"Dinner first, then we get to the heavy stuff, okay?"
I nod, not really trusting my voice, and move around him to stir the noodles. We work together as if we've been doing it forever, and in no time, everything is done and we're sitting at the table with huge plates full of spaghetti.
"God, I forgot how much I loved this sauce," he moans, with his mouth full of his first big bite.
"It's just store sauce," I lie, twisting my fork in the sauced coated noodles. Inside, I love that he realized, with his first bite, that it wasn't just any sauce.
"Store bought, my ass. I would recognize this sauce anywhere. I used to beg your mom to come over and make it for my mom, but she would just smile and give me another huge helping. I think she thought I was joking, but let me tell you, my mom could never get it right."
I feel my nerves recede some and smile at him. "It's a tricky one. You have to cook it for hours, but I loved smelling it all day when I was living there, so it's nice when I cook it myself and have a little of my childhood memories filling my own home."
He drops his fork, his mouth red from the sauce, and just gapes at me. "You made this?"
I tilt my head, chuckling to myself as I swallow my bite. "Of course, I did. How else would it have gotten here?"
He mumbles something about a ring before shoving another huge forkful between his lips. I watch him chew, his eyes closed in bliss and his moans deep. I mutely hand him a napkin before the sauce that had been trailing down his chin could fall.
"I figured you had just heated up some frozen shit you had from your mom."
I gasp. "Uh, no. The first thing my mom did when I was old enough to walk was pull a chair to the counter while she cooked to teach me everything she knew. I can make her chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes better than she can."
His fork falls on his plate and he looks at me with awe.
"What?"
"Good God, woman, don't tease me."
"Promise, even my dad says so. I'll make it for you tomorrow, er ... I mean some other time. If you want, that is."
He reaches out his hand, his face going soft and his smile growing big. "Tomorrow sounds good, baby, but you'll have to bring it by Dirty. I need to get some paperwork done, and Shane won't be there to cover for the night."
Baby?
Oh.My.God.
"I can do that," I squeak.
"Good, it's a date."
"A d-date," I stutter.
He just continues to smile, and even when he picks up his fork and continues to eat, that smile never leaves his lips.
Of course, the one on my own never left either.
AFTER THE LAST POT WAS dried, I grab Ember's hand and pull her into the living room. She stumbles at first, and I hate that she is looking at everything I do and trying to figure out what game I'm playing. I saw it in her eyes earlier when I told her we would make a date out of dinner at Dirty tomorrow. It was written all over her face when I started the pasta, and then again, when she admitted she didn't understand why I was there.
She was justified in her thoughts, I muse as I drop down on the couch and pull her down to sit on my lap. I fucked up and I'm just now beginning to see just how much.
"Ask me," I stress, shifting her so that she is sitting sideways with her back leaning against the armrest and put one arm over her shoulder to twist one of her long locks of hair around my fingers, while my other hand comes up and rests over her fiddling hands, halting her movements.
"Ask you what?" Her eyes widen, and I watch as her chest starts to rise and fall faster with each breath.
"Ask me what I was thinking when you told me that you loved me the first time."
She jerks in my arms, and I fight back the groan when her weight rubs against my swollen cock. I tighten my hold on her with a squeeze of the hand that is holding her two captive and pull her closer to my chest.
"I can just tell you, but I need to know that you actually want to hear it."
She sighs, and I know she would rather be saying anything else right now, but she does it. "What were you thinking?" There's a slight tremor in her soft melodic voice, and I say a silent prayer that she doesn't start crying. I'm not sure I could handle her tears.
"I was terrified out of my mind. I had been fighting my feelings for you well before you turned legal. It didn't matter in my mind that you were finally eighteen; there was still a gap between us that wouldn't have been easy for us to overcome right then. You were still finding yourself, and we both know that I needed to stop being a punk and grow up. I had been drifting, content in life, even though I had dreams that no one knew about. Dreams that I've only now made a reality."
