Halloween was fast approaching, but Lynne still hadn’t decided if Jane would participate in trick or treating. It seemed too much for a toddler, although Fran had brought over some adorable costumes worn by her brood when they had been Jane’s age. The Canfield kids were going to accompany the Ahern children, a term Fran had said with love in her voice. Not that Paul or Ann was referring to Fran and Louie as aunt and uncle. The kids were just starting to routinely call Renee and Sam Mommy and Daddy, but Lynne was no longer Mrs. Snyder. She was usually referred to as Jane’s mama when Ann visited, which was a few times a week. Occasionally Sam joined his wife and daughter, but the Aherns had found that Sam required down time, which hadn’t surprised anyone.
What had seemed strange was just how easily Paul and Ann had taken to their new parents, but maybe those three weeks of only their elderly aunt as a caregiver had been the issue, or perhaps their youth. Fran thought it was the prayers said for those children, as well as how vital parents were to youngsters at that age. Lynne felt similarly, but also allowed more mysterious reasons. She had considered writing to Seth, nearly asking Laurie for his address. But something had held her back, although just yesterday Laurie had called, telling her that his aunt had spoken to Seth, who said he would be home by mid-December. As soon as Laurie knew that Eric was on his way, he would call Lynne, which had pleased her, but Laurie had sounded awful, his tone haunted. Later she wondered how much of that was due to the approaching holiday; Fran’s older kids were dressing as characters from horror movies, although Helene was going as a fairy.
On Tuesday afternoon, Jane woke with a slight fever, making Lynne’s decision simple. She called Renee, then Fran, letting them know Jane would spend Halloween at home. She also warned that perhaps the other children might have caught Jane’s cold, but on Wednesday, the rest were feeling fine. Ann and Helene didn’t understand the idea of free candy, but Paul and Johnny were aware, and by Thursday morning, those boys were nagging their mothers if they could wear their costumes to school that day. Fran and Renee both said no, and while Louie was at work, Paul asked Sam, who had heard Renee’s answer. “What did your mother say?” Sam asked, the words a delight, even if the reprimand made Paul scowl.
“She said I can’t.” Paul pouted for a moment, then ran into the children’s bedroom, where Renee was helping Ann get dressed. They needed to leave soon to take Paul to school; the family still went together, which had precluded Sam and Renee from going to morning mass. But no one at St. Anne’s seemed bothered, for the children had attended the past two Sundays and seemed to have enjoyed it. Or they hadn’t pitched any fits, Sam allowed.
Sam and Renee had asked Fran and Louie to be the kids’ godparents, and while the Canfields had immediately said yes, the Aherns weren’t in a rush to baptize their children. Father Markham thought that wise while Father Riley was skeptical, but it was Sam and Renee’s decision and while that sacrament was vital, more important was making sure the children understood the reason. It was one thing to baptize an infant who didn’t know better. Yet Sam felt differently about having that sacrament given to these children, although he wasn’t sure why. He wanted them to embrace faith, and if they waited until right before Paul started confirmation classes, Sam didn’t mind. Maybe when Lynne had the new baby baptized, that might pique their interest. Then Sam shivered. If Eric wasn’t back, would she wait for his return, or would she go ahead with that event? Marek wouldn’t pressure her, and Sam felt Eric should be present. Then Sam wondered how much longer would Seth remain in Florida? Laurie had called Lynne at the beginning of the week with great news; Seth was hoping to be home before the end of December. Not that a date was set in stone, but if Seth was well enough to speak to his mom, the end of Eric’s sojourn was nigh, not to mention the hell Seth had endured.
Sam was more worried about his best friend, who would brave the elements, then have to…. Sam could hear Paul and Ann gabbing about that night’s festivities. The Aherns would trick or treat along their street, neighbors having already been introduced to the children and eager to welcome them further into this community. Then Sam would drive his family to the Canfields’, where Paul and Ann would trek about with their cousins. Paul had started calling Johnny Cousin Johnny, which neither Sam nor Renee had corrected, for it was true. Perhaps it was Paul’s way to confirm the relationship, the adults had decided. Even though it would make for a late night, Sam wanted his children to spend that first holiday with relatives, and so far the kids seemed to know the Canfields best.
He lamented that Jane would miss the festivities, but she was awfully young, and Lynne needed her rest. They would see the Snyders that weekend, and maybe Lynne would go to St. Anne’s again. Sam wouldn’t bring that up, although he wondered if Marek had visited Lynne. Maybe he was going there that night, not much for a pastor to do on Halloween. Then Sam forgot about those folks as Renee met him in the living room, holding their children’s hands. Ann wore a bright smile while Paul’s earlier irritation was gone. He was dressed in cords and a long sleeved shirt, a jacket slung over his shoulder. The weather was still mild for this time of year and Sam was relieved, for maybe Eric would be out in the elements sooner rather than later.
