I went to all the usual spots.
I even opened the oven. Then finally just grabbed the jammer and let all hell break loose as the jarring sound of technology breaking singed my ears.
“Bingo.” I dropped the jammer onto the table and hung my head. I should go to Nixon; hell, even going to Tex sounded like a good idea. But if they knew what I knew — it wouldn’t end well. For me. I’d die. It wouldn’t matter that I was family; it wouldn’t matter that I was blood. Even Ax wouldn’t stand in their way.
To them, I would be dead.
And they’d do me the great honor of sending me into the afterlife without praying for the very soul they punched out of my miserable body.
“Damn it.” I hit the granite countertop and leaned forward. I was completely stuck, which meant only one thing.
In order to watch Petrov.
I was going to have to join Phoenix in the shit.
Slowly, I pulled up The Eagle Elite website and started going to work. I searched through my identities and found a resume that worked and then hacked the database.
When I was done… I poured myself a glass of wine and popped my knuckles.
I’d just sent a professor into early retirement and given him a hefty bonus in order to do it.
And I was his replacement.
“Doctor,” I said aloud then shrugged. “Has a nice ring to it.”
“You talking to yourself again?” Ax came into the room and pulled a bottle water out of the fridge. “I knocked, but apparently you and your computer were having a moment. Hope I’m not interrupting.” He took a long swig of water.
“I’m going to teach.”
He spit out the water onto the counter and started laughing. “You’re going to teach what? How to bury a body in ten different ways without getting framed for murder? How to build a homemade silencer? How to piss off the genius bar at Apple?”
“You done?”
“Just getting started.”
“I’m going to teach…” I gulped. “…American History.”
Ax’s eyebrows drew together slowly. “You’re Sicilian.”
“We’re both American, asshole.”
“Yeah, but did you even take history?”
“Ten years ago,” I mumbled. “I’m also going to need something from you.”
“Oh, no you don’t.” Ax held up his hands. “I’m married. I work for Nixon, not you. We just bought a house. We have a dog. I’m not burying any bodies so Nixon doesn’t find out.”
“Calm the hell down.” I ran my fingers through my hair and paused. “I need you to…” I shrugged. “You know.”
“Read your mind?”
“Shit, I hate you sometimes.”
Ax grinned and took a seat. “You were saying?”
“I need you to cut my hair.”
“Holy hell.” His face turned serious. “You really are teaching history?”
“New identity. Can’t look like the old Sergio. Now I’m just… Mathew Smith.”
“Could you be any more white and nerdy?”
“Could you be a bigger pain in my ass? Cut the ponytail. I can’t watch.”
“But—” Ax sighed. “You said you wouldn’t cut it until everyone was out of prison.”
Ha! Little did he know that we would be going to prison if I didn’t do something — fast. “Just do it, or I’ll ask your wife.”
“She doesn’t touch your hair.”’
“Then stop being a bitch and do it.”
“You in deep, bro?”
“Trying not to be,” I answered strategically. “You know I always liked to play hero.”
“No, you didn’t. I did.”
“Well, maybe it’s my turn.”
He let out a sigh. “I’ll grab the scissors.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Life hurts — sometimes I wonder if death is better. More peaceful.
Bee
PAIN SLICED THROUGH MY chest as I made my way to my next class. At least it was an easy class and not something that was going to make me want to cry, because I had no clue what was going on.
That was the other problem.
I swear I had a learning disability. The words always seemed to jumble in front of me when I got tired, and when it came to numbers, I was basically useless. But this was math, basic freshman-level math. I could do entry-level. How hard could it be?
I quickly found my desk and pulled out my notebook, just as Phoenix walked in the door and made a beeline in my direction.
One look to the kid sitting on my right, and suddenly the seat was empty. Well, look at that. I was surprised there wasn’t a puddle underneath the chair or at least streaks of sweat in the seat.
“Gonna scare all my friends, asshole?”
Phoenix glared, folding his hands on the desk. He opened his mouth just as the professor walked in and started talking.
An hour and a half of teaching.
I learned nothing.
Because my chest still hurt.
It still felt like knives had taken up permanent residence in my body, slicing through skin and bone every single time Phoenix looked at me with clueless eyes. Like he wasn’t aware of how I felt about him. Like I didn’t matter, even though sometimes he said I did.
People have it wrong. When you lose someone, when they die, it hurts. It’s horrible, don’t get me wrong. But the type of pain that stays with you? That never alleviates, that never lessons with time? It’s the kind that continues to refresh every single time you see a trigger or reminder of it.
Just being near Phoenix, knowing that I was nothing to him, that he’d protect me with his blood but never kiss me.
Knowing he was present but dead inside.
It killed me.
It was worse than him dying.
Because it was a constant tease, a constant reminder of what I couldn’t have. Being with Phoenix was like suffering a death every single second of every single day, and I was powerless to stop it.
Class ended.
Phoenix stood. And like a good little girl, I followed him out the door.
I wasn’t really paying attention and almost collided with another student.
“Oh, hey, Bee!” Pike stepped back and winked. “How was class?”
Phoenix growled.
