“What do you mean not exactly?”
“I just mean not exactly. Why do you care?” I demanded, and began rounding the table to sit on the opposite side of Parker from Coen when Keegan caught my arm and spoke close to my ear.
“I just meant for you to go on one date with the guy so you would realize what you were missing in your life, Ray. I didn’t mean for something to actually start between the two of you. And neither of you told me.”
Looking over at Coen talking to Parker, I shrugged. “There’s not much to tell yet.”
“Really? Parker knows him and there’s not much to tell?”
“You know you’re really frustrating, Keegan,” I hissed, and faced him. “You want me to date, but you don’t. You want Parker to have a dad, but you don’t like that Coen met him accidentally when Parker and I were at the park and Coen was running the trail that goes through there.”
“Okay, you two,” Mom said, pushing us apart. “You have people staring at you, and, Keegan, your friend can only keep Parker entertained for so long before Parker realizes that you and his mom are fighting. So let’s just sit down and enjoy tonight. I don’t want to start the first night of you being out of the army with the two of you fighting.”
Keegan released my arm and pulled out a chair for Erica, and I walked past Coen and Parker to sit down. Coen gave me a confused look before continuing his conversation with Parker, and I tried to ignore the stares of my family as I stared blankly at the menu.
Even though this was supposed to be a dinner for Keegan, it quickly turned into an interrogation dinner. Even though Keegan and Coen were best friends, it was like Keegan was seeing Coen in a whole new light now that he was worried we were dating, and kept staring at him like he was trying to figure out a ridiculously hard math equation. Once Erica stopped looking confused, she couldn’t keep her eyes off Coen and Parker as they joked and drew on Parker’s menu together—a smile tugging at her lips the entire time. My dad had sat there with his arms crossed over his chest until Coen and Keegan’s talks of their time in the army had Dad softening up and throwing in his own stories of his time in the navy. And Mom . . . dear God, I wanted to die for Coen, with the horrified look she was giving him for the first thirty minutes. Her eyes kept going back and forth between the small gauges in his ears and his arms covered in tattoos; each time they’d make a new trip, she looked like she was more disturbed by them. But once Coen started talking about his photography business, she was sucked in too.
“Parker, keep eating,” I requested softly when he ate only two bites and pushed his plate back to continue coloring.
“ ’Kay,” he muttered distractedly, but never made a move toward his plate again.
“Par—”
“That all you gonna eat, bud?” Coen rested his head on his folded arms and nudged Parker with his shoulder. Before Parker could respond, Coen nodded in the direction of Keegan. “Don’t you want to grow up all big and strong like your uncle?”
Parker stopped coloring and looked at Keegan before looking at Coen. “Are you not strong?”
“Me?” Coen’s eyebrows raised and he shook his head. “Nah, I’m pretty weak.” He sighed. “It’s because I didn’t eat my food growing up,” he whispered loudly.
“No, you’re not!” Parker laughed and pushed on his arm, and Coen dramatically moved away.
“I am, look.” He placed his elbow on the table with his hand up for Parker to grab. “See if you can beat me in arm wrestling.” Parker just continued to laugh as he set himself up. “Now don’t think I’ll go easy on you because you’re only six.”
“One-two-three, go!” Parker said quickly, and slammed Coen’s hand down on the table. “You didn’t try!”
“I did! I told you, I’m not strong. Come on, we’ll go again.”
I watched as they set up again, and covered my massive smile with my hand as I watched Coen give the slightest pressure before letting Parker beat him.
“Now see if you can beat your uncle.”
Parker turned and looked at Keegan, his face lit up like I’d never seen it before. “Come on, Uncle Keegan! I bet I can beat you!”
Keegan’s eyes flashed over to Coen’s before meeting mine. His face was devoid of emotion, but the smile was clear in his eyes. “All right, little man. Let’s do this.”
Keegan beat Parker three times before Coen leaned close to Parker again. “See? Your uncle is really strong. Do you want to grow up to be like him, or weak like me?”
