He gave me that slow, lazy grin, his eyes hooded with lust. “I would love to do that with you. Would you like to undress me first?”
The idea made my pulse jump with sudden heat. “Yes, I think I’d like that. Here…” I got him to switch positions with me so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed and I was standing between his legs.
I started by pulling off his black T-shirt, tugging it over his head and enjoying the sight of his muscles rippling in the firelight as it came off. Next I attacked his belt buckle and jeans. Jude didn’t help me at all, even when I had a little difficulty with the zipper. He just sat there, regarding me with half-closed eyes with what I could best describe as a look of patient lust.
I was glad he was letting me lead. As I pushed his jeans down his narrow hips and long legs, I felt my fear receding and my desire returning. I was in control of the situation—not threatened in any way—and it made all the difference in the world.
Jude kicked off his shoes as the jeans came off and at last I had him down to nothing but a pair of dark blue silk boxers. There was a hard ridge where he was pressed against the soft fabric. Even to my inexperienced estimation it looked extremely large.
I hesitated, my hand on the waistband of the boxers, and looked into his eyes. He smiled at me, not saying a word, and showed just a hint of fang under his sensuous upper lip—a dare. It was a dare I wanted to take him up on.
I pushed the boxers down and watched as he kicked them away before I raised my eyes to the area I was most curious about. His cock was long and thick, rising from a small thatch of dark blond curls like an exclamation point. It was darker than the rest of his marble pale skin, capped with a broad, mushroom-shaped head that was shiny in the firelight with a clear fluid I supposed must be precum.
I looked up at Jude. “Can I…do you mind if I touch it?”
“Do you want to?” His question surprised me a little. But then I realized he was trying not to rush me or make me do anything I didn’t want to.
I nodded. “Yes, I do. As long as…if you could just stay like you are and don’t move?”
He nodded, a little smile playing around the corners of his mouth. “I’ll do my best.” Then he leaned back a little, giving me better access to his body. “Do what you want with me, Luz. I’m yours.”
The way he opened himself to my exploration seemed to give my desire wings. I had never felt more powerful, more in control, than I did as I reached down to circle him with my hand. I couldn’t quite get my fingers all the way around him and Jude groaned softly while I tried, gripping his heated length carefully as I learned him the way he had already learned me.
“So soft,” I said, marveling at the silky texture of his skin. Touching his shaft was like having a bar of heated steel covered in velvet in my hands. “Like rose petals,” I murmured, looking up at him.
“Your hands are so warm.” He shifted his hips a fraction, thrusting up into my circled fingers. “You are driving me wild, Luz.”
“I want to taste you,” I told him, looking into his eyes while I stroked him up and down. I was beginning to find a rhythm and I was enjoying the feel of his hot, silky length in my hand. “I want to taste you the way you tasted me.”
“You’re in control,” he murmured, his deep voice hoarse with need. “Do what you like with me, Luz.”
His words gave me a hot little thrill of pleasure. But there was something else I wanted to do before I started. Stepping back from him a little, I pushed my dress the rest of the way down my hips and kicked it to one side. Then, taking a deep breath, I hooked my thumbs into the thin elastic straps on either side of my panties.
Jude shook his head. “You don’t have to—you know that.”
I smiled at him. “But I want to.” Slowly I pushed my panties down until I could step out of them and stand in front of him completely nude.
Jude took a deep breath as he looked me over from top to bottom. “So lovely,” he said hoarsely. “You take my breath away with your beauty, Luz.”
It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me and even nicer was the fact that I suddenly knew he was right. I looked down at myself, at the slopes of my breasts and the soft curve of my abdomen and I was able to see myself as he saw me. I didn’t see breasts that were too small or a stomach that wasn’t flat enough or legs that were too short. I saw smooth skin, bathed in the flickering glow of the firelight, the tightness of my nipples, the wetness of my slit and I liked what I saw because Jude liked what he saw.
