“Dad…”
“And it’s hard,” I said louder, talking over him. “But then it becomes familiar, and it’s a piece of cake. Everything is easier once you get used to doing it. Except seeing skinny jeans on men.” I narrowed my eyes, shaking my head. “That trend should just never happen again.”
He rolled his eyes, looking like he was suffering the worst torture.
“Anyway,” I continued, “like I said, everything is difficult the first time. Like standing up to Kade will be. But once you do it, it’s going to get easier. Now, whether or not it’s tonight, next week, or five years from now, is completely up to you, but you’re her friend, too, and you have every right to be over there with them. Understand?”
He frowned, continuing to avoid my eyes.
I offered a small smile and finally stepped away, knowing I’d embarrassed him enough. But before I got too far, I turned around.
“And you’re wrong,” I pointed out. “Not everyone is a fan of your brother. Jared likes you more.”
Jared didn’t like Kade around Dylan, because Kade was too much like him. And the last thing we wanted for our daughters was men like us in high school.
I headed back to the track. Swinging an arm around my wife, she looked up at me as I stared over at Hunter retreating into his headphones again.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
I shook my head in thought. “Not sure what it is about him. I just feel like he needs us more than Kade does.”
“Hunter’s more like you. That’s why.”
Pinching my eyebrows together, I peered down at her. “How do you figure that?”
Kade was the confident one. If anything, he was the one who took after me.
But Fallon gazed down the track, nodding at Jared next to his car. “You know what it’s like to grow up in someone else’s shadow,” she remarked.
I breathed out a laugh. Okay, maybe she had a point.
Tightening my arm around her, I brought her in closer as I looked back at Hunter. “Storm’s coming, baby. I just hope she’s gentle.”
“I don’t think she’ll have any more control over that than they will.”
Jared
“Hey, Jared!” Madoc called behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder as I dumped some tools back in my car.
“I put chains in my trunk.” He smiled, holding his wife close. “Worse comes to worst, I can tow you across the line. At least you can finish, right?”
Fallon rolled her eyes, slapping him on the stomach as he and a few bystanders chuckled.
I turned back around, so he wouldn’t see the corner of my lips turning up in a smile. Madoc was so predictable.
He knew he might lose, so the best way to lose gracefully was to look like he wasn’t taking it too seriously. Crack some jokes, throw some insults, so he could just shrug off the loss as if it didn’t matter later. He’d always covered up his insecurities with humor, and it was one of the things I appreciated about him. Whereas I moped or retaliated through my self-doubt, his first instinct was to put himself and everyone around him at ease.
“Don’t worry.” Jax walked past me, slapping me on the back. “You’ll finish.”
And then he snorted, walking around the front of my car and attaching a small camera to the hood.
Really? Did everyone want to bust my chops today? I knew the prospect of a race between Madoc and me would bring in the crowd, despite the fact that we hadn’t raced here in years, but whereas everyone buzzed with who would win, I hadn’t really thought about it at all. I didn’t care.
When the hell had that happened?
“You’re quiet.” I heard a soft voice say as I fit the tools back into their case.
Looking up, I saw Tate standing next to the car, our five-year-old son, James, standing in front of her. Her arms were draped over his shoulders, hands locked in front of his chest as she gave me a thoughtful look.
“I’m always quiet,” I said in a low voice, shooting her a smirk as I closed the trunk.
She nodded, a knowing smile crossing her face. And then she looked down, nudging James. “Why don’t you go see if Jax needs help?”
His brown eyes got bright, and he immediately pulled away from her. I ruffled his sandy blond hair as he shot past us, off to look for his uncle.
Tate moved in close, tucking her long hair behind her ear. She looked so good in her jeans, white t-shirt, and brown leather jacket. I was already thinking of asking Jax or Madoc to take Dylan and James for the night, so I could take Tate and the car and just go get lost after the race.
“We haven’t raced here in a long time,” she remarked, looking around wistfully. “It was very different back then.”
I grabbed the cloth out of my back pocket and wiped off my hands “Different? Like how?”
“You were angrier,” she said, leaning back on the trunk. “You had something to prove. Now you’re…calm.”
“I’m happy,” I retorted.
She smiled, and I moved in front of her, lifting her off the ground and planting her ass on the trunk.
She sucked in a quick breath and then let out a small laugh. “You still make my stomach flip when you do that.”
“Do I?” I narrowed my eyes, peering at her. “Because a minute ago, you said I was ‘calm’. It’s starting to sound like I’m not exciting you anymore.”
She dropped her eyes and her voice to a whisper, blushing. “Please. You know that’s not true.”
Positioning myself between her thighs, I wrapped my arms around her waist, catching Dylan over Tate’s shoulder, out in the field, scowling at us. Then she rolled her eyes before turning back to her friends.
My chest shook with a laugh. If the poor kid had any idea how Jax and I grew up, she might be grateful rather than embarrassed to see her parents showing a little affection.
“It’s…I don’t know,” Tate went on. “Something’s just different now. The Loop feels different than it did in high school. You know?”
I stared into her storm-blue eyes, realizing I wasn’t imagining it after all. She felt it, too. It was different.
