"I'm so sorry, Lord. I forgot that you have me in the palm of your hand. I need to turn my hurt and grief over to you." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "One day at a time. One minute at a time." Saige turned away from the mirror and left the bathroom. Kayla was sitting on the bed, waiting.
"Come here, little sis and give me a hug. I need one. I got a huge scare this morning." Kayla held out her arms and Saige rushed into them. They fell back onto the mattress softly crying. Finally, Kayla reached back and grabbed the box of tissues on the nightstand and slapped it onto the bed above their heads. "We're a mess. Noses running, wet faces. I'm glad Ryan isn't here to see us. Can you imagine what he'd compare us to?"
"Those ugly monkeys with the large red noses?" Saige said then chuckled.
"Or maybe albino monkfish." Kayla laughed.
"Oh, that's just mean. True, but mean." They lay there blowing noses and wiping their faces. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
"You weren't. You let grief overload your sense."
"Yep. Pretty stupid, and leaving God out of my decision."
"Yeah, that's always stupid. I'm just so thankful Logan saw you and brought you home."
"Me too. I promise I won't do it again. I'll talk to you or Ryan if I get that down again."
"I'm going to hold you to that one." Kayla wrapped her arm around Saige and held her tight. Then she pulled back and a mischievous grin appeared on her face. "Not a bad looking rescuer. Pretty darn cute if you ask me."
"Ha, I didn't but you're right. He is cute. Pretty sweet yacht too. Big. It has at least two bedrooms. He doesn't own it. Some friend does."
"Nice friend. Logan seems really nice too. He offered to take us out on the yacht for a day. Kids and all."
"Oh man. He doesn't know what he's getting into. Did you agree?"
"Said I'd talk with Ryan about it. I think he'll say it's a great opportunity for the kids. You know, experience something different."
"You mean experience something really cool for him to do." Saige laughed and Kayla joined in. "You know, it's funny. This morning I was so depressed I wanted to drown. Tried to make myself drown. Now I'm laughing and looking forward to the day and more days to come."
"Why do you think that is?" Kayla hugged Saige again.
"I brought God back into the picture. I admitted I'd left Him out of my life and wanted Him back in. It makes all the difference."
"Amen to that, sister."
CHAPTER 3
"Ahoy there, matey." Logan heard the call and went out from the pilot room to the deck. It was three days after he'd rescued Saige. Now the families were coming for their day on the yacht. It was just after breakfast. Eight people stood in a line on the dock, each one with their own backpack or bag. Two styrofoam coolers and large bag nearly overflowing with toys sat waiting to be loaded.
"Hey, come on aboard." Logan hurried to unlatch the gate then reached out as Ryan began handing children to him. "You guys stand right there until we get everyone on board. No falling off the boat."
"Yes sir." The oldest, a girl saluted, then slapped her brother who did the same, who then poked the twins who saluted too.
Soon everything and everyone was on board and the women were busy unloading the coolers. They'd spent the day before preparing food to bring.
"You think we'll have enough?" Logan looked at the amount and thought it was more than they could possibly eat. He'd gotten food from the deli at the grocery store as well as beverages and bottled water.
"Hopefully. The sun makes everyone hungry though." Kayla didn't look from the frig she was loading with containers as she spoke and Saige just nodded as she placed bags of chips, fruit and crackers on the counter.
"We'll make a valiant effort at consuming it all, won't we gang?" Ryan asked the children who were climbing onto the bar stools along the counter. He picked the smallest child up. "This is Eli. The rest of you raise your hand when I say your name. Logan doesn't know who you all are very well yet. Brielle." The oldest girl raised her hand. "Jordan." The boy looked a lot like his sister. "Tyce. Amie." They didn't look much alike but were about the same size so that they were twins was evident. "Kayla" She laughed and raised her hand. "Saige."
"Last but not least, I hope." She smiled.
"What about you, Daddy?" Jordan asked.
"Ryan." He said and raised his hand.
Logan smiled. "You guys ready to blow this pop stand?"
"Huh?" Several young voices asked.
