He went even stiller at her side. “Sometimes I’m sure it isn’t the same…but that’s not so bad, is it? Seeing the world in a different way?”
“Maybe.” She glanced over at him, at his nervous posture, and wanted to reach out to him—to frighten or calm him, she wasn’t sure which.
“Creative vision creates art”—he motioned around the gallery—“that shows the rest of the world a new angle. That’s a beautiful thing.”
“Or some sort of madness,” she said. She wanted to tell someone that she wasn’t seeing things right, wasn’t feeling them right. She wanted to ask someone to tell her she wasn’t going crazy, but asking a stranger for reassurance was pretty far from comfortable—even with her feelings skewed.
She folded her arms over her chest and walked away, carefully not looking at the people watching her or Niall, who was following her with an expression of pain on his face. The past few days it seemed like people were behaving oddly—or perhaps she was just starting to pay attention to the world again. Perhaps it was a waking up from the depression she’d been fighting. She wanted to believe that, but she suspected she was lying to herself: the world around her had become off-kilter, and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know why.
CHAPTER 9
With a wariness that felt out of place in the museum, Niall watched the fey watch them. Vine-covered Summer Girls wore glamours to seem mortal. One of the Scrimshaw Sisters slid through the room invisibly, peering into mortals’ mouths when they spoke. Another faery, whose body was nothing more than wafting smoke, drifted past. The faery plucked invisible traces from the air and brought them to his mouth, tasting mortals’ breath, feeding himself with hints of coffee or sweets that they exhaled. None tested others’ boundaries. Here was a place where the faeries all minded their manners, regardless of court affiliation or personal conflicts. It was neutral space, safe space.
And Niall was taking advantage of that safety to break his court’s rules. He’d appeared to Leslie, spoken to her on his own. He had no explanation for it. It was an irresistible compulsion to be near her, worse than he’d felt at Verlaine’s. He’d disobeyed his queen—not a direct order, but her obvious intent. Should Keenan not intercede with Aislinn, the consequences would be severe.
I can explain that…that…that what? There was nothing he could say that would be true. He’d simply seen Leslie, watched her blind wanderings, and revealed himself to her—stripped his glamour away right there in the gallery where any mortal could have seen, where plenty of faeries did see.
Why now?
The pull to go to her, to reveal himself, was like an order he simply could not refuse—nor, truth be told, did he want to. But he knew better. Until today he’d done fine with not approaching her, but that did not undo the embarrassing number of witnesses to his actions. He should excuse himself, turn back before he crossed lines that would result in his queen’s anger. Instead he finally asked, “Did you see the temporary exhibition?”
“Not yet.” She kept her distance now, after his too-long silence.
“There’s a painting from the Pre-Raphaelites I wanted to see. Would you care to join me?” He had made a habit of viewing every Pre-Raphaelite painting he could. The reigning High Queen, Sorcha, had been inordinately fond of them and lent her likeness to a number of their canvases: Burne-Jones had almost done her justice in The Golden Stairs. He thought to tell Leslie—and stopped. He was visible to her. He shouldn’t be talking to her at all, about anything.
He stepped away. “You’re probably not interested, I can—”
“No. I am. I don’t know what the Pre-Raphaelites are. I sort of walk around and look at the paintings. It’s not…I don’t know a lot about art history, just what”—she blushed lightly—“moves me.”
“That’s all you really need to know, isn’t it? I remember the term, in part, because I know that their art moves me.” He put a hand gently on the small of her back, allowing himself to reach out and touch her. “Shall we?”
“Sure.” She walked forward, out of reach, away from his hand. “So who are these Pre-Raphaelites?”
That was something he could answer. “They were artists who decided to disregard the rules at their art academy, to create new art by their own standards.”
“Rebels, huh?” She laughed then, suddenly relaxed and free for no obvious reason. And the beautiful paintings and fabulously carved pillars were less stunning with her for comparison.
