Last night had been the first time I’d been kissed in four years. This being the second time, instinct quickly took over. Or maybe it was simply just arousal. Pleasure darted as I tilted my head to the side, and when the tip of his tongue touched the seam of my mouth, sweetness was the furthest thing from my mind.
The kiss deepened as our tongues tangled. My hands ended up on his chest and his delved into my hair as his arm circled my waist, drawing me tight to his front. I felt him then, hard against my belly, and feeling just how effected he was had my blood simmering.
The fear of things escalating took a backseat, still there but not consuming my attention. I couldn’t think around his kisses, could barely breathe, and somehow, we were moving. I heard the door slam shut behind us and then my back was pressed against the wall and there was no space between us.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since I saw you in this dress,” he admitted, and then kissed me before I could respond.
I clung to his shoulders as his hand slipped down my side, curling around my thigh, just below my hip, leaving behind a wake of shivers.
Lifting his mouth from mine, he breathed heavily. “I told myself I was going to behave tonight.”
My hands clenched over his shoulders, wrinkling the material of his shirt. “You’re not?”
He kissed my jaw. “Well, I was planning on being a gentleman.”
“Why?” I asked, surprising myself.
“Hell. Good question.” His lips moved over my neck as I tipped my head back against the wall. “I’m not even sure.”
I gasped when I felt his tongue circle where my pulse pounded.
“I just can’t keep my hands off you.” He lifted my leg just enough that he was able to settle his hips against my core, and oh God, the ache that blossomed almost made me weep. “Damn,” he groaned, burying his face in my neck. “That didn’t help.”
My chest rose and fell sharply. “No. No, it didn’t.”
A deep groan rumbled out of him, and I felt his hand on my thigh move, slipping under the hem of my skirt. The glide of his palm against my bare skin shook me, pushing a soft moan out from between my parted lips, and that was nothing compared to what came next. He dragged his hand up and over, cupping my rear as he pushed his hips in. Muscles coiled in response.
He dragged his lips up my throat, finding my mouth as his hand kneaded my bottom. The kiss rocked me, and there was little doubt in my mind that I’d stop him if he pulled my panties down and took me right against the wall. The mere thought of him doing so burned my skin, twisted up my insides in a crazy way.
The attraction I felt toward him was startling.
His kiss slowed as he dragged his hand out from under my dress. “Okay,” he murmured. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do this tonight.”
I opened my eyes, barely making out his features in the soft glow radiating from the stairwell light. My heart thundered. I wanted to tell him to ignore what he’d told himself. I was damp between the thighs, ready and wanting. I wanted him.
Colton lowered my leg as he rested his forehead against mine. His chest rose just as rapidly. I didn’t say anything as we both struggled to gain control over what our bodies demanded, but him putting the brakes on where this was heading was obviously the smart thing to do.
All of this felt so fast and I knew it could quickly get out of hand, but I…I wanted it to do that. I liked Colton. I’d liked him in high school. I’d liked him from afar when I’d moved back home. I really, really liked him now.
And that was terrifying.
Chapter 10
Hitting send on the e-mail, I smiled at the computer screen. I’d busted ass since I’d woken up, foregoing showering and even changing out of pajamas until I reached the last page.
The glamorous life of an editor.
Finished with the edits, I pushed out of my chair and picked up a dry erase pen. Carrying it to the whiteboard hung near the desk, I scratched a line over Other Lives. Nothing made me more giddy than marking something off from my to-do list.
Actually, that wasn’t entirely true.
Colton took the top spot of things that made me giddy right about now.
This last week had been…absolutely amazing, almost like I was a teen again or in my early twenties, buzzing around happily. I’d forgotten how it feels, to be…to be caught up in the excitement and anticipation of seeing someone, to actually be feeling something strongly again, because if this week had taught me anything, it was that the last four years had been only about my career and nothing else.
But this week had also taught me a lot more.
Since Colton worked ten-hour shifts, he had three days off—Sunday, Monday, and oddly, Wednesday. Of course, he was on call those days and it didn’t seem like he really had them off. Due to the shooting last week, he was in the office both Monday and Wednesday, following up on leads, but both evenings I spent time with him. Monday was the movies, something I hadn’t really enjoyed since Kevin. Wednesday we grabbed dinner at this restaurant in town, one I’d never been to before because it seemed like a couples kind of place.
Both nights had ended like Sunday night, in a way. He would kiss me at the door, but somehow we ended up on my couch, his body covering mine, his mouth claiming mine, and his hands doing crazy-insane things to my body. Just thinking about it now, as I rolled the pen between my hands, created a heady rush of sensations. I flushed and my body responded as I remembered how his hand felt between my thighs and how easily his skilled caresses worked my body into a frenzy.
And he always stopped before either of us found any release. He was an expert tease. Or maybe he just didn’t want to go that far and—I cut that thought off, slapping it away like it was nothing more than a worrisome fly. That thought didn’t even make sense. It was stupid.
I was done with being stupid.
