Joel’s arms were clutching her desperately, his chest laboring harshly with the force of his breathing. “Don’t move,” he said. “I don’t want to let you go yet.” His hands went to cup her buttocks and cradle her even closer to him. “I want it to go on. Why the hell can’t it go on forever?”
Kendra laughed breathlessly, her arms pulling him against her. “I think if it did, we’d both risk cardiac arrest.” She gasped as he suddenly flexed. “Come to think of it, it might be worth it.”
Then he was rolling over to face her, their bodies still linked in a magical intimacy. “You’re damn right it would.” He nuzzled her throat, his hands moving to enclose her breasts. “You know, maybe you did put on an ounce or so this week. These pretty things feel heavier than I remembered.”
“The bane of my life,” she said, making a face. “I always gain weight there first.”
“The delight of mine,” he said, lowering his head to salute each pink tip lightly. “A totally enchanting bane.” He cuddled her closer. “Rest, rainbow lady, we’ve got a long night ahead.”
She nestled nearer. “Not too long,” she said drowsily. “You have to be on the set at six.”
“Then we’ll just have to make every minute count, won’t we?”
Yes, every moment must be as precious as they could make it, she thought with regret. Reality would intrude only too soon.
“Come on, love. It’s time to get moving.”
Kendra grumbled sleepily and tried to snuggle closer to Joel’s warmth. But that warmth was no longer there, and when she realized that, her lids flicked open with a vague sense of alarm. Then she relaxed as she saw Joel across the room putting on his shoes.
He was fully dressed except for his sport jacket, though his white shirt was only partially buttoned. She sat up slowly, pulling the sheet up over her breasts and brushing the hair away from her face. “We have to leave now?”
He nodded as he stood up. “It’s almost four and I want to get you back to the location by five.” He crossed the room to sit down on the bed beside her. His green eyes were glowing softly as they gazed at her face. “You look like a soft silky baby just awakened from her nap.”
She smothered a yawn. “A baby who would like to go back to sleep. I can’t seem to keep my eyes open.”
“That’s not surprising. I didn’t let you get much rest.” He dropped a light kiss on the curve of her shoulder. “Lord, you’re sweet to love. I can’t get enough of you. I’ll be glad when this picture is over and we can get away for a little while.” His lips pulled gently at her earlobe. “I have a friend who lends me his yacht, the Sea Breeze, occasionally. Have you ever been to the Greek Isles, Kendra? The Greeks have a special fondness for rainbow ladies, you know. They even have a goddess of the rainbow.”
“It sounds wonderful,” she said dreamily. “The closest I’ve ever been to the Greek Isles was once when I changed planes in Athens.”
“Good. Then it’s settled.” He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and stood up briskly. “I should be able to wrap up Venture in another four days. There’s only the love scene and then the rest of the stunts. We’ll do the horse chase Wednesday and then I’ll put you on a plane for Athens that night. I’ll tie up all the loose ends and meet you there Sunday.”
“Wait a minute.” He was moving too fast for her. She was being swept away from wishful daydreams to cold reality with a vengeance. “I said I’d like to go, not that I could.” Then something else occurred to her. “And I couldn’t leave on Wednesday anyway. I still have a chance at the jeep jump.” Her eyes narrowed on his face. “Or was that the intention of whisking me off to Greece, Joel?”
“I won’t deny I thought it might be an excellent way of killing two birds with one stone,” Joel admitted coolly. “You know it’s not really worth hanging around on the odd chance that Skip will give you the jump, especially when it’s not necessary.”
“But it is necessary,” Kendra said quietly. “And I’d love to go sailing around the Greek Isles with you, Joel, but it’s just not possible right now. I only have a one-week break before I start my next job.” She tried to smile. “How about a long weekend in Athens instead?”
“Are you sure you could fit it into your schedule?” Joel asked caustically. “Perhaps you can work me in between a skydive and driving a car off a bridge into a raging river. Or was that the last picture?”
