“Wow,” I whispered, holding it up. “It’s beautiful. ”
He took it off me and opened it up. Inside was a picture of me.
“It’s from the baby too. I thought when she’s here we can put her picture in there and have mother and daughter. Or son. I keep forgetting we don’t know, and it could be a boy. ”
I suddenly felt choked up.
“You like it?” he asked.
“It’s gorgeous. Thank you so much. ”
“You’re welcome. ”
“I feel bad now. We agreed no presents. ”
With the baby coming, we were saving to buy all the things that she needed!
“I know, but I saw it in the jewellers when me and Oakley were deciding on earrings for Mum and I really wanted to get it for you. ”
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Gripping the necklace in my hand, I surged up on my tiptoes and kissed him. This was officially the best Christmas yet.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jasper
“Oh for goodness sake, Jasper, none of these pushchairs are going to shoot out knives and stab the baby! They’re all fucking safe, now pick one!” Holly growled.
My mouth dropped. It wasn’t often that she surprised me. Coming on to me and telling me she was pregnant were about the only other times. We’d decided to get the big baby items in the January sales, and I was seriously regretting it because Holly’s hormones were on fire today.
“It’s an important decision. ”
“No, it’s not. Naming the baby is an important decision, so why don’t you think more about that and I’ll pick the sodding pushchair. ”
So, hormonal Holly wasn’t much fun. I never knew if I was getting normal Holly or the version of her that seemed to hate me above anyone else in the world.
I held my hands up. “Okay. Those four have the best safety features. ”
“I figured that since they’re the only ones still in front of us!”
I was scared to suggest names.
“What about Ebony?”
She stared at me as if I were crazy. “Do you hate our baby?”
“What? No, of course not. ”
“Ebony was my great nan’s dog’s name. I can’t name my baby after poor Eb. ”
Well how the fuck was I supposed to know that?
“Okay, not Ebony. ”
She shook her head and went back to the pushchairs. I should get her mum to list all the names of her relatives back as far as she could remember, and their pets, just in case.
On the side of the room was a long shelf full of books for pregnancy, birth and babies. I swiped a baby name book and opened it up randomly. “Frankie?”
“No. ”
I flicked over pages, landing on another one. “Libby?”
“No. ”
“Natalie. ”
“Oh for goodness sake, if you’re not going to suggest seriously, don’t bother. ”
I did with Ebony.
“Daisy?”
She paused. “That’s pretty. ”
Good, no pets named Daisy.
“That can go on the maybe list. ”
“Sophia. ”
This time I got a smile. Wow. “On the maybe list too. ”
I was on a roll now. I flicked back a chunk of the book.
“Maud. ”
Her face fell. And we’re back to Jasper’s a bastard.
“Boys now?” I asked, trying to go for that smile she’d called cute before I turned into public enemy number one.
“If it’s a boy I’d like to call him Oliver, after my grandad. Do you like that?”
“Yeah, I like it. ” Not that I’d say right now if I didn’t!
Her face warmed, and she put her hand on my favoured pushchair.
“This one for little Oliver or either Alice, Daisy, Sophia, Ella, Annie or Jessa. ”
I laughed. But I thought we’d crossed Annie off the list a while ago. I wasn’t going to question her.
“Lunch now? We’ve got an hour before you wanted to leave for uni. ”
“Sounds good. Should we get this now?”
“Yeah, I’ll just go pay. Why don’t you take my keys and meet me in the car. ”
She arched her eyebrow. “Why? Want to chat up the lady behind the till?”
“No, you said your feet hurt half an hour ago. ”
She flushed and muttered, “Oh. Thank you. ”
I handed her my keys, biting back a sarcastic comment because she was pretty damn scary of late. I’d learnt quickly when not to tease her.
Once I’d paid for the pushchair and arranged for it to be delivered to my place, I joined Holly in the car.
“I feel bad,” she said.
“Why? Do you have pains? Should I call the midwife?”
She laughed. “It’s not physical. You need to calm down, or you’re going to have a heart attack. ”
My shoulders sagged, and I started the car.
“Why do you feel bad?”
“You’re buying all the big things. The pushchair, the cot, the car seat. All I’ve bought is clothes, nappies and toiletries. ”
“Holly, it’s my child too. ”
“I know, but we should share the expense. ”
“We’ll you’re a poor student. I have plenty of money saved since the house sold. ”
“That’s for a new house!”
“I’ll cope. Don’t feel bad. I want to buy all this stuff, and I work full-time. Now, what do you fancy to eat?” She gave me a guilty smile, and I rolled my eyes. “Let me guess, you want to go to a supermarket and get picnic type food to eat back at mine because you want cocktail sausages?”
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Her smile stretched. “You’re the best. ”
I stood between my soon-to-be ex-wife and the woman that was having my baby. Both faced each other, bumps almost touching. Abby’s was a lot bigger. She was only a few weeks ahead, but it looked like months. My little girl really was small.
“How’re you getting on?” Abby asked, giving me an accusing look that screamed see-I-knew-you-wanted-to-sleep-with-her. Back when I was with Abby, I genuinely hadn’t wanted anything from Holly. That wasn’t the type of guy I was.
