—JOE WILEY (variant of tale from Chaucer).
In slavery time Ole Massa had uh nigger an’ his name wuz John. He uster go stan’ in de chimbley (chimney) corner of nights an’ listen tuh whut Ole Massa say, den he’d go nex’ day an’ tell de other niggers whut tuh do. Ole Massa had done made ’im his foreman anyhow.
One night he heered ’im say, I’m gointuh have dem niggers plow dat bottom tuhmorrow.” Soon ez John got out nex’ mawnin’ he tole de colored folks, “Well, Ole Massa wants y’all tuh plow dat bottom land dis mawnin’. Hit de grit.”
In uh few minutes Ole Massa come out tuh give de orders fuh de day an’ he said: “Well, John I wants you tuh have ’em plow dat bottom land tuhday. He says, “Dat’s jus’ whut I done tole ’em.”
They all looked at one ’nother cause they couldn’t understan’ how John knowed whut Massa wuz gointer say. Massa didn’t know hisself, an’ John kept on doing dat till finally Massa ast John how he done it. John made b’lieve he could tell fortunes an’ read de mind, an’ Ole Massa b’lieved ’im.
One day he says tuh John, “John, looka here. I done bet mah whole plantation on you. Me an’ one uh mah frien’s got tuh arguin’ ’bout you cause I tole ’im you could tell anything. He said he bet he could fix somethin’ you couldn’t tell thout seein’ an’ so we got it fixed. He’s gointuh be here in uh few minutes an’ if you make me lose mah plantation, Ah’ll kill yuh.”
Well, after while they called Ole John an’ they had somethin’ under uh turnt-down wash-pot, an’ Ole Massa says tuh John, “Now, John, you tell us whut’s under dat wash-pot.”
John didn’t have de least idee whut wuz under dat pot. He walked round an’ round dat pot an’ scratched his head an’ tried tuh see if he could hear anything tuh give ’im uh lead; but he couldn’t git de slightes’ thing. So finally he give up an’ said, “Well, you got de ole coon dis time.”
He thought sho he wuz gointer git killed, but Ole Massa give uh whoop an’ kicked over de pot and hollered: “I wins, I knowed he could tell. John you gointuh git yo’ freedom. Now I got two plantations ’stead uh one.”
It wuz uh coon under de pot—but John didn’t know it.
—LARKINS WHITE.*
After Massa winned offa John, he wanted tuh go way off on de water, an’ he wanted John tuh stay wid Ole Missus; but John went tuh New York some way an’ so when Massa stepped offa de train, dere wuz John waitin’ fuh ’im in de station. He ast ’im, “How did you git here, John?”
“Ah run behin’ dat train.”
Massa wuz so took wid dat he didn’t whup John. He jus’ tole ’im tuh gwan back home an’ stay wid Ole Miss. But John slipped on de boat an’ hid hisself an’ slipped off befo’ Ole Massa did, an’ wuz waitin’ fuh ’im on de dock.
Ole Massa’s eyes nearly popped outa his head when he saw John on de dock. He ast ’im, “John, how did you git cross de water?”
“Ah swimmed behind dat ship.”
Massa called all de folks roun’ dere to come see his John. He wuz wringin’ wet jus’ lak he been swimmin’, but he had done wet hisself in de edge uh de water. Whilst they wuz all talkin’ an’ makin’ ’mirations. John seed uh man out in de water uh swimmin’ roun’ an’ cuttin’ up. John hollered tuh ’im he said, “How long you been in dat water?”
Man tole ’im three hours. He said tuh Massa, “Massa, dat man can’t swim none. Git me uh stove an’ some wood an’ rations cause Ah’m gointuh cook an’ eat an’ stay in dere uh month. Uh month ain’t nothin’ uh tall fuh me tuh swim.”
He hollered tuh de man an’ challenged ’im tuh swim wid ’im. De man says he’ll swim wid ’im cause he’s de champeen over dere. Den John hollered back tuh ast ’im how much money he’d swim fuh an’ de man says two thousan’ dollars. By dat time Ole Massa b’lieves John kin do some swimmin’ so he raises de man in de water tuh fifty thousan’ dollars an’ tole John tuh git ready an’ if he lost his money he wuz gointuh kill ’im sho.
“Aw, Ah ain’t gointuh lose yo’ money, Massa. Jus’ you git me de things Ah tole you, an’Ah’ll beat ’im.”
