On Thursday morning Renee didn’t get right out of bed. Sam snored beside her, for which she was glad; they had gotten home late last night, but not because Ann had been tearful or Paul was upset. Once they had put the children to bed at Vivian’s, the Aherns had gone to see Sam’s folks, then Renee’s. Now that Renee thought about it, she wondered if yesterday had been extended by several hours for all the details that had been attended. Most had been tackled by Sam while Ann napped; beds and dressers would be delivered that afternoon, toys and clothes waited in the other bedroom, boxes Vivian had mailed to her house while still in Colorado, most of which had yet to be opened. Renee had pondered that when she had a free moment, which had been while she rocked Ann, who had remained in Renee’s grasp nearly all night until that little girl fell asleep over Renee’s shoulder. Vivian had used her time in Colorado wisely, sending home just about all the children’s possessions. Yet both kids had lived out of suitcases for the last week, as though their stay at Vivian’s was merely a stopover. Renee hadn’t had time to ask if this had been Vivian’s plan all along, nor was Renee sure if that idea needed to be aired. When Renee stepped over the Kramer threshold last night, Ann ran to her, calling her Mama. Renee had nearly turned around, checking if perhaps Beth Hamilton’s ghost had followed her inside the house. But Ann meant Renee, and she had grabbed Renee’s knees until Renee picked her up, where immediately Ann placed her head on Renee’s shoulder. Dinner was eaten with Ann on Renee’s lap, although Paul had sat very close to Sam. Paul didn’t call Sam Daddy, but that title seemed apt, for Paul looked so much like Sam, their eyes the same shade of blue, and that cowlick similar to one Sam used to have ages ago. Renee had purposefully looked at a childhood photo of her husband when they went to tell Joe and Marjorie the news, and sure enough Sam had possessed a cowlick in nearly the same spot where Paul’s hair twirled up from his scalp. Renee hadn’t wondered if that meant Paul would go prematurely bald, only taking it as one more sign that these children were meant to be Aherns.
All of Sam and Renee’s parents were thrilled for the couple, as was Ritchie, who was playing cards with his dad when Sam and Renee reached the Nolan home. Ritchie was also drunk, but that had been overlooked, for the Aherns’ news was so wonderful, also startling; it was the first Marie and Gene had heard of the Hamiltons, and while Marie had shot her daughter some curious glances, Ritchie’s presence had negated the bigger question from being asked. Of course Renee hadn’t said anything to her folks, they had enough to deal with already. And it had happened so fast, Sam had said more than once; he still needed to call the lawyer his brother had recommended, to which Gene had smiled, pleased the attorney was Catholic. Then Eugene Nolan had wiped away tears, embracing Renee, whispering how happy he was for her, that she would make a fantastic mother, but he’d always known that. As Renee pulled away, she wanted to speak to her father’s unexpected openness, but then Ritchie nearly fell while walking into the kitchen. Sam steadied him, then Marie joined those men. Renee had heard another beer being opened and she and Sam made their goodbyes soon afterwards. Yet Ritchie’s relapse didn’t cloud their thoughts; too much joy swirled.
In the stillness, occasionally broken by Sam’s drones, Renee inhaled that happiness, even if the kids were still at Vivian’s. All day at work Renee had considered why God had brought this blessing to her and Sam, a huge gift with some rough edges. Renee hadn’t been sure if Ann would still feel drawn to her, yet last night there was no hesitation. It was as if Beth and Roy had been surrogate parents, shouldering all the difficult moments related to pregnancy, birth, and infants. Then they had slipped away, handing over the next phase of child-rearing to…. Renee blinked away tears, uncertain if she deserved this blessing. But she must, for here it was, already in her house and so tightly sewn into her heart. She ached to see Ann and Paul, rued having to work even the half day she was scheduled for. Dr. Howard had been so accommodating, yet Renee wondered if his eagerness was in part to get his main nurse back in the office. The children had visited this house yesterday, would sleep there that night. Tomorrow, while Renee and Sam started easing themselves into parenthood, Vivian Kramer would return to work, and while that practice might be short one nurse for the interim, the senior nurse would hold everything together. Unless Nurse Ahern turned into a stay at home mom.
Sam wasn’t ruling that out, and would call Stanford that morning about selling the landscape. They hadn’t used all the money earned by the three hawks to buy the Chevy, but Renee was going to be home more than they had originally speculated. Ann needed a mother’s presence, and while Paul would be enrolled in school, perhaps as soon as next week, Sam couldn’t care for the house and children on his own. Renee wasn’t worried about that aspect, especially after her father’s comment last night. He had always known she would be a good mother, yet how? Maybe he’d only said it because that was the kind of thing people were supposed to say. But her father’s damp face spoke far more than his words; Gene never wept. Perhaps Ritchie had something to do with it, yet Renee couldn’t get her father’s tender tone from her mind, how strongly he’d hugged her, how assured he had seemed. That confidence now filled Renee’s heart and she wiped away tears. Then she got out of bed, heading to the bathroom. The house was quiet, but only for this day.