"Start the boat and sail out onto the sea?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, but first the rules." As Logan explained the safety rules he watched Saige. She looked so much better than the other day. Almost younger. Definitely with more hope. She stood leaning against the counter with a small smile on her face. He hoped she was truly more positive about her life and not just covering up her feelings.
"Now, crew," Ryan said. "Lifejackets, where are the lifejackets?"
"Oh rats. I knew we forgot something." Kayla groaned. "They're back at the condo."
"I think we can take the boat to get them. We won't sink before we get there," Logan said. "Come on, crew, let's go and drive this thing."
They all trooped out of the galley and into the pilot room. Several tall chairs allowed the children to see out the windshield while Logan started the engines and backed out of the slip. He listened to the chatter and answered the many questions about the various dials and gauges on the dashboard. Soon they rounded the point and drove the short distance to Tranquility Bay.
Since all the older kids wanted to go help get the lifejackets, Ryan and Kayla left Eli on the yacht with Logan and Saige and took the Zodiac to the beach. They watched as the children ran across the sand and wait for the adults to catch up.
Logan sat across from Saige who had put Eli on the deck with some toys. "How are you?"
"Doing better. I think God had to take me down in order to bring me back to Him. I realized I had been closing Him out of my grief. Once I allowed Him back in I began to feel more hopeful. Ready to live again. Not just for Tyce and Amie, but for myself too."
"I'm glad. I'm happy I could help you. I love being in the right place and the right time." Logan grinned. "Makes me feel useful. Not so much a waste of skin."
"Oh, you're not a waste of skin. Even if it's just to look at. But you weren't fishing for a compliment were you?" Saige shook her finger at him.
Logan laughed. "Me? Never?"
Shouts came from shore and they looked up to see lifejackets were being worn and the Zodiac approaching. Soon the yacht was again filled with the laughter of the children and adults as they headed out of the bay.
Logan turned north wanting to show the children a specific rock formation. Soon he slowed the yacht and pointed. "See that big rock sticking up out of the water?"
"Yeah," they all yelled.
"What does it look like?"
"A frog."
"Now let's go to the other side." Logan moved the boat and asked again.
"An eagle."
"A bird."
"A hawk."
"Birdie, birdie," yelled Eli.
"That's right. It's called Hawksbill. I think it's funny that one side looks like a hawk and the other looks like a frog."
"See foug 'gain. See foug 'gain." Eli jumped up and down on the seat he was standing on. Ryan put his arm out to keep his son from falling on the deck.
They rounded the formation again and Eli screamed, "Ribbit, ribbit." He climbed off the chair and started hopping around calling out. The other children copied him.
"I'll take these frogs down to the larger 'pond' so you can hear yourself think, Logan," Kayla said as she grabbed up Eli. "Ryan you come with me to help keep the frogs in the pond. Saige you can stay here and keep our chauffeur company."
Saige blushed. "Well, was that fairly obvious or what?" She climbed onto the stool next to him.
Logan grinned. "What, the let's all leave Logan and Saige alone for a whil
e?"
She laughed. "Yes. Oh, well. My sister loves me and wants me to start thinking of dating again. I think that may have triggered my action the other day. We'd talked about it the evening before. It made me miss Nolan all the more. Brought my loneliness and grief to the forefront again. Don't tell her I said that. She'd be devastated and think she caused me to... you know."
"I won't. What do you think now?" Logan didn't think he was obvious in his question, or at least hoped he wasn't. Saige was a very lovely woman. He hadn't done much dating since his divorce. His ex-wife's betrayal had hurt him deeply and he was hesitant to begin another relationship. Saige and her family would only be here a couple more weeks. Testing the water with her might be a way to ease himself into beginning to look to a future relationship.
"I'm not sure."
"What about trying out dating with me while you're here. We'd both know it's temporary. It's safe and maybe you could get comfortable with the thought of dating again. Me too, for that matter."
Saige cocked an eyebrow at him.
"I'll tell you all about it if you'll go out to dinner with me tomorrow. There's this Greek place right by the marina. We can walk there and back." Logan didn't know why her agreeing meant so much to him but it did.