“The one before,” she said dully. It had all been so beautiful, and now Joel’s words were sharp barbs tearing at that beauty. “I’m sorry I don’t have the kind of freedom your usual playmates enjoy, Joel, but I have certain commitments.”
“The hell you do.” Joel’s voice was so harsh she flinched. Then he drew a deep, weary breath. “Oh God, I wasn’t going to lose my temper. I swore I was going to be very calm and reasonable about it all. But I seem to have a problem when I think about you driving off a bridge. Strange, isn’t it?”
“This isn’t going to get us anywhere.” Kendra swung her legs to the floor, wrapping the sheet around her sarong-fashion. “If you’ll give me a few minutes, I’ll dress and be ready to leave as soon as I can.”
“Not until we get this straightened out,” he said grimly. “Why don’t you admit that you’re just being stubborn? There’s no earthly reason for you to take another job, where you could break your neck, when I can give you anything you want.”
“We’ve been through all that before,” Kendra said. “I don’t trade in that particular marketplace, Joel.”
“I’m not trying to set you up as my mistress, dammit.” He ran his hands distractedly through his hair. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying tonight?” He spoke with an odd awkwardness. “I care about you. I wasn’t going to bring this up right away. I was going to give you time to get used to the idea.” He hesitated. “I thought we might get married before we left Greece.”
“Married!” Her eyes widened in shock. She felt an explosion of joy so wild and free that it took her breath away and made her dizzy.
“I know you’re not ready for it yet.” There was a touch of little boy belligerence in his stance. “You’ve made sure I know how much you value your blasted independence. But dammit, you know that what we’ve got is special. It’s not only sex; it’s a hell of a lot more and I’m not going to let you walk away from it.”
Walk away from it? She wanted to bolt toward him as if he were the only safe harbor left in a stormy world. Sweet heaven, how she wanted that. But how could she run to his arms when she still had her responsibility to Casey? She had been running from that realization since the moment she had met Joel, but now it was staring her in the face. She had no right to ask anyone else to shoulder the kind of responsibility that still loomed ahead of her. Marriage would automatically shift part of her burden to Joel, and she felt she had no right to do that, even supposing he was willing to share it with her. The wrenching agony of that knowledge was so great that for a moment she didn’t think she could bear it. Kendra closed her eyes and tried to gather her strength to do what had to be done. It shouldn’t be all that difficult, she thought bitterly; she was a world-class expert these days at doing what had to be done.
“Kendra?” She opened her eyes to see Joel standing before her, his eyes dark with concern. “What’s wrong?”
Say the words. It would be better once the words were out and standing between them. She lifted her chin and forced herself to smile. “Nothing. Nothing at all is wrong. It’s just that I’m afraid we don’t agree on the need for that kind of commitment. I have no intention of marrying you, Joel. I thought you knew that.” There was a flash of something in his face that made her glance away hastily. Oh no, please, let her be the only one to be hurt. She couldn’t stand it if she had to bear Joel’s pain, too. He hadn’t said he loved her, only that they had something special. Surely he couldn’t be feeling the same torment that she was. She rushed on in desperation. “It’s not that I don’t want to continue our relationship. Naturally, I agre
e that physically we couldn’t be more compatible. I truly like and admire you, Joel. I’ll be very happy to spend as much time with you as we can possibly manage with our separate career commitments.” She steeled herself to meet his eyes with steadiness. “But anything more permanent between us is impossible.” She repeated with quiet emphasis, “Completely impossible.”
There was no pain in his face now, only a cynical hardness that somehow hurt her even more. “Oh yes, how could I forget your precious career commitments? You’ll have to forgive me for injecting a note of sentiment into what you consider a purely physical attraction.” His smile was bitter. “However, I can’t say I’m flattered that you’d prefer a career of risking your neck to a lifetime with me. It’s pretty hard on a man’s ego.”
