“Oh. ” I rolled my eyes. That’s what he was getting at.
“I’m just saying that there are two bedrooms, and that master bed is pretty big,” Lazlo continued, peeking up at me to see how I was responding. “It’s plenty big for two people. ”
“It’s not that big. ”
“It’s not the biggest ever, but…” He trailed off and sighed heavily. Looking up at me, his dark eyes were a mixture of wounded and confused. “What’s so bad about sleeping with me?” The instant he said it, his expression faltered. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant… you know. Same bed. Sleeping, with actual sleeping. ”
“I know what you meant. ” I picked up a Joker that had slipped out of the deck of cards and twirled it around the table. I needed to occupy myself with something.
With a sudden flourish, he splayed the cards out on the table. He flipped them all face down, and then sliding his hand across, he flipped them all face up. He had a showman’s hand, and he smiled at me, sad and hopeful all at once.
“I’m laying all my cards on the table,” Lazlo grinned at his own bad joke, and I returned it uneasily. “I like you. ” He paused, and when I didn’t say anything, he went on. “Kind of a lot, actually. ”
My pulse quickened in the way only he seemed to be able to make it, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. Everything inside me froze up and stopped. Too much had happened for me to ever consider really liking someone again or having a normal life.
These things just weren’t possible anymore, and I wanted to explain that to him, to make him see that this didn’t have anything to do with how I felt about him. We couldn’t happen.
Instead of saying any of that, I fought to keep my breathing even and looked down at the table.
“Remy, what’s going on with us?” Lazlo asked quietly when I didn’t say anything.
“Do you really wanna know?”
“Depends on what the answer is,” he admitted.
So I didn’t answer. I turned my head to look out the window behind the couch. The curtain obstructed most of my view, so I lifted it a bit. The sun had started setting, and the sky above the trailers glowed pink and purple above us. Lazlo took this as my response, and he sighed.
“I guess I’ll take the couch tonight,” he muttered, getting up.
“No, you don’t have to do that,” I shook my head. “I can take the couch. ”
“I can take the flipping couch. ” He grabbed the deck of cards off the table and threw them in a kitchen drawer, slamming it shut.
“No, I’m the one having an issue. ” I slid off the couch and stood up, trying to calm him down. “I should be the one to sleep on the couch. ”
“You don’t always have to do that!” Lazlo snapped at me.
“Do what?”
“That!” He gestured to the couch as if it’d mean something to me. “You don’t always have to be the tough guy, okay? I am the guy, here. I can be a gentleman sometimes. ”
“This isn’t about being tough or chivalrous or whatever the hell it is you’re having a problem with. ” I pulled a strand of hair that had come loose from my bun. “I’m just trying to be…” I trailed off, not even sure what I was doing.
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“Strong,” Lazlo finished for me. “You’re always trying to be strong and isolated. And I get it. You can kick my ass, hands down. But we’re here now!” He spread his arms wide, referring to the trailer and quarantine as a whole. “Can’t you just let your guard down for a minute?”
I squirmed and looked away.
“Just because I offer to sleep somewhere-”
He moved towards me, his mouth covering mine before I could finish. One of his hands went to the soft skin of my side, and when I started kissing him back, he squeezed slightly, sending warming tingles through me. His other hand was on my cheek, cradling it. My back pressed against the counter behind me, and he leaned into me, pushing me against it.
I loved how desperately he kissed me. Nobody had ever kissed me like that before, like he couldn’t breathe without me. Butterflies swirled through me, and my heart hammered so hard in my chest, I was sure he could feel it. I felt weak all over, but I didn’t hate it.
When he stopped kissing me, we were both panting, and he looked intently at me. His eyes had gone dark with passion. He pushed the hair from my face, and I was surprised to find that I had knotted my hand in the fabric of his shirt, pulling him tightly to me.
“Are you okay?” Lazlo’s expression changed from heat to concern.
