the Heart of Aphrodite?
DUKE
(Under his breath.)You’re just determined to keep me from having any fun aren’t you?
(Cut to a one shot of the tour guide.)
TOUR GUIDE
Actually, I do.
(The tour guide provides a voiceover while the scene dissolves into a series of ancient looking paintings that depict the events as they are being described.)
TOUR GUIDE
According to legend; a very long time ago the goddess of love, Aphrodite, was wed to Hephaestus, the craftsman god. Although Aphrodite cared deeply for him, she was by nature a free spirit and grew weary of spending her days alone with the unadventurous deity. Soon her gaze shifted toward the fair men below Mount Olympus. One day she told Hephaestus that she was going down to answer a mortal’s prayers. Hephaestus kissed Aphrodite goodbye and watched her leave. What he did not know was that she left to lay with another man. When she returned to Mount Olympus Hephaestus greeted her with enthusiasm and presented her with a sculpture that he had crafted for her while she was away. As the years went by Aphrodite would be unfaithful many more times and each time she left Hephaestus would prepare a gift for her return. Finally one day she returned to her husband to find him sulking but ready with another sculpture. When she asked what was troubling him Hephaestus stated that he had grown lonesome from his wife leaving so often. Aphrodite looked around the room and saw all of the gifts that she had received. Each one was a painful reminder of her betrayal. At that moment the guilt became too much for her to bear so she tore out her heart and cast it below to the world of mortals. It is said that if anyone finds that heart, Aphrodite will be compelled to grant that person any wish within her power on the last day of the festival of love.
(The scene dissolves back only now the camera pans away from the tour guide and focuses in on a display by the back wall. The display is of a large crystal ball embedded in a small stone pedestal.)
TOUR GUIDE
(Gesturing toward the display.) If you all will turn your attention to the display behind me. Here we have what experts believe to be a map to Aphrodite’s Heart. The only descriptions we’ve found on it say “Hidden underneath the glass lies the true path.”
(The tour guide continues to talk in the background while the camera cuts to a medium shot of Duke and Wilt.)
DUKE
Well that settles it then. We’ll just have to sneak in the museum tonight and steal the shiny ball.
WILT
But you can’t just do that!
DUKE
Why not? First we’ll tell them that I’m a representative from NASA and then you-
WILT
Duke! There are going to be security guards, not some bottle blonde bimbos at a bar.
DUKE
Try saying that three times fast.
WILT
Please try to take this a little more seriously.
DUKE
Alright, let me think.
(While thinking Duke looks across the room over at two security guards standing by a trash can. Cut to a medium shot of the security guards. One is vomiting violently into the trash can while the other watches with concern.)
MUSEUM GUARD 1
Jesus Frank! Are you going to be able to handle your shift tonight?
MUSEUM GUARD 2
I don’t think so. Hopefully I can find someone to cover it for me.
(Cut back to the medium shot of Duke and Wilt.)
DUKE
On second thought maybe we should go with something a little more believable.
INT. – MUSEUM – NIGHT
(Scene opens on another establishing shot of the museum only this time it is dark outside. Cut to a one shot of a janitor as he is cleaning the glass doors at the entrance of the museum. The janitor looks up and sees Duke and Wilt walk up dressed as security guards. Duke’s costume is too tight and Wilt’s costume is too loose. Cut to a full shot showing all of them. The janitor opens the door slightly so they can talk.)
JANITOR
Can I help you with something?
DUKE
Yeah. We’re here to cover a late night shift for Frank.
JANITOR
Do you have some sort of I.D.?
DUKE
(Sucking air through his teeth.) Sssshh, oooh. Frank called us on kind of short notice. Do you think you could help us out just this once?
JANITOR
Alright, but just this once.
(The janitor lets them in. Zoom out to show the whole museum again as the shadowy figure of a woman lands on top of the roof. Cut to a full shot of the display room as Duke and Wilt walk into it. Duke gestures for Wilt to go into the hallway and keep watch. Wilt exits. Cut to a medium shot of Duke as he creeps up to the display case with the map in it. As he does this the shadowy outline of a woman appears and starts sneaking up behind him.)
DUKE
(Muttering to himself.) Bottle blonde bimbos at a bar. Bottle blonde bimbos at a bar. Bottle blonde bimbos at a BLAOUK!