Besides, things were already progressing crazy fast between us. It made sense that some area of our relationship would be slowed down, which is basically what he’d said. I could and did respect that, and part of me was glad that there was something holding us back. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready for that. Well, my body was. I had a feeling that what beat strongly in my chest was also on board, but my head…my head had a hard time letting go of the noxious, poisonous whispers.
I’d never thought of myself as someone who had self-esteem issues. I had my body hang-ups, like any normal woman, but the lack of intimacy and the reintroduction of it shined a really harsh light on the way I viewed myself, on how unconnected I was with my own body.
The way Colton looked at me, how he touched me, drew my focus back to myself. He probably would have no idea what that meant for me…or probably what that was doing to me.
I placed the pen back in the coffee cup an author had sent me, pulse pounding in all the interesting, distracting places. It was Sunday and we’d made plans to see each other this evening, nothing further or more concrete than that, and I was still edgy with anticipation.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I ever felt any of this with Kevin. Not because my feelings for him were weaker, because they weren’t, but we’d gotten together so young. What I felt then was nothing like what I felt now, and maybe if Kevin and I had met when we were older, I would be experiencing this with him.
All the maddening rush of emotions was a bit too much to handle. It was like seeing only in black and white, and suddenly everything was in vibrant colors. My stomach dipped as a thread of realization weaved its way through my thoughts.
Was what I was feeling something more powerful than lust and the excitement that came with new relationships? Was it love?
I swallowed hard as I turned from the dry erase board, my gaze crawling over the spines of the books I’d edited while in New York and from freelancing, but I really didn’t see any of the titles.
Had I already fallen in love with Colton?
That sounded so, so ridiculous. We’d only come back into each other’s lives a week ago, and we really hadn??
?t been in each other’s lives before. Not really. But what I was feeling was powerful, reminiscent of what I felt for Kevin.
It was strange to think about him while thinking about the four-letter word and Colton, all in the same sentence. It wasn’t a bad feeling, like it was wrong or anything, but just odd.
Tucking my hair back behind my ears, I pressed my lips together. It wasn’t like I never wanted to fall in love again. I had hoped that I would, but it wasn’t something I had imagined happening in a long time. For one thing, I really didn’t put myself out there to even meet anyone. To do that, I’d actually have to go out more often.
Feeling what I was caught me off guard for multiple reasons. I wasn’t expecting anyone to waltz into my life, especially not Colton Anders. I wasn’t expecting to feel this strongly, and although many of the books I’d edited featured characters falling in love hard and fast, I hadn’t believed it was possible. Insta-love didn’t exist in the real world.
Or maybe it did exist and I was actually experiencing it.
The flutter in my stomach increased. A twisty mixture of thoughts and emotions invaded me. Falling in love was exhilarating. It was arousing, possibly the most powerful aphrodisiac.
It was also scary as hell.
Because I’d already loved and lost once.
And knowing what I knew now, that I would lose Kevin, I still wouldn’t go back and change a damn thing. Love, no matter the amount of pain it could rain down on your head, was worth it.
Then that meant if what I was feeling now was real, no matter how crazy it sounded and felt, it was also worth the possibility it wasn’t returned, that it would never grow into something mutual, that it would cut deep in the end.
No matter what, I wasn’t going to hide from what I was feeling. What happened to Kevin and what I’d seen Friday night proved that life was truly too short to not live it.
To be a coward.
Walking into my bedroom, I kicked off my flip-flops as I glanced at the dress I planned to wear tonight. It wasn’t fancy, just a cotton eyelet pattern dress, but I was trying to get more comfortable in my own skin. Reaching down, pulling my shirt off, cool air washed over my breasts and the already hardened nipples tingled sharply. As I pulled off my bottoms, I couldn’t help but imagine Colton doing it. I could easily see him on his knees, staring up at me with those ocean-blue eyes.
My stomach hallowed as I sat on the edge of my bed. I needed to shower and get ready, but my hand floated to the base of my throat. There was a moment of hesitation as I bit down on my lower lip. I knew what my body wanted—what I wanted. The tension had been building all week and I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin.
Getting off had been kind of clinical in the past, almost as if I was detached from what I was doing and feeling. It was just about feeling a few moments of pleasure, but this, right now, was so much more potent. My hand trembled as I realized what I wanted to do and this time, it was so different.
The sharp swirl of pleasure built as I drew my hand down. My arm brushed over the tip of my breast, causing me to suck in a shallow breath. I wasn’t thinking as I dragged my fingers down, my nails scrapping lightly over the puckered nipple. Colton consumed my thoughts as my hand drifted down my stomach, beyond my navel. The moment my fingers brushed through the gathering wetness, a breathy moan escaped me. I slipped a finger in as I pressed the palm of my hand against the nub of nerves.
Pleasure pounded, heavy and intense. I let myself fall back against the bed as I widened my legs. My eyes were opened into thin slits. I could see the tips of my breasts, the curve of my stomach, and my hand moving between my thighs.
I’d never watched myself before, but I couldn’t look away this time, and my heart thumped fast as I lifted my hips, meeting the thrust of my finger. There was something wholly erotic about this—about watching what I was doing.