“Strong like Uncle Keegan.”
Coen nodded toward Parker’s plate. “Then you better eat up, bud.”
Parker grinned widely at him as he pulled his plate closer to him and took a huge bite out of his burger.
It was in that moment that the attraction and excitement of everything that was Coen changed for me. It was then that I started falling for him. And though that terrified me, I knew I wouldn’t try to stop myself from this.
“REAGAN, WHY DON’T you let Parker come stay with us tonight?” Mom offered as we all exited the restaurant.
“Wait, what? Why?”
She gave me a look before letting her eyes drift to Coen for a second. “Because your brother is finally home, and his girlfriend is here in town with him. The four of you should hang out.”
“Four. Really, Mom?” I said so low no one else could hear us.
“Yeah, go do . . . whatever it is you all do now. And we’ll just take him for the night so you won’t have to worry about waking him up whenever you guys are done hanging out.”
I stared at my mom with wide eyes before finally giving in. I wanted to spend time with Coen, and despite dinner just now . . . I still wasn’t ready for the three of us to hang out together. So nights when Parker was with my parents were the only time I would be able to see him.
“Um, okay . . . but I don’t have a bag for him or anything.”
Mom waved me off and held her hand out for Parker. “We’ll be fine.”
Turning, I found Coen watching me thoughtfully and had to swallow a few times before asking, “Is it—uh, is it okay if I crash your night?”
Coen’s dark gaze flitted over to my parents before resting back on my face. “Of course it is. We can all go to my place and chill. I just need Hudson to take me back to my studio to get my car,” he said as he turned to look at my brother, and Keegan nodded as he continued talking to Erica about driving arrangements.
“Can I take you? I mean—I can take you,” I blurted out before I could talk myself out of it.
“All right then,” he said after a few seconds, and said good-bye to my parents as I said good night to Parker.
“Wasn’t expecting that,” Coen said as he put the address in my GPS when we were in my car.
“What?”
“For you to ask if you could drive me in front of your parents. From what I was gathering, you weren’t exactly happy that they thought we’d hung out at the park. God forbid they know about Friday night.”
“Coen—”
“You should probably start driving before your brother comes over here wondering why we’re just sitting here.”
I bit back a sigh and pulled the car out of the spot before making my way out of the parking lot. “I’m sorry, Coen, but you have to understand something. I have avoided men since before Parker was born. I’ve never wanted a guy in our life, and my family knows that. They don’t agree, but they know that. They’ve tried . . . I don’t know how many times over the last six years to get me to start dating. And not once have I even considered it. You saw how pissed off I was when they all went behind my back to set me up on that double date with you. And then you”—I fumbled for my next words and flung my hand out like it would somehow help me find the right thing to say. It didn’t. “You were there, and for the first time I actually entertained the thought of being with someone.”
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Looking over, I was surprised to see him studying me intently. I would have expected him to look smug.
“But, trust me, I tried talking myself out of it so many times. I didn’t want to want you. Parker and I are fine by ourselves, and throwing a guy into that can just make things so complicated . . . and why complicate things when we’re in such a good place now?” I mumbled the last part to myself. “So to go six years of ignoring their attempts at setting me up, and to get Parker and me to a place where we don’t need anyone, and then suddenly have there be this guy in the picture?”
“I . . .” Coen huffed. “I still don’t get it. Okay, so you didn’t want to date a bunch of random guys. Because of that you can’t tell them when you’re sort of seeing someone? They want you to see people. Your brother tried to set us up. You just said all three of them went behind your back to get us on a double date.”
“Yeah, but you don’t know my parents, so you didn’t see how quickly it all changed. But you had to have noticed how Keegan reacted, and all he knows about is the park.”
When he didn’t respond, I glanced over at him to see his eyes were narrowed as he watched me.
