I closed my eyes. Taking one car was something we did as a couple. I’d always call her if we were going out and ask if she wanted to meet at the place we were going, or if I we should meet her at home and go together. So many times we’d opted for going together, even though it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. We did it just to be together.
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“I’ll meet you there,” I replied.
“Alright,” she whispered. Even though it was her fault we broke up I still felt guilty every time she sounded unhappy. That needed to pass soon because I resented her for ending our marriage and for making me feel like the bad guy.
Chapter Sixteen
We sat in the waiting room in silence. Usually we’d be chatting or flirting. I hated that it was so different now. When will I stop loving her? She’d broken my heart, and I couldn’t get myself to stop wanting her. Shouldn’t I have automatically stopped the second I caught her all over Brett?
“Jasper,” she said, lowering her voice so the couple across the room from us couldn’t hear.
“What?”
“Do you think you can get past what I did so we can at least see where things go? We’re having a baby now. That’s so much bigger than my feelings of insecurity. ”
“What feelings of insecurity?”
She’d never mentioned that before, not once.
Abby shrugged and rolled her lips inwards.
“I guess recently I’d been feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I kept letting you down because you wanted a child and I didn’t feel ready. ”
“Are you trying to justify what you did?”
“No,” she said and frowned. “Of course not, I’m just trying to make you understand why I did it. With Brett, there were no expectations so I couldn’t let him down. I’m not trying to make it okay, it wasn’t okay. What I did was stupid and selfish, and I’m ashamed at myself. But we’re having a child. ”
“Lets not do this here. ”
“Why not? We’re about to see our child for the first time. I think now is perfect. ”
She asked for it.
“Fine. Look, I’ll be there for you as the father of our baby. I’ll do everything I can for that child, but I won’t take you back. You knew this was the last chance. We’ve done this too many times, and I don’t want to have this discussion again. Drop it. ”
I turned away, feeling like shit. How many times was I going to have to say no before she realised I was serious? Just because I’d forgiven her before, didn’t mean I was going to again – ever.
“Mrs Dane,” someone called from behind us.
“Okay, are you ready to meet your baby?”
I grinned again, so wide the muscles in my cheeks burned. “Hell yeah, I am!”
The sonographer squirted some questionable looking stuff on Abby’s stomach, and I looked at the screen. Soon enough something appeared in front of me – but what? It kind of looked like a bean.
“Is that it?” I asked. It was the cutest bean I’d ever seen, and I fell in love right then.
“Yes, that’s it. ”
“Wow,” I whispered.
“I’ll just calculate how far along you are,” the sonographer said, tapping away at her keyboard and looking at the screen. “Okay, so you’re five weeks and your due date is March 29th. ”
The world came to an abrupt stop. That couldn’t be right. We were expecting sometime in February. That meant she got pregnant in late June, after the last time we’d broken up. I knew what that meant but at the same time my brain refused to process it.
“March,” I repeated.
On the table, Abby froze, staring at the screen, eyes wide and mouth open. She looked shocked but how could she be? She knew who she’d slept with. She knew that there was a chance it could be someone else’s – Brett’s.
Oh fucking hell, the baby isn’t mine.
I stood up in a daze. No. This couldn’t be happening.
“Abby,” I whispered. She said there had been no one since me. I wanted to have it out with her, but this wasn’t the place, so like a dick, I stood there as my heart broke all over again.
When I should have bolted from the room, I stood still, unable to move an inch. The air thickened and tension radiated from us both. She didn’t say anything, didn’t look at me, just laid still, staring at the screen and gripping the edge of the bed.
I felt sick watching another man’s baby inside my wife, but my legs had failed me.
Run.
The sonographer reeled off some information, and I briefly caught her saying everything looked fine, but my ears were ringing. Why couldn’t I just leave? My body, still rooted to the floor, was punishing me in the most painful way imaginable.
Abby and a baby was all I’d wanted, and I just lost both.
Her belly was wiped and she sat up, taking the photographs.
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“Thank you,” she said quietly.
She turned around, and my heart slammed against my chest. It was over. All of it. Our marriage and our future, completely gone. She wasn’t mine any more. Her baby wasn’t mine. We were done. My eyes stung. I spun around and sprinted from the room.
I ran towards the exit and could hear her hot on my heel. She was running to catch me up, to say what? There was nothing that could ever make this better. She’d assured me the baby was mine, and her and Brett used contraception. They obviously fucking hadn’t. Or there was another man in the frame.
“Jasper, please!” she shouted as I jogged to the car park.
I ignored her.
“Jasper, I’m sorry,” she said, running faster to catch up with me. Thank God I’d insisted on taking two cars.
I slammed against my car, fumbling in my pocket to find my keys. I opened the door, gripping the handle. “How could you not tell me there was a chance the baby wasn’t mine? What the fuck are you trying to do to me?” I bellowed.
“I didn’t know, okay. I thought it was yours. I’m sorry. My periods have been light, but my midwife said when the baby implants some women can bleed and that didn’t mean I wasn’t pregnant before they stopped completely. ”
“So fucking tell me that to begin with, so I don’t get my hopes up. Jesus I’ve been so happy these past couple days. I bought a motherfucking toy penguin!”