“I…” I could barely catch my breath, and as much as I wanted to kiss him again, I was too scared to. “I need to take a walk. ”
“Oh. ” Hurt flashed across his face, but he hurried to erase it and mask it with false indifference. He took a step back, so I could move. “Yeah. Sure. ”
“Sorry, I just…” I ran a hand through my hair and wouldn’t look at him as I slid by. “I need to get some air. ”
“No, I understand,” he lied.
I pushed out the front door before I could say anything else awkward and stupid. With night falling, it had gotten significantly colder, especially after spending so many days in the desert heat.
Bright white street lights allowed me to see as I walked on the winding trails through the trailers. Wrapping my arms tightly around me, I mis-stepped several times, but eventually, I found my way to Ripley’s cage.
Linking my fingers through the chain link, she came over and nuzzled at them again. I wanted to sob and throw up, so I just wrapped my arm tighter around my stomach, holding it in.
I didn’t understand how I could handle myself so well in a zombie fight but not at all in real life. It used to be the exact opposite. I had forgotten who I used to be entirely.
Ripley tired of rubbing against the cage and went in the corner to take a nap. I had gotten myself under control, but I wasn’t ready to go back yet. I wandered around the quarantine, avoiding other people as much as possible, and tried to focus on what really mattered: seeing Max.
My options were counting on Tatum’s ability to pull strings and get me a sanctioned visit or breaking in.
I made my way over to the building. It looked like a giant fortress. No windows on the first floor, and the windows on the second had bars over them, guaranteeing that no zombies could break in. Or no one could break out. The walls were smooth concrete, without any divots or cracks, making it impossible to scale.
The only ways in or out were through two sets of massive steel doors, protected by a punch code and two armed guards. This quarantine had been so well thought out, I would’ve been impressed if I hadn’t been trying to break in.
I stood near the doors, chewing my lip and trying to think, when two men in blue scrubs walked up. They said something to the guards, punched a number in the keypad, and went inside. I didn’t recognize either of them, but an idea dawned on me.
“Um, hi,” I walked up to the guards, and they both barely looked at me. “I’m not feeling well, and I need to see a doctor. ”
“Talk to Bishop, and she’ll set something up for you,” he said, keeping his eyes fixed on some target above my head.
“No, um, I know the doctor. ” I shifted my weight. “He’s a friend, and he checked me out today, and he said if I have any problems, to come back and see him. And I’m having problems. ” The solider looked at me skeptically. “Doctor’s orders. ”
“What’s his name?” he sighed.
“Blue Adams,” I smiled gratefully at him.
He clicked on the black radio attached to his uniform and said Blue was needed at the front entrance. A static voice replied that they’d send him down in a minute. I took a deep breath and waited. I had taken to pacing, but finally, Blue came out the front doors.
“Is everything alright?” Blue looked worried when he walked over to me.
“Yeah, yeah. ” I started walking away from the guards and motioned for him t
o do the same. I didn’t think they liked me, and I didn’t want them overhearing what I had to say.
“Is it something with your hip?” Blue asked.
“No, my hip is fine. ” I waved it away. Once we were far enough, hidden in the shadows of one of the trailers, I crossed my arms over my chest and whispered. “Can you get me in to see Max?”
“Remy, I already told you, I don’t know anything,” Blue shook his head.
“Blue, come on,” I pleaded. “I’m not even supposed to know he’s in there. I need to know what they’re doing with him. ”
“I want to help you. ” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked over his shoulder, as if he expected somebody to be lurking there, watching. “I think he’s on the third floor. I haven’t seen him, and they haven’t called him by name, but from what I’ve heard, I think he’s up there. I can move around the area he’s in, but he’s in a locked ward. ”
“Do you think you could get me in?” I asked, my excitement growing.
“Maybe. ” Blue sounded pained. “I’d have to dig around, and I might be able to, but it’d be a one-time thing. Then I’d get fired and you’d be put in the stockade. ”
“Stockade?” I shook my head, not familiar with the term.
“Yeah, it’s like prison,” he said. “It’s in the basement of the building. If you screw up enough, you either go in the stockade or you’re exiled. ”
“We just won’t get caught then. ”
“We couldn’t not get caught,” Blue shook his head. “But you’re missing the point. Even if I did get the passkey, I couldn’t get you up the third floor. I couldn’t even get you to the second floor. ”
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“What are you talking about? Why not?” I asked.
