ill will that existed between the embittered Samuel and Stiles clans. Their generational feud had been caused by holding a bitter grudge over the ownership of a piece of property on Acorn Ridge. It was a loathing, which had persisted for decades, with no clear resolution in sight.
To Bill and Maddy it felt like the natural thing to do, and it would be wonderful to have Charlene help Little Johnny with bathing, dressing and other daily activities. He was always slow to learn and needed a guiding hand throughout the day. Through this activity, Charlene came to understand that by helping Little Johnny accomplish the daily tasks of his life, there was a good feeling about giving to others. At the same time, caring for Little Johnny caused her to think about her unborn child. She was certain it was a little boy now growing within her womb. Her love for the unborn son was blossoming, as well. And there was the unexpected benefit of needing less Valium. Somehow the combination of moving out of Grandma Kate’s house and becoming focused on the care of others, relieved her of the habit of clinging to her personal worries. Charlene became so busy with helping Little Johnny and her unborn son, she literally forgot about reaching for the next Valium every time she felt uncomfortable or anxious. Caring for others in an appropriate manner was helping Charlene have a new found sense of self-esteem. She was learning that to give love is to receive love. She felt bright and alive and could not wait for the birth of her baby.
Haybaler had been sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a glass of iced tea during Charlene’s visit. He was out of sight from the living room, but within easy earshot of the conversation. None of what he heard really surprised him. The fact that Charlene was pregnant with Jason’s baby was a little startling, but actually made him feel happy for Jason. In fact, Charlene’s visit set him to thinking about his brother Jason, and how he might be fairing in the battlefields of war. He missed Jason’s company and feared for his life, yearning on end for his safe return home. And to think, Jason was fighting in Viet Nam knowing Charlene was pregnant with his baby back in Texas hill country! Finally, Haybaler stood up from the table and walked into the living room, asking, “Would you like a glass of tea, Charlene?” Together, under the roof of the Stiles’ family home, they would await the return of warriors, and the birth of a child, to be named Levi.
Returning Home
Jason’s tour of duty was ending at about the same time as the conclusion of the Viet Nam conflict. As Jason and the other soldiers were returning home many questions remained unanswered. Was it all worthwhile? Were the South Vietnamese people liberated? Had America protected a country from communist invasion? Had the American way of life been protected, as the politicians kept saying? Was the monumental suffering and loss of life necessary?
Jason was a changed person by the time he was returning home from the war. He did not feel the same emotionally and his thoughts about life were much different now. He had witnessed too much carnage and death. He had many personal problems to deal with, such as vivid flashbacks of the terrified screaming of women and children, which he heard as clearly as if they were occurring in the present moment. The flashbacks were like a nightmarish movie that would not stop playing within the theater of his mind. He was over vigilant and his basic trust of other people had been damaged, but he kept thinking that somehow getting back to Charlene would help him with his immense personal pain. He hoped that Charlene would listen to him and somehow understand things that are difficult for anyone to comprehend. He sensed that transitioning back into civilian life would be a painful struggle. Nothing was the same. Everything had changed.
Like Jason, America had changed because of the war. During those tumultuous war years, many younger people became wary of authority and government. There was a growing awareness of social inequality, which was insidiously undermining the foundation of American life. The disparity between rich and poor seemed more apparent everywhere you looked. Hand in hand with more poverty, there seemed to be less hope that an individual with sufficient drive could achieve the America Dream. In fact, the notion of what constitutes the American Dream had been changed by the war. The American Dream was now more about basic survival in daily life, and less about growth and prosperity. Keep up or be left behind, might be the motto of post Viet Nam life in America. And, adding to these long term social problems, the American family unit was being undermined as parents spent more time away from home earning wages, which left little time for being present with their children. Day by day, it seemed that the forces of hope and light were being snuffed out by an increasing presence of greed, and darkness. America was not what it used to be.
