LETTER III
DARSIE LATIMER TO ALAN FAIRFORD
SHEPHERD'S BUSH.
I have received thine absurd and most conceited epistle. It is wellfor thee that, Lovelace and Belford-like, we came under a conventionto pardon every species of liberty which we may take with each other;since, upon my word, there are some reflections in your last which wouldotherwise have obliged me to return forthwith to Edinburgh, merely toshow you I was not what you took me for.
Why, what a pair of prigs hast thou made of us! I plunging into scrapes,without having courage to get out of them--thy sagacious self, afraidto put one foot before the other, lest it should run away from itscompanion; and so standing still like a post, out of mere faintnessand coldness of heart, while all the world were driving full speed pastthee. Thou a portrait-painter! I tell thee, Alan, I have seen a betterseated on the fourth round of a ladder, and painting a bare-breechedHighlander, holding a pint-stoup as big as himself, and a bootedLowlander, in a bobwig, supporting a glass of like dimensions; the wholebeing designed to represent the sign of the Salutation.
How hadst thou the heart to represent thine own individual self, withall thy motions, like those of a great Dutch doll, depending on thepressure of certain springs, as duty, reflection, and the like; withoutthe impulse of which, thou wouldst doubtless have me believe thouwouldst not budge an inch! But have I not seen Gravity out of his bed atmidnight? and must I, in plain terms, remind thee of certain mad pranks?Thou hadst ever, with the gravest sentiments in thy mouth and the moststarched reserve in thy manner, a kind of lumbering proclivity towardsmischief, although with more inclination to set it a-going than addressto carry it through; and I cannot but chuckle internally, when I thinkof having seen my most venerable monitor, the future president of somehigh Scottish court, puffing, blowing, and floundering, like a clumsycart-horse in a bog where his efforts to extricate himself only plungedhim deeper at every awkward struggle, till some one--I myself, forexample--took compassion on the moaning monster, and dragged him out bymane and tail.
As for me, my portrait is, if possible, even more scandalouslycaricatured, I fail or quail in spirit at the upcome! Where canst thoushow me the least symptom of the recreant temper, with which thou hastinvested me (as I trust) merely to set off the solid and impassibledignity of thine own stupid indifference? If you ever saw me tremble, beassured that my flesh, like that of the old Spanish general, only quakedat the dangers into which my spirit was about to lead it. Seriously,Alan, this imputed poverty of spirit is a shabby charge to bring againstyour friend. I have examined myself as closely as I can, being, in verytruth, a little hurt at your having such hard thoughts of me, and onmy life I can see no reason for them. I allow you have, perhaps, someadvantage of me in the steadiness and indifference of your temper; but Ishould despise myself, if I were conscious of the deficiency in couragewhich you seem willing enough to impute to me. However, I suppose, thisungracious hint proceeds from sincere anxiety for my safety; and soviewing it, I swallow it as I would do medicine from a friendly doctor,although I believed in my heart he had mistaken my complaint.
This offensive insinuation disposed of, I thank thee, Alan, for the restof thy epistle. I thought I heard your good father pronouncing the wordNoble House, with a mixture of contempt and displeasure, as if the veryname of the poor little hamlet were odious to him, or as if you hadselected, out of all Scotland, the very place at which you had no callto dine. But if he had had any particular aversion to that blamelessvillage and very sorry inn, is it not his own fault that I did notaccept the invitation of the Laird of Glengallacher, to shoot a buckin what he emphatically calls 'his country'? Truth is, I had a strongdesire to have complied with his lairdship's invitation. To shoot abuck! Think how magnificent an idea to one who never shot anything buthedge-sparrows, and that with a horse-pistol purchased at a broker'sstand in the Cowgate! You, who stand upon your courage, may rememberthat I took the risk of firing the said pistol for the first time, whileyou stood at twenty yards' distance; and that, when you were persuadedit would go off without bursting, forgetting all law but that of thebiggest and strongest, you possessed yourself of it exclusively for therest of the holidays. Such a day's sport was no complete introduction tothe noble art of deer-stalking, as it is practised in the Highlands; butI should not have scrupled to accept honest Glengallacher's invitation,at the risk of firing a rifle for the first time, had it not been forthe outcry which your father made at my proposal, in the full ardour ofhis zeal for King George, the Hanover succession, and the Presbyterianfaith. I wish I had stood out, since I have gained so little uponhis good opinion by submission. All his impressions concerning theHighlanders are taken from the recollections of the Forty-five, when heretreated from the West Port with his brother volunteers, each tothe fortalice of his own separate dwelling, so soon as they heard theAdventurer was arrived with his clans as near them as Kirkliston. Theflight of Falkirk--PARMA NON BENE SELECTA--in which I think your sirehad his share with the undaunted western regiment, does not seem to haveimproved his taste for the company of the Highlanders; (quaere,Alan, dost thou derive the courage thou makest such boast of from anhereditary source?) and stories of Rob Roy Macgregor, and Sergeant AlanMhor Cameron, have served to paint them in still more sable colours tohis imagination. [Of Rob Roy we have had more than enough. Alan Cameron,commonly called Sergeant Mhor, a freebooter of the same period, wasequally remarkable for strength, courage, and generosity.]
