The truth does hurt, but I think maybe it’s time that I bring myself back to reality. Logan will never see me that way.
Or.
I can finally go out with Logan. A lot of things have changed, but one thing hasn’t. Logan Reeves is literally the man of my dreams.
So of course I say yes.
But as soon as I say yes, I can’t help but wonder what will happen when fantasy and reality finally collide.
I come home late from work to find Mom sitting in the living room, waiting for me. Things continue to be strained between us, so we both try to stay out of each other’s way. I do truly believe she’s sorry, but one apology isn’t going to erase the past few years.
“How was your day?” she asks.
“Fine.” It’s funny, because I always imagined that when Logan finally asked me to do something, I’d be dancing around as if my life had suddenly become a musical. Or there’d be forest animals following me around, celebrating my joy.
Reality, it seems, has not been as kind to me.
“So …” I can tell by her strained smile that she needs something from me. “We have inventory next weekend, and I’d really like to pull a late-night double shift to get some more money.”
I’m appreciative that I’m being asked first, but then I remember that next weekend is the athletic dinner … and Mackenzie’s Little Miss Dallas pageant.
Perfect.
“I was wondering if you could take Mackenzie to her pageant on Saturday morning. It’s only thirty minutes away and I’ll be able to get there by the start of the pageant itself. I just need you to take her there and help her get ready. I’d really appreciate it. We’d really appreciate it.”
“I got invited to go to the booster’s athletic dinner and dance that Friday night.”
Mom nods. I’m sure she assumes it’s with Taylor. I haven’t told her we broke up. I haven’t really told her much of anything lately. “Is there a reason you can’t do both? I’ll have Mac stay over at a friend’s and I’ll even lift your curfew on Friday night. You have to be at the pageant no later than seven in the morning.”
No curfew? And I’ll be with Logan?
Maybe things are starting to look up after all.
I was too exhausted last night to tell Benny and Cam about Logan. Plus, I knew they wouldn’t approve. It was bad enough telling them my version of what happened with Taylor. But since I see both of them waiting for me at my locker this morning, it’s obvious that the word has spread.
“Well, good morning, sunshine.” Benny gives me a little smirk. “What’s up?”
“How did you hear?”
Benny laughs. “I think the more appropriate question would be who didn’t we hear it from? Even Chris heard, and he’s, like, four degrees of separation from Logan.”
“I’m sorry.” It seems that all I’ve been doing lately is apologizing to my best friends. “I know I shouldn’t be going with him. I do. I know that this might cause me to completely go off the rails, but I …”
I stop myself. I don’t need to give Cam and Benny a reason for saying yes. We all know that I could’ve been scheduled for a life-saving operation and I’d have moved it if Logan came calling.
“And you know,” I say, almost to remind myself, “we’re going as friends. Logan said the word friend about a gazillion times when he asked me. His intentions were loud and clear.” And a little painful. But true.
“It’s okay,” Cam reassures me. “I think you should go. You need to experience this for yourself, and then you’ll see it isn’t as fun as you think it’ll be.”
“Thanks.” While I’m grateful that she’s being supportive (in her own twisted way), the realization that I’m going to the athletic dinner with Logan is starting to sink in.
Cam goes on. “Just let me make something clear; you are so going to owe me. Because I’m not going to let you go alone.”
Cam turns around and starts to walk down the hallway … right to Grant. She tilts her head and gets his attention easily.
“Oh my God.” Benny leans in. “Is Cam flirting with Grant?” He looks over at the outside window.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Checking to see if it’s raining frogs.”
We both are blatantly staring at Cam and Grant. Neither of us ever thought we’d see this day happen.
Yes, we’ve seen a lot of insane things this semester. But this one definitely takes the crazy up a notch.
I’ve heard of people taking bullets, but Cam has taken a grenade for me. More specifically, a grenade in the shape of a very egotistical, very “handsy” quarterback.
Cam’s going to the athletic dinner with Grant. She basically invited herself, and he was powerless to resist.
I’m going to need the strength in numbers, because there are still some people who don’t think I should be going at all.
“And here I thought we didn’t let just anybody come to the booster dance.” I overhear Brooke say to Hannah on my way to lunch.
I decide to do what’s best for both of us and ignore her.
That may be easier said than done, since I can’t help but notice who Brooke sits right next to at the Beautiful People table and wraps her bony arm around. Who she leans into as she whispers in his ear.
Taylor.
“Lexi?”
I turn around to see Hannah looking at me with concern.
“Is everything all right?” she asks quietly.
I can’t tell if she’s out to get intel for Brooke or if she’s genuinely worried. I’m not sure if my little outburst at SuperStore made its way up to the corporate office. Or if she’s also noticing Brooke practically shoving her tongue in Taylor’s ear.
“I’m fine,” I reply.
“Oh, okay.” She pauses before she heads to the table. “It’s just that you haven’t seemed like yourself lately.”
But oddly enough, this is the most I’ve felt like myself in a really long time.