By dat time John wuz skeered tuh death cause everybody went tuh makin’ preparations fuh de big swimmin’ match, an’ he couldn’t swim uh lick. He hollered out tuh de man in de water, “Say, you betta git yo’ self some vittles cause dis ain’t gonna be one uh dem lil baby matches, jus’ gittin out in de water an’ playin’ round six or seben hours. Cain’t hardly git wet thew in dat lil time. Git yo’ self some vittles tuh cook cause we gointuh be swimmin’ fuh months, maybe uh year or two.”
De man come out de water tuh look at John and he quit. He said he couldn’t swim no whole day even—so John winned agin fuh Ole Massa on uh bluff.
—LARKINS WHITE.
There wuz a man in slavery time always meddling in everything he see. So finally de master said to him, “John, I want you to stay in this room all day and take keer of this box for me. Now, don’t tetch it—don’t bother it in no way, and I’ll give you yo’ freedom.”
Ole Master had done put a young turkey under dat box, and left de window open so John could git some air. De box wuz restin’ on a table.
Well, Master locked John up in de room and went off and set where he could watch.
John set there a little while, then he got to worrying about what wuz under dat box. First he come set side of de box. Then he set on de box; last he got under de table trying to find out what’s in de box.
Finally he couldn’t stand it no longer and he lift up de box and out flew de turkey and right on out de window. John didn’t know what to do.
After a little while Master came on in and said, “I see you can’t mind yo’ own business; so git back to hoeing.”
—GEORGE MILLS.
Bear in De Cane Patch†
During slavery time Ole Master had uh cane patch and uh bear uster come stealing his cane. One night Ole Master see him himself. He had John along wid ’im, so John says, “Marsa, lemme go kill dat bear fer yuh.”
“No, John, you might git hurt an’ I don’t want you all hurt up. You know I thinks uh whole heap uh you.”
De nex’ night ole John goes down dere atter dat bear unbeknowinst tuh Ole Master. He had never seen uh bear up close, an’ he didn’t know how strong he wuz.
Dat bear grabbed John and wuz wearing him out er dis world, till John broke his holt and put out fuh de big house hollering “Ole Master” at every jump. Round and round dat house, John wid de bear right behind him. Ole Master heered de rookus and looked out and seed de bear an’ shot ’im. Jes as soon as he done dat, John come on in de house and said, “Master, did yo’ see de fine bear I brought you?”
“Why, John, I just killed uh bear I seen running round de house.”
John made out he wuz so sorry. “Oh Master, you didn’t kill mah bear, didja?”
“Why yes, John, why?”
“Why, Master, I had done conquered dat bear and wuz bringing him up here tuh de house tuh be a plaything for yo’ chillun.”
—ROBERT WILLIAMS.
In slavery time Ole Marsa bought Jack an’ took ’im home. Jack played green tuh everything.
While they wuz ridin’ long they passed uh haystack an’ Jack ast Ole Marsa whut it wuz. Marsa says, “Why, dat’s my high tall mountain I feeds my cattle on.”
When they got tuh de house de cat run out tuh meet Ole Marsa an’ Jack ast ’im whut wuz dat. “Oh, dat’s my red balls uh simmons, Jack.”
They went inside de house an’ dere wuz uh fire in de fireplace an’ Jack ast ’im whut wuz dat. “Why, dat’s my flames uh flapperation tuh keep me warm.”
Ole Marsa went an’ put on his bedroom slippers an’ Jack ast ’im whut they wuz. “Why, dese are my flying trapeze.”
Night come an’ Jack saw Ole Marsa go tuh his bed an’ he ast ’im whut wuz dat. “Why dat’s my flowery beds of ease where I sleep. I ain’t goin’ tuh take you down tuh de quarters t’night. You kin sleep right in front uh my flames uh flapperation till mornin’—den I’ll fix
fuh yuh.”
He made Jack down uh pallet on de floor in front uh de fire an’ went on tuh bed. Jack went tuh sleep an’ way afterwhile de cat come got on de pallet wid Jack an’ he hauled off an’ kicked her intuh de fire, an’ she caught on fire an’ shot outdoors an’ right intuh dat haystack. Jack got up an’ called Ole Marsa tuh tell ’im de haystack wuz on fire, so he said: “Marsa, Marsa!”
“Whut you want, Jack?”
“You better git outa yo’ flowery beds uh ease, an’ put on yo’ flying trapeze, cause yo’ red balls uh simmons done carried yo’ flames uh flapperation tuh yo’ high tall mountain.”
