now, but I plucked the first thing out of my head that came to mind. “I’d like to be a veterinarian.”
“And save all the turtles in the world?” Jensen teased.
Gavin laughed. “We could help you. Okay. I guess… I guess I’d like to be a doctor. They make a lot of money.”
My lips spilt into a wider smile and then I turned my head toward Penn. “What about you?”
Penn stared up at the blur of tree leaves and the dazzling light peeking through them. He shook his head slightly and then said, “I want to be a teacher and a veterinarian and a doctor. I want to be everything.”
Chapter 24
The coppery red and golden leaves dazzled under the bright sunlight as a cool breeze circled through the front yard, stirring the hair around my shoulders. Behind me, the front door opened, and I willed myself not to jump.
Over the last four days, every little noise had me almost coming out of my skin. A deep childlike part of me expected another killer to resurface, even though I knew there wasn’t anyone else.
The found Wendy in Penn’s old house. She was in another bedroom, and she was surprisingly still alive. I didn’t understand how or why. No one knew and we would probably never know why Gavin or Shaw hadn’t killed her like the others, but she was alive and in the hospital, and I guessed that was one silver lining in the dark clouds.
And the media attention was beginning to fade away, turning toward some other tragic situation in some other small town. Things were starting to return to normalcy.
Jensen sat down beside me on the porch steps, and when I looked over at him, I couldn’t help but see the deep purple bruise along his temple. It seemed to never want to fade. Then again, my face still looked a bit like hamburger meat.
“Your mom is planning on making chili for dinner.” His lips tipped up at the corner. “Of course, she asked me what my favorite soup was. I went with chili.”
I laughed softly. “Mom’s in love with you.”
“Just like her daughter, huh?”
“Something like that.”
Jensen leaned in, brushing his lips across mine. He kissed me softly and carefully, aware of the tender corner of my mouth. When he broke contact, he pressed his forehead against mine.
“So what do you want to do today? We have all Sunday for ourselves.”
Jensen and I hadn’t been back to school since everything had gone down. Monday would be our first day back. Part of me of was looking forward to the return to normalcy, but I knew there’d be a lot of looks, a lot of questions.
A lot of memories.
“What are you thinking?” he asked as he shifted toward me.
My gaze roamed over his face and then over the yard. Leaves fluttered to the grass. It was the first time since that night that I asked the question. I couldn’t bring myself to really talk about it before then. “Why do you think he did it?”
There was a beat of silence. “Gavin?”
Swallowing against the burn of tears, I nodded. “Why do you think he just didn’t tell the truth when it came to what happened to Penn? He might not have been in that much trouble.”
“God, I hate to say this, but he wasn’t right in the head. None of us saw that and we all…”
We all carried guilt, thinking we had drove Penn to kill himself. Worse yet, that was what his family had believed for four years. Now we all knew the truth, but there were still so many questions.
“We may never know.” Gently tugging on my arm until I stood and sat between his legs, he wrapped his arms around me from behind. Both of our bodies were well on the way to healing, but every so often, one wrong move would have us creeping around like we were destined for the retirement home. My lips were still sore, as was my cheek. Jensen was still getting a mean headache once a day.
I rested my head against his chin. “He said you were beginning to see it—to see him.”
“It was just some of the things he said, but I don’t think I really believed it.” A sigh shuttled through him. “Even though Gavin and I hadn’t been close in years, I never would have thought he’d do this—that he’d plan it out… kill people. The thing is, we’re never going to know why. Not really. And we’ve got to move past that.”
Tears pricked the back of my eyes. Gavin had taken all those answers to the grave. That was something else I tried not to think about—how Gavin and Shaw had died, because it sucked knowing it was by my hand, but there was no guilt. I protected myself—I saved myself.
As crazy as it sounded, I… God, I found myself missing Gavin and then I’d remember everything he did. He’d killed Penn, accident or not, and then he helped kill Vee, Monica, and Brock. It was a confusing mix of feeling I guessed I would sort out one day.
“I know,” I said finally.
“It’s going to be hard,” he said, when I tilted my head back and our eyes met. “His parents…”
That hurt, too. They had no idea the darkness their son was hiding. From what I could tell, they hadn’t been aware of any of it. They’d been completely in the dark like the rest of us, and they had to be hurting far worse.
“You don’t think—”
“No,” I said, already knowing what he was going to ask. “I don’t blame myself for… for any of this. Shaw and Gavin did what they did.” I closed my eyes as his fingers threaded through my hair.
Jensen’s arms tightened and he didn’t respond, but I knew he was relieved to hear that. I wasn’t telling a load of crap, either. Over the last couple of days, I’d done a lot of thinking. I had to. My gaze returned to the sky, and I thought about the night it all started for me, staring up at the stars thinking they looked like tiny tiki torches.
I’d been so excited about my upcoming year and the knowledge I’d be leaving, going away to college soon. I wanted that night back.
I knew I could have it back.
It would just take a little time.
And probably a bit of therapy.
The door behind us opened and we turned. Mom stood, clutching her cellphone in her hand. “Linds’ parents just called.”