“I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t think it could be anyone else’s. ”
“You’re always sorry these days. Is it Brett’s?”
She dropped her eyes.
“Well isn’t that fantastic. Have a nice life, Abby. ”
Gasping, her head shot up. “No! Please. I don’t want to leave it like this. We have to talk. I need you to believe that I didn’t do this to hurt you. I thought you were the dad, I swear. ”
I got in the car. Slamming the door, I shoved the key in the ignition and got the hell out of there.
It took me quicker than usual to get home. Much of the journey was a blur. The kid with Abby’s eyes and my smile slowly disappeared from my head. She knew. If there was even a chance, she should have said.
I shoved my front door open and kicked it shut. “Fuck it!” I shouted, punching the wall. Pain shot through my hand, so I shook it off. Everything was falling to shit. I felt like I’d just lost my chance to have a family and I was completely lost.
If she’d have at least told me she’s slept with him around the same time, I wouldn’t have put everything into it. I wouldn’t have made plans in my head, and I wouldn’t have thought about the first time he or she called me Daddy or peed on me when I was changing a nappy.
Heading straight to the alcohol cupboard in the kitchen, I ignored the dragging feeling weighing me down. I just wanted to get blind drunk, get lost in another woman and sleep. Then I wanted to wake up and have this all be just a shitty dream.
Holly would know what to do. She was having hard time getting over the li
brary dick, who kept trying to get hold of her through her friends and family, so at the very least we could drown our sorrows together. I already felt pathetic but somehow drinking alone took it to a whole new level.
I called her, and she picked up almost right away.
“How did it go?” she asked. “When’s the baby due?”
I closed my eyes.
“I can’t remember. ” I’d zoned out by that stage, frozen in shock as the news that I wasn’t the dad sunk in.
“The baby isn’t mine. ”
She gasped. “What? Not yours?”
“Abby lied. She’s probably been seeing Brett this whole time. She thought the baby was mine, but missed out the part where she was sleeping with someone else. God, Holly, I thought I was having a kid. ”
“Are you at home? I’ll come over. ”
“Yeah, I’m here. ”
“Okay, give me ten minutes. ”
“Thanks,” I breathed and hung up.
Less than ten minutes later, Holly knocked on the door.
“It’s open,” I shouted, not being bothered to get up from the sofa.
She walked in just as I took another swig of Southern Comfort.
“What the hell happened to the wall? Show me your hand!”
“It’s fine,” I replied, taking another swig.
“Stop that. ” She snatched the bottle from my hands. “You’re not drinking this away. ”
“I thought I was gonna be a dad, Hol. ”
“I know,” she said and sat beside me, putting the bottle down on the table. “I’m so sorry you got hurt again. She’s such a bitch for allowing you to believe you were the father. ”
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“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say bitch before. ”
She smiled, blushing lightly.
“Say it again. ”
“No. ”
“You’re no fun. ”
She nodded at my bloodstained knuckles. “Do you need me to take care of that?”
“My boner?”
She gasped, her light blush turning lobster red. “Oh my God! No, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t even know you had… you know. ”
“I don’t, but you know how I love to make you blush. ”
“I think we both know I’m not so innocent. ”
I trace my finger down her neck and along her collarbone.
“I remember. ”
“Jasper,” she whispered breathlessly, “I don’t think this is a good idea. ”
“Wasn’t the best idea last time either. You’d just broken up with the library dick. ”
I expected her to protest or shoot me some smart-arse comeback, but her lips slammed against mine.
Holly taking the lead. That was unexpected. It took all of one second for me to be ready.
I pulled her on my lap, and she curled her arms around my neck. Her lips were soft, but wrestling mine with a needy aggression I didn’t know she was capable of. This was petite, shy and sweet Holly - not my usual outgoing type, but right now, I had never wanted anything more.
I pushed my tongue in her mouth. She accepted me instantly, whimpering and pressing her body against mine. My mind was screaming bad idea, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. There was something about her, something I couldn’t stay away from. I’d tried and failed miserably to keep my distance after last time, but I didn’t even want to anymore .
“Jasper,” she murmured against my lips. “I want you. ”
I felt a thousand feet tall. My pulse raced. I wrapped my arm under her perfect little butt and stood up. After feeling the lowest I had since Oakley spoke up about what she’d suffered, and finding out Abby was pregnant with another man’s child, Holly made it go away - and I couldn’t get enough of that feeling. She made it disappear until there was only us.
The six strides it took to reach my bedroom from the sofa felt about a hundred feet, I couldn’t wait to have my lips on every inch of her body again. I couldn’t wait to feel that incredible feeling as I pushed inside her.
My fingers dug into her skin as she bit my neck and tightened her legs around me. I dropped her on the bed and looked down at her. With no make-up and messy hair fanned out over my pillow she’d never looked so beautiful.
I crawled on the bed and lowered my face to hers.
After the last time, I had silently vowed not to sleep with a mate’s sister again. I was going to hell for sure.
