You are a god, Aunt Tatiana told me. I’m so proud of you.
“Adrian,” said Sydney. “I love you.”
Those words, that voice, had more power over me than any phantom ever could. And then, just before spirit could blot her away again, I let go of the magic.
CHAPTER 19
SYDNEY
I KNEW WHEN IT HAPPENED. I saw it in his eyes, a sudden coming back to himself. At least I hoped he was coming back to himself. I had no idea what kind of power he’d used to command an otherworldly demon, but I knew what massive amounts of spirit did to those who wielded it.
“Sydney,” he gasped out, sagging into me.
I nearly wept in relief. “Yes. Come on, let’s go.”
The door I’d accidentally hit was burning merrily now, and I didn’t know how these lower rooms connected to the main floor. I didn’t want to risk everything collapsing down around us. Adrian seemed a little addled, and I had to guide him to the stairs. A panicked part of me kept thinking back to what he’d told me about Nina, how spirit had left her incoherent. He knew me, I told myself. He knew me. As long as we had that, I had to believe everything would be okay.
We made it upstairs, where a cluster of guardians anxiously waited at the stairwell’s entrance. They’d been under strict orders not to interfere, but it was clear that went against their natures.
“Get everyone out of here,” I said to the guardian closest to me. “There’s a fire down there, and I don’t know how far it’s spread. And make sure there are no weapons left up here.” These were the Warriors, after all. I didn’t want a new disaster brought on because of explosives accidentally igniting.
Adrian and I made it outside, and I guided him past the busy guardians and Alchemists, as well as the Warrior prisoners. Out near where we’d parked, I caught sight of some familiar faces and made them our destination. Rose, Dimitri, and Eddie stood by Jill, who was sitting in a folding chair next to another chair. That chair’s occupant was starting to get up and be led away by a guardian, and I recognized the vacant expression of a feeder.
“Wait,” I called. “Adrian needs blood too.”
Jill leapt to her feet, still looking weary and bedraggled, but with much more life and color in her face than when I’d seen her in the basement. Despite everything she’d just been through, she hurried forward to help Adrian sit. I didn’t know if he actually needed blood, but he’d just been through a big ordeal of his own, and blood usually had a curative effect on Moroi. He hadn’t said a word to me since my name earlier, and I couldn’t shake the panic that spirit might have finally claimed him for good. The feeder offered his neck, and Adrian automatically leaned over and bit down. I looked away, not sure I’d ever be entirely comfortable with this part of vampiric life.
“He’s in there,” said Jill, holding my hand, her green eyes looking even wider than usual with her face so gaunt. “He’ll be okay.”
I nodded and tried to hold back tears. “You should be resting,” I told her. My heart was tied up with Adrian, but it hit me then just how much she’d endured. The fact that she could stand here and be concerned for someone else was a testament to her strength. “Oh, God, Jill. I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through. I’m so sorry we couldn’t get to you sooner. Did they hurt you?”
She shook her head and managed a weak smile, though I could see the anguish in her eyes. “Most were too nervous to be around me that long. Alicia had some kind of time conditions set on that spell . . . with that creature. There was a short period each day, around sunrise, when someone could come into my cell, drug me, leave food and blood, and then get out. They never stayed long—I think they were too afraid of being trapped in there with me.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said again. “I wish we could have saved you sooner.”
Jill hugged me. “I know you were trying. I was able to see a lot through the bond and—”
“Jailbait?”
The feeder was stepping away, and Adrian was looking in our direction, his expression alert and clear. Jill cried out and ran into his arms, tears shining on her face. My own tears fell then, unable to stop themselves in the wake of this reunion.
“You’re okay,” he breathed, cupping her face. “You’re okay. I was so worried. You have no idea. I thought I’d failed you—”
Jill began to cry harder. “You’ve never failed me. Never.”
I wanted to throw myself in Adrian’s arms as well but waited so that they could have this moment. The love Adrian and I shared was powerful, and I knew it would sustain us for the rest of our lives, no matter what was to come. But the love he and Jill shared, this sibling-like affection born from spirit, was powerful too. I knew how it had eaten him up to be away from her.
The sound of a car door caught my attention. I looked over to the other side of the makeshift parking lot just in time to see my father and Zoe getting out of a car—with Stanton. After a quick glance to ascertain Adrian and Jill were fine without me, I walked over to intercept the Alchemists.
“Sydney,” said Stanton, by way of greeting. “It seems everything’s worked out in this operation of yours. I presume you’ll give me those other two names?”
“Charlene Hampton and Eugene Li,” I said promptly.
Stanton repeated them to herself and immediately reached for her cell phone. “Very good. I’ll see to it they’re looked into.”
“What about the rest of our deal?” I demanded.
“Not much time has passed,” she reminded me. “But I was able to get an intermediary decision—for you. The other Alchemist leaders have agreed to leave you alone. You and your, uh, husband may go off into the world and do whatever it is you plan on doing.” A small frown in her otherwise proper delivery was the only indication of how distasteful she found that prospect.
“You mean it?” I asked. “Adrian and I are free? No one spying on us or looking over our shoulder?” My dad’s jaw dropped.