“Rebels who changed the world by believing they could.” He steered Leslie past a group of Summer Girls—invisible to her—whispering and pointing at him with pouts on their faces. “Belief is a powerful thing. If you believe you can…” He paused as faeries clustered nearer them.
Keenan will not be happy.
No mortals, Niall. You know better.
Unless Keenan agreed to that one…
She’s Aislinn’s friend.
Niall! Leave her alone. This last was delivered with an outrage that bordered on maternal.
“Niall?” Leslie was staring at him.
“What?”
“You stopped talking…. I like your voice. Tell me something else?” She wasn’t bold like this, not during the months he’d been watching her, not a few moments ago. “The artists?”
“Right. They didn’t follow the rules. They made their own.” He refused to look at the faeries watching them and chattering their warnings. Their voices were angry and afraid, and although he knew better, he was excited by it. “Sometimes the rules need to be challenged.”
“Or broken?” Leslie’s breathing was uneven. Her smile was dangerous.
“Sometimes,” he agreed.
There was no way she understood what breaking the rules would mean for him, for her, but he wasn’t really breaking them. He was just bending them. He offered Leslie his arm as they walked toward the next gallery. Her hand trembled as she laid it on the curve of his arm. My king sent me here to watch over her. He knows I can do this. I can be careful, stay within the rules.
It will be fine. More often than not it was Niall who Keenan asked to guard Leslie. Despite the dangerous consequences of mortals being exposed to Niall’s embraces, Keenan trusted him. They’d not spoken often of the way mortals lost themselves after they’d been too long with Niall; they’d not discussed how many mortals he’d destroyed under Irial’s influence. All Keenan had said was, “I trust you to do what needs to be done.”
Niall had intended to keep Leslie safe from the corruption of his affection. And I will. But today, all of Niall’s good intentions had faded when he saw her looking so lovely and alone. After today, he would resume watching her invisibly.
I am able to do this: walk with her, talk, and be heard. Just this one conversation.
He’d keep himself distant; there was no harm in that. It wasn’t like telling her what he was, or how often he walked with her unawares. He could walk next to her without kissing her.
“Do you want to grab a sandwich before we go to the exhibit?” she asked.
“A sandwich…I can do that. Yes.”
It’s still within the rules. Eating with her isn’t dangerous. It would be if it were faery food he offered to her, but this was mortal fare prepared and delivered by mortal hands. Safe.
Her hand tightened on his arm, touching him, holding on to him. She murmured, “I really am glad I ran into you.”
“Me too.” He pulled his arm away, though. He could be a friend, perhaps, but anything more—that was forbidden him. She was forbidden.
And all the more tempting for it.
After a couple of too-brief hours, Niall excused himself and retreated, uncomfortably grateful when Leslie’s evening guard arrived early. The time with her was painful—beautiful but painful in its emptiness—reminding him of what could not be his.
As he left the museum, he encountered several badly injured faeries, all but insensible from whatever drug they’d found in Irial’s houses. It wasn’t surprising to see such things so clos
e to Irial’s currently favored haunts, but it wasn’t only the fey who shimmered with the taint of faery bruises. Mortals—far too many mortals—walked by with the ugly colors of healing bruises on their skin. The mortals might not recognize them as the handprints of something with talons where fingers should be, but Niall saw the bruises’ true forms.
Why?
Winter fey passed him with uneasy glances. Solitary fey clustered in small groups at his approach. Even the usually implacable kelpies in the city fountains watched him warily. Once, he’d deserved such suspicions, but he’d shunned the Dark Court. He’d chosen to remake himself, to make amends for what he’d done.
But the sight of the wounded mortals and the anxious faeries made Niall’s thoughts return to memories best left forgotten: the glass-eyed awe as a tiny red-haired girl drooped in his arms, exhausted from too many hours in his hands; Irial’s delicious laughter as a table crashed under the dancing girls; Gabriel’s joy at terrorizing the people of another city while Irial poured more drinks; strange wine and new herbs in their dishes; dancing with hallucinations; objections from mortals taken out of his embrace… And he’d reveled in all of it.
