Chapter 26: James
It was time to confront my past head on. I had looked after George’s family all these years, as I’d promised, but maybe my own needed me more. I’d been back to Edinburgh in 2007, but I hadn’t wanted to know what had happened to my parents and brothers in case it was too painful. I hadn’t been ready then, but now I decided to deal with all the unanswered questions I’d asked myself over the years.
George had already done a fine piece of research in 2007 in case I’d changed my mind and had given me a CD with what he had been able to find out on it. Now I looked at it for the first time. My brother Hector had been only two years younger than me, so he’d followed me into the army soon after I set off for France. I’m not sure he’d ever have found out that I’d deserted as he was killed at the battle of Arras in 1917. Reading that hit me hard. He had followed in my footsteps and my worst fears had been confirmed.
My little brother James had been six years younger luckily, so although he too had signed up, the war was over before he was able to see any action. He’d stayed in the army, obviously wanting to prove that – unlike his eldest brother – he wasn’t a coward; he must have been itching to see some action. When I read that, I wished again that I had stayed dead. Maybe then my wee brother would have chosen a different career. It must have broken my mother’s heart to see her last son march off.
James got his wish for action in 1920 when his regiment was posted to Ireland and he fought in the Anglo-Irish war, which ultimately led to Irish independence. There followed a number of overseas postings with the Royal Scots that took my wee brother to Egypt, China and finally Hong Kong. In his late thirties he had married a local girl in Hong Kong and they’d had a son in 1939. James had steadily worked his way up the ranks in the army and by the time the battle of Hong Kong started in 1941 he was a regimental sergeant major and had quite a comfortable life. But that all changed after the Japanese attack and subsequent surrender of the British.
My brother spent the following four years in a camp as a prisoner of war, which must have been horrific. His wife and young son managed to escape and hid with her Chinese family. Amazingly though, all three survived and were reunited after the war. James took his family to Edinburgh where he bought a house in Morningside and he stayed in the army until his retirement. He and Mei-ling, or May as she was known to everyone in Scotland, must have found it hard settling in Edinburgh. It must have been an alien place to her.
James had died in 1975 aged 74 and Mei-ling followed in 1985 aged 70. Their son, Hector, still lived in the same Morningside house and was now a retired accountant aged 72. I had to meet him so I decided to pose as a journalist writing for The Scotsman and called him to arrange a meeting. He agreed to let me interview him at his house at 5pm. It was winter, so it would be dark enough. Interview with a vampire I giggled to myself as I hung up the phone.
And there he was, standing in front of me, an elderly Asian man that was my nephew. It was an emotional moment when I walked into his hallway and saw the pictures of my family. There was an old picture of my brother Hector in his uniform that must have been taken just before he went to the front, a picture of my parents looking old and grey and a wedding picture of James and May looking very exotic. There were also family members smiling back at me that I didn’t know.
‘So you’re writing an article about the Royal Scots then? My father spent his whole life in the army you know,’ Hector said, leading me into his living room.
‘Well, not so much about the Royal Scots, more the soldiers that deserted,’ I explained.
‘How dare you!’ he said angrily. ‘My father didn’t desert!’ and he turned to lead me straight back out again.
‘Oh no! No, I’m not here about your father.’ I said hurriedly, holding up my hands apologetically. ‘I’m here about your uncle, Cameron Blair.’
‘I think you’re making a mistake. I only had an uncle Hector, but he didn’t desert either, he died in the Great War,’ he went on angrily, blocking my way in.
‘My research shows that a Cameron Blair was born to the same parents as your father James, in 1895,’ I explained hastily. ‘So your father never mentioned he had an older brother?’
‘I had no idea my father had two brothers. He never ever mentioned a Cameron to me,’ said Hector, looking puzzled and he sat down.
‘Did you know your grandparents?’ I asked, taking a seat too.
‘No. They were dead by the time we came to Britain. They both died in the 1930s,’ he said. Good, I thought. At least they hadn’t had to live through another world war.
‘Did you get married, Mr Blair?’ I asked my nephew.
‘Yes. My wife died last year, but we were married for 48 years and we have four children and eleven grandchildren. And I’m delighted to say that my first great-grandchild is due in a month,’ he said smiling at the prospect of becoming a great-grandfather.
‘Wow! That’s quite something. And they are all happy and healthy?’ I asked.
‘Yes, yes, they are all doing fine. My youngest isn’t working just now, but he’s a clever chap so I’m sure he will find something soon,’ he said without any noticeable concern.
‘Ok, well it looks like I disturbed you for no reason. I’m sorry I had to let you in on the family secret,’ I said, getting up to leave.