She continues to search my face as I speak. I pause to collect my thoughts, pulling her hands apart and clasping one of her tiny hands in my larger one. She sighs and I take a deep breath before continuing.
"That wasn't the only reason, Em. I had some stupid fear in my head that pain always comes with love. I watched some fucked-up shit happen to Dani only months before, and seeing how lust, love, and all the feelings in between can turn sour real fast, I let that fear rule me. But I also knew, even if you didn't see it, that there was no way us being together wouldn't cause issues within our families."
"It wouldn't have," she rushes out quietly.
"Yeah, it would have. I wasn't the same man I am today three years ago. I needed to wake the hell up and make something of myself. I can tell you, the man I was then wasn't worthy of you."
"You're so wrong." She sighs sadly.
"Yeah, well ... I see things differently now, but I still think it would have been a damn hard road for us then, and I'm not sure I would have been strong enough to make sure it was one we traveled with no trouble."
"You hurt me, Nate."
I take a deep breath and give her the rest of it. "Yeah ... I hurt me too."
She jerks in my arms, visibly shocked at my admission.
"Denying what I felt. Hurting you to push you away. Knowing deep down that I would regret that moment for a long time coming. Being without you for the last three years, yeah ... that hurt me too."
She pulls her hand from my hold and shifts in my lap until she is facing me with her knees on either side of my thighs. "You never acted like it," she accuses, her hands coming up to rest on my chest as she searches my eyes, running her gaze down my face and over my features.
"Because it was easier to act like I didn't have a care in the world than to admit that I was wrong and risk you rejecting me like I did you."
And that's the truth of it, something that I didn't even realize until recently when I forced myself to really think back to why I pushed her away. The reasons behind denying us what we both wanted.
"I never--" she starts, but I stop her with a shake of my head.
"It's in the past, Em. A wise man once told me that looking back wouldn't do anything but make the hurt grow a little bigger."
"I'm not sure I agree with that," she tells me.
I smile. "Yeah, maybe not, but my dad's got some years on him and he's been through enough shit that I'm going to take his word for it. If we're going to make anything of our future, Em, we're going to have to stop looking in the past. All that's going to do is stop us from creating our forever."
Her face is comical when I finish. Her beautiful brown eyes round and huge in disbelief. Her lips parted slightly and I don't even need to look down to know that her tits were heaving beneath her tank top. A thought that I should have tried to ignore because, not even a second later, I watched her face flush when my cock jumped against her core.
She shifts, and it jumps again. I quickly take hold of her thin hips with one hand grasped tightly on each side of her waist. "Don't you move," I demand through clenched teeth.
Her eyes leave mine, and she drops her head. A submissive move that I don't miss in the least. My cock pulses violently at the thought of taking control of her while I fuck her in this position. Not letting her top from the bottom while I show her who holds the reins.
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"Look at me," I command in a hard tone, fucking thrilled when she instantly gives me those eyes again. "You need to let that go. For us to move on and forward, we can't do that successfully if you're holding that against me. I can't change it, but I can promise you that I will never willingly hurt you again. Understand?"
She nods, swallowing audibly, and I know the controlling and dominating side of me that I normally only let out when I'm in the bedroom is turning her the fuck on. I always thought that Ember might be a sexual submissive but to have that confirmed feels damn good.
"Time to move on?" I probe while looking into her eyes and caressing the soft skin at her hips where her shirt had ridden up. "This next part isn't going to be better, but we need to clear the whole table, and in order to do that, I need you to fill in a whole bunch of blanks I have right now."
She goes wooden in my arms, and I fucking know she understands where I'm going with this.
"Nate," she whimpers.
"I know, Ember, but I need to explain myself and I need you to be honest with not only me but yourself after I do. Got it?"
She relaxes her body but only marginally.