I’ve been staring at my mascara wand for nearly ten minutes. It’s the athletic dinner, so I know I should try to look extra nice. I mean, I guess having Logan picking me up in an hour does put a little more pressure on me, but I don’t want to think tonight is anything but a simple matter of me being a plus one. It’s only a number, it’s not a date.
“Oh, for the love!” Cam comes into the bathroom and yanks the wand from my hand. “Are you still fretting over how much makeup to wear? It’s okay to want to look nice. Just cool it on the hairspray since I’m convinced that’s what made you go a little nuts.” She winks at me as she goes back into my bedroom.
I couldn’t agree more. On both parts.
I put the finishing touches on my outfit. I’ve dreamed of something like this happening for so long and now I’m not even that excited. More nervous than anything.
I grab my purse and meet Cam in the living room.
“I’m trying to figure out something.” Cam looks around the empty house. “Do you think your mom is the most trusting mother in the world for letting you have the house to yourself tonight, or is she in denial about what happens after the athletic dinner?”
“Most likely, she doesn’t think I have it in me.”
Cam smirks at me. “Do you?”
“Yeah, like I really want people to see where I live. Heaven forbid anything happened to Mac’s shrine.”
She comes over and takes my hands. “Turn around — I want a look at you.”
I try not to groan as I model for Cam.
“You really look beautiful, Lexi. But I always thought that. I’m glad that you’re starting to see yourself as more than a ‘Great Girl’ for a change.”
“Thanks.” I run my hand down my little black dress. “You look amazing, too.”
“What? This old thing.” Cam spins so her red dress flies slightly open to reveal a little leg. We take a few pictures and text them to Benny and Chris, who are having their own “anti-athletic dinner” with some friends over at Benny’s. They plan on doing as little athletic
activity as possible, and instead of celebrating egos, they’re feting sloth and gluttony.
Cam takes another look at her dress. “I hope Grant doesn’t get any ideas. I forgot my Mace.”
“Maybe we should bring a water sprayer. I hear that works on dogs.”
“Man-sized ones?” she asks.
“We could always try it out.”
Cam looks thoughtful for a moment, but then we hear the doorbell ring.
“You should get it,” she whispers.
I take a deep breath and go over to open up the door.
How many times have I dreamed of this moment?
Logan’s standing outside our door with a black suit on … and roses.
He brought me roses.
I open up the screen door and Cam quickly pops out to meet Grant, who’s peeking over Logan’s shoulder.
“Hi.” I try to remain calm.
“Hey, you look beautiful.” He hands me the roses.
“Thanks.” I stare at him, not sure what to do next. Sure, I’ve dreamed of this scenario so many times. This would be the part when he usually confesses his love to me, we start making out, and, well, I really must censor the next part. It’s, ahem, private.
I guess I never considered that this could be a reality. That we’d have to do the small talk and everything else that people do on a first date. Although this is clearly not a first date.
I have a feeling that I’m going to need to remind myself of that a lot this evening. A lot.
“I should put these in water.” This is the first time I’ve ever gotten flowers from someone who isn’t my dad. I run into the kitchen to find a vase, but we really don’t have a lot of need for vases in this house. Instead I decide to use one of those Big Gulp plastic cups, since it’s big enough to hold a dozen roses.
When I enter the living room, Logan’s studying the mantel filled with photos of Mackenzie’s various pageants. I see him flinch slightly when he comes across one that has Alyssa in it.
“I guess we should go….”
He looks up at me. “Sounds good.” He holds open the door for me and places his hand on the small of my back. I keep my eyes straight forward and will myself to the car. Every ounce of strength I have is focused on getting to the car because if I don’t, I may tackle Logan to the ground.
Thank God Cam’s here. She’s probably the only person who could subdue me. Forget the fact that the entire football team will be there — petite Cam is the only one with the courage to take me down if need be.
I’ve got to admit, this dance is kind of boring. Usually Benny and I would keep Cam company as she got ready, and then he and I would watch movies and order pizza. I always imagined that I was missing something, that my adolescence wouldn’t be complete without partaking in the high school ritual of attending dances or the infamous athletic dinner.
The dinner itself wasn’t very memorable. It was filled with a lot of grandstanding, boring speeches, something that I think was supposed to be chicken, and a bunch of inside jokes (either that or I lost my sense of humor on the drive over). I’m grateful that we weren’t at the same table as Taylor and his date, Brooke.
After the tables were cleared, the dance floor opened, but nobody’s even dancing. The guys are all in a group talking about whatever it is that guys talk about, while Cam and I are avoiding the Glamazon Girls.
“So this is it?” I look hopefully at Cam, willing her to tell me that in a few minutes the magic will start and we’ll all be dancing and laughing together like lifelong friends.
She shrugs. “The guys will start dancing once the DJ starts playing some annoying hip-hop song. They’ll all dance around like they’re hot-shots, when in fact, they’ll look like a bunch of tools. But —”
Hopes up!
“I’ve seen some of the guys sneaking swigs out of a flask that Grant brought, so they’ll probably start feeling frisky during the next round of cheesy ballads.”
Nice!
Cam obviously sees how excited this gets me. “At what point is it okay to smack you?”
“What?”