“Whut you say, Jack?”
“I say you better git outa yo’ flowery beds uh ease an’ put on yo’ flyin’ trapeze, cause yo’ red ball uh simmons done fell intuh yo’ flames uh flapperation an’ done carried it intuh yo’ high tall mountain.”
“I didn’t understand whut you sayin’, Jack.”
“Aw, I said you better git out dat bed cause dat damn cat done set dat haystack afire.”
—EUGENE OLIVER.
In slavery time Ole Massa wuzn’t very good tuh John, so John got tired. So one day he made up a plot wid his buddy to fool Ole Massa. So dey put a whole heap uh groceries up a sycamore tree, so when Ole Massa come out tuh de field and started fussin’ at John, John said:
“Ole Massa, I am tired de way you treats me. You works me befo’ day an’ after dark. I specks you gwinter be workin’ me by de light uh de moon nex’ thing. You don’t half feed me. I’m gwine tuh God fur whut I want after dis.”
“Well,” said Ole Massa, “I feed you, don’t I? God don’t feed you, do He? So ef you don’t do lak I say, you gwinter git plenty on yo’ back an’ starve, too.”
John tole him, “No, I won’t neither. I’m gwinter quit work right now an’ go ask God for some rations.”
So John went on over under de sycamore tree and fell down on his knees. His buddy wuz already up de tree. John begun tuh pray. He hollered, “O Lord, if I be your servant, send me down a sack uh flour.” Down come de sack uh flour. “Now, Lord, please send your humble servant a side uh meat and a bag uh rice.” Down come de rice and bacon. “Now, Lord, if I ask you tuh throw me down a sack uh meal and a sack uh sugar and a can uh lard and uh ham, if it be Thy holy and righteous will.” Down come everything he ast fur.
Ole Massa’s eyes wuz poppin’. He didn’t know whut tuh do. John got up off his knees and tole Ole Massa, he said: “I’m gwinter git back down on my knees and ast ’im tuh lam dis place wid uh bolt uh lightnin’ and kill all dese weeked white folks. B’lieve I’l ast ’im to ’stroy de world.”
Ole Massa got skeered and tole John, “Now, don’t do dat, John. Ef you don’t ast ’im dat, I’ll give you your freedom and forty acres an’ uh thousand dollars.” So he give it tuh ’im and that’s how niggers got they freedom.
—FRED COOPER.
Big Sixteen†
Back in slavery time Marster had a Negro named John. John was such they named him Big Sixteen. He told Big Sixteen one morning to go down in his pasture and ketch him dat wild hawg and bring him to him. He run dat hawg down and brought him to him. Marster thought that wuz pretty good, so he thought he’d try him out agin.
So next morning he wanted to put some new blocks under his house, and he had some twelve by twelves in his cow lot and tole him to go bring him one. Big Sixteen goes and puts dat twelve by twelve on his shoulder and brings it to the house, and next morning Ole Marster decided to try him agin. He tole him to go ketch up all his chickens and he caught all dat was roosting in yard and tree. How many?—two thousand.
“That was all, John, I believe you can ketch de devil.”
John tole him, “Yeah, Marster, I kin ketch him.”
Nex’morning Marster tole him to go ketch de devil. John tole him, “All right, Marster. Gimme a shovel and a ten eb hammer.”
Marster gits him de shovel and de ten eb hammer and John walks out about two hundred yards in front of de house and commenced digging in de dirt—digging dis hole. Finally he come to de devil’s house and knocked on de door and his wife ast him who was it and he told her Big Sixteen. He ast her was Jack de Devil dere and she said, “Yes.”
“Tell him I wants to see him.”
Devil cracked de door and peeped out and John tapped him in de forehead wid dat hammer and kilt him, and run in and grabbed him up and throwed him crost his shoulder and carried him back to Ole Marster. His Marster tole him say, “I don’t want dat ugly thing—take him back.”
Big Sixteen took him back and throwed him in dat same hole dat he had dug and buried him. ’Bout two weeks later Big Sixteen died and he went to hell. Devil’s wife and chillun saw him comin’ and de chillun begin to run and hide, and de wife saw him coming so straight till she slammed de door herself. Big Sixteen walks up and knocks on de door and she ast who was it. He tole her Big Sixteen. She tole him, “Go way! Go back! We don’t want you down here—you’re too bad.”