Now, from all I can understand, these ideas, as applied to the presentstate of the country, are absolutely chimerical. The Pretender isno more remembered in the Highlands than if the poor gentleman weregathered to his hundred and eight fathers, whose portraits adorn theancient walls of Holyrood; the broadswords have passed into other hands;the targets are used to cover the butter churns; and the race has sunk,or is fast sinking, from ruffling bullies into tame cheaters. Indeed, itwas partly my conviction that there is little to be seen in the north,which, arriving at your father's conclusions, though from differentpremisses, inclined my course in this direction, where perhaps I shallsee as little.
One thing, however, I HAVE seen; and it was with pleasure the moreindescribable, that I was debarred from treading the land which my eyeswere permitted to gaze upon, like those of the dying prophet from topof Mount Pisgah,--I have seen, in a word, the fruitful shores of merryEngland; merry England! of which I boast myself a native, and on whichI gaze, even while raging floods and unstable quicksands divide us, withthe filial affection of a dutiful son.
Thou canst not have forgotten, Alan--for when didst thou ever forgetwhat was interesting to thy friend?--that the same letter from my friendGriffiths, which doubled my income, and placed my motions at my ownfree disposal, contained a prohibitory clause, by which, reason noneassigned, I was prohibited, as I respected my present safety andfuture fortunes, from visiting England; every other part of the Britishdominions, and a tour, if I pleased, on the Continent, being left to myown choice.--Where is the tale, Alan, of a covered dish in the midstof a royal banquet, upon which the eyes of every guest were immediatelyfixed, neglecting all the dainties with which the table was loaded? Thiscause of banishment from England--from my native country--from the landof the brave, and the wise, and the free--affects me more than I amrejoiced by the freedom and independence assigned to me in all otherrespects. Thus, in seeking this extreme boundary of the country whichI am forbidden to tread, I resemble the poor tethered horse, which, youmay have observed, is always grazing on the very verge of the circle towhich it is limited by its halter.
Do not accuse me of romance for obeying this impulse towards the South;nor suppose that, to satisfy the imaginary longing of an idle curiosity,I am in any danger of risking the solid comforts of my presentcondition. Whoever has hitherto taken charge of my motions has shown me,by convincing proofs more weighty than the assurances which they havewitheld, that my real advantage is their principal object. I should be,therefore, worse than a fool did I object to their authority, even whenit
seems somewhat capriciously exercised; for assuredly, at my age, Imight--intrusted as I am with the care and management of myself in everyother particular--expect that the cause of excluding me from Englandshould be frankly and fairly stated for my own consideration andguidance. However, I will not grumble about the matter. I shall know thewhole story one day, I suppose; and perhaps, as you sometimes surmise, Ishall not find there is any mighty matter in it after all.
Yet one cannot help wondering--but plague on it, if I wonder anylonger, my letter will be as full of wonders as one of Katterfelto'sadvertisements. I have a month's mind, instead of this damnableiteration of guesses and forebodings, to give thee the history of alittle adventure which befell me yesterday; though I am sure you will,as usual, turn the opposite side of the spyglass on my poor narrative,and reduce, MORE TUO, to the most petty trivialities, the circumstanceto which thou accusest me of giving undue consequence. Hang thee, Alan,thou art as unfit a confidant for a youthful gallant with some spiceof imagination, as the old taciturn secretary of Facardin of Trebizond.Nevertheless, we must each perform our separate destinies. I am doomedto see, act, and tell; thou, like a Dutchman enclosed in the samediligence with a Gascon, to hear, and shrug thy shoulders.