I ignored him, though he made it difficult as he wrapped his thick muscled arm around my shoulder. I half-expected him to lift his leg.
Shrugging him off, I beamed. “It was great.”
Pike nodded. “Hey, a few of us are gonna go get coffee in a few minutes. You wanna come?”
“No,” Phoenix answered for me. “She’s busy.”
“I am?” I turned, tempted to smack him on his perfect face. “What exactly am I busy doing?”
“Homework.” He coughed.” And she has to go to bed… early.”
Embarrassment washed over me as I shook my head and offered Pike an apologetic smile. “Sorry about Grandpa. He didn’t take his medicine this morning.”
Pike burst out laughing.
Phoenix’s face tensed. Nostrils flared. I knew that look; it wasn’t a friendly one.
“You guys meeting at Starbucks?”
“Yup.” Pike nodded. “Hey, give me your cell number, and I’ll text you—”
“Nope.” Phoenix pushed his outstretched phone away. “If she needs to get ahold of you, I’ll put up a bat signal, superhero. Run along before I shoot you.”
“Do it.” Pike sneered. “You’d just go to prison. Shitty little De Lange thinks he can power-push on campus? Newsflash, you don’t own this school anymore. I do. Hell, I’m surprised you even showed your face here after all the shit you did…”
With a curse, Phoenix gripped Pike by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. “Your’re right, asshole. I did so much shit. Shit that would have you screaming like a little bitch and sleeping by your damn nightlight. I kill, and here’s your little newsflash…” He grinned menacingly. “I enjoy it. So make me an offer I can’t refuse… I
’ve always loved a good chase.”
Pike’s smile fell.
With one last shove, Phoenix slammed his hand above the wall and then ushered me out of the building. Fingers dug into the sensitive flesh above my elbow as I stumbled beside him.
My heart was pounding so fast I could feel it in my throat, threatening to choke the life out of me.
We didn’t say anything until we got to his car.
When the door slammed, Phoenix released me and pinched the bridge of his nose whispering, “Remember, little girl, his precious little life is in your frail hands.”
“What?” I hissed then glanced around us to make sure nobody could hear “You’d kill him?”
“Doll…” Phoenix barked out a laugh. “You have no idea what I’d do to him — what I’d enjoy doing to him. What I’m capable of.” His eyes flashed. “Don’t push me over the ledge we both know I’m already teetering on, because I will fall into the darkness embracing every damned part of myself, and it’s going to be on you. All you.”
He meant it.
I knew he meant it. Phoenix’s eyes brimmed with hatred; I could almost see the anger steaming off his body as his chest heaved. What would it be like to help him carry some of it? To be the friend he actually needed.
“Should you really be threatening the Cappo’s sister?” Yeah, I just had to poke the bear harder.
With a smirk, Phoenix pushed me against the car, his finger jamming into my chest. “Doll, I don’t care if you’re dripping in gold and the secret to mankind’s future survival. You listen to me or people get hurt. Those are your choices.”
“So.” I gulped. “You hurt people to prove a point?”
“No,” he growled. “I hurt people to keep you safe. I hurt people to make sure you breathe another damn day. I hurt people out of necessity, not out of desire. But one false move and the lines blur, princess. They blur into one. The minute that happens I won’t hesitate to blame you every single day for the rest of my life, for waking the beast that should have stayed silent.”
“It’s a choice,” I croaked.
“No.” Phoenix backed away. “It’s my miserable existence. Now get in the damn car. You have homework.” He moved around and opened his own door while my fingers were having difficulty even connecting with the smooth steel.
Finally, the door opened. I got in and crossed my arms. Pissed at him for making me feel stupid. Again. Angry that his opinion really meant that much to me. And lost… yeah, that’s what that empty feeling was.
I belonged nowhere.
Was wanted by no one.
And the one guy who invited me to coffee was going to get freaking killed if I as much as sent him an emoji text.
We drove in silence the entire way to the house — if silence counted as Phoenix’s heavy breathing and cursing under his breath in Sicilian. The guy still looked like he wanted to run with the bulls and bring a semi-automatic, just in case one of them got feisty.
Phoenix put the car in park.
I didn’t move.
I was scared to do anything except look straight out the window. But I wasn’t scared of him. He would never hurt me.
Maybe I was scared of me, scared of my reaction to him, scared that when he did nothing but warn me away, I was desperate for more attention and would do anything to get it.
“Bee...” His voice was gruff. “…I need you to understand something.”
I exhaled, waiting for another scolding.
Instead, Phoenix’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Guys like Pike, guys like me… we aren’t the good guys. The ones girls dream about. We don’t bring flowers to a first date, we don’t wait the allotted few dates for sex or a kiss. We don’t imagine a white picket fence, a yard full of kids, and a dog named Spot. That’s not our reality, but, princess, it could be yours. Tex wants that for you. I want that for you. So please… just listen to me when I warn you. It’s not because I’m a sick controlling bastard who’s hell bent on keeping you from having fun and living your life. It’s because I’m a controlling bastard who can’t imagine a life where even one hair on your head is out of place.”