(The woman sneaks up behind Duke and wraps her arm tightly around his throat. Duke struggles to break free while choking. He manages to get over to the wall and slams his back and the woman against it. The woman becomes stunned; losing her grip and Duke takes in a large gasp of air now that he can breathe again. They both regain their composure and turn to face each other. Duke charges at her swinging with his right fist then his left but the woman nimbly dodges both by effortlessly tilting her head out of the way. She then retaliates with a roundhouse kick to the side of his head. After staggering from the kick Duke tries to punch her again but she grabs hold of his arm and strikes him in the throat with her elbow. While Duke grabs his throat and struggles to breathe the woman hits him in the chest with her palm forcing Duke to take several steps backwards. Duke tries to run at her again but she jumps and does a flip over his head. Once behind him she kicks Duke in the back so he falls flat on his face. Duke slowly gets up and turns to face her again. The two run at each other and Duke swings at her in slow motion with his right arm. As the woman dodges he grabs a handful of her hair with his left hand and uses it to hold her in place. Normal speed returns and Duke finally lands a punch with his right fist directly in the woman’s face which knocks her to the ground. Camera zooms in on him as he starts to celebrate with a little dance. Duke looks around the room and then looks disheartened. The camera zooms out to show the whole room which is now full of woman in purple cloaks including the Mistress, Jasmine, and Wilt who is now being held captive.)
MISTRESS
(Glaring at the woman with disapproval.) You’re slipping Kim.
KIM
(Getting up off the ground.) Sorry Mistress.
(Cut to medium shot of Duke and the Mistress and she walks up to him.)
MISTRESS
Now I’m going to break this down nice and simple for you. We are the Disciples of Aphrodite, who I’m sure by now you are well acquainted with. Since you have lain with our goddess killing you would be considered a taboo. For that reason we will leave here peacefully today. However, don’t think that we are just going to ignore you. We are not friends, we do not care about your wellbeing, and if you get in our way I will end you.
(Cut to a tracking shot of the Mistress as she walks over to the display case. After studying it carefully she flicks it in just the right spot making all of the glass shatter and the museum alarms go off. She removes the crystal ball from its pedestal. Cut to a full shot of the room.)
DUKE
Hey! We need that!
MISTRESS
Stop looking for the heart Duke Butchmann! We have need of it and our cause is far more just than yours. Now my disciples, (Waves her hand to signal the other disciples.) disperse!
(All of the Disciples of Aphrodite exit and the alarms continue to blare. Cut to a medium shot of Wilt and Duke as they look at the display case with disappointment.)
WILT
Sorry man.
DUKE
(Sigh) It’s
not your fault. Come on; let’s get out of here before the cops show up.
WILT
Wait! (Picking up the small pedestal.) What do these markings look like to you?
DUKE
Holy crap! We need to take this to someone who can read it!
INT. – OBLEX’S STUDY- NIGHT
(Scene opens with Lana sitting at a table, going over a map and making marks on it. She stands up, still looking intently at her work, and takes a sip out of a glass of water. Then Duke tries to burst in the room but the door stops partway because of its chain lock. This sudden noise startles Lana and she spills the glass on her shirt. She turns to look at him angrily.)
LANA
Damn it Duke! You got me all wet.
DUKE
I have that effect on women.
(Lana puts her hand on the door getting ready to slam it shut. Duke sticks his arm in carrying the pedestal and tries to get further inside. As they talk Oblex wanders into the room.)
LANA
Goodbye forever!
DUKE
Wait! I found a treasure map. Right here!
OBLEX
Did someone say treasure map? (Snatches the pedestal out of Duke’s hand.) Theé mou! It’s true. Duke, Wilt, how would you two like to work for me?
LANA
What!?! But Sir, they don’t even have an archeology degree.
OBLEX
Neither do I.
LANA
What!?!
OBLEX
What?
DUKE
(Smiling mischievously at Lana.) I’d love to work with you guys.
OBLEX
Then hurry up and let them in! We’ve got plenty of work to do.
INT. – DISCIPLE’S LAIR – NIGHT
(Scene opens with a medium shot of Jasmine sitting in a chair and the Mistress standing over her.)
MISTRESS
Now Jasmine, do you want to tell me why you hesitated when I told you to take out the cursed one’s companion?
JASMINE
I didn’t feel that such