By the time Niall reached Huntsdale and went to the Summer Court’s loft, his depression was far too pronounced for him to join the revelry. Instead he stood at the large window in the front room staring at the browning ring of grass in the park across the street. There they celebrated the Summer Court’s rebirth, rejoicing at the court’s new—albeit uneasy—accord with the Winter Court. Summer had come unseasonably early this year—a gift from the Winter Queen, a peace offering or token of affection perhaps. No matter. It was beautiful. It should soothe him but did not.
He sighed. He’d need to mention the state of the greenery to Keenan. Think of duties. Think of responsibilities. He’d spent a lifetime atoning for what he’d done. Whatever aberration was making him feel so off the past few days would pass.
He rested his forehead on one of the tall panes of glass in the main room. Across the street, faeries danced in the park. And as always the Summer Girls spun among them, darting in and out of the throng in that dervish way of theirs, trailing vines and skirts. Keenan’s on-duty guards watched over them, keeping them safe, and off-duty guards danced with them, keeping them amused.
It looks like peace.
That’s what Niall had fought for, what he’d pursued for centuries, but he stood alone in the loft—a silent watcher. He felt distant, disconnected from his court, his king, the Summer Girls, everyone but one mortal girl. If he could take Leslie to the dance, spin in the revelries with her in his hands, he’d be there.
But the last Summer King had made clear the terms of accepting Niall’s fealty. No mortals, Niall. That’s the price of being in my court. It wasn’t so awful. Mortals were still enticing, but between his memories and his vow, Niall had learned to resist. He had not wanted for dancing—in revelries or in his bed—and it had been enough.
Until her. Until Leslie.
CHAPTER 10
By the end of the week, Leslie was more exhausted than usual. She’d taken extra shifts so she could afford to cover the groceries and still have money for the rest of her ink. She’d tucked that ridiculous tip away, not sure if she’d keep it. If it was a tip, she’d have a good deal toward getting a place later, enough to get started on her own, get some basic furniture. Which is why it’s not a tip. That much money doesn’t come for free. For now, she’d keep doing what she was doing before—earning her own money, paying her own way. Which means being broke. She knew Rabbit would let her do payments, but that would mean admitting she needed credit, and she wasn’t keen on that plan either.
Better to be tired than sold, though.
But tired meant forgetting to control her words. Her cattiness slipped out after school while she and Aislinn were waiting for Rianne to finish meeting with a counselor. Apparently, a private counselor wasn’t quite enough intervention; Rianne’s mother had notified the school as well, and Sister Isabel had waylaid Rianne at the last bell.
Aislinn was watching up the street. She had folded her arms, one hand resting over the thick gold band on her upper arm. Leslie had seen it when they’d changed for PE. Now it was hidden under Aislinn’s shirt. What’s she doing that she’s getting all these baubles? Leslie didn’t think Aislinn was dumb enough to be trading herself for money, but lately it seemed that Keenan’s wealth was in Aislinn’s hands.
Without thinking it through, Leslie said, “So are you watching for the second-string boy-toy or the starting player?”
Aislinn stared at her. “What?”
“Is it Keenan’s or Seth’s turn to take you home?”
“It’s not like that,” Aislinn said. For a brief moment, it looked like the air around her shimmered, like heat rising off the ground.
Leslie rubbed her eyes and then stepped closer. “I’d rather believe it was like that than that you’re letting Keenan use you because he’s got money.” She squeezed Aislinn’s arm where the bracelet was. “People notice. People talk. I know Seth doesn’t like me, but he’s a good guy. Don’t screw it up because of blondie and his money, okay?”