“Good, thanks. You?” I replied.
“Fine. How’s your pregnancy going, Holly?”
Holly took a subtle step closer to me, and I hated that she felt uncomfortable or vulnerable. I wrapped my arm around her waist, not caring what Abby thought. Holly was the important one, and I didn’t want her to think I was going to run back to my ex and leave her to go through the pregnancy alone – or whatever she was thinking that made her so uncomfortable.
“It’s going well. Yours? You look really good. ”
Abby smiled, but it was bitter.
“Thanks, mine’s going well too. I’ve not even been sick. ”
“No, I’ve not had much sickness either. ”
But she’s made up for that with hormones.
“How’s Brett?” I asked and felt Holly tense.
Abby’s eyebrows twitched and she suddenly stood taller.
“He’s fine too, excited for the baby’s arrival. We’re not together though. ”
Same situation as us. I watched Abby smile up at me the way she used to, and I was relieved to notice I felt nothing for her anymore. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. It didn’t bother me whether she was with Brett or not.
“We’re excited too, aren’t we, Hol?”
“Can’t wait,” she replied, pressing her side against mine.
“I heard you were back at university, Holly. That must be stressful. ”
“Not really. I love my course and my pregnancy is going just fine. I’m more focused because I have to get as much done before she comes. ”
“She? You know what you’re having?”
“No, but we always s
ay she,” Holly explained.
“Oh, well that’s cute,” Abby said in a tone I knew all too well. She’d used it when I told her I wanted to work at The Centre. Abby thought I could do more with my life but after watching my sister build it up and change peoples’ lives I realised there was nothing I’d rather do than be part of something that gave so much back. The day a four-year-old girl called Georgie came for her first ballet class was the day I was sure I’d done the right thing by working there. She’d had her legs amputated after contracting meningitis when she was just six months old, and The Centre raised money for her to have new prosthetic legs that allowed her to move around like any other child. Being part of that wasn’t a waste.
“What about you? Do you know?”
“No, we decided to wait. Although Brett is desperate to find out. ”
I gritted my teeth at her mentioning his name. He had the life I thought I was going to have, and I hated him for it. I didn’t want Abby back, but I hated how we ended. Me and Holly being parents wasn’t a mistake, but a baby born out of casual sex was not what I thought was going to happen.
“How’s work going?” I asked.
“Good. Busy so the days fly by. I’m looking forward to being off with the little one, but I’m also anxious to get back and not miss any opportunities. ”
Her career still came first. Though I couldn’t blame her for making it a priority – kids grew up, and you still had to have a life – but I would’ve thought returning to work wouldn’t be something you looked forward to before your baby was even born. Surely, you’d want to enjoy the time at home with your family before you worried about going back?
“Glad it’s going well. Anyway, we should get going. Someone’s got a craving I need to see to. ” Holly smiled, trying not to laugh. Yeah, that might have sounded a little wrong. “Take care, Abby,” I said, not bothering to correct it because it really didn’t matter what she thought we were doing.
Holly and I walked away and turned down the next aisle.
“If you do have any of those cravings, let me know,” I whispered in her ear, making her laugh. The air changed – charged. We both wanted it. But we were in the middle of the supermarket. It would have to wait.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Holly
I rubbed stretchmark cream over my bump and pulled my pyjama top down. So far the cream was working, but that might just be because the baby was small, and I still had two months of stretching to do yet.
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A Happy Valentine’s Day card – tragically from my Mum – sat on my dresser, laughing at me. The only proper card I’d got before was one from my ex, but that was years ago. Not that I expected to get one. Who would be lusting after a pregnant hippo!
Picking up my phone, I dialled Jasper’s number for his routinely morning we’re-fine call. “Morning,” he said. “You got anything in for breakfast or want me to pick something up?
“What?” I said. “You’re here? I thought I you were coming next weekend. ”
“Changed my mind. That okay?”
“Yeah. Where are you?”
“Just coming through town. Be there in five. Food?” God I need to get dressed!
“Can you pick something up?”
“Bagels? I’m almost outside that deli place. ”
“Egg and bacon please. ”
“See you in a few. ”
I hung up the phone and pulled my wardrobe open, scanning my maternity tops. Thank heavens for leggings; they were a pregnant woman’s best friend.
Just as I’d finished putting some mascara on, there was a knock on the door. I fluffed my hair and tried to stop smiling quite so broadly before I let Jasper in.
Leaning casually against the doorframe in a pair of ripped jeans, grey t-shirt and black leather jacket, he took my breath away.
“Hey,” he said, giving me one of those heart-stopping smiles where his eyes light up.
“Hey, come in. ”
From behind his back he pulled out a bunch of red roses and did a little bow.
“For you. ”
“Thank you, they’re gorgeous. ” It was the first time I’d got roses. My ex bought me a cheesy teddy holding a heart – not that I was ungrateful; I loved it until he broke up with me. “You didn’t have to get me flowers. ”
He shrugged. “They were half price from the garage. ”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. I could tell they weren’t, they were too large, and there was fancy red-and-white crepe paper around them. I grabbed a vase, filled it with water and popped them in.