“Joel,” she started impulsively. “It’s not that I…”
“Shut up!” The violence in his voice startled her as did the sudden flare of anger in his eyes. He drew a deep, steadying breath and enunciated very carefully. “I think it would be wise if you’d just get dressed so we can get the hell out of here. I don’t seem to be accepting your rejection in a very civilized manner. Funny, you’d think I’d be a pro at it by now.”
She stared at him helplessly for a long moment before she gathered the sheet around her and started toward the bathroom door. She was only halfway there when he spoke again. “As for your offer to continue our affair on your terms, I’ll have to give it considerably more thought.” She looked over her shoulder to see him smile in bitter self-mockery. “I’d like to tell you to go to hell, but I’d probably be safer to leave my options open. Even though I could cheerfully break your neck at the moment, I still want you so much that I’m tied in knots. Does that give your ego a lift, Kendra?”
“No!” It hurt more than she could let him know. Her lips were trembling as she tried to smile brightly. “Don’t worry, they say infatuation doesn’t last forever. Perhaps you’ll find you were right the first time about rainbow ladies.”
“It’s possible.” There was a sudden ripple of pain on his face, and he said wearily, “No, I’m lying. I meant every damn word I said tonight and, God help me, I still mean it.” He turned away. “But you can bet I’m going to do everything I can to get over this ‘infatuation.’ I’ve learned that this particular rainbow lady can be very dangerous to me.” He stood at the door. “I’ll wait for you in the lobby.” Then the door closed softly behind him.
EIGHT
THE NAUSEA CAME on so suddenly that Kendra barely made it to the bathroom in time. The retching seemed to go on forever. When it finally subsided, she could only lean against the basin and try to gather the strength to get back to bed.
“Kendra, are you okay?” Billie was standing at the bathroom door, her violet eyes still misty with sleep, but a look of concern was on her face. “Can I do anything for you?”
“No,” Kendra murmured. “It must be something I ate. Go back to bed, Billie. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“It’s about time to get up anyway.” Billie glanced at the window; dawn was approaching and the sky was turning from black to dull gray. “We have to be on the set in a couple of hours.” She frowned anxiously. “There’s no way you can do that horse chase today. I’ll tell Joel he’ll just have to postpone it until you’re feeling better.”
“No!” Kendra shook her head violently and was instantly punished for it. The heaving this time was even worse because she had nothing left in her stomach. She heard Billie’s mutterings of distress and sympathy; then, suddenly, strong comforting arms wrapped around her. But they weren’t Billie’s arms and she looked up dazedly to see Yusef, his hair even wilder than usual, his shirt unbuttoned and hastily shoved into his pants, and his dark eyes warm with sympathy. She seemed to be disturbing the entire household. It wasn’t any wonder, the way the three of them lived on top of each other in this tiny house. “It’s nothing, Yusef. I’ll be all right in a moment.”
He ignored her and reached up to pull the chain on the commode. He cradled her in one arm while he turned on the water in the basin and dampened a washcloth. Then he was wiping her face with the cloth, and its coolness felt heavenly on her warm forehead.
“Wonderful,” she murmured.
He smiled gently. “All will be well with you soon.” He picked her up as if her weight were nothing and carried her back to bed, an anxious Billie following at his heels. He set her carefully on the side of the bed and carefully straightened her cotton nightgown, brushing her hair away from her face with a touch as gentle as a mother’s for an ailing child.
“Sit very still.” His deep voice was soothing. “Presently the sickness will go away and I will bring you tea and toast. Next time you must call me before you get out of bed. It is very bad to move swiftly. The dizziness may come again and you might fall.”
“Next time,” Billie echoed worriedly. “You think it’s not a temporary upset?”
Yusef shook his tousled head firmly. “No, it is the child.” He smiled gently into Kendra’s face. “Is that not so?”
Kendra stared back at him numbly. After the first electrifying shock, she realized she wasn’t surprised at the fact itself, merely that she’d been brought face-to-face with it. She had turned into a veritable ostrich, hiding away from reality because she couldn’t cope. The signs had been there for her to see, but she’d pushed them into her subconscious and refused to think about them. “Yes, it’s the child,” she said slowly.
