To Sleep
By: Stephen Kaplan
Copyright 2013
"Sing it to me, please."
"Not tonight, dad."
"Please, Tanya. I don't have much longer. It's my final wish."
"Don't talk nonsense, dad. You still have a good ten years left at the very least."
"No, Tanya. I don't."
Tanya sat down in a chair next to the bed of her dying 89-year-old father, George. The room was dark except for a lamp that sat on the nightstand on the other side of the bed. The lamp wasn't very bright, though, and only illuminated George's face. She could see the pain in his eyes and felt sorry for him. All he wanted before he died was to hear the song that changed his life forever, one last time.
"Why do you want me to sing it?" Tanya asked.
"It helps me remember."
"Remember what?"
"My life." George said, absent-mindedly, trying to remember his life without the help of the song. After that attempt failed he said, "Please, Tanya. It's the only way. Before I go I want to relive my life, one last time."
After a moment of silence Tanya finally gave in.
"All right, dad. Just for you."
I will always be by your side
Forever, have no fear
I will help your heart fill with pride
And I will always be near
"That takes me back." George smiled and closed his eyes, remembering his past.
Where am I? Is this…my memory? I've never experienced this before. Normally when I'm able to remember my past I just remember it as it was. Why am I experiencing this as a bystander? I can see myself through a third-person kind of view. This is so surreal. Wait, this memory…this isn't very far back. This was only a couple years ago. Marie…no. This is a bad memory. I don't want to be here. I don't want to relive this part.
"Sing me the song."
Marie…why?
"I don't even think I remember the words."
"Please, George. It's my favourite."
"Well…okay. I'll try."
No, this is too painful. I don't want to be reliving this part. I want to relive my youth. I can't handle Marie passing again. I just want to hold her hand again, one final time.
George walked over to Marie's side and tried to grab her hand, but his hand went right through her's.
I guess I can't. I stopped singing…I guess I forgot the words.
"George, please forgive me."
I don't remember her saying that. That's a little weird. When did she say that? Was I just too distraught to hear her say that?
"Just…forgive me."
Why would she be asking for forgiveness? What could she have done that would require my forgiving her?
When you're alone and you can't carry on
Remember that I love you
And if you're scared and you feel like you're gone
Forever, I will be true
Where am I now? A carnival? Yes, that's right. I remember this. This is what I want to relive. I'm twenty-two and quite the strapping young lad, if I do say so myself. Where is Marie, though? Wait, the song. The song that made me fall in love with her. I can hear it in the distance, but where is it coming from?
George followed his younger self to a stage where a choir sang this song, with Marie being a part of the choir. Young George leaned on a fence post as he watched the choir, more specifically Marie. They were already engaged at this point. At the other end of the fence was Tommy, George's best friend, also leaning on a fence post. This was not something Young George ever noticed before.
There's my beautiful Marie. So young and vibrant. She was so full of life. Well young me, you're going to have a great life marrying the most beautiful woman in the world. Hey, is that Tommy? Wow, he looks so young. But, I don't remember him being at the carnival. He never said "hi" to me, that's a little strange. First Marie asking for me to forgive her and now Tommy. Why am I noticing things that I don't remember actually being part of my memories? Well, maybe he just didn't know I was there for the same reason I didn't know he was there. That's probably why he didn't say anything to me, because I didn't say anything to him.
The song is over. Here comes Marie now, coming to give me a kiss. Everything about her just screamed radiant. Wait, Tommy is looking at me and Marie. He did see me. Where is he going?
Tommy turned around and started walking away. George tried to follow him but hit an invisible barrier before he could get too far.
I guess my memories have boundaries.
George turned around and noticed that his younger self and Marie were both gone.
Hey, where did I go?
If you feel lost, if you feel hurt
In spirit I will be with you
Don't feel forgotten, I won't desert
Forever, I will be true
Why am I so small? Wait…this is kindergarten. How could I have forgotten the first time I met you? My five-year-old mind couldn't comprehend what it was seeing. Do you believe in love at first sight? What about at such a young age? Could it really be true love when we were only five?
"Okay class," the teacher spoke, "today we have a new student."
Her bright blonde hair was glowing in the sunlight coming through the window. And there I was not able to avert my gaze. I remember this well now. Tommy was sitting beside me focused on trying to tie his shoes by himself. And I remember elbowing Tommy and saying:
"Who is she?"
Then Tommy looked up and saw her, but showed no sign of interest. Instead he went back to his shoes and said to me:
"Who cares? Girls are icky and have cooties anyway."
"You have cooties!" Little George shouted in defense.
That was the first time I ever spoke back to Tommy like that. The whole class went "ew" in a long, drawn out way. I was put in timeout for about ten minutes but it was worth it because it made her laugh. She had such a sweet, innocent laughter. After my timeout was over I remember her coming up to me.
"What's your name?" She asked.
"George, but my parents call me Georgie." Little George responded.
"That's cool. My name is Maria but everyone calls me Marie."
George stood there watching this memory play out with a tear in his eye.
Then she told me about a song her daddy taught her. That was the first time I ever heard the song and after hearing it I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But what's Little Tommy doing?
Old George walked over to where Tommy sat, playing by himself, staring jealously at Little George and Marie. He stood up and threw a toy truck across the room, yelling loudly. The toy truck hit another kid in the back of the head and Tommy was sent to the principal's office.
Unfortunately, I remember that when kindergarten ended, so did any relationship I had with Marie. She and I were in different classes until around high school…
Seasons may change and time may move on
Long days will go and then be gone
Everything wrong will soon be right
By the end of every night
My old cafeteria. I remember this place well. Tommy and I started a lot of rumours in this place, most of them just disappeared and nothing much happened with them. Still, I don't know why I was such a mean-spirited teenager trying to start rumours. But despite that, I still secretly wanted to be with Marie. She was sitting by herself at a table eating lunch and reading a newspaper…or a magazine. This is it, the day I asked her out. Tommy didn't want me to; he said she would turn me into a wuss. I would become whipped and then be forced to never hangout with him ever again. But I knew better than that.
"I can't get her out of my head." George said. "I need to ask her out."
"But what if she ruins your life?" Tommy questi
oned.
"She won't. She's the only girl in the whole world that can make me happy." There was a long pause before George finally added, "You do want me to be happy, don't you?"
"I guess…" Tommy muttered under his breath.
"Then it's settled."
This is too painful for me to watch. Even though I know the outcome in the end is positive, my heart is about to be crushed.
George followed his younger self over to the table that Marie was sitting at and humming the very special song. Young George sat himself down and Old George sat down next to his younger self. Marie stopped humming once Young George sat down.
"Hey Marie…" George said.
"Hey George," Marie said without lifting her eyes off of the paper, "what do you want?"
"I was wondering if…I don't know…maybe…you…" George started sweating and shaking.
Oh, young me, pull yourself together.
Marie looked up at George and said, "…yes?"
"Well," George said, "if you wanted to…watch a movie…sometime…with me?"
"I don't know." She said, looking back at her paper.
Oh, ouch, it hurts just as much now as it did before.
"I don't really feel like it," she said. "Sorry."
Young George got back up and slowly walked back over to Tommy.
Why did you have to do