Charlotte nodded. “I know how you felt. I felt the same way. Life had always been good, and then from one second to the next, it changed without warning. Suddenly, what I wanted, how I felt didn’t matter anymore. I spoke, and yet, no one heard me. I was right there in front of them, and yet, they didn’t see me. A part of me feels as though that was the cruellest part of what happened. To know what it is like to be cherished, and then to lose that and be expected to go on as though nothing had changed.”
With tears streaming down her face, Victoria looked at her, understanding resting in her eyes. “I wish I could vanish, too,” she whispered, brushing the tears off her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do. It’s not simply that I don’t want this life. I cannot bear it.” With pleading eyes, she looked at Charlotte. “What am I to do? I am tied to that man … for life. A man who …” For a moment, she averted her gaze, then met Charlotte’s once more. “I’m so sorry for what he did to you. I knew he was … unfeeling, but I never would have thought he could be so cruel.”
“Do not apologise for him,” Charlotte insisted, seeing her sister-in-law’s misery and knowing how she would fare if she remained locked in the life that was hers. “He may be your husband, but that does not reflect on you. You’re a truly good person who deserves a happy life.”
Shaking her head, Victoria sighed, “That I will never have. My husband is the devil,” a shudder went through her as though she feared he could hear her, “and he will make certain that I’ll spend the remainder of my days living in hell. A part of me doesn’t even want to know what his child will be like, especially growing up with a father like that.” A soft smile came to her face. “At least, you escaped him and met my brother. Sebastian will make sure you’re safe, and he loves you.”
Although her heart warmed at the whispered words, Charlotte shook her head. “I did things that are unforgivable and have lost every right to happiness.” Then she looked up and met Victoria’s gaze. “But you have not. You are truly innocent in all of this, and I swear I will find a way to right what went wrong.”
Brows drawn down, Victoria stared at her. “What do you mean?”
“I cannot say now,” Charlotte replied, raking her brain for a solution that seemed non-existent, “but I will think of something. I spoke to your brother, and he and I agree.” She took a deep breath as Victoria looked at her with a mixture of hope and fear in her eyes. “We cannot allow your marriage to continue much longer. I promise you we will find a way to end it. One way or another.”
Chapter Thirty-Five − Reassurances
Taking a deep breath, Sebastian knocked on the door to the drawing room. Although he hated to have to disturb them, he knew this couldn’t wait.
When his wife’s voice beckoned him to enter, he opened the door and found them seated near the large window front. While his sister looked rather shaken, her eyes red-rimmed and wide as though she had seen something horrible, his wife appeared rather determined, her lips pressed together and her eyes undaunted.
“I apologise for disturbing you,” he said, stepping closer, his eyes shifting from his wife to his sister. “I’ve just received news from Hartridge Hall.”
Victoria rose to her feet. “Father?”
Sebastian nodded, and seeing the apprehension in her eyes realised that the only regret and sadness he felt were for his sister’s well-being. “He passed away two days ago.”
“I see.” Victoria swallowed, and a single tear escaped the corner of her eye and ran down her cheek. However, Sebastian doubted that it was sadness over their father’s loss that had produced it, but rather the emotional turmoil that had brought her here so early in the morning. “Does Mother know?”
“She does,” Sebastian replied, relieved to see that their father’s death did not impact his sister’s already strained nerves in a harmful way. “She is having everything packed up for our return to Hartridge Hall.”
“When?”
“Early tomorrow morning.”
Victoria nodded. “I should go speak to her. Maybe she needs my help.” Turning to the door, she glanced over her shoulder, a soft smile on her face as she looked at him. “As the new Earl of Weston, I can only hope that you strive for happiness, dear Brother, not greatness.” Then her eyes travelled to his wife, and a silent word passed between them that Sebastian couldn’t understand. “After all, you have something he didn’t: a wife who loves you.”
Still staring at his sister when the door had already closed behind her, Sebastian found himself shaken to his core.
This revelation−if it was indeed true−had caught him off guard and made him realise the small hope he had fostered in his heart that one day−one day−his wife would come to love him. Had she?
Slowly turning on his heel, he caught her eyes, his own burning with an all-consuming question.
In answer, she dropped her gaze and a touch of red rose to her cheeks.
Never in his life had Sebastian felt so relieved and overjoyed, and a deep smile, honest and pure, drew up the corners of his mouth. It was true, wasn’t it? She loved him.
Swallowing, he watched her. He saw her lowered head, her eyes firmly fixed on the ground, her hands playing with the skirt of her dress as her feet carried her around the room without direction … merely to escape his scrutinising gaze!
Without a doubt, Sebastian knew that she was embarrassed to have her most intimate feelings dragged out into the light of day−especially without warning−and so he decided to level the playing field. Clearing his throat, he approached her, cutting off her attempt to step past him.
Stopping short, she looked up, her teeth gnawing on her lower lip as her eyes shifted back and forth between his and something beyond his shoulder. “I should see if your mother needs my help as well. I’m certain there will be a lot of −.”