“Civilians are not allowed in there. I mean, unless you’re going to the stockade, and that’d be harder to get out of than would be getting in, so don’t even think of that as an option,” he looked at me sternly.
“What about if I’m really hurt? Like if I need surgery?” I suggested. I could fake a major injury, or I could actually get one, if necessary.
“No. We come to you,” Blue explained. “That’s sealed up tight. They don’t want to risk contamination. Their research in there is the most valuable thing in the world right now. ”
“Okay, so what are we looking at here?” I tried to think of it all rationally. “What do I have to get through, step by step to see Max?”
“Um, the main doors, for starters,” Blue nodded back at the guards standing by the door. “Then the first floor is all military, and they’re like frat boys in there.
“Second floor is mostly living quarters and basic first aid type stuff,” Blue went on. “That wouldn’t be so hard to get by. If you could get up there, I could get you some scrubs, and nobody’d give you a second glance. ”
“Why can’t you just steal me some scrubs then?”
“The guards keep track of every person who comes in and out,” Blue said. “They’d notice that you hadn’t gone out and didn’t belong in scrubs. They have such high security at the doors, once you’re in, they assume you belong.
“If you could get past the first floor, I could get you to the third floor. ” Blue chewed his lip, thinking. “If you gave me some time, I could get a pass key… but it doesn’t matter. I don’t know how you’d get in the first place. ”
“I can do it,” I nodded confidently, and Blue raised his eyebrow at me. “I know a guy. He can get me in. ” I’m not sure how Tatum would feel about that assertion, but I could do it. I had to.
“You really think so?” Blue asked, because he clearly didn’t.
“Look, if I can make it this long in once piece, I think I can handle getting through a door. ”
“All right. ” He didn’t argue with that logic.
“Can you get a passkey by tomorrow?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. It’d be better if I waited another day or two. ”
“But you could get it by tomorrow, if you really had to?” I pressed.
“I guess,” he shrugged uncertainly.
“Okay. Then… we’ll plan on tomorrow night. After supper. That’ll give you twenty-four hours to get everything in order,” I said.
Blue reluctantly agreed to it, but I knew that if anyone could help me with this, it was him. Since I’d known him, he’d proven himself to be trustworthy and capable at every turn. He went back into the building, and I made my way over to the mess hall for supper.
Now all I had to do was convince Tatum to get me inside.
– 19 –
Lazlo slept on the couch, and I didn’t try to talk him out of it, mostly because I didn’t want to talk to him. Harlow had heard us arguing earlier, I’m sure, but she didn’t say anything about it. She attempted to chat through the tension, but it didn’t work for either of us.
I went to bed right after we got back from supper so I could hide out, and I lay awake most of the night, anxious about everything. Sometime before dawn, I finally fell asleep.
Light streamed through the slits between the curtains when I awoke to the sound of someone opening the closet doors. I shifted in bed, half sitting up and pushed back the covers so I could see.
Wearing only his boxers, Lazlo sifted through the closet, looking for his clothes. Red lines and imprints stretched across his back, reminders of his night spent sleeping on the rough couch.
“Morning,” I yawned and pushed myself all the way up.
“Oh, sorry. ” He looked sheepishly over his shoulder at me. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I just came to get some clothes so I could take a shower. ”
“No, it’s okay. I should get up anyway. ” I hadn’t been able to find Tatum last night, and I didn’t know how long it would take me to convince him to get me into the building.
“Oh. Good. I guess. ” Lazlo turned back to picking out something, so I swung my legs over the edge of the bed to stand up.
I didn’t have pajamas to speak of, so I slept in my underwear and a tee shirt. My bare legs were covered in fading bruises and cuts. A thick scab ran over my knee, and I touched it, checking to see that it was healing without infection.
I glanced up and saw Lazlo staring back at me. Feeling self-conscious, I grabbed my pants up off the floor, and his cheeks reddened when he quickly turned back to the closet.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking down at a tee shirt.
“It’s fine. ” I pulled on my pants. “Have you seen Tatum?”