I came to him again and put my hands on his legs. I drew my nails lightly up his thighs, making him growl softly, until I reached his shaft. Then I took him in one hand and bent to drag my tongue over the flaring, plum-shaped head. He was salty and slippery and utterly delicious. From the corner of my eye I saw his big hands fist at his sides as I licked him but to his credit, he never touched me. He simply sat there as I teased and tasted him, letting my tongue explore up and down his shaft and even dip quickly into the shallow slit at the tip of his cock before moving on once more.
As I licked and sucked and teased, I experimented with my hands. Cupping beneath his shaft, I cradled his balls in one palm, stroking them carefully with my fingertips until his big body trembled with suppressed need.
“Luz, please…” His deep voice was ragged with lust.
“Yes?” I looked up, meeting his eyes, which were glowing a steady red now.
“I need you.” He dipped his head and captured my mouth in a hot kiss for a long moment before going on. “I want you to drink from me,” he said. “From my neck.”
I stepped up to him and nuzzled my face against the warm skin of his throat, breathing in his spicy fragrance. “How?” I whispered, kissing his neck. “Do you have something to cut yourself with?”
“You’re a were—your teeth are sharp. Bite me.” His voice was a low, lustful growl and I had the sudden realization that giving blood was almost as pleasurable for him as taking it. I wondered briefly if it was the same for all vampires and then decided I didn’t care. I only wanted Jude and no one else mattered.
I was a little reluctant to sink my teeth into him, though, until I felt his large, warm hand against the back of my head, urging me gently forward. I looked up at him. “You really want me to?”
“Yes. Do it.” He inclined his neck toward me with more urgency.
At the sight of the strong column of his throat bared for me—only for me—a feeling of almost savage lust rushed through me. Leaning forward, I sank my teeth into him just at the place where his neck met his broad shoulder.
Jude groaned and pulled me close, crushing my breasts to the flat planes of his chest and branding my stomach with his thick, hot length. The warm taste of dulce de leche filled my mouth and I lost myself in the pleasure of drinking from him until I didn’t know what was happening anymore.
He dragged me up on the bed with him and we lay on our sides on the cool satin sheets, facing each other and still pressed tightly together. I had my legs wrapped around Jude’s and I didn’t even care that I was riding his thigh, pressing my bare pussy hard against him as I licked and sucked his neck.
At last, the small bite wound healed and Jude pulled away from me a little.
“Your turn?” I asked, my voice breathless with need.
“My turn,” he confirmed, stroking my back and shoulder blades. “I want to drink from your neck as well.”
I wondered if it was some kind of vampire ritual but frankly I didn’t care—I just knew I wanted him close to me, wanted the press of his big body against mine and the warm, silky feel of his bare skin rubbing against me.
We had been lying on our sides but I sat up now and leaned over him. “Do it,” I said, giving his words back to him. I turned my head to one side, offering my throat.
He bared his fangs with a low growl and struck, sinking them deep into the tender flesh of my neck. The sharp sting was accompanied by an intense burst of passion and I moaned aloud and grabbed him, digging my fingerna
ils into his broad shoulders as I gave pain for pain and pleasure for pleasure.
Jude sucked at my neck, his big hands exploring me as he did—stroking my breasts, tugging at my nipples, sliding down the curve of my hips until he came to rest with one hand cupping the heated mound of my cunt.
I gasped and bucked against him as he pressed two thick fingers into my wet depths and fucked me with them. God, it felt so good, so right. I couldn’t seem to get enough of him, of the feel of him filling me, and yet I wanted more.
“Jude.” I moaned his name as he lapped and sucked at my neck. “Jude, please, I want you…want you inside me.”
He pulled back reluctantly, his lips crimson with my blood. “I don’t know if you’re ready for that, Luz.”
“No, I am, I really am,” I insisted even though a tiny voice at the back of my brain whispered that it wasn’t so sure. But I refused to listen to it, refused to hear the warning it tried to give. I’ve been waiting for this moment for years, I argued with myself. I don’t want to wait anymore.