Tomorrow…. She giggled, returning to her bedroom where Sam was just starting to stir. His mumbles were low, making Renee smile; their home would never again be so still. Getting back into bed, Renee snuggled beside Sam, who instinctively put his arms around her. They merely cuddled, but it felt so good that Renee wondered just how many changes waited on the horizon. These children would alter not only their lives, but those of their families. Maybe that might seem impossible; how many grandkids already graced these two clans, but Renee didn’t expect that any of her siblings or Sam’s would add more. And while Ann and Paul weren’t babies, they weren’t very old; how would they blend in with those their age, like Helene and Johnny? Then Renee giggled. “I wonder what Jane will think of them.”
Sam chuckled. “Been thinking that myself. Jane gets along well with Helene, hopefully she and Ann will hit it off the same.”
“I think Paul and Johnny will be good friends.” Renee sighed in contentment. “Sam, depending on how much Stanford can sell the painting for….”
“Been thinking about that too. Ann needs you, and while I know we weren’t planning on that sort of, well….” Sam cleared his throat. “At least for the next few months, if you could be here, I mean….”
Renee nodded. “This might sound funny, but I don’t wanna go back, not until she’s in school.” Renee took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “We’ll see what we can afford. And how they adjust. Maybe it won’t be that hard of a transition, sure been easy so far.”
Then Renee bit her tongue, and she crossed herself. Right before bedtime, Ann had called Sam Daddy, although Renee didn’t think Sam looked anything like Roy Hamilton. She hadn’t gotten a good look at him when she brought over the bear, but he’d been taller than Sam, and of course had a full head of hair. Maybe Ann thought Renee was her mother simply because Renee and Beth were both redheads. But Renee recalled Beth’s response to when Vivian had mentioned if the couple would have more children. Roy would have do it, Beth had laughed, a little sarcasm in her tone. Renee shivered; that had been merely months ago and now that woman was….
“It hasn’t been too hard,” Sam said softly, like he’d read Renee’s mind. “But I’m not gonna assume it’ll keep going this smoothly. Best that you’re here for however long both kids need you.” Sam kissed Renee’s forehead. “In fact, I’ll go call Stanford now. I think I have his work number, or I can call Lynne for it.”
Sam started to move, but Renee gripped him. “Don’t go yet.” She burrowed against him, wondering if this was real. She knew it was, but it also seemed as inexplicable as other recent events. Was it fair that they were benefitting from such tragedy, and what about Lynne, carrying Eric’s baby, living with only Jane? Yet, w
hatever child they might have chosen from St. Francis’ would have experienced some issues, settling into this home with people they hardly knew who were suddenly to be called Mommy and Daddy. Ann and Paul would have their aunt nearby, plus Ann was much younger than any orphan previously considered. It had been over three weeks since Beth Hamilton had died, three weeks for one little girl to wake each day without the comfort of her…. That word, so painful before, now floated in Renee’s head; she was someone’s mama, yet how? In what odd manner did that little girl transfer such a beloved title from one woman to another, regardless of hair color or any other feminine trait. Why in the world did Ann so fiercely believe Renee was her mother?
Renee employed that particular adverb due to Ann’s grip on Renee’s knees, how Ann laid her head upon Renee’s shoulder, and how that child insisted to sit on Renee’s lap during dinner. The only time Renee hadn’t held Ann was when Renee needed the bathroom, but as soon as Renee opened the door, Ann met her in the hallway, demanding to be back in Renee’s grasp. Renee contrasted that with the little girl she’d only seen for moments when returning the bear, held in her father’s arms, red hair blowing in the breeze. She had missed her favorite plaything, but not until nearly the family’s last night before leaving.
What kind of child had Ann been before, or Paul, Renee mused, still pressing her face against Sam’s chest. His pajama top precluded her from reaching his skin, but that was all right, Renee didn’t wish to be intimate. She wanted answers that were impossible to ascertain, maybe as inexplicable as why Eric was in Miami. But that was Lynne’s existence, which made Renee pull away from Sam. The Aherns had never experienced any sort of otherworldly machinations; theirs was a rather staid life, other than what Lynne and Eric offered. But at times life took twists and turns that couldn’t rationally be explained except by Godly providence. If Eric could turn into a hawk, then anything was possible.
But still troubling Renee was how readily Ann had substituted her into a role that for over three years had been that of a completely different woman. Paul’s wariness was far more credible, although he too seemed relieved for the idea of two parents over one elderly aunt. But Ann had laid claim upon Renee as if she had raised Ann from the start. Would that swapping of mothers later haunt Ann, might she one day turn to Renee and refuse to acknowledge her? What if Beth reappeared, not like that would occur, but what if? What might happen to the psyche of a little child if….
