36. INSTINCT
David, who had the male solo in the concert, came into the game room looking for me. He was excited. “Hey, Liz! Come on, they’re setting up the karaoke. Sing with me.”
“Sure.” I was looking forward to karaoke. I asked the crew to come with me.
Singing on stage was one thing. Singing at a party was a little different and I wanted my friends there to support me. Even though I probably sang in front of everyone at the party already during the concert, karaoke was still different. I hadn’t really done it with an audience before. Despite my love of singing and several aunts and uncles having a karaoke machine, I never really sang in front of my family for years. I’d sit in the back of the room or in another room entirely singing along, without a microphone, without anyone hearing me.
My family was critical enough of me, I never wanted to give them something else to criticize me with. So, with my newfound confidence and an audience who had heard me before, I was excited to try it. But I still wanted my friends there to make sure someone was cheering me on. I wanted a guarantee that there were at least a few people who weren’t looking for me to mess up.
Dylan had set up the karaoke machine in the family room. It looked professional. There were stacks of CDs and binders of songs to look through. The binders had songs listed alphabetically, the CDs were by genres. David had found a duet to sing. He programmed the machine and up came the song on the huge 60 inch television. I was glad it was a ballad.
The music started and suddenly I was nervous. I looked over to where the crew stood and realized how full the family room was. There were a lot of people there! It was overwhelming. I had to block them out and just focus on the screen. I was still pretty self-conscious that when it was my turn to sing, I didn’t hold the mike close to me. I didn’t like hearing my voice through it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone coming toward me.
Patrick pushed the hand holding the mike closer to my face. He smiled, “Can’t hear your beautiful voice.”
When David and I were done people cheered and clapped. I could definitely hear the crew. I heard some mumbling from people that they didn’t want to follow us. Since no one was rushing to try a song of their own, David had me pick a song next. Now, I was feeling more comfortable. I found another duet song for us. By the end of the song, people were more willing to sing, not that there was a line forming. But at least now, people were looking through the CDs and binders. They were curious.
I got Emily and Cassie to sing along with me on a girl group song. They weren’t always on key, but it was fine because we had a blast. They wanted to do another. When we were done, we walked back over to where the guys were sitting.
“What’d ya guys think?” I asked. “Weren’t they great?”
Jason and Bobby whole-heartedly agreed and kissed their respective girlfriends. “Wonderful. You guys should form an all girl group!”
We all laughed and I noticed something. “Where’s Patrick?”
That deflated the energy quickly from the guys. Bobby’s face was sour. “Eh. Becca came over and wanted to talk or something. She came bearing a peace offering.”
Emily looked as confused as I felt. “Peace offering?”
“Yeah, she brought him a soda. I swear, it was the first time I had ever seen her do that. It was always Patrick who fetched her drinks.” Kraig answered.
I remembered the dance and how Becca did act like she expected to be waited upon. That time, Kraig went to get me a drink, and being nice offered to get her one. She acted like she was queen or something.
“Anyway, you know Patrick…so, they went out to talk.” Jason motioned to the backyard.
I didn’t like it. Not that I was jealous, but because I felt like she was up to something. She wasn’t the poster child for trust, at least for me. Maybe that feeling that something was going to happen wasn’t about the crew setting me up to play pool. Maybe it was something else. Maybe I was being oversensitive. Maybe. Maybe not.
I hung out with the crew in the family room listening to others karaoke. They looked through the binders and CDs trying to find other songs for me and the girls to sing. I felt like I was split in half. I was there with them, enjoying their company and laughing, but I was also wondering more and more about Patrick. Emily, Cassie and I did another song together, this time an oldie. I couldn’t really get into it. I could hear Patrick and Mrs. Connor’s voices in my head—trust your instincts, listen to yourself.
He had been out there for about half an hour. I couldn’t imagine that he’d still want to be talking to her, especially based on my last conversation about Becca with him. He was too polite to just get up and leave, maybe he needed to be rescued from her cornering him. I went to the backyard to look for him.
Even though it was nighttime, the pool and patio were fairly well-lit. The outdoor Christmas tree helped. I spotted Patrick leaning in a lounge chair near the pool. Becca was next to him. He seemed…not himself. Was he falling asleep? Not interested in what she was saying? No, that wasn’t it exactly. She pushed him back into the chair and he just flopped there. Something was definitely off.
As I ran over to him, she straddled him and began kissing him. I couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t fighting her off, but he also wasn’t reciprocating. Every bell and alarm in my head was going off. Something was wrong. If I was wrong, then at least I was going to err on the side of trying to be a friend. I’d rather he was mad at me because I was trying to help him than to leave him hanging when he needed me.