Sam sighed inwardly, but to his family, his smile shone. “All ready for school?” he said, stretching out his arms in Ann’s direction.
She nodded, going his way. Sam hoisted her in the air, kissing her cheeks, making her giggle. Then she laid her head on his shoulder; she often liked being that close to either Sam or Renee, probably something she had done with…. Sam took a deep breath, then gazed at his wife. Renee’s eyes were damp, but the joy on her face was beatific. He wanted to caress her cheek, but didn’t, as Paul began to wiggle. “I’m ready, I’m ready,” he shouted.
Sam nodded as Renee gathered her keys. She wore a sweater, so did Ann. “Sam, you might need a jacket.” Renee’s tone was gentle, how her bearing had become since the kids had moved…. Not in, for that sounded temporary. The kids had come home, Sam thought, as Ann repeated that Daddy needed a jacket. Then Paul caught on, and within seconds both kids were chanting that Daddy needed a….
“Here’s Daddy’s jacket,” Renee said, handing a sweater to Sam. She helped him slip it on, for Ann remained in his arms. Then Renee placed her hand on his cheek, nodding her head. Maybe it was easier for her to do that near the kids. Sam looked at her, so much love in his heart. She smiled, seemed to understand. They left the house to the children hollering that Daddy had his jacket, as if all had been made right with the world.
Seth spent that morning in an intense session with Dr. Sellers. Yet it was only those two, for Eric had visited Seth at dawn, then flown away, although he’d told Seth he would see him later. Having been a hawk for nearly four months, Eric was starting to lose touch with his human side, yet being so closely tethered to Seth had maintained that grip longer than if Eric had been on his own. He recalled Lynne’s name, Jane’s too, and of course the baby Lynne was expecting. But others were now forgotten, like Sam, Renee, and Stanford. Eric knew that Seth had a cousin, but that man’s name came and went. Eric also remembered his pastor, whose name sounded a lot like his own. Eric spent that morning chasing lizards, trying to recall what that minister’s name was, but after eating his fill, he forgot that other task. He needed to return to the hospital where Seth was waiting.
Eric’s mind was now geared solely to helping that man heal. Seth had a terrible wound inside his head, how Eric now thought of Seth’s illness. The injury was mostly stitched together, but small sections of Seth’s brain were still tender. The worst part was over, terrible dreams much like ones Eric had suffered when he was a child. They were so long past him that he only recalled them when he was a hawk, and his age as man had given him the proper perspective to set aside those violent visions. They had been of his childhood, when his father had…. Eric flew with speed, although a full belly made him feel heavy. But he couldn’t outrun those dreams, which had haunted him until he’d met….
The woman he loved, her name was…. He smiled; Lynne had never experienced Eric’s dreams because as soon as he’d met her, they had disappeared. Her devotion had erased all sense of futility, for even after he told her the truth, she had stayed. Perhaps she had thought him crazy, but she had waited him out, and upon his arrival and transformation, she had embraced him, tears on her face, loving words drowning out all the pain he knew he had temporarily caused her. And then he never suffered from another nightmare again.
Those dreams didn’t bother him now, images from when he’d first turned into a hawk, trying to ascertain why it had happened and how to behave when in that form. Initially he had been reckless, also lucky he hadn’t been killed by either man or another animal. Eric hadn’t understood these newfound instincts, and at times had hunted for sport. From time spent with other hawks, he had learned the ways of the animal kingdom, no longer killing smaller creatures unless he needed to eat. He didn’t know if those actions had been related to being abused or simply from ignorance. By the time he was ten years old, when he turned into a hawk, he obeyed rules foisted upon him from those changes.
Yet for two years, Eric had altered with no assistance to guide him, wondering each time if that was the last. He had managed to devise ways to explain his disappearances, although he was never able to stop the nightmares, which continued even after his father went to prison. Those dreams had frightened his mother, who assumed they were by-products of Eric’s damaged foot. Emma Snyder had tried to soothe her son, but she died with his screams wedged inside her head, a deep ache within her heart.
Now Eric could assuage his mother’s pain by helping another. He thought about that as he neared the hospital, hoping Seth’s doctor was gone. The doctor had indeed done much for the man within that building, but he had also raised questions that Seth had then asked Eric. Eric hoped that once he was again a man, all of this would be forgotten, as it had been years ago. He only wanted to fly home, change form, and stand at his wife’s side as she had their baby. A girl, he prayed, still aware of God’s presence. The day Eric lost that touchstone, he wouldn’t remember who he had been, heading home by sheer instinct. He had made it back once before, traveling with a similar disposition, but the alteration had been so brutal that he hoped to be on his way while still recalling Lynne’s name.