She shakes her head. “Honestly, Lex, I thought you already saw that being with that group isn’t as exciting as you thought it would be. And being with Logan won’t make it any better. At least I thought you understood that when you were with Taylor.” Cam moves her chin slightly in the direction past my left shoulder.
I discretely turn around and find Taylor standing there with Brooke draped around him.
She continues. “You know, I always lumped all those jocks into one group. And you’re well aware that I’ve questioned Taylor’s intentions with you, but even I have to admit that Taylor treated you well. I think he’s in a completely different league than Logan.”
“Blasphemy!” I shout at her. But truthfully, I never really felt like an outsider when I was with Taylor. He went out of his way to make me feel comfortable. I can’t help but think how different this evening would be if Taylor and I were still together. But we aren’t. He’s with Brooke. And I’m with Logan.
Cam and I spend the next half hour near the dessert table, taste-testing the various cookies on display. We’re having an epic debate between peanut butter oatmeal and classic chocolate chip when a slow song starts playing.
I look up and find Logan’s eyes locked on mine. He starts walking over to me and I grab Cam’s elbow.
“Oh Lord.” I hear her say under her breath. “I’m heading to the bathroom for Grant’s safety.”
Logan smiles at me. “It’s a dance. I figure we should dance.”
I nod and he takes my hand. We walk to the dance floor and he turns to me. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close. I nuzzle slightly into him and I see goose bumps pop up on the back of his neck.
Did I do that?
If so, awe-some.
“You know …” He pulls us apart slightly so our faces are only a couple inches away. “I always wanted you to come to these dances so we’d have a chance to dance together. But I’m glad you didn’t come until now. I don’t think I could’ve handled seeing you with anybody else.”
He pulls me back to him and his grasp tightens around me.
Remember to breathe, Lexi. I really hope that I’m not hallucinating any of this. Since I’m pretty sure I’ve dreamed of him saying something like that to me before. But it was a little different. I guess, for one, it was a dream and this is (oh please, oh please) reality. But in my dreams, when Logan pulled me close and held on to me, I didn’t smell alcohol on his breath.
But hey, nobody’s perfect.
The after-party is at Josh’s house. Yes, I finally make it to one of Josh’s infamous parties. His parents are extremely wealthy and have a tendency to turn a blind eye to their only son’s, shall we say, social events.
By the time we get there, most of the Glamour Girls are in the pool.
Funny, it never crossed my mind that I needed to bring a (skimpy) bikini to an after-party. How foolish of me. Such a rookie move on my part. My bad.
Logan and crew immediately head to the drinks.
“How much longer is my punishment?” Cam whispers in my ear.
Guilt floods over me. Poor Cam has already had to endure Grant’s constant wandering hands and now we’re at a party that looks about as fun as another one of Mackenzie’s pageants.
In fact, this party reminds me so much of Mac’s pageants, especially with everybody parading around in their best evening wear so they can be judged by people who feel like they’re better than everybody else. And lets face it — I’ve been the biggest pageant contestant these past few weeks. I know it was Benny who put me up to it, but it was me who wanted the approval of the Beautiful People for years. And for what?
I can say one thing for certain, it did not help with my self-esteem.
I squeeze Cam’s hand. “I’m sorry. We can go.”
She squeezes back. “No, it’s okay. I’m only teasing. I know how long you’ve been looking forward to this, and I want to be
here for you.”
“You know I don’t deserve you.”
“Duh.” She bangs her hip against mine.
I look around for Logan, but all I see are the Beautiful People strutting around with their holier-than-thou attitude.
What am I doing here?
Oh, yeah, Logan, who’s nowhere to be found.
“I’m going to do another loop to find Logan, and then we can leave.”
I start in the kitchen and see the line of people for drinks. Josh’s parents did take everybody’s keys when they came in and are apparently going to shuttle anybody who isn’t fit to drive. How responsible of them.
I go over to the game room, where I see a bunch of guys, including Taylor, playing a football game on the TV. Single-minded much, fellas?
Taylor sees me standing there and excuses himself from the game. “Hey.” He gives me a quick hug. “You look great.”
“Thanks.” I look around to make sure Brooke isn’t nearby. “Taylor, I want you to know that I’m really sorry about everything.” I hesitate, unsure if it’s really appropriate for me to be having this conversation with him when we’re both here with other people. “I really did like you. But I think I was pretending to be someone I’m not, and I guess I didn’t really know where the line was with you, if that makes sense. And I wanted to apologize because I don’t think I was very fair to you.”
He studies me for a moment.
“I think you should know something.” He leans in. “Do you want to know the second I realized I wanted to ask you out?”
I’m pretty sure I do.
“It was when I came into The Cellar and you were so cute and funny bossing me around. I hate shopping, but that night was fun because I was with you. We had never really hung out much before, and I felt that you were someone I wanted to get to know.”
I’m speechless. Taylor liked me because of my personality?
“Yes, I’d be an idiot if I didn’t notice when you started wearing dresses and stuff. But it was the confidence it gave you that made you completely irresistible. But maybe it wasn’t confidence if you truly thought that was the only reason I wanted to be with you.”