“Renee, we have to take this on faith.” Sam’s tone was again as though he knew all her thoughts. “It’s just like Lynne right now, she’s gotta believe….” Sam paused, then sighed. “It’s not gonna be simple calling Stanford, I’m sure he’s gonna, well, not ask but infer about Eric. Boy, I hope Laurie’s okay.”
“Whatdya mean?” Renee stared at her husband. “Do you think Stanford would actually ask about Eric?”
“Probably not, since Laurie’s home. Goodness only knows what he’s told him. But honey, we’ve had firsthand knowledge of how mysterious life can be.” Sam trembled slightly, then he sighed. “Do I wish the Hamiltons were still alive, I can’t honestly say. What I can tell you without a doubt is that Paul and Ann are our kids. Ann has your hair, your eyes, your….”
“My eyes?”
Sam smiled, tracing around Renee’s crows’ feet. “Hers are a little bluer, but so pale, the perfect blend of….” Now he chuckled. “God has his plan Renee. Maybe parts of it are a little, well, hard to digest, but overall, I’m just so, so….”
Now he paused, but Renee didn’t need him to continue. She kissed him, placing her hand over his tender heart. She had always known what a good father he would be, and that aspect of his character was finally being allowed room to surface. They cuddled for a few more minutes, then she pulled away. Many tasks required their attention for the treasure that was awaiting them later on.
After breakfast, Sam called Stanford, who was floored by the Aherns’ request. At first Sam worried that without an exhibit in which to showcase the landscape, the price would be lessened. However, Stanford couldn’t conceal his glee, both for the reason for the upcoming sale, nor what he would price that canvas. Now it was Sam to cough, but as Stanford spoke, Sam quickly took on board how Eric’s career had altered. So many Europeans itched to buy any Snyder canvas that the Aherns’ painting would be purchased for a sum that made Sam’s gut twitch. Yet he was grateful for that alleged amount, which he wouldn’t take as fact until the check went into the bank. Once it was securely deposited, then basically Renee could stay at home until the kids were in college. Relaying that fact to his wife made both Aherns go to their knees, prayers said for Ann and Paul first, then for other blessings.
The Aherns spent the rest of that morning alternating using their telephone; Sam called the attorney, then Renee spoke to Vivian, who said the children were in relatively good moods, although Ann asked for her mother every fifteen minutes or so. Paul had asked for Sam by name, but he referred to the Aherns as Mommy and Daddy when he thought Vivian couldn’t hear him. Vivian told Renee to come over after lunch, for she wanted to have the children settled at the Aherns’ home well before supper. Renee closed the call, then she approached Sam. “So what’re you gonna cook tonight?”
He sat at their kitchen table, a notepad in front of him, a pencil in his hand. He stared at her, then looked around the room. “Uh, haven’t given that any thought.”
Renee sat beside him, grasping his left hand. “I know it’ll be our first night here together, but Vivian sounded like she didn’t want to share it with us. I think she needs….” Renee had heard fatigue in Vivian’s voice, also despondency. She’d wanted to care for the kids, but the sheer weight of such a task had been too much, plus she hadn’t had a moment to grieve for her niece. “She needs some time by herself,” Renee said pointedly. “But I was thinking maybe I’ll call Lynne. I’m sure she’d be happy to whip up something, although no pie.” Renee frowned, then she brightened. “But she could cook dinner, then drop it off. Not necessarily stay, I mean, we’ll see about that, but the kids need to meet her and Jane and….” Renee trembled, the first time she had considered her goddaughter alongside those who were rapidly becoming her own offspring. “I know Ann’s so much older, but….”
Sam nodded. “That’s a good plan. You call Lynne and I’ll start opening boxes. I wanna be able to put their clothes away once the furniture’s delivered. Oh jeez, I totally forgot about bedding!”
He slapped his forehead with his right hand, narrowly missing jamming the pencil into his eye. Renee took the pencil, placing it on the table. “I bet Lynne has spare sheets, and if not, she can pick up some for us. Honey, it’s gonna be okay. Nothing has to be perfect, you know.”
Renee thought about how drunk Ritchie had been last night. Yet, not even that sorrow had dampened their news. “You finish your list, then start with the boxes. I’ll call Lynne and….”
Sam grasped Renee’s hands. “I love you. I don’t know if I’ve told you that since Vivian called us, jeez, when was that?”
“Two days ago,” Renee smiled.
“Two days? Feels like two months!” Then Sam smiled. “I do love you so much honey. Thank you for, well….”
“For what Sam?”
“For putting up with me all these years.”