As Dr. Sellers left Seth’s room, Eric touched down in the courtyard. He waited a moment, then saw a figure approach the window. Eric nodded to that man, his name was Seth, Seth…. Eric no longer knew his last name. But Eric wasn’t bothered as Seth smiled. “I’m getting so close,” the man said. “But then, so are you.”
Eric stared, then blinked. “Close to what?”
“Close to forgetting. I wonder if by the time this’s over if I’ll be the one helping you.”
The hawk shivered, then he understood. “Maybe. Lynne and Jane, right?”
“That’s right. And my cousin is….”
The hawk looked upwards, then it poked at the ground. “Your cousin, a cousin….” The hawk concentrated, then he recalled a man with similar features to Seth, although he was taller and his eyes were green. But his name, what was his name?
“That’s okay, it’s not important, I mean, not to you. If I forget, then we’re in trouble.” Seth smiled, then grew solemn. “Eric, there’s something I wanna ask you, and if you can’t answer, that’s all right. But I’ve been thinking about this, well, Dr. Sellers pointed it out a while ago and I don’t know if you’ve heard him talk about it, but I think it’s important. I think it’s the main reason you’re here helping me.”
“You can ask me anything Seth.”
Now Seth laughed. “You know my name, that’s good. All right, here goes.”
Seth paused, then he sat in the chair next to the window. Eric hopped closer, wanting to see Seth’s face as he spoke. But Seth seemed to be considering his query. Eric poked at his right wing, then gazed at the man inside the building. “What do you need to ask?”
Seth sighed. “Did you ever kill animals other than for food?”
The hawk gazed at the concrete, then nodded. Then it looked up, and as it did, the names of its mate and offspring slipped from its mind. The hawk didn’t forget them, but who they were as human beings ceased to exist. “Yes, I did. When I was a child, before I understood how to be a hawk. I didn’t know any better and while it’s a poor excuse, it’s the truth.”
“It’s not a poor excuse. I wasn’t really an adult when I enlisted. I thought I was, but God, I wasn’t more than a big kid.” Seth sighed. “That’s a poor excuse too. But you told me, early on, that I was forgiven. Do you remember telling me that?”
The hawk nodded. “Indeed. And I was forgiven too, by….” Her name simply wouldn’t come to the bird, yet he recalled her mercy as if only yesterday she had embraced him, not letting him go. And every time he went back, she was there for him, those same loving words slipping from her….
Was she a hawk, as he was? She was his soul mate, the mother to his child, with another on the way. “Seth, we’ve both been forgiven. We committed grievous crimes, and while those actions can’t be erased, we have learned to be compassionate, to put others first. And we’ve learned….” The hawk felt a strange sensation, as if his mind was losing ground.
“What Eric? What else have we learned?”
That name, what did that name mean? The hawk inhaled, but its lungs ached. Then it knew that time was short. Winter was approaching and the flight home would take many days. The baby was due soon, although the hawk no longer used human methods to delineate time. But perhaps only two full moons remained. He had to return to…. “What?” he asked the man, harnessing the last vestiges of this odd consciousness.
“You were telling me something we’ve learned. Compassion, to put others first, and….”
The hawk pondered those notions. Compassion was related to how he felt about his mate, in that he deeply cared for her. Putting others first meant the man in the building, who had needed help. The other issue…. Then the hawk nodded. “You must forget these things which have troubled you. Not that you might repeat them, but due to the mercy shown you. That mercy becomes meaningless if you cling to bygones. There is much for you to accomplish, but you can only see to those deeds with open hands. If you are gripping the past, nothing meaningful can be achieved.”
Seth nodded, then he trembled. The hawk watched with a detached nature, for as soon as those words were spoken, he felt a rumble all through him. As that sensation passed, so did the remnants of the human life Eric had lived. Now only a hawk stood in the courtyard, staring at a creature in the throes of anguish, or perhaps ecstasy. The hawk gazed until it had discerned that indeed the creature was happy, albeit deeply affected. The hawk hopped as close to the window as it could and still view the creature, who called out with a tone of intense thankfulness. The hawk understood that sound, for other animals made similar noises. It was a universal cry, which made the hawk shiver. It wanted to leave, its mate was waiting. But until this creature, obviously trapped, was released, the hawk would remain. They would fly away together, the hawk relayed in a loud squawk as the creature continued to bawl.
Chapter 149