"For months and fucking months, I've woken up from the same dream. I'm with a soft and willing woman hot for me against a wall. My eyes never open in the dream, but even then, your face and scent filled my senses. I had never pictured anyone but you. I would wake up with the scent of lemon and wildflowers so strong in my nose that I was convinced it was real, but it always ended the same. Me opening my mouth and asking that woman's name."
With every word that leaves my lips, I watch as she struggles, and loses, the fight to control her emotions. When the first tear slips over her lids, I want to kick my own ass. Hell, by the time the second one spills over, I was ready to call her dad myself and tell him I was ready to take what he had to give me.
"When you," she starts but has to pause when a giant hiccupping breath steals her words. "You didn't even see me, Nate."
"Baby, I was so drunk, I didn't even see me. Even in that damn dream, I'm aware of how drunk I am."
"When you pulled my arm as I was coming back from the restroom, I was startled at first because I didn't know who it was. It was so dark on that side of the house, but the shadows you pulled me into made it almost impossible to see. But then you grumbled something about not being able to wait any longer. I thought you knew, Nate. You said you couldn't wait to have me, and I thought you knew!" she screams and drops her head down on my shoulder. She turns, resting her forehead against my neck before she continues to speak. "The second you said those words and pushed me up against the wall, I didn't even care that I was about to have sex for the first time with my family and closest friends around me in the middle of the shadows. None of that mattered because it was you, and I knew that I would be safe. Then ..." She sucks in a stuttered breath. "Then in the same second I thought I would die of happiness, you pushing your thickness inside me just a bit--a place no man had ever been--you asked me who I was. There I was experiencing the best moment of my life with the man I had loved forever, and he didn't even know who he was about to fuck. That. Killed. Me."
"God, baby." I exhale through the pain her words inflict on me.
"Then after I pushed you away, you just fell to the ground like nothing had happened. I can't tell you what you did after that because I was too busy running away as fast as I could. Which, awkwardly for me, just happened to put me on a collision course with my own father. It was the worst moment of my life, Nate."
Her breathing continues to come in choppy gasps as I hold her tightly to me with my arms wrapped around her back. I never would have believed that damn dream was just a drunken memory. Had I known, fuck, I would never have let this much time go--the hurt fester--without making it right. Now, I'm not even sure how to fix this.
"I understand now," she says with a hitch to her breath. "It doesn't take away all of the pain it caused, but it goes a long way in dulling it."
"I'm so sorry," I lament. "It sounds like a weak thing to say, I know that, but fuck, I am ... so sorry."
She pushes off my chest and lifts herself until her face is level with mine. You would never know she had even shed one tear. Most chicks I know turn a hundred different shades of swollen red when they're crying but not Ember. Her face is just slightly flushed, but other than her wet eyelashes, you would never know.
"I'm terrified, Nate, honestly terrified. If what you say is true and looking back on painful memories only makes that hurt grow, then I need to get over it. But I don't know how. In my head, I'm convinced that you're just going to drop me if I blink too long. My heart, though, is telling me to wrap myself around you and never let go. I feel like I'm being torn in two different directions."
She is silently begging me with an expression mixed with fear and hope to provide her with all the answers, but I know nothing I can say will give her what she needs.
This is something I need to show her.
Prove to her.
Fight for her.
I frame her face in my hands, feeling her pulse beat wildly at the base of her neck as I lean forward and press my lips against hers. I don't deepen the kiss, but when I take a deep breath through my nose and my senses are full of everything that is her, this kiss feels more intimate than anything I had ever felt before.
"Keep following your heart, Ember. Follow it--me--and let me worry about guiding the way. Allow me to prove to you that I'm worthy of you giving me your love back. How does that sound?"
I'M A BUNDLE OF NERVES.
I called Nate about an hour ago and told him I would be there around eight and he told me just to pull up out back and he would meet me there.
When I drove up, passing the entrance, I was shocked to see so many people lined up outside. There were so many people; it looked like they were pouring out of the club. I never thought that Tuesday would be a popular club night, but apparently, it is.