His tone was conciliatory, but Renee felt no bitterness or regret. “Samuel Ahern, you are the silliest man I know, also the best.” She kissed his forehead where the pencil lead had almost landed. “Who’s put up with who all this time?”
His smile was slow, then he shrugged. “Go call Lynne, I’m almost done here.” He picked up the pencil, gazed at the list, then set the pencil back on the table. “Who am I kidding? I can barely think straight. I’ll be in the kids’ room if you need me.”
He stood, then got as far as the doorway before turning around. Renee had started crying as he said kids’ room, but she had tried to stay hushed. Yet Sam’s face sported tears too, as this new reality couldn’t be ignored. He sat beside h
er, gripping her. She nodded, stroking his face, heaving silent sobs. Once those were spent, she would call Lynne, and wouldn’t apologize for her broken voice. Lynne wouldn’t need an excuse, just as Renee had provided support in the past. But Renee did ponder one query; how long until Ann and Paul tasted a bite of Lynne’s signature dessert?
Lunch was baloney sandwiches at the Kramer residence, which Renee felt would become as familiar to her as was the Snyder home. While Vivian needed her solitude, she did love these children, whom she promised to see as often as they liked. Paul seemed more in need of her assurances, yet he called Sam Daddy twice. Ann called Sam by that name without pause and Renee was still Mama. But the children’s beds wouldn’t be delivered until after two o’clock, and none of the adults wanted the kids present for that. All three had decided Ann and Paul had endured enough upheaval. When they returned to the Aherns’ later that afternoon, it should be with their bedroom fully prepared.
Renee and Sam had taken two cars so Sam could go back to wait for the delivery men. Renee would stay at Vivian’s until Ann took her nap, then Renee would see if Paul required her presence. If he was all right with just his aunt, Renee would run over to the Snyders to help Lynne. She wanted to embrace her best friend and that godchild, whose place within Renee’s heart hadn’t been lessened. In fact, Renee couldn’t wait to introduce Jane to these children, what a trio they would make, with a quartet looming. Renee smiled, her ribcage slightly sore, as if having expanded overnight. Deep breaths were easily accommodated, which made her giggle inwardly; how much more room was there inside her now?
For months she had felt strangled until that afternoon in the Snyders’ kitchen, right before they returned from New York. That bright light had seemed to seal up Renee’s heart, yet it had been like opening an old tomb, permitting new life to shine on artifacts long forgotten. And now her house was being altered for the two little ones calling for her and Sam as their…. Mommy and Daddy slipped from Paul and Ann as if Renee and Sam had been their parents all along. Renee didn’t ponder that, she simply hugged Ann, who sat on her lap. “I love you,” Renee said softly, kissing the back of Ann’s head.
The little girl turned around, her pale blue eyes wide. “Are you really gonna be my mama now?”
“I am.” Renee smiled, then she tucked loose hairs behind Ann’s ears. “Forever and ever.”
Ann reached up, then tucked back some of Renee’s hairs. “I love you too, forever and ever.”
Renee chuckled, unable to stop tears that had snuck into the corners of her eyes, as if waiting for this child all of her life. Then Renee glanced at Sam, who was blinking like something was stuck in his eyes. He reached for her hand, grasping tenderly. Renee nodded, not bothering to wipe her face. Ann was doing it for her, running her small finger along Renee’s wet cheeks. “Why are you crying Mama?” Ann asked.
“Because I’m so happy,” Renee warbled, then she laughed. “Isn’t that silly?”
Ann smiled. “I’m happy too.” Then she gripped Renee with all her strength, which wasn’t much for a three-year-old, but to Renee it felt like the most lasting bands being fastened around her. She clutched Ann in an equal hold, but didn’t speak. She listened to Paul asking Sam a question, but Paul didn’t use Renee’s husband’s first name. “Daddy, are you all right?”
“Oh yeah,” Sam said, clearing his throat. “I’m fine.” Sam coughed, then blew his nose. “We just can’t wait to take you two home.”
“Well first someone needs a nap.” Vivian spoke with authority, yet her tone was bittersweet. Renee met her gaze, the women nodding at each other. “Ann, are you done with lunch?”
Ann didn’t move, but she nodded. Then she turned to face her aunt. “Thank you for the sandwich,” she said.
It was her voice, that of a youngster tinged with a greater knowledge, as if Ann understood all that had occurred in the last few days. Renee heard it, then inhaled that realization, like a new aspect of Ann’s character was being forged. Whoever she had been was being rewritten, for amidst confusion, this little girl could appreciate generosity shown. Renee set that away for later; she could discuss it with Sam that night in bed, or in a few days or weeks even. Gratitude was a wonderful trait to possess, one that Jesus taught from his earliest days. Forever Renee would be reminded of that in the guise of these blessings, her and Sam’s precious children.
Chapter 145