Tears pooled in my eyes. Slowly, I turned, waiting to see the usual anger behind his eyes.
Instead, all I saw was regret.
Regret on Phoenix looked like a gaping black hole just waiting to be filled with something — anything that would make the darkness go away. Hollow. He was so hollow and empty.
I reached out.
He jerked back. “Homework.”
“Right, God forbid you and I actually have a moment.”
His lips curled as if he was about to smile, and then he coughed in his hand. “Believe me, if we were having a moment, you’d know it.”
“Warm fuzzies?”
“I don’t do warm fuzzies.”
Well, can’t win ’em all.
“I do scorching blazes,” he muttered under his breath. “That sear you alive.”
My heartbeat quickened. “I’m trying to find the romance in that.”
“Ha! Try all you want.” He nodded. “You’ll find no romance in me.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Good God, Bee, just get out of the damn car so I can put it in the garage.”
“You better hope you put up a good fight, Phoenix.” I stepped out of the car and leaned my head in. “Because I don’t give up easyily.”
His face transformed in that moment from hollow to hopeful, almost as if his own body and soul were screaming for me to keep pursuing, even though his words said something else entirely.
“You’re always welcome to try whatever you want in your free time, Bee. But it will never happen. Now, run along, do your homework, pour yourself a glass of milk, and if you’re a really good girl, I’ll turn on Cartoon Network.”
“Go to hell, Phoenix.” I rolled my eyes at his grunt then slammed the door in his face and stomped up the stairway into the house.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Life is made up of crappy days rolling into more crappy days with maybe one good day in between. Unless you’re Phoenix De Lange; then you get no good days. Only bad.
Phoenix
I PULLED INTO THE garage and turned off the car. The desire to chase after Bee had been so strong that my body ached. Everything about her told me to stay away, but her eyes… they were like bread, water, my possible survival. My body craved her, and I hated myself for it.
Which was pretty impressive, considering how much I already loathed my own existence.
She was making everything worse.
And we were… what? We were officially at Day One, and I was ready to do something. Hell, my fingers itched for me to do something irrevocable, something that would put me at odds with my new family and at odds with my old one.
With a curse, I got out of the car and made my way into the house.
Screaming erupted from the kitchen.
Sergio and what sounded like Nixon.
Wow, as far as days went, this one wasn’t turning out to be my favorite. I rounded the corner and froze.
“Sergio?” I blinked twice. “What the hell did you do to yourself?”
“Makeover,” Bee said from the corner, lifting a can of coke to her lips and watching in rapt fascination. “He cut his hair.”
“Why?” I shook my head. “I thought you liked the whole Prince Charming look.”
“Yeah.” Nixon pushed against Sergio then set his gun on the table and spun it round and round. Ha! Nice, almost like spin the bottle, only the end game is someone getting shot. “We’d all really like to know, Sergio. Why the sudden change of appearance? You thinking of going underground?”
Sergio rolled his eyes, briefly glancing at me then at Nixon. “It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it…” Nixon seethed. “…before I shoot you.”
The gun spun again. Nixon’s finger settled on the trigger. Shit. Whoever said that marriage tamed the man had been clearly deranged.
Sergio exhal
ed a curse then bit down on his lip, damn near drawing blood from the looks of it. “I’m going undercover.”
“Why?” Nixon leaned over the gun and pointed it straight for Sergio’s heart. “Why now? You’ve been more than happy tinkering away on your computers.”
“Hacking,” I said helpfully, reaching for a bottled water from the countertop.
“Well…” Sergio closed his eyes. “…I got a fun little phone call from Phoenix. It seems that the feds have an implant at Elite.”
“The hell they do!” Nixon spat.
“Actually…” I swallowed. “They do, but this isn’t the place to discuss anything.” My eyes fell to Bee.
She was grinning from ear to ear; then she ran her finger along her plump lips as if zipping them. “Come on, guys. I’m like a vault.”
“Guarantee I could tap you in three seconds flat.” I growled.
Her cheeks went pink.
Both Sergio and Nixon went deathly silent.
Hell-in-a-freaking-handbasket. Not what I meant.
“Not like that guys.” I rolled my eyes as if my brain wasn’t conjuring up images of said tapping and her soft body beneath mine. The image always ended up horrific, so I pushed it away — far, far away — and popped my knuckles. “We’ll talk tonight at the meeting.” I shrugged.
Nixon nodded slowly. “Fine, but if shit-for-brains makes a run for it...” He pointed at Sergio. “Shoot him.”
Ah, nice.
“Please.” Sergio let out a sour chuckle. “Phoenix has been itching to shoot me, way-ta tempt him.”
Nixon shrugged. “Not my problem.” He picked up his gun. “I’ll see you guys tonight…” He paused and almost smiled. “Bee, how was school?”
“Awesome!” She glanced at me and winked. “Phoenix even held my hand the whole way to class.”
“Did not,” I said in an entirely way-too-defensive voice.
“But he wanted to.” She nodded as a smug grin spread over her face. “I could tell by the way he kept looking at my cleavage and licking his lips.”
“Dear God, I know I deserve everything I get, but hell, could you just stop for one minute?”