The period of adjustment was particularly heartbreaking for the soldiers returning home from the battlefield. Nothing had prepared these men for the harsh reality of returning as strangers, out of sync with the norm of civilian life. It was a discovery they had not expected. After the welcoming parade and the glory of handshakes, these former soldiers were left to their own designs, both to survive in a changed economy and to fend for themselves in healing the emotional wounds of war. It was especially painful for these men to realize that they were at times shunned and avoided, as if the majority of civilians thought they had done something wrong for fighting in an unpopular war. They were not treated as war heroes, more likely they were looked down upon as misfits and killers, somehow unfit to mingle with the rest of society.
Jason returned to Pleasanton and immediately felt the open arms of Charlene, as they held each other in a warm and lasting embrace. They had both pined away for so long, waiting for this wonderful moment. Hiding behind Charlene was a 2 year old boy, Levi. The shy towheaded boy was Jason’s son that he had never seen. Peering from behind his mother’s dress, Levi looked at Jason with a mixture of awe and trepidation. “Levi this is your daddy!” Charlene remarked with zeal. Sensing Levi’s reluctance as only a mother can, Charlene picked him up and held him as a means of introducing him to Jason. Levi buried his face in Charlene’s breast, a little afraid to look towards Jason. Slowly, but surely, Levi started to make eye contact with Jason. It would not be long before Levi would be Jason’s doting companion throughout each day. Likewise, it was not long before Jason relished hearing his son call out those precious words, “Daddy! Daddy!” Those words became the light in Jason’s heart. As Levi clamored to be held in his father’s arms, so Jason looked forward to holding his young son. They became inseparable.
As the days went steadily by, it was not Charlene that sustained the thread of hope that Jason so desperately needed. Jason tried talking to Charlene about his experiences in the war, and the terrifying nightmares, but she could not really comprehend the enormity of what Jason was trying to convey. And, after all, she was still grieving the loss of her brother Luke in the fatal helicopter crash. She just wanted Jason to be her husband and the father of her child. She held him and told him how much she loved him, but her ability to sooth his wounds of war were otherwise limited. Though a little disappointed, Jason did not blame Charlene for her lack of empathy. After all, she was not a therapist. She was his wife and Levi’s mother.
As the days passed by, Jason saw that when he spent more time with little Levi, there would be less inclination to ruminate about the darkness that had followed him home from Viet Nam. Jason did not speak to his son about the horrible memories of blood stained massacre. Nor did he mention the monstrous dark hand of fear and hatred that would sometimes still appear in his heart and mind. Without speaking of these things to a toddler, Jason’s wounds were none the less relieved and soothed by spending time with Levi. Their relationship was reciprocal, father to son and son to father, to be sure. And it was more than that, too. Their relationship was mutually beneficial and healing. Levi was healing from missing his daddy while he was away for so long. Similarly, Jason was healing by being in the presence of Levi’s beautiful smile and clear blue eyes. When they looked at each other there was an instant recognition of mutual love and respect.
However, there was one aspect of Jason’s life that was not improving with ti
me. When least expected, the dark and monstrous presence, which had come to haunt him during the war, would still appear in his thoughts from time to time. And the feeling of having that dark fist strangling the very heart within his chest was more than he could endure. At times he was gripped by terror and despair. The worst part of it was the recurring nightmares of slaughter and annihilation. In these dreams Jason would be walking through the fields of war, surrounded by mangled, charred and half dead bodies that were moaning and crying out in pain. Jason would bolt out of sleep into a frightening awareness that the menacing presence of fear and terror had followed him home from Viet Nam. At its worst it felt like a demonic force that was lurking in dark shadows, waiting to take advantage of his weaknesses.
He tried drinking to dispel the darkness, hoping the effects of alcohol would numb the painful memories and stop the flashbacks. However, Jason soon realized that drinking alcohol whipped the demons into hideous frenzy. While intoxicated, his inner demons rose up and took on a life of their own, threatening