Jude stroked my cheek. “Why don’t you let me taste you first? Let me make you come once or twice before we try anything else.”
I looked into his eyes. “You know I love that but it isn’t want I want right now—isn’t what I need.” I lowered myself to the bed and reached for him. “Please, Jude…fuck me.”
His breath caught in his throat in a ragged gasp and then he was on top of me, spreading my legs with his and covering my smaller, slighter form with his big, hard body.
At first everything was all right. I was eager for him, anxious to have him inside me, to finally get rid of my hated virginity once and for all. But then the present began to melt into the past and the memories came flooding back. Like sharp fragments of a shipwreck just below the surface of my mind they came—flashes of a trauma I desperately didn’t want to remember. His hands on me, forcing my legs apart. His laughter in my ear. His weight on me—pressing me down until I can’t breathe…
“Luz?” Jude looked at me in concern.
I shook my head. “I’m fine—don’t stop.” Not real, I told myself. It’s not real. It’s just a bad memory. I can get through this—I have Jude’s blood in me—I’ll be all right.
Jude went back to kissing me and I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to remember the warm feeling of safety and the delicious, sweet dulce de leche flavor of his blood. For a moment it seemed like it was working. But then I felt him opening me, spreading the sensitive lips of my pussy with the head of his cock, positioning himself at my entrance to thrust inside me, to fill me with himself.
“Such a sweet little cunt—so damn tight. Can’t wait to ride you tonight, little girl,” an ugly voice rasped in my memory. “There’s nothing like virgin pussy to make a man feel like fucking. And you’re going to love every minute of it, Luz, I promise you that.”
“No!” I gasped, pressing against the broad chest that rose above me, trying to get away from the hard, masculine body that was smothering me. “No, God—please don’t! Please don’t do it to me!”
Panic had me by the throat. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I fought for freedom like a wild thing, desperate to get away. Beneath me the stones of the ancient altar bit into my back, bruising and bloodying my bare skin and overhead the full moon hung, shining and indifferent to what was happening so far away below it. But I didn’t care about that—all I cared about was getting away.
I pushed at the man on top of me and wriggled desperately, gasping and begging as I did. But he was too strong, too big. There was no one to protect me, no one who cared if this happened to me. No one to stop him and soon it would be too late…
Suddenly I was free—the hateful weight lifted off me, the threat removed. I jumped off the altar—No, it’s a bed, not an altar. Don’t care, have to get the hell away from here!—and ran.
But instead of finding myself in the middle of the woods, I hit a wall—literally. I looked up frantically, expecting to see a full moon overhead, but the wall was attached to a ceiling. There was no moon, no altar, no sharp twigs and grass beneath my feet. And no man waiting to harm me.
There was only Jude, standing there naked, one hand held out to me and a look of pain on his face.
“Luz, it’s all right. It’s all right now, it’s over.” He whispered, as though he was afraid any loud sound might spook me and set me off again.
“Jude?” I looked at him uncertainly. I hadn’t had a flashback that intense in years. It had seemed so real. So horribly vivid and true—like the past was coming forward to eat me, to swallow the woman I had become and change me back to the scared, thirteen-year-old girl who had been irrevocably changed that awful full moon night.
“Luz, I am sorry. So very, very sorry. I should have known…should have seen you weren’t ready.” His voice was raw.
“I-I thought I could do it.” I crouched down where I was, wrapping my arms around my knees, covering and protecting myself at the same time. “Why couldn’t I do it, Jude? I have your blood in me but it didn’t help. It didn’t help.” I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. The tears wouldn’t come.
“Luz…beloved…” He took a step toward me but I shrank away and he stopped. Instead he sat on the floor facing me.
“Why?” I whispered again and I wasn’t just talking about the flashback. I was talking about the whole evil mess, the night that had started all of this pain and trauma for me. Why had it had to happen? And when would I ever be able to forget it so completely that it could never bother me again? Inside my brain a familiar mantra began. Have to forget. Have to forget. It never happened. Have to forget.