“I love you, too,” Sebastian whispered, interrupting her nervous chattering. He had said it before−only the night before in the stables−and yet, it felt like the first time … in the light of day with nothing to hide behind.
Instantly, her head snapped up and her eyes sought his.
“I just thought you should know,” he said, seeing the pulse in her veins hammer as fast as his own. “I’m hoping that one day there won’t be any secrets left between us, and so I’m starting with this one.” He swallowed, holding her gaze as she looked at him, strangely transfixed, “I love you.”
Slowly, she inhaled, and for a moment, her eyes touched his lips.
Sebastian smiled. “Are you thinking about kissing me?”
Clearly taken aback, her eyes went wide, and she quickly shook her head. “Of course not.” Averting her gaze, she stepped back, a slight tremble shaking her frame.
For a moment, Sebastian hesitated until he realised that nothing physical would ever happen between them unless he challenged her. “Are you not curious?” he asked lightly as he stepped toward her. “About what it feels like?”
Forcing her eyes to meet his, she stood up straight, her features hardening. “I do know what it feels like,” she reminded him, a slight tremble in her voice as she forced herself to stand her ground. And yet, her shoulders tensed and her body quivered as though she wanted nothing more but to turn and run.
Understanding the precarious situation they found themselves in, Sebastian held her gaze gently … but firmly as well. “Not all kisses are the same,” he whispered, drawing confidence from the spark of curiosity in her hazel eyes. “Those that are taken without permission are rarely pleasurable. However, those given freely are quite intoxicating.”
A soft smile came to her lips, and she quickly dropped her gaze, inhaling deeply before meeting his once more.
Sebastian noticed how his own breathing quickened as he stepped closer. “When I touch you,” he asked, praying that she would not run from him now, “does it feel the same as it did when he touched you?”
As expected, the smile slid off her face, and she drew in a shaky breath. However, she remained where she was and h
eld his gaze without flinching.
For a long excruciating moment, she simply stood there, remembering the few moments he had indeed touched her: helping her into or out of the carriage, leading her in a dance or returning her home from Westminster Bridge. Then she shook her head, and Sebastian exhaled the breath he’d been holding. “No, it does not feel the same.”
“Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me?” he asked, holding his breath once again. “Are you afraid I will break my promise?”
Looking up, she searched his face, then slowly shook her head. “I do trust you,” she whispered. “I have for a long time, and yet …”
“And yet?” he pressed, taking yet another step closer, unwilling to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
With her lips pressed into a tight line, she looked at him, her eyes apologetic. “And yet, a part of me fears you.”
Taken aback, Sebastian swallowed. “What? Why?”
Shrugging her shoulders, she shook her head. “I’m not sure. It’s like an instinct. I’ve learnt to be afraid of men who look at me the way …”
“The way I do?”
She nodded. “I cannot unlearn what that night taught me. Believe me, I do wish I could.”
“Maybe you don’t need to unlearn anything,” Sebastian suggested, hoping that her fears would allow her to keep an open mind. “Maybe you simply need to question what exactly you did learn that night.”
Her eyes narrowed in confusion as she looked at him, searching his face for an answer. “What do you mean?”
“Of all the men you’ve met in your life,” Sebastian asked, “how many have truly betrayed you? Do they all deserve to be feared? Or was not the lesson you learnt that there are some, only some, you need to be wary of?”
Her eyes became distant as she considered his words, and for a long moment, she remained quiet. Then she met his gaze once more. “You’re right. I know you’re right, and yet, I do not know if it changes how I feel.” She took a deep breath, and her gaze dipped to his hand. “Whenever you reach out for me, I … I feel terrified.” Her brows drew down into a frown, and she shook her head. “Strangely, it is not because I mistrust you, but … I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how to explain what it feels like to have … someone overrule your own choices, your own emotions and dictate how you feel and act.”
Sebastian swallowed, trying to understand. “Maybe you simply need time … and reassurances to help you believe that not all men who find you desirable would force themselves on you.”
“Reassurances?”
As an idea struck, a deep smile came to Sebastian’s face. “What if I couldn’t reach for you? Would you still be afraid?”
Her forehead in a frown, she eyed him curiously. “What do you mean?”
Holding her gaze, Sebastian stepped closer until her eyes narrowed, and he could see that his proximity began to scare her. “If I couldn’t reach for you, if I couldn’t take more than you’re willing to give,” he asked, taking a deep breath, “would you want to kiss me?”
Drawing in a shaky breath, his wife looked up at him, her eyes travelling over his face until they reached his lips, where they lingered for a moment. Then she looked up into his eyes, and a slight shiver went over her.
“Would you be tempted?” Sebastian whispered, seeing her shiver once more as his breath brushed over her cheek. “Would you?” Feeling the gentle warmth that radiated from her body like the sun’s own rays that touched his skin, Sebastian found himself tempted beyond imagining to simply reach out and pull her into his arms.
But he couldn’t.