When I was here for my birthday and first witnessed what they called the holding room, I thought it was a brilliant idea to have a whole building designated for the people waiting to get into the actual club. But seeing all the people lined up outside, I feel an instant sense of pride that Nate's club is so popular that they can't even make room for everyone, and that's just in its second week of operation.
Pulling my car beside Nate's huge truck, I turn the key and take a huge gulp of air in an attempt to calm the butterflies swirling around my stomach like a tornado. Stepping out, I walk to the trunk and pull out my picnic basket. Before I can shut the trunk, though, the basket is being taken from my hands and Nate's scent hits my nose.
Whatever cologne he uses is so distinctively him that I've caught myself over the years following the trail when I would catch a whiff of it in random places. If I knew the name, I'm pretty sure I would buy a bottle just to spray on my sheets.
With that thought, coupled with those damn butterflies, my mouth opens and I speak without turning. "What cologne do you wear?"
His low chuckle rumbles against my back as he kisses me on my temple before leaning in and breathing right next to my ear. His scent becomes stronger instantly.
"Acqua Di Gio," he hums against my ear, the reverberations washing over me, and I shiver instantly.
"Who makes that?" I ask breathlessly.
"Giorgio Armani."
I'm definitely buying a bottle and spraying every inch of my house.
"Give me some time, baby, and I'll transfer it on every inch myself. Just need you to help."
"Shit," I hiss when I realize I spoke that out loud.
His free hand comes up and turns me gently before pulling me to his side. "Hey." He laughs.
Embarrassment forgotten, I look up into his handsome face and echo his greeting in a whisper. He shakes his head, his hair moving around his angular face, making my palms itch to run my fingers through the silky strands. I'm so used to seeing him with it up in one of those sexy man buns that the rare sight of it falling free
makes my mouth water and my core clench.
Damn, he is so sexy.
His lips twitch, and I know I did it again.
"Come on. I've been starving for you, and it hasn't even been twenty-four hours since I left your house."
He grabs my hand, the other holding the basket full of our dinner, and pulls me toward the door that I just now notice the bartender who served me shots on my birthday is holding open.
"Dent, meet my girl, Ember. Ember, my friend, Denton."
I go to reach out my hand to take the one Denton is offering in greeting, but jerk it back when I feel Nate growl low and deep. Denton's head goes back, and he booms out a thundering laugh.
"Did you just growl like a dog?" I ask Nate in shock and turn to look up at his face.
He keeps his narrowed eyes on a still laughing Denton, not answering me.
"That's a little much, don't you think?" I continue.
Nate looks down at me like I'm the crazy one for even asking him that, and I ignore him by returning what I hope is a hard look of my own. He shrugs and pulls me through the door and into a dark hallway.
"It's nice to formally meet you, Denton!" I call over my shoulder while still being pulled behind Nate. I hear another animalistic sound from him and just roll my eyes.
He's crazy.
When we reach the end of the hallway, I can see that the club is just as packed as it was the last time I was here. I continue looking around while keeping up with Nate's huge steps as he leads me to the stairs that I know will lead me to his office, only letting go of my hand long enough to wave me ahead of him.
I look down at my outfit, a short summer dress that I picked after an hour of throwing almost everything out of my closet, and wonder if I miscalculated when settling on this one. I hadn't thought about the long climb up. He probably wants me ahead of him so I don't flash anyone.
When I look back up at him and see the mischievous twinkle in his eyes, I know that I was wrong. He wants me ahead of him so that he can catch a flash of what is under my skirt.
Well, he's in for a shock. I wink and laugh when I see him frown in confusion before moving around him and starting my climb. The hissed breath that I hear over the music at my back gives me a rush of power and confidence. I put a little extra swirl in my hips with each step, and by the time I'm halfway up, my lips are curled in a smile so wonky and big that it hurts my cheeks.