“God, Les, why does everything have to be about sex? Just because you gave it away so easily—” Aislinn stopped herself, looking embarrassed. She bit down on her lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Like what?” Leslie had been friends with Aislinn since almost the moment they’d met, but friends didn’t mean she told Aislinn everything, not anymore. They were close before, but these days Leslie needed barriers. She didn’t know how to start the conversation she’d needed to have for months now. Hey, Ash, do you have the handout from Lit? By the way, I was raped, and I have these hella-awful nightmares. She was holding it together, planning to move away, to start life all over again—and when she imagined trying to talk about it, about the rape, she felt like something was ripping her apart. Her chest hurt. Her stomach clenched. Her eyes burned. No. I’m not ready to talk.
“I’m sorry,” Aislinn repeated, gripping Leslie’s arm with an almost uncomfortably warm hand.
“We’re cool.” Leslie forced a smile to her lips and wished these emotions would fade away. Numbness was increasingly appealing. “All I’m saying is that you’ve got a good thing with Seth. Don’t let Keenan ruin it.”
“Seth understands why I spend time with Keenan.” Aislinn bit down on her lip again and glanced back up the street. “It’s not what you’re saying, though. Keenan is a friend, an important friend. That’s it.”
Leslie nodded, hating that they couldn’t really talk about their lives, hating that even her closest friendships were filled with half-truths. Would she look at me with pity? The idea of seeing that in Aislinn’s eyes was awful. I survived. I am surviving. So she stood there, waiting with Aislinn, and switched the topic to one where they could both be honest. “Did I tell you? I’m finally getting my tattoo. I got the outline already. One more session—tomorrow—and it’s done.”
Aislinn looked somewhere between relieved and disappointed. “What did you pick?”
Leslie told her. It was easy to remember: she could see the eyes staring out at her, could picture them without trying. The more she thought of her art, the less tense she felt.
By the time Seth strolled up the street to meet Aislinn—looking like a walking advertisement for how hot facial piercings could be—Leslie and Aislinn were having a comfortable conversation about tattoos.
Seth draped an arm around Aislinn’s shoulders and gave Leslie a questioning look. One pierced brow raised, he asked, “You got ink? Let’s see.”
“It’s not finished.” Leslie was barely able to contain the shiver of pleasure at the idea of getting the rest of it, but the thought of showing anyone felt surprisingly not-appealing. “Show you in a few days.”
“Rabbit must have been pleased. Virgin skin, right?” Seth got a faraway smile on his lips and started walking, moving in that easy lope that was the only speed at which
he seemed to do anything.
“It was. I got the outline last week.” Leslie moved faster to keep up with Seth and Aislinn, who’d kept pace with Seth without pause, seeming as oblivious as he was. They had a synchronicity that came from truly fitting together. That’s how it’s supposed to be: relaxed, good. Leslie wanted to believe that someday life would be like that for her too.
Aislinn held Seth’s hand and steered the two of them through the people passing on the street. As they walked, Seth talked a bit about friends’ tattoos, about the shops up in Pittsburgh, where Rabbit did the guest-artist gig sometimes. It was one of the most enjoyable conversations Leslie had ever had with him. Until recently, he’d been terse with her. She hadn’t asked why, but she suspected it had something to do with Ren. Seth wasn’t very tolerant of dealers.
Guilty by association. She couldn’t really blame Seth: Aislinn was too gentle to be exposed to Ren’s crowd. If Seth thought being friends with Leslie would put Aislinn in danger, he’d have reason to disapprove. She shook off the thought, enjoying the banter with Aislinn and Seth.
They’d only gone two blocks when Keenan and Niall stepped out of a doorway. Leslie wondered how they’d known Aislinn was passing at that moment, but the awkward silence that came with Keenan’s arrival made questions feel unwise.
Seth tensed as Keenan held out his hand to Aislinn and said, “We need to go. Now.”
Niall stood to the side, watching the street. Aside from a curt hello to Seth, Keenan behaved as if he and Aislinn were the only two people there. He didn’t look at anyone or anything other than Aislinn, and the way he looked at her was much the same as the way Seth did: like Aislinn was the most amazing person he’d ever seen.
“Aislinn?” Keenan made a weirdly elegant gesture with his hand, as if to direct Aislinn to walk in front of him.