Darling didn't even want to think about what had happened to him the last time he'd been locked away. The pain and degradation. The never-ending meds that had left him so sick, weak, and disoriented, he could barely move. It'd taken months to detox and get that shit out of his system.
Another confinement would make him crazy. He had no doubt whatsoever. He couldn't stand being strapped down and helpless, locked in a single room where he was put on display and sold like some freak of nature for the amusement of others. It didn't pay to be a high-ranking aristo in that situation. Ever.
And he couldn't even bear to think about the other things they'd done to him. Things he'd never mentioned to anyone, hoping that if he kept it to himself, then the memories would go away and leave him alone. But it didn't work that way.
Those scars ran all the way to his battered soul. And those waking nightmares were never far away. Anytime he let his guard down, they returned to torture him all over again.
The last thing he wanted was for his brother to be put in the same situation. While Drakari was strong, he'd never been tested like that, and Darling didn't want him to be. For the most part, Drake was untouched by the ruthless violence that had been Darling's life since the day they'd buried their father. And that, too, had cost Darling dearly. He'd made sure that both Drake and Annalise had been raised in foreign boarding schools.
His greatest accomplishment was that they were both relatively unscathed by their uncle's hatred.
But if Darling was gone...
"Who will protect my family if I'm not here? Have you forgotten what happened to my mother the last time I was locked up?"
Maris looked away, but not before Darling saw the involuntary wince over it. "I've not forgotten. How could I?"
In a vicious show of power and intimidation, his uncle had ordered his mother brutally beaten by so-called intruders within hours of Darling being admitted into a mental ward. Her assault had been his uncle's way of letting him know what happened to his family when he didn't fall in line with his uncle's wishes.
And it was one seared into his heart and mind. While he might not like his mother, he didn't want her harmed in any way. He refused to have his family hurt because of something he did.
More than that, Arturo had made it abundantly clear that next time, Annalise might be the one an intruder broke in on.
I'll kill him if he goes after her. Since the day she'd been born, his sister had held a special place in his heart. Even though she annoyed him to extreme distraction, he adored her.
But killing anyone who dared touch Lise wouldn't undo the mental damage such an attack would cause his headstrong sister. Darling knew that better than anyone.
"Are you sure your uncle hired the assassin?"
Darling gave his friend a wry stare. "No, I'm not sure. I have no idea how to track information like that down. Pure bloody speculation on my part."
"Cut the sarcasm, Lord Smart-ass. I'm just worried about you, okay? I am allowed, after all. You are the only family I have in this world."
Darling checked his temper as he saw the hurt in Maris's eyes. "I know, Mari. I'm sorry." The two of them had been through so much in their lives. Best friends since they'd started preschool together twenty-three years ago.
Through thick and thin, brothers to the bitter end. That had been their childhood pledge to each other. Little had they known then how many times that bond would be tested.
Never once had they disappointed each other.
He placed his hand on Maris's shoulder to reassure him. "I already have everything arranged. Arturo thinks my mother and brother retreated to the Summer Palace after Drake's last exam yesterday. Tomorrow, I want you to head to Caillen's by midday. Then I'll pick Lise up from school and get her to Nykyrian's where my mother and Drake are waiting."
"And then you're going out alone to commit suicide. How vintage Darling of you."
He ignored Maris's dire prediction and sarcasm. "The CDS"--the Caronese Delegate Symposium that served as the secondary governing body of their empire--"meets tomorrow evening. Once I have all of you secured, I can issue my challenge to Arturo. With that many witnesses, he'll have to agree to it."
"I thought you had to be twenty-nine for a challenge."
"Normally yes, but I found a loophole last night in the Unification Laws. Since Arturo isn't a fully blooded governor, and he attempted to kill the full-blooded prince and heir, I can petition the CDS on those grounds and he'll have to meet me, or be arrested. Stupid bastard. I now own his ass." But then Arturo had no idea the kinds of skills or resources that Darling had access to.
Arturo's mistake was about to cost him his life.
Maris held his hand to his temple as if his head was throbbing from their discussion. "Okay, alien life-form here. I still don't understand the nuances of how all this works." His face was a mask of frustration. "Everyone thinks you're gayer than I am. Won't they ask how you're supposed to produce an heir when you're ostensibly homosexual?"
Darling shrugged. "If I win, it won't matter to the CDS. As a fully blooded governor, I can name Drake my heir until I produce a legal one. Even if I don't ever have a son, it's not important. I don't care about inheriting. I only care about keeping all of you safe."
And avenging my father.
That was an account that was long past due.
When Arturo had paid for and sent that assassin after him, Arturo had made the biggest mistake of his life. By coming that close to succeeding, Arturo had rammed home to Darling that if he didn't do something, now, today, his uncle would see him dead. It was no longer a possibility, but a harsh, concrete fact. And where there was one failed aassassin, there were always a dozen more willing to take over the bill-kill target and collect the credits.
Not going to happen, old man.
Darling hadn't come this far and survived so much to die at the finish line. It just didn't work that way. And after finding the contract Arturo had placed on his life, Darling wanted to bathe in Arturo's blood until he was drunk from it.