"Okay, sounds like fun. I haven't gone out without the twins since Nolan died." Saige dropped her mouth open. "I said that without the paralyzing grief. God is so good."
"Sounds like you have made progress. God has a way of doing that, doesn't he?"
"Yes." Saige smiled at him then turned to look out the windshield as the yacht cut across the waves. "So, where are we going?"
"I figure we'll find a beach somewhere and take the Zodiac in along with food. We can picnic and swim. The kids will love it don't you think? Private beach and all."
"They will. I think the adults will too. With 365 beaches on Antigua you should be able to find one don't you think?"
CHAPTER 4
Saige watched as Logan and Ryan hauled the Zodiac up the beach then began unloading the bags and coolers. They'd taken the women and children to the beach then gone back for the supplies. The kids were already digging in the sand. Kayla was searching for seashells.
"Mommy, can we go swimming?" Tyce ran up to her hugging her legs. "Please, please, please?"
Saige ruffled his hair. "In a minute. We need to get all the stuff unloaded. Come and help."
Tyce raced ahead to the inflatable boat, grabbed a large beach tote bag filled with towels and pulled it behind him to where the others were digging a big hole. "Come on, you guys. We can't swim until all the stuff gets up here."
Brielle, Jordan and Amie jumped up and ran toward the boat. Eli, his swim diaper looking well loaded, toddled behind. Saige grabbed him up, gave him a kiss and a whiff. "Kayla," she hollered. "Eli needs some attention. He's yours so you get to deal with it."
The day was spent playing in the sand and calm water of the cove they'd found. Saige was washed with guilt at the thought of missing the fun her children were having if she had been successful in her suicide attempt. She sat on a towel watching Ryan being buried in sand. Kayla was laughing along with the children as they piled sand on her husband. Eli was asleep next to Saige in a popup tent to shield him from the sun.
"You look pensive." Logan's voice shook her from her reflection. He sat down next to her on the towel.
"I was just thinking that I would have missed this day if you hadn't saved me. Thank you."
"You are most welcome. I wouldn't want to have missed this either. I just hope Ryan doesn't get much sand in his face as he's buried."
Saige laughed. "Hazard of the job. Being a father means taking a lot of risk. You never know what's coming next."
She noticed Logan's expression change from delight to somber. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's just I had hoped I would have at least one child by this age. Wasn't to be, I guess."
Saige was silent but placed her hand on his. She figured if he wanted to share more he would without her asking.
"I was married for six years. I was ready to start a family after about three. Deirdre kept putting it off. Then I found out why. She was seeing another man and she didn't want him to know she was married. If she got pregnant she'd have to let him know."
"Oh my. I'm so sorry."
"It gave me a Biblical reason for divorcing her. Also the reason I haven't dated much since. I'm having trouble trusting another woman."
"Well," Saige chuckled. "You can borrow my twins while we are here. I bet Kayla and Ryan would loan you their children for a day or so also. Parenting is exhausting, whether there are one or two parents involved."
"I'll take you up on that, if you'll let me. I'd love to spend the rest of your time here with you all. I have some work needing to be done, but I can tag along most of the time."
"I think we'd all enjoy your company. Today has been so much fun, nothing we'd ever have a chance to do without having met you."
Logan smiled and stood up. He held his hand out and pulled her to her feet. "The day's not over yet. Ryan is buried and can't stop me." He leaned over and scooped her up and over his shoulder. Running into the water while Saige squealed in protest he dropped her in to the accompaniment of screams and laughter from the beach.
Saige stood up sputtering. With a gleam of mischief in her eyes she jumped onto Logan pulling him down into the waves. Then they were surrounded by boys and girls who'd abandoned the beach for play in the sea.
~~~~~
"You had fun today," Kayla said as she toweled her hair dry. They were on the yacht heading back to Jolly Harbor. The children had had the salt and sand washed off, been fed and were now all sleeping in beds in another room. Ryan was piloting having been given the opportunity by Logan who was with him. Saige and Kayla had showered and were gathering up all they had brought with them.
