Mom laughs, her fingers still trying to pull up the zipper that won’t budge. “Forget the stick, he could just beat them off with his python penis.”
Daren starts muttering to himself behind the camera, something about crazy women and how he doesn’t get paid enough for this shit, and we go back to pretending like he’s not there.
“Okay, back to what I was saying,” Aunt Jenny continues. “I couldn’t understand why I gained like ten pounds in two weeks until I woke up one morning with an empty box of Ho Hos on my pillow and chocolate smushed on the sheets. Drew assumed it was poop and thought I wanted to try some skate play. I tried for over an hour to convince him it was just chocolate, but he didn’t believe me. Now he won’t shut up about it and keeps telling me there’s no shame in admitting I like poopy sex.”
The shop owner who was on her way to Aunt Claire with a freshly opened bottle of champagne immediately turns on her heels and runs away.
“I believe you mean skat play, not skate play, Jenny,” Aunt Claire mutters. “And can we please get out of here so I can find the closest drug dealer? I’m gonna need to shoot up some meth or something to erase that information from my mind.”
Mom gives up on trying to zip Charlotte’s dress, telling her not to worry and that she’ll just have the seamstress sew a piece of fabric in to hide the problem.
Ava and I help Charlotte out of her dress and we all head out to the car to leave the poor owner in peace so she can cry alone after what she just witnessed, while Daren and Stan load the equipment in their van to follow behind us. Aunt Claire tried to lose them last week just for fun and it ended in a high-speed chase, three annihilated mailboxes, one flat tire, two dead squirrels, and my mom never letting Aunt Claire behind the wheel of a car again.
My phone beeps as Mom pulls out of the parking lot while Aunt Claire complains there’s a guy with a walker moving faster than we are. I smile when I see a text from Marco and block out the sounds of my mom and my aunt arguing from the front seat.
Clear your calendar tonight and plan on getting naked. Puking permitted, but not required.
He always knows just the right thing to say to make me feel better.
Chapter 20
– Pez Penis –
Marco
“It’s fine. It happens to a lot of guys.”
Molly rubs the palm of her hand in slow circles against my back and gives me a sympathetic smile.
“It’s not fine and it doesn’t happen to me!” I yell, immediately feeling bad for raising my voice when she’s being so nice and understanding. She shouldn’t be nice. She should be laughing and making fun of me and storming out of here in disgust. It’s what I deserve.
“Seriously, it’s no big deal. Stop beating yourself up about it.”
She leans in closer and kisses the top of my shoulder.
“This is embarrassing. I swear to God this has never happened to me before, ask anyone,” I mutter.
All I wanted was to give Molly a perfect, romantic, wonderful night. Was that too much to ask? Am I being punished because I still haven’t told her about Alfanso D.? It’s not like I can just blurt it out. I thought if I turned on the charm and left her feeling satisfied, she’d have no choice but to forgive me. I can’t do anything right.
“Marco, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We can try again later,” she encourages, running her fingers through my hair.
Her touch makes my dick stir, and I’m honestly a little surprised I can still get it up at this point.
“It won’t be the same,” I mumble. “The first time is always special and now I’ve ruined it.”
She sighs and wraps her arms around my waist, squeezing me tight.
“It’s because of me, isn’t it? You’re off your game because every time you look at me you remember the worst blowjob you’ve ever received,” she whispers sadly.
Quickly turning towards her, I cradle her face in my hands and stare into her eyes.
“Stop it. This has nothing to do with you, I swear,” I reassure her. “You turn me on just by breathing. I promise you, that blowjob was stellar, and regardless of the puke, your determination and won’t-quit attitude scored you a lot of blowjob points in my book.”
She smiles at me, and I drop my hands from her face to wrap them around her back and pull her closer.
“It really does happen to everyone, it’s not that big of a deal.”
I scoff and raise one eyebrow at her. “Has this ever happened to you before?”
She bites her bottom lip, but doesn’t say anything.
“See?! It’s just me! I’M the problem!”
“No you’re not,” Molly says with a sigh. “I just haven’t been doing it as long as you.”
She drops her arms from around my waist as I turn towards the kitchen counter, picking up the ruined soufflé with a scowl.
“Exactly my point,” I tell her, walking over to the garbage can and dumping the dessert angrily inside. “I’m a pro. I’ve been baking soufflés since I was in elementary school, and I have NEVER had one collapse. This is mortifying.”
I could blame Molly for ruining the dessert, but that’s not exactly fair. I’m the one who was holding the oven door open to check on it when she got here twenty minutes ago and I’m the one who let the handle slip from my hands and slam shut when she walked into the kitchen wearing a tiny, blue strapless dress that clung to her tits, hugged her curves and fit her like a second skin. Her long, shiny black hair was curled into soft waves that hung around her shoulders, and don’t even get me started on the matching blue fuck-me heels she had on that made her tall enough for her lips to be perfectly aligned with mine when she stood in front of me.
Maybe the soufflé could have survived the slamming of the oven door, but I definitely killed it when I grabbed her hips, turned her around and repeatedly pushed her body against the double oven to kiss her. And then I made sure it would never survive by continuing to hump her against the damn oven while I lost my mind between her legs with my tongue in her mouth.
Not only was she so fucking hot it made me want to drop to my knees and thank God for bringing her into my life, she looked so worried and nervous standing in the middle of my kitchen while she fidgeted with the dress and nervously shifted back and forth on her feet. When she shyly whispered that Ava picked out her clothes and did her hair and that she felt stupid, I knew I had to do something to erase that panicked look from her face like she was waiting for me to laugh at how she looked.