A tic worked in Maris's jaw. "And if you fail to defeat him, you're dead."
"I'm dead anyway." Or worse, his uncle would lock him up in a place that made him wish he were dead.
No one could deny that. Arturo hated him with every part of his being. But for his survival skills and strength, Darling would have been dead a long time ago. "It's just a matter of time before Arturo finds a way to assassinate or permanently imprison me."
Maris grimaced. "You should have let one of us kill him years ago."
If only it were that simple.
"Believe me, I wish." Darling clenched his teeth. "Our laws are so fucked up and backward."
Unfortunately by Caronese law, if his uncle was assassinated by anyone from any empire, all Cruels, except Arturo's male blood children, were to be executed... that included his uncle's current wife and their three legitimate daughters. That had been the first law written and passed by his uncle when he'd taken the throne. One Arturo had created to keep Darling and Drake from killing him or having him killed.
Since Darling couldn't repeal the law until he was the governor in full right, it had forced him to protect the one man he'd wanted to kill more than anything. Had any of his friends, or anyone else for that matter, assassinated Arturo, one of the other territorial princes could have seized the opportunity made by that law to block Darling's inheritance and put his family down, then replace them with his own.
Caronese policies and laws were complicated. Darling knew that better than anyone. As Hauk would say, whenever you loved someone, you allowed your enemies to hold you by the balls. And Arturo had held Darling's in a vise since the day his father had been stupid enough to believe his own brother wouldn't kill him.
Growling low in his throat, Maris finally relented. "I hate that you're doing this. But what do you need from me?"
"In case I lose, I need you to tell Zarya what happened to me and who I really was. She deserves the truth. And make sure my Se
ntella assets are split between you and her so that you'll both have money to live on after I'm gone."
Anger flashed in those dark eyes as Maris glared at him. "How will I find this Zarya?"
"She'll contact the Sentella looking for Kere. Syn can help you back trace her."
"Wouldn't it be easier for you to give me her information?"
Yeah right. "Easier, but not safer. I don't want to do anything to endanger any of you. The less all of you know about each other, the safer you are. I know you'll be able to find her. I trust you."
Maris feigned delirious joy. "Oh great. Just the job I wanted most. A job I've dreamed about having since the hour I was born. Telling the woman you're not supposed to love that you're dead, but really sorry you died. And here, hon, here's some blood money to make you feel better about it all..." Spuriously, he slapped his hand hard over his chest. "Thank you so much for thinking of me, Darling. Whatever would I do without you?" Maris sobered and narrowed his eyes on him. "For the record, you better not die on me, you worthless beast. I will not forgive you for it."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'll be pretty pissed off at myself, too."
"It doesn't." Maris pulled him into his arms and held him in an iron-tight hug. "You know I love you more than my life, right?"
Darling hugged him back with everything he had. Maris was the only person who'd never failed him. He was closer to him than any brother or friend could ever be. "I know, buddy. Brothers to the bitter end. I feel the same way about you."
The door slid open an instant before Arturo cursed them. "Uh... you repulsive faggots!"
Darling saw red at his uncle's snarling voice. He started to attack, but Maris tightened his hold around him, keeping him pinned in his arms.
Damn, Maris was a lot stronger than he looked. Because Mari hated conflict of any kind and profaned physical force, it was easy to forget that he was a trained soldier. And while Maris no longer had the overdeveloped build of his military days, he was still stronger than most.
"One more day," Maris whispered in Darling's ear in Phrixian--Maris's native language that Arturo couldn't understand. "You can hold on for one more day, my brother."
Kissing Darling on his scarred cheek, Maris released him and cupped his chin until Darling met his gaze. He passed a warning look to remind Darling how imperative it was that he leash his temper one more day.
Nodding, Darling fell into the role he'd been playing for so long that until Zarya he'd almost forgotten he really was heterosexual. Not that he'd ever been attracted to men. Far from it. But until Zarya, he'd been the celibate monk that Maris always called him.
His facade was the same lie Maris had been forced to live when he'd pretended to be heterosexual to keep from "dishonoring" or "embarrassing" his royal family.
For years, Maris had played the dutiful son, dating women and hating every minute of it. In those days, only Darling had known the truth of Maris's preferences.
And only Maris knew his.
Since the night of Darling's fifteenth birthday, no one, absolutely no one, had been trusted enough with the truth. It was a lie they'd both despised and unlike Maris, it was one Darling couldn't let go of.
Not so long as his uncle lived.
God, it was so easy to speak a lie in the heat of a moment. And so hard to abide by it, especially for the rest of your life.
Even now, he could see that one long ago night so clearly.
His father's former adviser, Carus, had been sneaking out the back garden when the moron had tripped an alarm. Arturo's guards had seized him and hauled him inside for questioning.
It'd been obvious from the fresh hickeys on his neck and his recently showered condition, and disheveled appearance that he'd had sex with someone. Since Annalise and Drakari were still small children, and Darling barely fifteen, the most likely culprit had been their mother.
When Arturo had ordered her taken into custody, Darling knew the next step would be her execution. As the mother to the heir and widow of the last governor, his mother was to keep herself pristine and chaste in memory of his dead father for the rest of her life. For another man to touch her was viewed as an act of high treason on both their parts.