Big Sixteen goes on back. He goes to heben. When he got to heben he knocked on de gates. They ast who was it. He says Big Sixteen. They says, “Go on way from here. We don’t want you here—you’re too bad.”
It was nowhere else for Big Sixteen to go. He had to come on back to de earth. His soul changed to a ball of fire. He is wandering round on de earth and they calls him Jack-o-Lanten; but it’s nobody but Big Sixteen.
—JERRY BENNETT.
John†
In slavery time there was a colored man by the name of John. One day him and his Ole Master was going along and John said, “Ole Massa, I can tell fortunes.” Ole Massa didn’t pay him no attention.
They went on to the next plantation and he told the owner, “I have a nigger that can tell fortunes.”
He said, “I bet you my plantation and all my niggers against yours that he can’t tell fortunes.” So they called a notary public and signed up the bet.
John was in misery all that night for he knowed he couldn’t tell no fortunes. Every morning John used to get up and saddle his mule and Ole Massa’s horse. Ole Massa had to get him up that morning. Going over to the plantation where the bet was on, John had been riding side by side with Ole Massa; but this time he rode behind.
So the man on the plantation had went out that night and caught a coon and had it sealed up in a box. So there was a many one there to hear John tell what was in the box.
They brought John out and he pulled off his hat and scratched his head and said: “Well, white folks, you got the old coon at last.”
He meant himself, but everybody hollered, “It’s a coon sure enough. John sure can tell fortunes!” So he won for Ole Massa.
Going back home he said, “Ole Massa, I am not going to tell any more fortunes.”
Massa said, “I don’t care if you don’t, because you have made me a rich man. Now I am going to New York and leave everything with you. So in the fall you can sell or keep everything until I come back.”
Him and his wife left for the train, went to the next station and got off.
So John told what niggers that was there to get on the mules and one to ride three miles north, the other one to ride three miles south, one to ride three miles west and the other to ride three miles east. “Tell everybody to come here; there’s going to be a ball here tonight. The rest of you go into the lot and kill hogs until you can walk on them.”
So they did. He goes in and dressed up in Ole Massa’s evening clothes, put on a collar and tie, got a box of cigars and put under his arm and one in his mouth. When the crowd come that night and begin to dance, John told them he was going to call figures.* So he got the big old rocking chair and put it up in the bed and got up in the bed in the chair and began to call figures. “Hands up four! Circle right! Half back! Two ladies change!”
He puffed his cigar. When he went to say “Hands up four”, Ole Massa walked in and said: “John, look what you have done. You have on my evening suit, up in my bed, done killed all my hogs, and got all these niggers in my
house. I am going to take you out to that persimmon tree and break your neck.”
“Ole Massa, can I have a word with Jack before you kill me?”
“Yes, but have it quick.”
So he called Jack and told him, “Ole Massa is going to break my neck. Get three matches and get in the top of that persimmon tree. When I pray and ask God to let it lightning I want you to strike the matches.”
So he got to the tree. Ole Massa had the rope around John’s neck and put it over a limb.
“Now, John, have you anything to say before I hang you?”
“Yes, sir. I want to pray.”
“Well, pray and pray damn quick.”
“O Lord, here I am at the foot of the persimmon tree. If you are going to destroy Ole Massa tonight, his wife and all he has, I want to see it lightning.”
Jack striked a match. Ole Massa said, “John, don’t pray no more.”
“Oh, yes, turn me loose so I can pray. O Lord, here I am at the foot of the persimmon tree. O Lord, here I am tonight calling on thee. If thou are going to destroy Ole Massa tonight, his wife and all he has, I want to see it lightning again.”
Jack struck another match and Ole Massa started to run. He run so fast till it took an express train running at the rate of ninety miles an hour six months to bring him back home.
—JOE WILEY.
During slavery time Old Marsa had uh slave name Jack an’ his desire wuz chicken. Dere wuz one ole rooster uster jump upon de fence right in front uh Jack an’ crow jes’ ’bout time he wuz knockin’ off. Jack wuz layin’ for ’im, too, but he couldn’t git uh good chance ’cause somebody wuz around. Old Marsa wuz watchin’ him whilst he wuz watchin’ de rooster, but he didn’t know it.
At las’ one evenin’ Jack got de ole rooster, and he said (sang): “Dat ole rooster sittin’ on de fence, got ’im in mah arms at las’.”
Ole Marsa come up an’ said, “Yes, an’ dat ole whip wuz hangin’ on de wall, Ah got it in mah hand at las’.”