If he did, all would be ruined.
All hope lost.
A soft smile touched her lips, and a hint of embarrassment came to her eyes as she met his. Then she nodded. “I think I might be,” she whispered before drawing in a deep breath. “I think I already am.”
Joy filled Sebastian’s body, and he could barely keep himself in check as an overwhelming desire to hold her in his arms rushed through him.
Instead, though, he drew in a shaky breath, hoping to steady his nerves, and then stepped past her toward the heavy curtains framing the windows. Turning back to look at her, he untied the rope that kept the curtain from falling closed, a smile on his face. “Then let me give you some reassurance that I won’t.”
With confusion in her eyes, she watched as he took the rope from the curtain, allowing it to swing forward, then walked over to the fireplace and pulled one of the armchairs into the centre of the room. A smile on his face, he sat down on it and held out the rope to her. “I assume you know how to tie a knot.”
With wide eyes, she stared at the rope he was holding out to her before her gaze shifted back to him as he placed the other arm on the chair’s armrest. “You cannot be serious,” she gasped, shock on her face; and yet, there was a spark of temptation in her eyes. “I could never.”
Sebastian grinned, feeling mischievous. “You don’t know how to tie a knot? That’s a pity. I’d hoped−"
“I certainly do, but−"
“Good. Then this shouldn’t be a problem.” Still holding out the rope to her, Sebastian rejoiced as he saw the temptation in her eyes grow. Again, she gnawed on her lower lip, her eyes shifting back and forth between the rope and his face. Then her hands twitched, and she took a step forward.
Sebastian smiled.
Suddenly, she stopped, shaking her head as she glanced over her shoulder at the door. “I can’t. What if someone comes in? Your sister? Or−?”
“All right.” Jumping from the chair, determined not to allow anything to interfere, Sebastian pulled open the door and gestured to one of the footmen waiting by the front door to come over.
“Yes, my lord?”
“I want you to guard this door. No one is allowed in. Understood?”
“Yes, my lord,” the footman answered hesitantly, a hint of confusion on his face at such an unusual request.
However, Sebastian couldn’t have cared less and closed the door without another word. Turning around, he met his wife’s wide eyes. “There. That’s taken care of. Any other concerns?” he asked, a challenging smile on his face as he approached her.
Shaking her head at him, she bit her lower lip, trying to suppress a grin. “You do believe this is wildly funny, do you not?” she chided.
Peering into her eyes, Sebastian shook his head, and slowly the expression on his face became serious. “Not at all. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.” Taking a deep breath, he watched as the humour left her eyes, revealing the tension that held her in its grip. “If you don’t want to,” he whispered, “then I will respect that. I would never break the promise I’ve given you.”
Holding his gaze, his wife nodded. “I know you wouldn’t.” She swallowed, then licked her lips and nodded. “I do want to.”
Sebastian’s eyes widened. “You do?” he asked, wondering if he’d misunderstood with all the blood rushing in his ears. “Are you certain?”
“As certain as I’ll ever be.” Although there was a hint of mischief in her eyes, she smiled up at him shyly, then glanced at the chair. “If you’d be so kind,” she said, holding out a trembling hand for the rope.
Nodding, Sebastian complied, then sat down, his own hands shaking with anticipation.
As she began to latch his arms to the chair, she kept her eyes on the task at hand, not meeting his gaze. She worked slowly, hesitantly, and yet, there was a sense of determination to her movements.
When her skin brushed against his as she tied down his other arm, a jolt went through Sebastian, and he finally realised how excruciating it would be for him to feel her so close, but be unable to touch her.
When she was finished, she rose to her feet, surveying her handiwork, her hands clenched as she stood with her gaze lowered.
Seeing how nervous she was, Sebastian tried to lighten the mood. “Have you been a sailor in a previous life? These knots look masterfully done. I can barely move.” Do
ing his best to wiggle his arms, he found that she had indeed done an amazing job.
For better or for worse, he was at her mercy.
A smile came to her lips as she met his eyes. “I never thought I’d ever tie anyone to a chair. The whole idea seems ludicrous,” she laughed, shaking her head.
Sebastian shrugged. “Well, I suppose there’s a first time for everything.” He held her gaze. “So? Have you made up your mind? Are you going to kiss me?” he teased, grinning at her. “I wouldn’t hesitate to kiss you, but,” again, he tried to wiggle his arms, “currently my options are severely limited.”
His wife laughed, and some of the tension left her shoulders. Then she took a careful step closer, and a bright red lit up her cheeks. “Could you … could you maybe close your eyes?” she asked. “I feel very self-conscious with you watching me.”
“As you wish,” Sebastian said and complied, finding it strangely exciting that he couldn’t see her, couldn’t see the way she looked at him, couldn’t see how she felt or what she did or thought to do.
For a long time, he merely heard the soft rustling of her skirts as his patience and self-control slowly wore down. Eager to feel her touch, he was relieved that his hands were quite literally bound, and he was thus unable to do anything unwise.