The guards had seized her and she'd been screaming, protesting her innocence and begging for mercy. His brother and sister had been holding on to her waist, crying and pleading for their mother's life.
Darling had been frozen by terror. His father had only been dead three years and all he could hear was the promise he'd made to him the last time they'd spoken. "If anything should ever happen to me, Darling, swear to me that you'll make sure your mother and siblings are taken care of. They're not as strong as you. You'll make a great governor one day. I know it. It's why I trust you to do right by the three of them."
Still, they'd all screamed and cried until Darling was deaf from it. More guards had come forward to pull his brother and sister away and to handcuff his mother for her execution while Carus had stood there, silent. No word to deny or defend the woman he'd slept with. The woman who'd risked her life and endangered her children for him.
He was useless as a protector.
And his mother would die if Darling didn't do something.
So he'd seized on Maris's personal secret to save her life. Biting his lips to make them swell, and pinching and clawing his neck to turn it red, he'd run forward to stop his mother's arrest.
"He's my boyfriend. I'm the one who slept with him." The words had flown out of Darling's mouth before he could stop himself.
Or think through the consequences.
But then, he'd stupidly assumed his mother would cut off the affair after seeing what a feckless, uncaring prick Carus was. Instead, she'd been grateful to Darling that he'd provided her with a cover story.
Little did he know then that he'd just sold his soul to his mother so that she could be happy. After that night, she'd carelessly chosen lovers and then guilted him into pretending they were his.
Lies he'd paid for with his flesh and blood.
Over the years, it'd been ironic really. To make their parents happy, Darling had pretended to be gay while Maris had pretended to be straight. It was one of many reasons why they were so close. Each had coached the other on how to carry out his ruse. What to say. How to act and dress. They'd invented code phrases to let each other know when they'd stepped out of their role. "I'm yanking your membership card" was the primary one. As soon as it was heard, they knew to pull back from whatever it was they were saying or doing before they exposed their true natures.
But Maris had had the luxury of coming out in his early twenties. Darling's only way out was to find a legal way to kill his uncle and then pardon his mother for her stupidity.
Arturo made a gagging sound at them.
His hatred riding him with spurs, Darling curled his lip at the smug bastard who glared at them.
In an act of utter defiance Darling knew he was about to pay for, he kissed then licked Maris's palm while staring at his uncle with a half smile.
Snarling furiously, Arturo stormed across the room and backhanded him so hard, his neck snapped and blood instantly invaded his mouth. "What have I told you, you stupid cock-licking rimmer?"
Testing his teeth with his tongue to make sure they were all still in place, Darling forced himself to play docile and not give in to the need to strike back.
Daintily--to further piss his uncle off--he wiped the blood from his lips with his forefinger.
I could snap you in two, you bastard...
It was so unfair to have the ability to rip his uncle's heart out and not be able to do it. So long as his family meant more to him than he did, he was like a toothless lion and he hated that feeling most of all.
"We're just friends."
"Sure you are." Arturo grimaced at Maris who prissed and preened, knowing it got under Arturo's skin in the worst way. The only thing that kept Arturo from striking Maris was the fact that Maris's blood was even bluer than theirs. And whil
e Maris had been disowned by his family for his homosexuality, he was still protected by League laws. Not to mention the small fact that Maris was the Andarion ambassador to Caron. As such, he fell under the protection of their crowned prince, Nykyrian--a former League assassin who would give his eyeteeth to have one shot at Arturo's jugular.
Unless Darling committed an act of treason, or Nykyrian's grandmother declared war on the Caronese, Maris couldn't be touched without severe consequences.
Arturo sneered at them. "Get out of my sight. You repulse me."
Maris hooked his arm through Darling's. "Come on, sweetie. The air in here is suddenly chilly."
Arturo caught Darling by the hair and snatched him back. "I didn't say you, cock jockey."
Darling locked down on his primal instincts that begged him to hand Arturo his testicles.
Maris gave him a panicked stare.
"Leave," Darling said in Phrixian.
He saw the reluctance before Maris inclined his head and did what he asked. It would only go worse for Darling if Maris defied Arturo, too.
As soon as Maris was gone, Arturo shoved Darling away, but not before he'd wrenched his hair again. "I want that other shirtlifter out of my house."
"He's the Andarion ambassador. He can't leave without a replacement." A replacement Nykyrian would make sure didn't happen. Maris's real role here was to stay and watch Darling's back. Whenever Arturo went too far, Maris would notify Nykyrian who would then do his best to pull Darling out until his uncle had time to cool down.
Arturo cursed in frustration. "I better not catch you in another display like that. You hear me?"
"I hear you."
Arturo slapped him again. "That's to remind you of your place, cockboy. You're not governor yet. I am."
"Yes, my Lord Counselor." He couldn't resist using the title he knew his uncle despised as it reminded Arturo of his lesser place in their world and the fact that he could never have full governorship--only a secondary regeant position.
Arturo raked him with a condemning glare. "You look just like your pathetic father. Get out!"
Darling gave a sarcastic and effeminate military salute before he obeyed.