‘Don’t worry, but your story might be a difficult one to write. I think there will be a lot of families like mine, who’d rather not mention a son or brother that deserted. It’s not something you want to tell your children,’ he said as he walked me to the front door.
‘I know, but you’d think that after all those years your dad might have mentioned something,’ I said as I took a last look over the family photos.
‘No, sorry. I’m afraid I can’t help you any further,’ he said as he opened the front door and shook my hand.
I left feeling rather empty. I’d just been wiped from the family tree, never to be mentioned again. Deep down, I couldn’t blame them. I took the number 23 bus up to Princes Street and sat on a park bench for a while looking at the castle that was lit up for the night. So what now? I didn’t get much time alone with my thoughts as a sixty-something woman plonked herself down next to me.
‘Ye can say what ye like about Edinburgh, but it is a beautiful place. I always like to come here and just sit and look at the castle and the Christmas lights while I wait for the seven o’clock train to Glasgow.’
That figured. An Edinburgh lady would never sit next to a stranger and start a conversation. I decided to humour her. ‘You’re from Glasgow then?’ I asked.
‘I was born in the Gorbals and I’ve lived in Glasgow all my life. Just came through for wee a bit of shopping. I come for the Jenners sale every year,’ she explained in a broad Glaswegian accent.
‘Got any good bargains?’ I asked, pointing at her bags.
‘Oh aye! I got a smashing wee top for fifteen pound!’ She proceeded to pull a hideous red blouse out of her bag and I spotted she’d found some equally ghastly shoes to go with it.
‘That’ll be perfect for a night out,’ I said, trying to sound impressed.
‘I love going to the bingo now and then, and you know how women are; you always need to have something new on. It costs a bloody fortune, so it does. I’m Helen by the way,’ she said.
‘Pleased to meet you Helen, I’m Cameron.’
‘That’s a proper Scottish name. Ye from Edinburgh then?’ she asked.
‘Aye, I was born here, but I’ve been away for a while.’
‘I bet it’s good to be back,’ she said, giving my leg a friendly squeeze.
I didn’t know what to say to that so there was a silence. She looked at me and put her hand on mine.
‘Are ye having problems son?’
What the hell, I might as well discus my sombre thoughts with a complete stranger. ‘I found out that while I was away my family decided to eliminate me from their lives. I just saw my nephew and he had no idea I existed,’ I sta
rted telling her.
‘Aww, that’s no right son. Did you have a fight with your brother?’ she asked me.
‘No. I made a bad mistake that brought shame on the family,’ I said.
‘Did you marry a Catholic?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
‘No! Good grief, they wouldn’t have minded that. I didn’t marry,’ I said hastily.
‘Are ye gay son? My eldest is gay and at first we were shocked and upset too, but I’ve met his partner now and he’s a great lad. I’m sure your family will come round too,’ she said giving me a tender look.
‘I’m not gay.’
‘What did you do then? You dinnae ken me, but I’m no gonnae tell anyone ye ken,’ she asked.
‘I ran away from the army. I’m a deserter,’ I told her, looking at my feet.
‘Were you in Afghanistan?’ she asked
‘Yes.’
‘Did you get court-martialled?’ she asked.
‘No. I’m still on the run.’ I said with a wink. She seemed to get quite angry at this.
‘Well, you have to turn yourself in son. I can understand your family not wanting to know you. How can they forgive you when you haven’t faced up to what you’ve done?’
‘I’m a coward, aren’t I?’ I said, looking at my feet again.
‘Do you think they can tell your nephew that Uncle Cameron joined the army and when it got hard and scary he ran away?’ she continued angrily.
‘Well, going to prison won’t change anything,’ I said, leaning back on the park bench sulkily.
‘Maybe not, but for your family it would be a sign that you admit you made a mistake and are trying to make amends.’ Suddenly she looked at her watch and jumped up, hastily gathering her belongings. ‘Help ma Boab, I’m gonnae miss ma train. Good luck to ye Cameron. I think you need it.’
‘Thanks Helen. It was good chatting to you. Have a safe journey.’
She dashed off in the direction of Waverley station and I decided to go to one of Edinburgh’s nightclubs as I was starting to feel a bit peckish.
Helen’s words kept milling around in my head. It was a bit late to turn myself in – and that would never have been an option – but was I a coward to just selfishly go on, not doing any good to man or beast and thinking only of what I wanted? Was it maybe time to stop? I’d been about for a long time. I generally tried not to think about the people who had come in and out of my life and concentrated instead on my latest desire and not letting anything get in the way of my obtaining it.
I knew where I had to go next, but first I was in need of a good meal.