Chapter Seventeen
Holly
My eyes fluttered open and I was momentarily disorientated at being in Jasper’s bedroom. He slept peacefully beside me with one arm tucked under his pillow. He faced me, breathing evenly. I’d only seen him asleep one other time – the first time we’d slept together – but I could quite happily wake up to his beautiful face every day.
Recently he’d had so much rubbish thrown at him it was understandable that he drank to forget it, but that wasn’t going to do him any good in the long run. I hated seeing him so unhappy. In a very, very short space of time, he’d stolen my heart, tattooing his name across it in permanent ink. I would tell him how I felt if I thought he would give us a chance. But he was going through a marriage breakdown, and yesterday he found out he wasn’t father to his soon-to-be-ex-wife’s baby. Now really was not the time to drop that on his doorstep too.
In two months, I was leaving to go back to university anyway and although it was only forty-five minutes away it would be hard to have a relationship with that distance as well as concentrating on my degree. Not to mention the fact that he just wanted to sleep around.
We weren’t going to work. Despite how much I wanted him to give us a chance, I understood that this wasn’t the time for us. I had faith that if something was meant to happen between us then it would. Perhaps next year when I moved back here – if he wanted.
“I can feel you watching me,” he murmured, his voice thick with sleep and a hangover.
My face flamed.
“I’m not,” I whispered.
His eyes opened and my breath caught at the pools of light grey staring back at me.
“You’re a crap liar, Holly. ”
I pulled the quilt higher, so it completely covered my breasts.
Jasper’s eyebrow arched.
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“You’re shy after I spent a good three hours with my hands and mouth all over your body. ”
I flushed again. Why did he have to say stuff so bluntly like that? He wasn’t at all shy; we were polar opposites.
“It’s light, and you’re not drunk now. ”
He frowned and then sat up faster than I could blink. The quilt was ripped from me, and I used my hands to cover myself as best I could.
“What are you doing?” I hissed, squirming under his gaze. I wasn’t body confident. I wasn’t anything confident.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, right? Holly, your body is flawless. ” He grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand away from my breasts. “Stop hiding. ”
“Jasper, don’t,” I whispered, on the brink of tears.
He pulled me up and we were facing each other. I shrank as much as I could and looked up at him. What was he doing?
“You’re beautiful. I don’t get why you’re so shy, especially with me now. ”
Because I care about you too much, and I care what you think of my body and me.
His eyes darkened as his hand rose, and rested down just above my breast. I stopped breathing as his fingers glided over my skin, leaving a burning path behind them. He held my gaze, trapping me in it as he touched my body all over. I shuddered as he brushed over my hips and down to my thighs.
“Don’t ever hide yourself from me. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. ”
I bit my tongue, desperately trying to prevent myself from crying. It was too intense and too intimate, but as much as I wanted to hide away I lov
ed how he looked at me and how he made me feel wanted.
Feeling a rush of bravery, I reached out and placed my hands on his toned chest, exploring his six pack. He sucked his breath through his teeth and then smiled.
“See, I’m as on show as you are!”
“Yeah but your body is…” I replied, trailing off.
His hand cupped my neck.
“Your body is perfect,” he said and leant forwards, capturing my lips in a sweet, slow kiss that made my back arch into him.
Jasper and I made our way into work after he made love to me again. I felt like a woman. Everyone saw me as Brad’s shy little sister, but Jasper had given me something that I was sure would stay with me, even if he didn’t. I didn’t feel quite as afraid of showing a bit of skin off any more. If I wanted to wear a shorter skirt, then I would because I wasn’t the little girl that my friends and family thought I was. He’d given me the confidence to be me. For the first time, someone saw me as a woman.
I felt like going out and buying a whole new wardrobe of ‘grown up’ clothes and ditching my baggy tops, jeans and leggings. I wanted fitted clothes that made me look twenty. But that also might be because I was wearing my clothes from yesterday, minus the second layer top that I ditched in the hope that no one would notice I hadn’t changed.
Oakley was just pulling out of the car park as we arrived. She and Everleigh waved to us as we passed.
“Good, she’s already left. That’ll save the being late lecture,” Jasper said as he pulled into a space.
“Yeah but she’ll be back once she’s dropped Everleigh at your mum’s. This is only delaying the lecture. ” My eyes widened. “What are we going to say to her? We didn’t think through the whole arriving together thing! What do we do?”
He grinned. “Act normal and tell her you had car trouble maybe?”
“Oh. Yes, we can just do that,” I said and opened the car before I slapped him for looking amused by silly Holly.
Every time Jasper had to come to the reception for something – which was more often than usual – he made sure to brush against me, usually with a big smirk on his face. We hadn’t spoken about not telling anyone about us, but it was obvious we had to. He wasn’t exactly being discreet.
He sat on the reception desk chatting to the ladies of the Over 50s Fit Club. They loved him. It was easy to see why. I tried to ignore their conversation and get on with work, but I could feel Jasper looking at me and it was very off-putting.
I was on my fourth coffee of the morning; I could barely keep my eyes open. With the stress of my final year starting in a couple of months and my sleepless night last night, I was exhausted. I rubbed my eyes and looked up. Jasper was alone; the Over 50s had gone to their fitness class. He was staring at me.