Maybe our time here had passed. Maybe we’d outgrown it.
In high school, racing week in and week out, I needed this place. It was the only thing that I looked forward to, and I had shit to prove. To my parents, to Tate, to the guy who got in my face last week, to the teachers who washed their hands of me, to everyone…
But as I grew up, I realized that no matter how many races I won, I still wasn’t a winner. I’d just convinced everyone around me but myself. Now…I didn’t feel like that anymore. I was worthy of my family, my kids, my home, my career, and my wife. I could lose a race now and not feel like a loser.
I leaned in, kissing her forehead. “Yeah, I know,” I whispered and then pulled away. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
I turned and walked for Madoc’s car, sitting farther down the track. He hadn’t moved into place yet, because he was late and the track was swarming with people who were in the way. Most of whom I didn’t recognize anymore.
He flashed a smile, jerking his chin at me. “Hey, what goes on pages four and five of that Mustang’s User Manual?” He gestured to my car behind me. “The bus and train schedule!”
I hooded my eyes, ignoring the dig. He seemed particularly excited, so I wouldn’t ruin it for him. Coming up next to him, I leaned on the car and folded my arms over my chest. “So I have to ask you something. Do you really want to race?”
I felt him stiffen next to me, and I could feel his eyes bearing down. “Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” he shot out.
Hesitating, I avoided his eyes and took in a deep breath. “The thing is…back in junior year, when Tate was in France,” I told him, “Zack called me and wanted to set up a race between us.”
“What?” he blurted. “How come I didn’t know that?”
I looked up, locking eyes with him. “Because I turned him down. I even forgot about it until recently.”
“Why did you turn it down?”
A nervous laugh escaped, and I just shrugged. “I guess I was afraid you’d win, and I’d get pissed. Or I’d win, and you’d get pissed. The thing is…I didn’t want to risk anything changing, you know?” I hinted when he kept looking at me like I he was confused. “In our friendship.”
He just kept staring at me, the creases between his eyes growing deeper.
“Come on.” I exhaled, laughing. “You were really all I had. You knew that, right? You were my only real friend. The only thing I could count on, and I didn’t have anything to prove with you, so why risk that?” I asked him, not expecting an answer. Standing up straight, I told him frankly, “I enjoyed not knowing who was the better man. We were on even ground, and I wanted to keep it that way. Being friends with you was the only thing in my life that was easy. I didn’t want to risk anything changing it.”
He remained speechless, and I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t often I admitted things like that. He was probably searching his arsenal for some joke to shoot back with.
“So are you wimping out then?” he accused.
I straightened, scowling over at him. “No, I’m not wimping out,” I charged. “You want to race? I’ll race. I’m just saying that we don’t have anything to prove. I mean, after we race, what then?”
He wins, and I’m going to hear about it for the rest of my life. I win, and he’ll change. He’ll never challenge me again, because he would know I was better. And I didn’t want to be better than him. I didn’t want him to think I was better or the people in this town to think I was better at anything. I didn’t want to compete with Madoc.
“Yeah,” he finally responded. “I mean…we’re young. The Loop’s not going anywhere. We can race anytime.”
“Yeah. Absolutely,” I agreed. “There’s no rush.”
The only problem was all the people who showed up to see it. Well, maybe Tate would race him then. She might like that idea.
But my train of thought was interrupted when some kid in the crowd complained, making me look up. “Hey, when are the old people going to be done, so we can race?”
“Seriously,” another one chimed in, checking his invisible watch and staring at us. “It’s past nine. Isn’t it your bedtime yet?”
“Little fuckers,” Madoc mumbled as the teens laughed with their friends.
“Yeah,” I growled under my breath.
“Leave ‘em alone, guys,” a black-haired kid next to them went on. “It’s the one night of the year their wives let them leave the house without the minivans.”
I chewed the inside of my mouth, my heartrate picking up.
Finally.
The blood in my arms rushed hot, and every hair on my neck stood up as I glared at the latest Loop generation and their smug confidence. Was I that much of an asshole back then?
“I’m kind of feeling like I have something to prove now. You?” Madoc spoke up.
The corner of my lips curled. “Yep.”
“Hope you don’t mind getting a few scratches on the Boss.”
I shook my head. “Nah. As long as you don’t mind a few dents in the GTO.”
“Not at all,” he answered, moving around me to the driver’s side. “It’s about time the kids learned how to rebuild a car anyway.”
I nodded, feeling the rush and excitement in my stomach that only came from being a little bit pissed off.
I smiled to myself as I walked back to my car.
Fucking minivans. Really?
Lucas
Fallon strolled across the track, making her way over to where I leaned against my car. I couldn’t help but be amused at the way she rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. It was the expression she usually wore when Madoc was about to do something stupid.
But when she looked up and saw me, she perked up, her lips spreading in a tired smile. “You know he’s going to miss you more than he lets on,” she said, standing next to me and staring at the track. “He calls you his firstborn.”
I let out a small laugh, watching Madoc and Jared climb into their cars as everyone cleared the track. Their engines revved in the night air, and I could feel the vibrations in my chest.