“What?” Lazlo turned back to me in surprise, his expression bewildered. “No. I just got up. Why? What do you need him for?”
“I need to talk to him. ” I slept with my hair up, but the tie had loosened, so I pulled it out and ran my fingers through the long tangles.
“Why?” Lazlo repeated, his voice tightening with anxiety.
“About my brother. ” I put my hair back in a messy bun. “He was supposed to check into something. ”
“Why?” Lazlo said yet again, and I didn’t feel like answering him, so I brushed past him out the bedroom door. With his clothes in hand, he went after me. “Why is this Tatum guy helping you? I thought he kind of seemed like a jerk. ”
In the living room, Harlow was already up and sitting at the table, sketching something on a pad of paper. She twirled her cross absently around her neck and looked up at me when I came out.
“What are you doing? Are you going somewhere?” she asked as I slipped on my shoes.
“Yeah, I just have to find Tatum,” I opened the main door and leaned on the screen door for a minute.
“That soldier guy?” Harlow wrinkled her nose in confusion.
“Yeah, exactly,” Lazlo chimed in, giving me a hard look. “I don’t trust that guy. ”
“Maybe you don’t, but I do. ” I shrugged and left.
Harlow called after me, reminding me about breakfast, and I told her I’d make it i
f I could.
I had no idea where to look, and I didn’t exactly understand how this place was laid out. They really should’ve handed out maps when people got quarantined. I found Bishop hanging up clothes to dry, but when I asked her about Tatum, she gave me a vague, terse answer.
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Ripley roared, sounding more bored than irritated, but I decided to stop by and say hey. I hated the idea of her being in a cage. Even if she was safe, it didn’t seem right to me. The cost of safety was different than what it used to be, but so was freedom. It carried a much greater risk, but I’d always believed it’d be worth it in the end.
In a turn of luck, Tatum stood outside her cage, admiring her as she paced along the fence. He had on his full camo uniform today, with his jacket hanging open, and a couple other soldiers stood next to him, laughing at something he said.
“Hey, Tatum,” I said, walking over to him. He looked back at me, and he managed to look both irritated and happy to see me.
“You know, I am a soldier, Private First Class. You could show me a little respect,” he told me when I got up to him.
“Sorry. ” My cheeks reddened. “Pvt. Tatum, sir, can I talk to you?”
“Can it wait? We’re going out in the field today. ”
“The field? What are you talking about?” I asked, momentarily forgetting about my incessant quest to see Max.
“Out there. ” Tatum motioned towards the walls towering around us. “We go out in the field, search for survivors, kill some zombies, check things out. That’s how we found you. ” He looked back over at Ripley, who roared again and swished her tail. “We were gonna take her out with us, but she’s still too wild. ”
“She’s supposed to be wild. She’s a lion,” I bristled, as if he had said something derogatory about her.
“Well, we’re not taking her today. ” Tatum shrugged. “But we’re going soon. So, can I talk to you when I get back?”
“Um…” I bit my lip and fidgeted. I didn’t think I could wait any longer. “This’ll just take a sec. Please. ”
He sighed and nodded at his friends. One of them made some kind of joke about Tatum being whipped, so he put his hand gruffly on the small of my back and pushed me away from them.
“Look, I don’t know anything,” Tatum said in a low growl when he’d gotten out of earshot of everyone.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep bothering you, and I know that you have a job to do, protecting everybody. But I need your help. ” I looked hopefully at him. “It’s really just a small little favor. ”
“What?” Tatum asked wearily.
“I need you to get me in the building, just up to the second floor. Then I have a friend on the inside who can get me the rest of the way. ”
“Oh come on,” he rolled his eyes.
“Please!” I stood up on my tiptoes, thinking that would somehow help my cause. “I know you can do it. You know your way around this place, and it’s not that much trouble. ”
“You know you’re obnoxious, right?” He looked at me hard, his hands on his hips like a pissed off housewife. I nodded. “I don’t even know why I’m helping you. ” He sighed and nodded. “All right. There’s something I can do, but it’ll have to wait until I get back. ”