“As free as anyone is in this world,” she said ruefully. “Honestly, I think it was a relief to some of them. You’re an awful lot of trouble, Sydney Ivashkov.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “And what about the others? The other detainees?”
“Amnesty for them as well—if you turn over the information,” she added. “I can’t make any guarantees about the future of re-education. That’s a more complex issue.”
It didn’t seem that complex to me, but freedom for me and the others who’d suffered through re-education was a huge boon—if the Alchemists held true to it.
“I meant what I said about my questions concerning the re-education issue,” Stanton told me. “It is one I plan on pursuing. We do need to have disciplinary systems in place—like in the case of the tattoo emergence—but obviously, there are lines we might be able to better redefine.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” I said. Again, I hoped I was right in my read of her, that she was telling the truth. “I’ll have the laptop’s contents sent to you.”
“Excellent. Now excuse me a moment while I deal with Ms. Hampton and Mr. Li.” She dialed a number on her cell phone and strolled away, leaving me in a slightly awkward situation with my dad and Zoe.
“I don’t know what you’ve pulled over her,” my dad growled. “But there’s no way the Alchemists are going to let you just get away with this abomination of a life. Some might think it’s okay, but others won’t.”
“That’s true,” I said. “But Stanton clearly thinks it’s okay. And I firmly believe people like her will make a strong enough argument to ease up on me and some of the others who no longer want to be part of the Alchemists. In fact, you’re going to help her make that case.”
Fury sparked in his eyes. “Never.”
“Because here’s the thing, Dad,” I told him, continuing as though he hadn’t spoken, “I got Stanton to help with this rescue by giving her four names of peopl
e who were working with the Warriors to make more of those illicit tattoos. I gave her four—but I had five. And I think you know who the fifth was.”
“I have no idea,” he said immediately.
Zoe gave him a shocked look. “What? You didn’t—you couldn’t have—”
“The proof is there,” I said. “The laptop we recovered has records of meetings and orders you made with some of the Warriors. Now, if you’re lucky, the Alchemists who were already busted won’t turn you in to try to save themselves. And if you’re cooperative, I won’t turn you in either.”
“Cooperative,” he scoffed. “What does that mean to someone like you? Someone who’s thrown away all the moral lessons you were raised with—”
“It means,” I interrupted, “that you’re going to support Stanton in revising re-education and holding to this deal with me. And it also means you’re going to restructure the custody arrangement so that Zoe gets to see Mom.”
My dad clenched his hands into fists. “You’ve no right to dictate any of this! I won’t go along with this blackmail.”
“Fine,” I said. “Then I’ll go tell Stanton there’s one more person she needs brought in. And don’t forget, even if they get rid of re-education, she did say they’d still need disciplinary measures in place for instances like this.”
“Dad, how could you?” exclaimed Zoe. “You know how many people those tattoos hurt!”
“You don’t understand,” he said. “It’s the Warriors who’d be getting them. It doesn’t matter what happens to them.”
I nodded with mock solemnity. “I’m sure that hypocritical argument will hold up well with Stanton. The Alchemists love gray areas. They certainly prefer that to black and white.”
“Sydney?” I heard Adrian call. I turned and gave him a quick wave before turning back to my dad and Zoe.
“Those are my terms. Comply, and I’ll make sure there’s no mention of your name when I turn the info over to Stanton. And if not . . .” I left it hanging, letting my father’s imagination do the work for him. As he stood there in shock, I gave Zoe a fast hug. “Good seeing you. Get a message to me if he doesn’t let you see Mom—though I’ll probably find out before then.”
Leaving them, I went back over to where my friends were. Only Dimitri and Neil were missing. Adrian intercepted me, sweeping me into his arms. “Sydney,” he breathed into my ear. “I’m so sorry I lost it down there.”
“You didn’t lose anything,” I said fiercely, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You held it together. You brought yourself back and did the right thing.”
“I didn’t feel like I had it together,” he said softly, holding my gaze. “There was a minute there—I didn’t know you—I didn’t know anything, except how the power felt. And Aunt Tatiana was there, screaming in my head. She’s still there, even while I’m talking to you. I think . . .” He took a deep breath. “I think I’m definitely ready to go back on my meds. I don’t know what’ll happen if a time comes when I need spirit and can’t use it . . . but there’s no way I can risk losing myself like I almost did today. I can’t be like Nina. Like Avery.”
I buried my face into his chest. “You won’t be. You already have proven you aren’t. You stepped back when they couldn’t. And whatever happens, you won’t have to face it alone. I’ll help you.” Tears came to my eyes again, and this time, they were tears of happiness. “I think we did it—I think we might be free of the Alchemists. I’ve been wheeling and dealing, and . . . well, I don’t know if it’ll work, but it looks like it might. And . . .” I started laughing, realizing I was babbling. “I don’t know what’s coming next, but I do know we’ll be together.”
Adrian caught my left hand with his, letting our wedding rings shine together in a glittering display of rubies and diamonds. “That’s all that matters, Sage-Ivashkov. Well, that and me having to put the smackdown on Castile if he doesn’t finally get his act together with Jill.”