I also noticed two more cars lining up with them and narrowed my eyes, confused. I thought it was just Jared and Madoc racing first. But it looked like some of the new drivers were also joining in.
“We’ll all miss you, of course, but you’ll be back,” Fallon continued, sounding so sure.
I stayed silent, not sure how to respond.
Tonight was my last night in town. Madoc, the Big Brother that was more of a father to me than my own ever got a chance to be, made me promise to show up tonight to say goodbye to everyone.
But I think it was more for his own benefit—and the kids in their family whom I’d gotten close to. He knew I didn’t want to see anyone, preferring to just get away from here as soon as possible tomorrow.
My throat tightened, and I swallowed, forcing myself to indulge Fallon. “Yeah, I’ll miss you guys, too,” I admitted.
The traffic lights on the tracks started blinking, and Fallon hugged her chest as she popped up on her tiptoes to see. The engines roared, over and over again as the crowd went wild. I never raced here—I never took much interest—but I would definitely miss this—and them.
During the past year since I’d finished grad school, I’d been running Fallon’s Chicago office, being a face on the scene and handling our clients. She preferred to stay in Shelburne Falls, working on her designs from home, while I handled the office.
Recently, however, I’d needed to get away. I took a job with a firm in New York, and was being sent overseas to work with a team of architects in the Middle East. It was slated to be a lengthy project, and I couldn’t wait to leave. It was exactly what I needed.
“Do what you need to do, Lucas,” Fallon had said. “We’ll always be here for you.”
And I hoped that was true. Madoc seemed a little pissed when I told him I was leaving town. With the distance, I doubted I’d make it home very often, either.
Jared, on the other hand, seemed less judgmental when I asked if going away for a while was the best thing. He said leaving his friends, family, and Tate was the worst thing he’d ever done, but he also said he didn’t regret it for a second. ‘We need to go through shit and suffer to learn who we are and distance can bring perspective and make us grow up’, blah, blah, blah…but also, ‘don’t expect the world to stop turning while you’re gone. Things will change, and you better expect that.’
And then he said to stop asking him about shit he didn’t have the answers to.
I looked up at Jared, Madoc, and Jax on the track. They had beautiful families and were lucky in love with women who were driven and strong. I used to think they had all the answers, and then I realized that they fucked up just as much as I had. The only difference was they were fighters. They refused to fail.
I crossed my arms over my chest, balling my fists and hardening my jaw. Where had my fight gone? Did I even fucking care anymore?
“Woo hoo!”
Shouts echoed across the field, and I blinked, coming out of my head. I watched as the red light turned to yellow—more engines revving—and then turned to green.
And all four cars shot off, their exhaust and the burn of their tires clouding the air and kicking up dust.
I heard Fallon suck in a breath as Madoc immediately took the lead. We watched as he rounded the first corner, but then, all of a sudden, he whipped his car around, skidding as he faced the opposite direction. The direction the other cars were coming from.
The other drivers swerved, kicking up more dirt under their tires as they laid on their horns.
What the hell he was doing?
Fallon groaned and locked her palms in front of her chest, her fingers entwined. “He is such an idiot sometimes.”
I watched as Madoc shifted into reverse, slammed on the gas, and started driving backward, swerving side to side as he blocked t
he other cars from passing him, clearly having a little fun teasing them.
Laughter filled the track, and I could feel Fallon’s eyes roll as we watched Madoc hang back, topping out at only thirty miles an hour—all he could do in reverse—but keeping the other cars back and allowing Jared to speed ahead. I could see arms flailing out of car windows from pissed off drivers, and Jax was hanging in the stand, hunched over the railing, laughing his ass off at the joke his brother and Madoc were making of the race.
“I guess they’re working as a team?” I mused.
“Yep,” she said in a clipped tone. “Apparently, they needed to measure their dicks against a couple high school kids. Men never grow up. No offense.”
I breathed out a laugh, sticking my hands in the pockets of my cargo shorts. The guys continued rounding the track, and as soon as Madoc had an opportunity, he slammed on the breaks, spun back around—causing the other cars to skid and swerve again—and he jumped on the gas, speeding ahead and putting him and Jared in the lead.
“You know,” Fallon began, both of us still watching the guys round the track, “you won’t leave guilt-free tomorrow. I think someone other than Madoc is mad at you.”
Turning my head to her, I saw her eyes fixed out on the grass. Following her gaze, I spotted Quinn on a blanket, lying on her stomach and drawing in the journal she always carried around with her. The one Juliet gave her for her fifth birthday.
Madoc’s daughter, A.J., sat beside her, playing with her puppy, and I caught Quinn’s eyes briefly flash to me.
But then she quickly looked away when she saw me watching.
Yeah. Jaw clenched, tight lips, and even from here I could tell she was going over the same line with her pen again and again, probably tearing the paper underneath. Her fingers were as white as snow, because she was holding the pen so tight.
Definitely mad.
I frowned to myself. Quinn was just a kid, and even though the family joked about her little crush on me over the years, she did kind of have a special place in my heart. She hadn’t had it easy, after all.