I stood over them. “Patrick, are you okay?”
Becca ignored me and kept shoving her tongue down his mouth. It was like it took a few seconds for Patrick to register that I was speaking to him. He groggily he turned his head to look at me. “Liz! Hey! I thought you were singing.”
“Yeah, I was. I just needed some air.” I looked at them suspiciously. I was getting really worried. “Are you okay?”
“He’s fine.” Becca interrupted. “Now, if you don’t mind, we were in the middle of something.” I didn’t move. “Or you can stand there and watch. Up to you.”
She shot me a look as if she had won. Becca started kissing and running her hands all over him then started undoing his pants. Normally, Patrick would have pulled back, flinched, something with anyone standing there. But he just laid there, chuckling with his eyes glazed over. It was like he was drunk. This wasn’t like him at all.
“Patrick. Are you alright?” I bent down next to him and sniffed the cup next to him. It was just soda.
“Liz…” His speech was slurred. “When did you get here? I thought you were singing.”
Now, I was frightened. He had no clue that he had just said that. Something definitely was wrong. I felt my pulse and mind race as I tried to figure out what was going on and what to do. I had to get Patrick away from Becca that much I knew.
I grabbed the hair on the back of Becca’s head and threw her backwards. “What the hell did you do to him?”
She fell off the chair and landed on her butt. “Nothing that he didn’t really want, deep down. Just got him to relax and get out of his own way.”
She stood up and fidgeted with the charm around her neck. She wore it like some entitlement to him. That stupid charm was the reason why she cut out a chunk of my hair. Patrick remained on the lounge chair, trying unsuccessfully to get up. I stood between him and Becca. I’ll be damned if I let her touch him again. “I can’t believe you.”
Becca hissed back at me. “Look who’s talking! I thought you would have learned your lesson when I beat the shit out of you this week for coming between me and my Paddy.”
I cringed when she said her nickname for him. The name that I know he hated. A crowd was forming around us. No one was going to stop the evitable between me and her. Adrenaline rushed through me. Fight or flight. I couldn’t run and leave Patrick there. That was not going to happen.
“You don’t know anything about him and what he wants.” I glanced quickly at Patrick
and was appalled. I sharply exhaled when I realized what she was going to do. I was angry and in shock. “You would have had sex with him, right here, in front of everyone, wouldn’t you?”
“So? What the hell is it to you? It’s the least he owed me after bailing on me at the dance. Do you know how much I spent on that room? $250! Then he breaks up with me. Humiliates me. Hell no! He owed me at least one night for everyone to see.”
She disgusted me. “You would have raped him, right here, in the middle of the party.”
“Raped?! Yeah, right. Guys don’t get raped. Just look at him, he wants it.” She scoffed.
“No, he doesn’t. You know he doesn’t want you, let alone have sex with you. That’s rape, you selfish sick bitch.” My blood boiled over with rage. I slapped her across the face. When I watched her recoil, I noticed our gawking crowd was larger. They had formed a half circle around us. This time I wouldn’t be caught by surprise, not with an audience seeming to respond to every move and word.
“You really want more? I’d be happy to do that.” Becca shoved me.
I took a step back to regain my balance. I glared at her and tightened my jaw. She thought she could do whatever she wanted to whoever she wanted. That wasn’t going to happen here. With me. With Patrick.
“I’d like to see you try.” All the anger and hate I had for her exploded. Primal instinct took over and I went after Becca with all I had in me.
I hit and kicked and clawed and scratched her. I wasn’t quite aware of what my arms, hands and legs were doing. She landed her share of shots, some on my still recovering bruises. It hurt like hell, but I wasn’t going to stop fighting back.
“You’re weak. Paddy feels sorry for you. That’s why he’s nice to you. That’s why he pretends to be your friend.” Becca was seething. She didn’t know what she was talking about. I knew what she said wasn’t true. I hated her more for spewing those lies.
I grabbed her hair and yanked her head back. The heal of her hand thrust into my throat. It felt like I was choking, as if my throat made its way to the back of my neck. I gripped her wrist and tossed it to the side. I threw my fist into her face. We were entangled, rolling around on the ground, teetering close to the pool.
“You think the world revolves around you. It doesn’t. Everyone, including Patrick, sees you for the user and slut you are.” I shrieked.
She reach for me with her arms extended trying to go after my throat. I lunged toward her. My nails ran from cheek, down her neck and caught on the charm. She had this look of anger and shock on her face as she hit me. The necklace remained in my hand as I fell backward. It wasn’t my fault that it broke, it was hers.