“A baby? You’re pregnant?” Billie’s face was alight. “That’s wonderful!” She paused, her expression clouding. “Or maybe it isn’t. I guess a lot of women don’t feel the same way as I do about babies. Do you want the baby, Kendra?”
Trust unconventional Billie not to consider first and foremost that the baby would be illegitimate, Kendra thought affectionately. Billie’s sole concern was whether or not Kendra wanted the child. And she did want this baby, she realized suddenly. She wanted it with a fierceness that was almost primitive. Joel’s baby, she thought dreamily. Green sorcerer’s eyes and glossy dark curls…but the child would never have his cynical smile, born of pain and disillusion. She would surround her baby with so much love, so much protection that the child would only know happiness.
“I want the baby very much, Billie,” she answered quietly. “I must be totally insane. I should be absolutely frantic with worry. As if I don’t have enough responsibilities to worry about now. And this is going to complicate my life even more!”
“Casey?” Billie asked gently. They’d grown so close in the past weeks that Kendra had found herself confiding in Billie without the slightest hesitancy. “I can see the problem, but these things have a way of working themselves out.”
Kendra distractedly ran her hand through her hair. “Soon I won’t be able to work at stunting. It would be too dangerous for the baby. I’ll have to find something else to do until after the birth.”
“Your man will help you,” Yusef said. “Mr. Damon would not want you to worry while you carried his child.”
“He’s right, you know,” Billie said softly. “It is Joel’s child, Kendra?”
Kendra nodded. “Yes, it’s Joel’s baby.” Her lips tightened. “But I’m not asking him for help. I can handle this myself.” She gave Billie a fierce glance. “He’s not to know about this. You’re not to tell him, understand?”
Billie nodded. “I won’t say anything. It’s your road and your decision what byways to take. I think you know you can count on me to help in any way I can.”
“Yes, I know that,” Kendra said warmly.
“She should tell her man,” Yusef said obstinately.
“He’s not my man,” Kendra answered. “And I won’t have him blackmailed into thinking he has some sort of obligation to me.” She had a sudden agonizing memory of Joel’s cynical words when they had been talking about paternal feelings. Fatherhood was “a cage,” he had said. Well, there was no way she was going to shut Joel in a cage.
“Are you sure Joel would look upon it
that way?” Billie’s expression was troubled. “I’ve been watching him with you and you’d have to be blind not to see that the man really cares.”
“I’m sure,” Kendra said wearily. “And he may feel something for me now, but how long would it last when he realized what kind of ropes I’d be binding him with?”
“You are wrong to do this,” Yusef persisted. “A man has a right to—”
“Oh be quiet, Yusef,” Billie said in exasperation. “She has rights, too.” She made a face at Kendra. “Despite his place of last employment, Yusef has a very small town mentality. Not surprising when you realize he grew up in a tiny village in the middle of the desert and only recently decided to see the bright lights of the city.”
“He’s been very kind to me,” Kendra said with a grateful smile at the frowning face of the giant Arab. “You both have. I’m just sorry to have involved you in my personal problems.”
“My friends don’t have personal problems,” Billie said lightly. “I don’t let them be that selfish. Share and share alike, I say.” She grimaced at Yusef. “As for our friend here, he’s probably going to drive you nuts overseeing the general state of your health for the next few days. He tells me he has seven sisters at home.”
“Eight,” Yusef corrected. “And fourteen nieces and nephews.”
“No wonder you know so much about the care and feeding of pregnant ladies,” Kendra said wryly. She was beginning to feel a little better now that the first shock and dismay had worn off. Naturally there would be problems but nothing she couldn’t overcome once she set her mind to it. There must be other work she’d be able to do until she could return to stunting. She only had to find it. “I appreciate the support, but I’ll be able to—”