“When I got pregnant with Parker, I didn’t stop going to school. Even after he was born I continued going until I graduated from high school. Granted, I had to ask my mom to watch him while I was there because I didn’t have a job then. As soon as I graduated I got a job and moved out with Parker six months later. I wanted to put him in day care, but my mom wouldn’t let me. I hate not being in control of everything. ‘Control’ might have been the wrong word . . . I’m not a control freak. It’s just . . . if I can’t handle something on my own, it scares me. When Austin left me—”
“Austin?”
“Parker’s dad. When he left, I was determined to have Parker and be the best mom. I was already having a baby in high school, but I didn’t want to be a statistic, you know? So ever since that day when he broke up with me, I have to be able to handle every situation by myself, I don’t want to be one of those single moms who constantly has to rely on her family just to get by. Because Austin left us and it was so bad with my parents at first when they found out, I knew I had to be a certain way for Parker. So I hate asking for help. I like knowing I can do it on my own. But my family still thinks they need to watch out for Parker and me. Like they need to protect us because I’m not allowing anyone else to do it. So even though they want me to date, bringing someone into Parker’s life isn’t as easy as me thinking he would be good for me, and good to Parker . . . my whole family has to agree.”
Coen didn’t say anything, and because of the traffic, I couldn’t look at him again. Knowing he’d been mad, the quiet was making me uneasy.
“And that was exactly how it all happened tonight. Keegan was looking at you like an enemy instead of his best friend, my dad was sizing you up, my mom . . . God, my mom—”
“She doesn’t like the way I look.” Coen laughed softly and shifted in the seat. “I noticed.”
I grimaced and rubbed at my forehead. “It doesn’t matter if she does or doesn’t. She obviously got over it. But that’s just it . . . to make it all the more confusing. My family—who wanted nothing more than for me to start dating—all about had heart attacks when they thought I was dating someone, and none of them were happy about it. But a couple hours later, my mom is taking my son for the night so I can spend time with you, and I have no doubt she’s going to be online picking out my wedding dress once he’s asleep.” I groaned and slapped my hand back on the steering wheel before I gasped in horror. “Not that we’re getting married! Jesus.”
Coen’s loud laugh filled my car, and I was positive I was bright red.
“God, just . . . act like I didn’t say that.”
“No can do, Duchess. It’s replaying in my head over and over.” He laughed when I groaned again, and after a few minutes said, “I get what you’re saying, but I’m going to be honest with you. I know we’re not really anything yet, but I’m just letting you know now that we won’t be anything at all if this is how it’s going to be. You being afraid to tell your family about me. You leaving me to answer the questions about us when you look like you’re going to throw up because I’m in the same room with them. I’m not gonna deal with that shit.”
“Coen, I’m sorry. I hadn’t been ready for that and I couldn’t figure out what to do. Part of me wanted to go into your arms, and the other part was terrified of how my family was going to react. And I just froze.”
He didn’t say anything for the next few minutes until I was in the parking lot of his studio, and next to his car. With a hard breath through his nose, he unclicked his seat belt and got out of the car.
My stomach clenched and my head dropped as I realized I’d somehow made this worse. I needed to learn how to shut up. My head snapped to the left when my door opened and he stepped back.
“Get out.”
“What?” I looked around the otherwise empty parking lot before looking back at him. “Why?”
“Just get out of the car, Duchess.”
I stumbled my way out, and gasped when he pushed me against the back door, pressing both his forearms on the window on either side of my head, caging me in.
“This is where you decide,” he said gruffly. “Hudson told me you were independent, and you just told me you get scared if you can’t do something by yourself. You didn’t have to tell me you don’t like people helping you for me to figure that out, but you’re not just stopping people from helping you, Reagan. You’re stopping anyone except from your family from getting too close. And that includes me.”