“Because.” Jude sounded tired. “My blood has a calming effect—to a certain extent. It can help you deal with the symptoms of your panic, but not the underlying cause.”
Have to forget. Have to forget. It never happened. I put a hand to my throat. “I-I don’t know what you mean. Who can tell what causes panic attacks? They just…they just happen.”
“Oh, Luz.” He shook his head and inched closer to me. “Please…” He held out a hand and I realized he wanted me to take it. With an enormous effort, I forced myself to do just that. Jude closed his fingers lightly around mine, clearly letting me know I could withdraw my hand at any time.
“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know what came over me. I just got so…so upset.”
“You were upset for a reason.” Jude ducked his head to look intently into my eyes. “Who was he, Luz, and what did he do to you?”
“What are you talking about?” I felt a cold sweat starting along the ridge of my spine.
“You need to talk about it if you are ever going to get over it.” Jude squeezed my hand lightly. “I know something happened but you have it buried too deep for me to see. Please, let me in.”
“This is ridiculous.” I snatched my hand away and stood up quickly, taking a step away from him. “I just…I just get upset sometimes, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.” Have to forget. Have to forget.
“It is a big deal. Luz, please.”
But I refused to stick around and hear any more of his nonsense. Keeping myself covered as well as I could, I grabbed my crumpled dress from the floor and pulled it on. Jude watched me gather my things in silence, still sitting on the floor with an unreadable expression on his face.
“I have to go,” I said, turning to him with my hand on the knob. “I’m sorry things didn’t…didn’t work out.”
He nodded his head gravely. “I’m sorry I triggered your panic response. I let my lust for you overcome my better judgment.”
I waved his apology away. “It’s my fault. I don’t know why I get so upset. I…” But I couldn’t go on so I just shook my head.
“Luz…” Jude got to his feet and approached me very slowly. He was still naked but not hard anymore which made it a little less scary. “It’s not your fault,” he said, when he’d closed the gap between us. “None of this is. So don’t apologize.”
“I have to go,” I said again. A worried thought crept into my brain. “I…do you think I’ll be able to change at the full moon?”
“I don’t know,” he said tiredly. “If I had to guess I’d suppose it would depend on how closely what happened to you is related to your ability to shift.”
Have to forget! “Stop talking like that—nothing happened to me,” I said sharply. And already, it was like nothing had. I could feel my shattered and tattered brain coming back together and sweeping the whole ugly memory under the rug of my subconscious. In a minute I would be completely fine again—if Jude would just shut up about past trauma and panic responses, that was.
“Luz—” he started again but I wasn’t going to stick around and hear anything he had to say.
“Goodbye, Jude. Maybe I’ll talk to you later.” I stalked out of his bedroom and hurried down the long hallway, finding my way out of the huge house by blind instinct. All I knew was that I had to get away, had to get anywhere but here. Once I was back safe at my own apartment I could splinter into a million jagged pieces if I wanted to but I couldn’t do it here, not where Jude could see me, not again.
Never again.
Chapter Eight
A fat orange moon was already riding high in the sky when I stepped into the woods that made up the hunting grounds of the Armenia Garden Estates wolf pack, otherwise known as the Arm Gard wolves. This had been my family’s pack for generations—even back before weres had made their presence known to the human world.
The pack was made up of around twenty-five to thirty families who lived in the Tampa Bay area, most of them middle to upper-middle class and it had a very definite hierarchy that was pretty much set in stone.
Above all the wolves was the pack master who could do just about anything he wanted and get away with it. Then there were the pack alphas—always males—who led the hunt each full moon and gave direction to the younger wolves. Under the alphas were the betas—males who didn’t have quite enough testosterone to make it into the upper echelon and under them were the females, who were always considered inferior to the males. And then there were the children and immature pack members who had yet to make their first change.