Of Dumfries, the capital town of this county, I have but little to say,and will not abuse your patience by reminding you that it is built onthe gallant river Nith, and that its churchyard, the highest place ofthe old town, commands an extensive and fine prospect. Neither will Itake the traveller's privilege of inflicting upon you the whole historyof Bruce poniarding the Red Comyn in the Church of the Dominicansat this place, and becoming a king and patriot because he had been achurch-breaker and a murderer. The present Dumfriezers remember andjustify the deed, observing it was only a papist church--in evidencewhereof, its walls have been so completely demolished that no vestigesof them remain. They are a sturdy set of true-blue Presbyterians, theseburghers of Dumfries; men after your father's own heart, zealous for theProtestant succession--the rather that many of the great families aroundare suspected to be of a different way of thinking, and shared, a greatmany of them, in the insurrection of the Fifteen, and some in the morerecent business of the Forty-five. The town itself suffered in thelatter era; for Lord Elcho, with a large party of the rebels, levieda severe contribution upon Dumfries, on account of the citizens havingannoyed the rear of the Chevalier during his march into England.
Many of these particulars I learned from Provost C--, who, happening tosee me in the market-place, remembered that I was an intimate of yourfather's, and very kindly asked me to dinner. Pray tell your father thatthe effects of his kindness to me follow me everywhere. I became tired,however, of this pretty town in the course of twenty-four hours, andcrept along the coast eastwards, amusing myself with looking out forobjects of antiquity, and sometimes making, or attempting to make, useof my new angling-rod. By the way, old Cotton's instructions, by whichI hoped to qualify myself for one of the gentle society of anglers, arenot worth a farthing for this meridian. I learned this by mere accident,after I had waited four mortal hours. I shall never forget an impudenturchin, a cowherd, about twelve years old, without either brogue orbonnet, barelegged, and with a very indifferent pair of breeches--howthe villain grinned in scorn at my landing-net, my plummet, and thegorgeous jury of flies which I had assembled to destroy all the fishin the river. I was induced at last to lend the rod to the sneeringscoundrel, to see what he would make of it; and he had not only halffilled my basket in an hour, but literally taught me to kill two troutswith my own hand. This, and Sam having found the hay and oats, notforgetting the ale, very good at this small inn, first made me takethe fancy of resting here for a day or two; and I have got my grinningblackguard of a piscator leave to attend on me, by paying sixpence a dayfor a herd-boy in his stead.
A notably clean Englishwoman keeps this small house, and my bedroom issweetened with lavender, has a clean sash-window, and the walls are,moreover, adorned with ballads of Fair Rosamond and Cruel Barbara Allan.The woman's accent, though uncouth enough, sounds yet kindly in my ear;for I have never yet forgotten the desolate effect produced on myinfant organs, when I heard on all sides your slow and broad northernpronunciation, which was to me the tone of a foreign land. I am sensibleI myself have since that time acquired Scotch in perfection, and many aScotticism withal. Still the sound of the English accentuation comes tomy ears as the tones of a friend; and even when heard from the mouth ofsome wandering beggar, it has seldom failed to charm forth my mite.You Scotch, who are so proud of your own nationality, must make dueallowance for that of other folks.
On the next morning I was about to set forth to the stream where I hadcommenced angler the night before, but was prevented by a heavy showerof rain from stirring abroad the whole forenoon; during all which time,I heard my varlet of a guide as loud with his blackguard jokes in thekitchen, as a footman in the shilling gallery; so little are modesty andinnocence the inseparable companions of rusticity and seclusion.
When after dinner the day cleared, and we at length sallied out to theriver side, I found myself subjected to a new trick on the part of myaccomplished preceptor. Apparently, he liked fishing himself better thanthe trouble of instructing an awkward novice such as I; and in hopes ofexhausting my patience, and inducing me to resign the rod, as I had donethe preceding day, my friend contrived to keep me thrashing the watermore than an hour with a pointless hook. I detected this trick at last,by observing the rogue grinning with delight when he saw a large troutrise and dash harmless away from the angle. I gave him a sound cuff,Alan; but the next moment was sorry, and, to make amends, yieldedpossession of the fishing-rod for the rest of the evening, heundertaking to bring me home a dish of trouts for my supper, inatonement for his offences.
Having thus got honourably rid of the trouble of amusing myself in a wayI cared not for, I turned my steps towards the sea, or rather the SolwayFirth which here separates the two sister kingdoms, and which lay atabout a mile's distance, by a pleasant walk over sandy knells, coveredwith short herbage, which you call Links, and we English, Downs.
But the rest of my adventure would weary out my fingers, and mustbe deferred until to-morrow, when you shall hear from me, by way ofcontinuation; and, in the meanwhile, to prevent over-hasty conclusions,I must just hint to you, we are but yet on the verge of the adventurewhich it is my purpose to communicate.