“But—”
“You’re scared, that’s fine. But why can’t you just see where this goes, huh? For once, let someone else be in control. Let me be there for you, let me help you—” He must have seen the panic in my eyes, because he quickly added, “by just being there for you. Like tonight. Was it so hard for you that I got Parker to eat the rest of his food? Did that make you feel like you didn’t have control of the situation? And don’t fucking lie to me, I need to know if I messed up by doing—”
“No,” I whispered, and realized he was right. The same smile I’d had to cover in the restaurant was back, but this time, I just stood there staring at him in awe. “Watching you two together like that was . . . I don’t even know how to describe it, Coen. But not once did it bother me that you were trying to get him to eat. I—to be honest, I loved watching you.”
Coen’s lips tilted up in a soft smile, and his dark eyes slowly moved over my face. “You need to make the decision. Do you want to try letting me in?” He leaned in close so his breath washed over my lips. “Letting me help you doesn’t mean you can’t do this alone, Reagan. Everyone knows you can, but you shouldn’t have to.”
“Coen . . .”
“Yes or no, Duchess.”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation, and moaned into his mouth when his lips met mine.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled our bodies closer and groaned my aggravation when his phone rang.
“Yeah?” he answered, and bit down on my bottom lip. “I’m kissing your sister, leave me alone.”
“I can’t believe you just told him that!” I huffed, and pushed back on his chest.
“Yeah, he’s probably going to kick my ass for that one.” Capturing my lips with his again, he ran his tongue along mine and whispered, “Don’t care. But they’re waiting for us at my place, so we should go.”
With one last soft, teasing kiss, he pulled back and I asked, “Why?”
“Uh . . . because then he’d just show up here and beat me up?”
I laughed and pushed against his stomach when he stole another kiss. “No, why did you do all this? It hasn’t even been a week since we’ve actually started talking, so why would you put up with me? I know I’ve embarrassed myself in front of
you too many times to count since I first saw you, and we mostly argue, so why would you care to stick around to see what could happen? You could have your pick of girls, ones who wouldn’t have kids. I just—I just don’t understand why you want to see where this goes so badly.”
Coen raised one eyebrow at me. “Don’t you?”
“I do, but I’m asking you.”
He stayed quiet for a few moments as he thought, and for a while, I didn’t think he would answer me. “I don’t do relationships, Reagan. I’ve just never been that guy . . . I’ve always thought they were pointless, to tell you the truth. I didn’t want to deal with the headache of them. And, Duchess, you are proving to be one massive headache that I can’t seem to get enough of.” He smiled, but it quickly fell.
This was so not going where I thought it’d been about to. “Then why?”
“You want to know why I want this? Why the guy who thinks relationships are a waste of time wants the girl who’s scared of them so goddamn bad?” When I nodded, he swallowed hard and looked away for a few seconds. When he finally looked back at me, his face was somber. “Because I found someone who chases away my demons just by looking at me. I had a girl more or less fall into my arms who can make me forget everything just by saying my name. Why wouldn’t I push for this?”
My mouth fell open at his words, and I just sat there staring at him. I couldn’t figure out a response to such a soul-baring confession, I only knew that I wanted to be her. It didn’t matter that I knew he was talking about me; in my mind, I was just Reagan. There was no way for me to be that person to someone else . . . but with the depth of emotion in his words . . . I knew he’d meant every single one of them.
“That is why I want this. That is why I put up with you when you’re being unreasonable. That is why—after a week and a half since meeting you—I would do anything to see where we could go. I’m not declaring my love for you, because I’m not in love with you . . . yet. But I’ve never met anyone like you. And that’s not some bullshit line meant to make you fall for me. I never expected to find you; I didn’t know someone like you existed. I never knew there could be a relief from the agony I go through every day, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it. But after having that relief, after having you near me . . . Reagan, I crave you. And I can tell you right now it isn’t just because you silence my demons. I crave the peace you give me, yeah . . . but I crave your laugh, your love for your son, and this more.” He cupped his hand around the side of my neck, and my breathing quickened as the place where he was touching warmed. If I looked down, I knew my arms would once again be covered in goose bumps. “You feel that.”