert the lady of the house to her guest’s presence, Charlotte sat down on the settee …
… only to rise again a moment later.
Despite all the sleepless nights of the past few days, energy coursed through her body, making it almost impossible for her to sit still. Unable to direct her own fate, Charlotte sighed in frustration as all her thoughts continued to reveal that there was very little she could do.
The only option was for her to leave. Her husband, however, continued to interfere with her plans. His determ
ination to keep her by his side brought a smile to her face instead of a scowl.
“Oh, it is so wonderful to see you,” Victoria exclaimed as she strode into the room, her large steps carrying her across the Persian rug in no time before she threw her arms around her guest with a desperate fierceness that surprised Charlotte. “I know we haven’t known each other for long,” she mumbled, still holding on, “but I must admit I missed you terribly.”
Confused, Charlotte closed her arms around her sister-in-law, then gently stroked her back as Victoria continued to hug her with such desperate need as though she were drowning and Charlotte the only lifeline in sight. “Are you all right?” Charlotte mumbled into her hair. “Has something happened?”
After taking a deep breath, Victoria reluctantly drew back her arms and straightened, the expression on her face tense as the corners of her mouth curved up into a grotesque impression of a smile. “Of course, I am. I simply missed you.” Turning away, she kept her back to Charlotte for a long moment before settling on the settee. “Please, take a seat.”
Sitting down across from her sister-in-law, Charlotte watched her closely, knowing in her heart that something was terribly wrong. “I was surprised not to see you at Lord Tinswell’s ball,” she said, hoping her words would elicit a reaction. “Your mother said you weren’t feeling well. I hope it was nothing serious.”
Eyes fixed on the folded hands in her lap, Victoria took a deep breath. Then her lower lip began to quiver before she gritted her teeth together, momentarily closing her eyes, forcing back the emotions that were so evident on her face.
A moment later, she met Charlotte’s gaze, and the forced smile returned to her face. “It was nothing. Merely a headache. I suppose being back in Town is more stressful than I thought.”
“I, too, find it overwhelming,” Charlotte said, hoping the ring of truth in her words would encourage Victoria to confide in her. “I know very few people here, and even the ones I do know, I am not on speaking terms with. I feel very alone in this big city.”