I turned to where Eddie was sitting with Jill, holding her hand and speaking earnestly. I laughed again. “I think you’d lose in a smackdown with him, no offense. But fortunately, I think he’s finally coming around.”
I watched Eddie and Jill a few more moments, unable to hear what they were saying. From her shining face, it was good news. She touched his unshaven face and smiled, apparently liking the scruffiness Adrian always teased him about. Leaning into Adrian, I sighed happily, feeling at peace with the world for the first time in a very long time. We sat there, holding each other, for several peaceful minutes until we saw Dimitri approaching.
“Any news?” I asked, lifting my head.
“Take that feeder,” Dimitri told another guardian walking behind him. The man hurried to obey. “We found more Moroi.”
“The others being held,” said Jill. She glanced between Rose and Eddie. “I told you guys about them. Are they okay?”
“Yes,” said Dimitri. “Malnourished, like you. But they’ll be all right. Neil played a huge role in rescuing them. They were in a very difficult, almost cavern-like prison that required a fair amount of climbing.”
“Neil’s a good guy like that,” Adrian said. “Where is he?”
Dimitri looked perplexed. “I actually thought he was coming back here.” He touched his earpiece. “Does anyone have a visual on Neil Raymond?” We all watched in silence as Dimitri waited for a response. At last, he shook his head. “No one’s seen him.”
Adrian and I exchanged glances, the same thought hitting us. “Get everyone looking for him,” Adrian said. “Now. If you don’t find him right away, I have a feeling you won’t ever.”
Dimitri looked astonished by that declaration but nonetheless ordered a camp-wide search for Neil. Eddie looked both concerned and confused. “Do you think he’s hurt? Or captured?”
I shook my head. “I think he saw an opportunity. And we have to stop him.”
But we were too late, and after an hour, nothing came back from Dimitri’s searches. Neil had performed his heroics and then disappeared.
“He knew,” Adrian said. “He knew that as soon as this was over, I was going to start a hard sell on Declan. This is my fault.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Rose. She could tell something was afoot and had been waiting not so patiently during the search. “Is Declan okay?”
“He’s fine,” Adrian said, but again we exchanged looks, neither of us able to give voice to our fears. If we’d lost Neil, what was going to happen to Declan? Adrian shook his head. “I’ll find Neil in a dream.”
“Adrian,” I warned. “You just said—”
“I know, I know,” he said with a groan. “But we have to find Neil. You know why.”
Here it was, spirit threatening us again. “Even if you find him in the dream world, that’s no guarantee he’ll come back to us in the waking one,” I reminded Adrian.
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” asked Eddie. “Why wouldn’t Neil come back?”
I laced my fingers with Adrian’s. “Let’s just get back to Declan. Then we’ll figure out what to do about Neil.”
Even though they didn’t know the whole story, Rose, Dimitri, and Eddie wanted to go back to Clarence’s with Adrian and me in the hopes of tracking down Neil. Jill wanted to as well, but she was taken away to Court, both to be under Lissa’s protection and to receive further medical treatment. I could tell it was agonizing for Eddie to part with her, but Neil was his friend, and they’d saved each other’s lives more than once. I pretended not to see as Eddie kissed Jill goodbye and promised to see her soon.
Back at Clarence’s, we found things as we’d left them. Clarence was resting in his room, and Daniella was in the living room, going on about how Declan needed pajamas made of organic cotton rather than “God-knows-what” kind of cotton. She told us, much to our complete astonishment, that Neil had been by.
“What?” exc
laimed Adrian.
“Just this morning,” she said. “Came by and held the baby for a while. Didn’t say much. Then he was on his way. I thought you knew.”
I had picked up Declan and was cradling him in my arms, surprised that I’d missed his warmth and, for lack of a better term, baby scent. Adrian stood by me and shared my surprise. “We had no idea,” he said.
“He left this,” Daniella added. She handed over a sealed envelope that Adrian tore into immediately. Inside was a handwritten letter that Adrian opened so that we both could read it.
Adrian and Sydney,
I know each of you have your own ways of figuring out where I am. If that’s the course of action you choose to take, nothing I do can stop you. But, I’m begging you, please don’t. Please let me stay away. Let the guardians think I’ve gone AWOL. Let me wander the world, helping those I can.
I know you think I should stay with Declan. Believe me, I wish I could. I wish more than anything that I could stay and raise Olive’s son—my son—and give him all the things he needs. But I can’t shake the feeling that we’d never be safe. Someday, someone might start asking about Olive and her son. Someone might connect the baby I’m raising to him, and then her fears would be realized. News of his conception would change our world. It would excite some people and scare others. Most of all, it’d make Olive’s predictions come true: people wanting to study him like a lab rat.
And that’s why I’m proposing that no one finds out he’s my son or Olive’s. From now on, let him be yours.
No one would question you two raising a dhampir. After all, your own children will be dhampirs, and from what I’ve seen, you two are smart enough to find a way to convince others he’s your biological child. I’ve also seen the way you two love each other, the way you support each other. Even with as challenging as your relationship has been, you’ve held true to yourselves and each other. That’s what Declan needs. That’s the kind of home Olive wanted for him, the kind I want for him.