My breathing turned shallow, and in an instant, I saw Colton’s head bowed between my thighs instead of my hand, and it was his fingers instead of mine, his mouth. The tension coiled and then unraveled without warning, whipping throughout me. I kicked my head back, crying out in the silence of my bedroom. The release was more intense than anytime I’d ever done this, shocking me.
Closing my eyes, I let out a long sigh as I slowly pulled my hand away, letting it rest on my belly. God, my hormones were out of control.
Actually, my emotions were out of control, but in a very good way. My lips curved up at the corners, forming a small, sated smile. I blinked open my eyes, my gaze focusing on the ceiling. My muscles were nothing and moving from this bed was the last thing I wanted, but I…
I felt…alive.
* * * *
Colton really did know the way to my heart.
Crab rangoons.
When he showed up Sunday evening, he’d brought a delicious array of takeout, including my weakness, which existed in the form of crab and cream cheese. He’d also brought a movie with him since I’d replaced the TV a few days ago. It wasn’t nearly as nice or as big as the first one, but it would have to do until I could justify spending hundreds of dollars on a larger TV. He’d brought with him a remake of an old-school horror film that had traumatized me as a small child, and when we finished dinner, he popped the movie in.
We started off sitting side by side, but before we were even fifteen minutes into the movie, Colton stretched out his long body across the couch. He managed to coax me down so I was lying beside him, my head tucked against his arm and his hand resting lightly on my hip.
At that point, I pretty much stopped watching the movie.
Kevin and I had done this so many times, favoring bumming around the house many Saturday nights instead of going out. I expected there to be a pang of sorrow, but what I felt was a shadow of the hurt I had lived with in the months and even years after his death. I knew beyond a doubt that if Kevin was aware of what I was doing right now with Colton, he would be happy. Knowing that made it easy to relax against Colton.
But that relaxation quickly turned to keen awareness. With every breath Colton took, I was conscious of just how close we were. The scene of a screaming girl on the TV became nothing more than background noise as I focused on every part of our bodies that touched. The front of his thighs pressed against the back of mine. My bottom was almost cradled in his lap and his hard chest was against my back. I bit down on my lip as I wiggled a little, stopping the moment his fingers of the hand resting on my hip curled, bunching the thin material of the dress.
I thought about what I had done this afternoon, touching myself while thinking of him, and my body flushed hot. Not from embarrassment, but from sharp arousal.
“Are you watching the movie?” Colton asked, his voice deeper, rougher.
I had a choice. I could pretend that I was or I could fess up to the fact I had absolutely no interest in the movie at the moment and that it was him who had my attention. It wasn’t…easy to initiate this. My seduction skills were below amateur level, but what had I decided earlier? Not to be a coward. To live life despite the risk of getting hurt. To…to just let go.
Before I could give myself time to overthink, I shifted onto my back and lifted my gaze to his. Our eyes held for a moment and then his gaze dropped to my mouth. I knew that whatever I would say would probably be completely idiotic. I decided action was probably better than words.
Because words could be really hard.
I lifted my hand, pressing my palm against his clean-shaven cheek. My heart stuttered as he turned his head slightly, dropping a kiss against the center of my hand. Oh God, that was too sweet, almost too much. I started to pull my hand away, but I stopped myself as his gaze returned to mine. Drawing in a shallow breath, I guided his mouth to mine.
I kissed him, and I don’t know if he could read minds or if he really was a damn unicorn, but he let me set the pace, allowed me to play. I mapped out his mouth, covering every delectable centimeter, and when I wanted more, he opened his mouth to my searching kiss. I leisurely explo
red him, breathing in the taste of him.
Far too immersed in the sensations kissing him created, I wholeheartedly welcomed the moment he took over. His lips were demanding, and I yielded to him, letting out a breathless moan against his hot mouth as his hand finally moved from my hip, smoothing up over my breast. I sucked in a sharp breath. The dress had a built-in bra, and the thin cotton was no barrier against the heat of his hand.
I moaned into his mouth as his hand closed over my breast and kneaded gently. His chest rumbled against my side. “God, we’re not even twenty minutes into the movie.”
A tiny laugh escaped me. “Is that a bad thing?”
“Hell, do you even have to ask that?” His deft fingers found my pebbled nipple through the dress. Liquid fire poured through me. “I like to think it’s a damn good thing.”
I gasped for air. “I…I like the sound of that.”
“You do?” He shifted so his weight rested on his left arm as his right hand slipped under the neckline of my dress. My back arched. “Yeah, you do.”
“I do,” I admitted.
He lowered his mouth to mine once more, kissing me. “I don’t think I can do the gentleman thing any longer. I want to touch you.” His fingers plucked at my nipple, wringing a cry out of me. “But I really want to touch you elsewhere.”
My body shuddered. I had a good idea that I knew where “elsewhere” was. I closed my eyes and whispered, “I want that too.”
“Thank God.” His hand left my breast, and I nearly ached from the loss, but his hand was on the move again, smoothing down my stomach.
I blinked open my eyes, watching as he glided down my stomach, over my thigh. My breath lodged in my throat as he worked his hand under the skirt of my dress. I bit down on my lip as I gripped his arm. His gaze flicked to mine. “Don’t stop,” I said.