I didn’t think it was possible for her to be any angrier with me, but it was. Not that it mattered, besides the feeling was mutual. I pushed myself back up and wrapped the chain around my fingers.
“You keep taking what’s mine. Give it back. Now.” She ordered.
“No, you keep losing what doesn’t belong to you.” I yelled back.
“That’s it!” She screamed. Her fist made contact with my cheek and I landed on the cement. The rings she was wearing cut into my face. My skin burned. I put my hand over it and felt the inferno of blood. Time moved so slowly and quickly at the same time.
She stood over me and began kicking me. I rolled to my side and staggered upwards. I locked onto her eyes and, with both hands, pushed her with everything I had. She stumbled several steps back. Becca lost her balance and started to fall backwards. Water flew everywhere. She had flopped into the pool. Good. She deserved much worse. I stood there for a long second enjoying the site of her flailing in the pool.
I heard the partygoers laughing and hollering at Becca. I saw Emily and Cassie trying to push through the crowd to get to me. The guys weren’t far behind them.
Emily got to me first. She helped me get up and I involuntarily cringed. “Liz! God! Are you okay? I should have come out here with you.”
I shook her off. Adrenaline still coursed through my body and my voice trembled. “I’m fine.”
I turned quickly and hurried over to Patrick. I shoved the broken necklace into my pocket and knelt down beside him. He looked giddy and tried to sit up. His hand fell through the webbing on the chair. His laugh was over-exaggerated. “Hey, Liz! You done singing?”
I was glad he knew who I was, but my heart broke every time he asked the same question about me singing. I helped him get his hand uncaught from the chair and sit up.
“Yeah, I’m done singing.” I leaned into him and whispered loudly in his ear. “Fix your pants.”
He looked at me confused and then down at himself. Patrick was able to pull up his zipper, but couldn’t button his pants. Close enough, at least it was closed and they wouldn’t fall down.
I grabbed the nearby cup, wrapped my arm behind him and tried to get him to stand up. Emily and Cassie gasped when they saw the condition he was in. I turned to them and saw the guys, “Help me.”
Bobby went on the other side of Patrick and lifted him up. “Up we go.”
“I don’t understand. Do we have to go?” Patrick slurred.
“Yes, we do.” I said urgently.
“But why?” It was like talking to a four-year-old. He was clueless.
“Because I want to leave.” I looked at him and searched his eyes, hoping to connect to the Patrick that might understand me on any level.
He nodded obediently. “Okay.”
The normally charismatic, coordinated, great at everything guy that was my best friend couldn’t walk straight. He couldn’t walk. Patrick kept tripping over his own two feet. Bobby shouldered most of Patrick’s weight, lifting him when he stumbled.
It wasn’t until we got to Patrick and Jason’s cars that I realized the entire crew was around us. Patrick pulled his keys out his pocket and futilely attempted to put the key in the lock.
Bobby put his hand out, “Give me the keys.”
Patrick finally got the door unlocked. Bobby stood in the way of Patrick opening up the driver’s side door. Patrick tried to push Bobby aside, but Bobby wouldn’t give. “What’s your problem, Bobby? It’s my car.”
“You shouldn’t be driving.” Bobby was staring him down.
“I’m fine.” Patrick turned to me and flopped against the car. “Tell him.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to fight with him too. “No. Please, just give me your keys.”
He started to slide down the side of the car and looked dizzy. Bobby propped him up and took the keys from him. Bobby unlocked the rest of the doors and I slid into the back seat. I put the cup in the holder. Bobby helped get Patrick into the back with me. Emily ran over to the front passenger seat. Kraig, Cassie and Tony piled into Jason’s car and they were going to follow us.
The problem was we didn’t know where we were going. Bobby started the car and pulled away from the curb. “Where am I driving? We can’t take him home like this.”
Patrick leaned against me. He felt so hot, like he was burning up. He was having a harder and harder time holding his head up. His eyes glazed over.
“Let’s go to Liz’s. Your parents aren’t home, right?” Emily frantically suggested.
“No, they’re not, but…I think he needs real help.” I imagined the worst happening. No, my house was not a good idea.
The three of us went back and forth as to what to do. All of a sudden, Patrick felt like dead weight on me. I shook him and yelled at him and he was completely unresponsive. Patrick was barely breathing. Terror enveloped me. I screamed at Bobby to take us to the hospital.
Bobby rushed us to the hospital, but it didn’t seem fast enough. Those were some of the longest minutes of my life. I kept checking to see if he was breathing and alive. He had to be alive. He had to be.
I begged him, not that he could hear me. “Stay with me. Patrick, hang in there, we’re almost there. Please, stay with me. Patrick! Please! Don’t leave me.”