"I did. Logan's so generous to have taken us. It's time to start looking forward to each day with those I love rather than look at what I've lost. I realized that today."
Kayla pulled Saige into a hug. "I'm so glad. I've prayed every day for you to see that. I've wanted to shake you so many times. I knew you were just going through the motions. You were missing the joy of the twins even though you were right there with them."
"I know. But that stopped today. I'm always going to miss Nolan, but I have a life to live and our children to raise. They deserve me totally there."
Kayla kissed Saige's forehead. "Wonderful."
"Kayla, do you think... Should I... Would it be okay if I started, hum, dating a little?"
"Sweetie, yes I do. Nolan wouldn't want you to be alone for the rest of your life." She grinned. "Do you have someone in mind?"
"Logan asked me to dinner with him. We both have issues." She made air quotes around the last word. "He had a disappointing marriage and has trust issues. We thought we would just try out dating here knowing it's only temporary so that makes it safe."
Kayla lifted an eyebrow. "You sure you want it temporary? He's a great guy and a believer."
Saige looked at her sister. "He is a great guy, but we'll part ways in a week or so."
"In this day and age you can keep in contact over the internet and by FaceTime very easily."
"Oh, Kayla. Don't scare me by making us a couple. I don't think either of us are ready for that."
CHAPTER 5
"Mommy, you look really pretty. Like you used to before Daddy died."
Amie's words made Saige's hand stop as she applied mascara. They brought a Bible verse to mind. A joyful heart makes a face cheerful, but a sad heart produces a broken spirit. Proverbs 15:13.
"Thank you, sweetie." Saige considered a minute then knelt down and looked at her daughter. "I've been really sad since he died. I forgot that God is always with me and that he cries for me and you and Tyce as we miss Daddy. I remember now and it makes me happier."
"God's like that. He makes it easier." Amie lifted her hand to touch Saige's face. She felt as
if the Holy Spirit was touching her, giving her the comfort and peace that no one else could give. Tears filled Saige's eyes as she looked at the sweet face she loved so much. "Don't cry, Mommy. You'll mess your make up."
Saige laughed, blinking away the tears. "Okay, you're right. Don't want to have to fix it all up again. It'll make me late."
A knock sounded on the suite door and Amie ran to answer it. Saige dotted her eyes with a tissue as she heard Amie open the door and greet Logan.
"Hi, Mommy is in the bathroom making sure she doesn't mess up her make up. She's looking real pretty so make sure you tell her."
"Amie," Saige said wanting to stifle that line of conversation as she stepped into the living room. "Hi."
"Hi."
Now there was an awkward silence. Amie looked back and forth between the adults. "You gonna say anything else?"
It broke the tension. Saige and Logan laughed.
"Let's get you over to Aunt Kayla and Uncle Ryan. I'm hungry and you, little girl, are keeping me from heading out to my supper." Saige ruffled her daughter's hair and the trio went through the door connecting the one and two bedroom condo units.
As always the evening was lovely as Saige and Logan walked to the marina. They stopped at the guest services desk for Tranquility Bay chatting for a moment with the attendant. As they left Logan took hold of Saige's hand. It felt odd, holding the hand of an adult, one who was not her husband. Odd, but nice.
The fact that they would part in little over a week made it sweet rather than pressured. Saige relaxed, simply enjoying the warm air and the sounds of the night.
"Hear the peepers?" she asked. "They are tree frogs. I think it's such a welcoming sound."
Logan swung their hands a bit. "It is to me too. I've heard some tourists say they are too loud but I think of it as God's music."
"What a beautiful thought." Saige smiled at him, then embarrassed, look down.
The walk was short, only about five minutes, and soon they were being seated at a table next to the railing overlooking the water of the marina. A saxophone player was in the corner entertaining with soft music.
"This is lovely. We haven't been on this side of the harbor. Just to the grocery store. I doubt the kids would enjoy the 'slow food'. They're more at a fast food time of life." Saige sipped her water.