#
My heart raced the whole way to the hospital and up to the floor, Jensen holding tightly onto my hand as we hurried down the wide hall. The door to her room was ajar. I stopped, almost too afraid to go through it. Looking up at Jensen, he smiled and nodded.
Letting go of his hand, I pushed open the door and the waterworks began almost immediately. Tears spilled down my face and I didn’t even care.
Linds was sitting up in bed. She was awake. She was alive.
Our eyes met, and I rushed forward, almost knocking her dad out of the way to get to her. I almost joined her on the bed, that was how tight I held her, and nothing—nothing felt better than her hugging me back.
I talked to her, muffling words that didn’t make any sense whatsoever, and she did the same. I wasn’t sure how much time passed before Jensen placed a hand on my back.
“Come on.” Amusement colored his tone. “She probably needs to breathe.
Reluctantly, I sat back on the edge of the bed, wiping my hands under my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy.”
“Me, too,” Linds sniffed.
Jensen made a sound as he sat behind me. “If you two are so happy, why are you both sobbing?”
“You’re a boy,” I grumbled, looking around. Linds’ parents had left. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“I guess not.” He looped his arms around my waist and peered over my shoulder. “I am happy to see you awake, Linds. You’re looking good.”
A wobbly smile appeared on her paler than normal face. “If I only knew being in a coma would get you tell me I looked good, I would’ve done it a lot sooner.”
I laughed, so damn relieved, because this was Linds—she was okay and she was normal. I wiped under my eyes again. “God, I am so happy.”
“Me, too.” She leaned back against her mountain of pillows. “And I’ll be even happier when they tell me I can eat something.”
“It will probably be a cup of jello,” Jensen said.
Linds frowned. “Oh, God, I want a Whooper.”
He rested his chin on my shoulder. “I doubt that’s going to happen.”
“You’re a dream crasher.” She sighed as she looked at me. “I owe you a huge thanks.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Why?” Her eyes widened. “Mom and Dad told me what you did—you drove the car through the garage door to get me out. Man, I wish I was awake to see that part.”
My cheeks flushed. “I didn’t do it by myself. Brock helped get you out of the car, but he’s…” I trailed off, unsure of how much Linds knew.”
She shifted in the bed. “Dad told me about him and about that cop.” Her lower lip trembled. “He told me about Gavin.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, because I had no idea what to say about that.
Jensen’s hand flattened against my stomach, and he moved his thumb around in a slow, steady circle. “How are you feeling?” he asked, changing the subject.
As Linds answered his question, we had another visitor. Heidi. I wasn’t surprised to see her since I’d texted her on the way to hospital, but I was a wee bit shocked when she walked to the bed and actually hugged Linds instead of throwing granola in her face.
“I’m glad you’re, like, not dead or anything,” Heidi said.
Linds glanced at us and then back to her. “Um, thanks?”
I laughed, and some of the darkness of the last couple of months eased off. Jensen’s embrace tightened, and I smiled. Even though it hurt for reasons that cut deeper than the physical, the smile spread until my entire face ached.
My eyes met Linds’ and she winked as Jensen brushed his lips across my cheek. Carefully leaning back into his embrace, I glanced at Heidi. Hair twisted into pigtails, she looked like the Wendy’s chick as she stared down at Linds, and, for once, she looked like she wanted to be near her and not running in the opposite direction.
That was a major change.
Hell, we all changed, especially me. I wouldn’t give credit to Shaw or Gavin for that. The weight I carried with me was lighter, and, in a way, I had the memory of Penn to thank for that.
I had my friends to thank.
And, we all were alive, our futures waiting for us.
#
After staying with Linds in the hospital, I came home. Like the last time I’d done this, I wasn’t sure what led me to my closet door or what had me opening them, but I dropped to my knees and pushed the piles of jeans out of the way. I found the shoebox. Standing, I took them over to the bed with me and sat down. As I opened the lid and pulled them out, I thought about Penn. The twinge of pain deep in my chest was still there and even though I knew now he never took his life, it didn’t lessen the pain of losing him. If anything, it increased it.
But I couldn’t go back.
Out of the four of us, only two of us remained. Jensen and me. I wondered sometimes if any of us spent any time in that tree house thinking it would just be the two of us. That at any point in our young lives we though this was how things would turn out.
No. I knew we never thought that. Or maybe Gavin did, long before that fateful afternoon in the tree house with Penn, but that’s not something I’ll ever know.
I want to be everything.
Taking a deep breath, I slipped my sneakers on and laced them up. I could do that for Penn. Maybe not become a teacher, a veterinarian, and a doctor, but I could do this for him.
I pushed to my feet, wiggling my toes in the sneakers, and then I walked out of my bedroom, down the stairs and out the front door. I stood on the porch for a moment and looked up at the cloudless, blue sky. I smiled until I felt it, until it was real.
Then I stepped off the porch and went running.
Thank You
I hope you guys enjoyed reading The Dead List. It was super fun to release the book this way, and I hope that I have the chance to do it again in the future.
At some point, I will have the book available in print and perhaps digitally, but I want this to remain a freebie for a while.
Thank you so much for reading!
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