He walked past me and grabbed two plastic plates from my wardrobe. He handed me one and sat on the bed with his.
“Thanks, I really needed this. Your child is making me doubly hungry. ”
“You’re supposed to be eating for two. ”
“Myth,” I said. “But it would be nice. ”
As we ate, my eyes wandered to the roses sitting in the vase by the sink. I would have to arrange them properly later. Without even knowing it, he made me feel special and wanted. I held on to the hope that it wouldn’t be too long before he was ready for a relationship again and that he’d want one with me. The image of us together with our baby was one that I clung to. It was the reason that I didn’t give up and just plan for a friendship between us, but I knew I was risking getting hurt.
“How’s everyone back home?”
“Good,” he replied with a full mouth.
“You’re gross, Jasper. ”
“Hey, don’t ask my questions until I’ve finished eating and I won’t reply with a-”
“Alright!” I waited until he’d finished, which took about three bites with the amount he shovelled in. “House hunting going okay?”
He shrugged. “It’s alright. Thankfully the flat has enough room for tons of baby stuff so even if I’m still renting when she arrives I’ll have the space for her. ”
“And the space for me?” I asked, chewing on my lip. I didn’t want to ask, but I wasn’t comfortable being away from my baby. It was selfish; I knew that, he would have to spend nights away from her, but I couldn’t help it.
“Are you asking to move in with me?”
I elbowed his arm. “No. I’d just feel more comfortable if I was there too. ”
He frowned.
“Not because I don’t think you could handle it, please don’t think that. It’s just being away from my newborn makes me feel panicky already. Plus she’ll need my milk. When she’s older you can have her overnight without me but to start with I’d like to be there. ”
He nodded slowly. “I understand that feeling. There’s room for three. Always will be. ”
I wasn’t sure if that covered forever the way I wanted it to.
“You want to get some more stuff this weekend? I can take it back to your parents for you when I go. You said you wanted one of those vibrating, music playing, all-singing all-dancing chairs. ”
“Sounds good to me. ”
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“Cool. Then I’ll take you out to dinner. It is the card companies day after all. ”
“Someone’s bitter. ”
“Catching your wife with another man will do that. ”
I winced. “Crap. Jasper, I’m sorry, I didn’t think. ”
“Forget it. It’s fine. ”
“How are you about all that now?” I asked, not entirely sure I wanted to hear the answer.
“Alright I guess. Still hurts, the way it all happened, you know? I could live with her leaving me a lot easier than I can knowing she’d been sleeping with someone then coming home to me. I thought she wanted to wait to have a baby because of her career, and that’s it. Guess shagging Brett put her off too. ” He laughed, but it was bitter. “Then she went and got pregnant by the fucker. It’s like a double slap in the face. ”
“I’m sorry. ”
He
snapped out of his mood and smiled at me.
“Doesn’t matter now. We’ve got this one on the way,” he said, covering my little bump with his hand. “And I couldn’t be happier about that. Plus my lawyer said the divorce should be finalised in the end of next month or so. I’ll be able to finally put it all behind me. ”
“Good,” I replied, meaning putting everything behind him and because of the divorce. As soon as he had no more ties to her there would be no more talk that involved Abigail Dane, and hopefully he would start looking to the future. I wanted him to be happy and have nothing dragging him down.
“How are the therapy sessions going?”
He never liked talking about them; it was as if he was ashamed to admit he needed help. Everyone did at some point. I saw facing your problems as a strength rather than a weakness.
“Fine,” he replied.
“You can tell me about it if you want, you know. ”
“No offence, Holly, but you’re the woman carrying my child. I don’t want to dump my crap on you when I’m the one that’s supposed to take care of you. ”
But he wasn’t supposed to take care of me, just the baby. He was too hard on himself all the time, thinking he need to do more and be stronger.
“You do and you still can. You tell me to unload on you, so you can do the same. ”
I rolled my eyes as he fought a smile, knowing he’d turned my words dirty.
“Thanks, Hol, you always know how to cheer me up. ”
He was in need of cheering up?
“Talk to me. Please. ”
He sighed. “It’s going well, I guess. She makes me look at things differently, and I’m starting to believe some of what she says. I’ll be fine. Please don’t worry. ”
Well that gave me absolutely nothing to go on. Could he have been any more vague? He wasn’t going to give me anything else, so I let it go, hoping he’d open up properly when he was ready – if he ever would be.
“Alright,” I said as I took his plate with mine to wash up. “I’ll just sort out the flowers and then we can go. Oh I need to do my make-up properly first. ”
“No, you don’t. You’re perfect as you are. ”
That was probably a lie, but he made me feel beautiful enough to push my make-up bag aside. If anyone ran screaming though, I was never going to trust him again!
“Thank you,” I said.
“No need to thank me, just being honest. ”
It wasn’t just the words that he said; it was how his words made me feel. He was the first person to really see me as a woman. Being the youngest in my family and the youngest amongst my friends meant I had always been treated as a child, people had gone out of their way to look after me just that little bit more. I appreciated that they cared, but I didn’t want to be Little Holly in my twenties.