“So, now that my plan of making you fall madly in love with me as soon as you took a bite of my world famous soufflé that I never share with students is ruined, what do you want to do?” I ask, deciding to stop being a baby over a stupid dessert and concentrate on the gorgeous woman standing in my kitchen.
I spent all day cleaning this place up so it didn’t look like a pigsty bachelor pad, and I made sure any evidence of Alfanso D. was safely hidden out of sight. I am determined to come clean with her tonight, but I want it to come from me and not have her find out by seeing all of my notes for the next book lying around. Since I trade working summers every year with another teacher, this is my summer to be off for three months and every minute I haven’t been with Molly, I’ve been working on the book. My entire apartment was littered with sheets of notebook paper with scribbled ideas on them, post-it notes with recipes stuck to all the walls, and several copies of Seduction and Sugar lying all over the place so I could go back and reference whatever I needed. Now that everything has been shoved into the spare bedroom closet, I don’t have to worry about her finding something before I can explain it myself. Which WILL happen before this night is over.
“Hmmmm, what should we do?” Molly ponders, tapping a finger against her lips. “I believe you mentioned something about getting naked in your text.”
Tell her right now before she gets naked. Molly naked will result in you turning stupid.
“Yes, I believe I did say something to that effect. Why don’t we sit
down and talk first,” I suggest as she walks slowly around me and heads into the living room.
Perfect, she wants to talk. Chicks always want to talk before getting to the good stuff. Just pretend like she never mentioned getting naked and everything will be fine.
I follow behind Molly, unable to move my eyes away from her ass as her hips gently sway while she walks into my living room. When she turns around in front of the couch, I’m still staring and now my eyes are glued to her crotch.
Focus, dammit! Don’t think about what her pussy looks like. Don’t drool wondering if it’s shaved or full-on bush, trimmed or cut into a neat little design like a lightning bolt or arrow pointing down. Move your eyes up, asshole!
“We could talk, sure,” Molly says softly, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress that stops at the top of her thighs.
Fuck, her legs are so long and smooth with just a hint of muscle definition that assures me she could wrap them around my shoulders and hold on for dear life.
GAAAAAAAAAH, FOCUS! I’m Alfanso D., I’m Alfanso D. Just get it over with!
“Great! Perfect,” I reply with a clap of my hands, entirely too excited to sit down and talk instead of sitting down and burying my face in her vagina. “How about we sit on the couch and talk.”
And then I’ll bury my face in your vagina.
“How about you start talking and I’ll get comfortable.”
Mentally screaming at my dick to take a nap for a few minutes instead of trying to claw his way through my zipper, I smile and take a step towards the couch, figuring Molly is going to take her shoes off and put her feet up on the coffee table to get comfortable or something.
I barely take one step towards the couch before my feet refuse to move and I freeze like a deer caught in headlights.
When Molly said she’d get comfortable, she really meant it. In one smooth, quick motion, she grabs the hem of her dress and quickly slides the material up and off her body, tossing it to the side where it lands in a puddle on the carpet.
“Sweet baby back ribs,” I whisper.
Molly crosses one leg in front of the other and casually clasps her hands together behind her ass, the motion pushing her tits out until I’m pretty sure I feel a little drool dripping down my chin.
She’s wearing a black lace thong and a matching black lace strapless bra, the material so sheer I can see her nipples. And Land O’Lakes what wonderful nipples they are.
“Do you still want to talk or is there something else you’d rather do?” she asks innocently.
Talk? What’s talk? Who said talk? Do I know the word talk?
“I might have a few ideas, but I think I need a little more inspiration,” I tell her quietly, surprised I’m able to unglue my tongue from the top of my mouth and remember how to string words together.
Her hands move up behind her back and she expertly unclasps the hook of her bra, the sheer black lace dropping from her body to land at her feet.
“Damn, you’re like a ninja with that thing,” I whisper, unable to remove my eyes from her naked tits. “It takes me at least five tries to unhook a bra. It’s like I have giant gorilla fingers whenever I get near those damn things.”
Okay, I know I said I wanted to talk, but this is just pathetic. Why am I rambling about gorilla fingers when there’s a half-naked woman in my living room with the best pair of tits this side of the Mississippi. And the other side of the Mississippi. And all down the fucking Mississippi.
STOP THINKING ABOUT MISSISSIPPI AND START THINKING ABOUT TITS, YOU PUSSY!
While I’m busy standing in the middle of my living room having an argument in my head, Molly walks towards me until she’s right in front of me. She slides her hands around my waist and presses her naked body against me. I can feel her nipples poking into my pecs, and I swear I hear the sound of my zipper ripping to shreds as my dick tries to hulk his way out of my jeans and into the Promised Land.
My head finally catches up with my body and I move my hands to her hips, sliding them around to clutch her smooth, perfect ass.
“I’m just going to apologize ahead of time for ruining this,” I whisper.
“Why would you ruin this?” she asks, pressing her hips against mine and gently kissing my chin.
“I mean, I wouldn’t ruin it, but I’m pretty sure my dick will,” I mutter, moaning softly when she kisses a trail across my jaw and to my neck.
“My dick is an asshole and never listens to me. You’re so fucking hot and beautiful, and I’m pretty positive he’s going to ignore all the baseball stats and college football teams I can name in alphabetical order and come in about five seconds if you keep doing that,” I ramble in one long incoherent sentence, moaning again when she wraps her lips around my earlobe and gently tugs on it with her teeth. “Fucking hell, you’re so good at this.”
Her lips immediately disappear from my ear and she leans back just enough so I can see her face. Gone is the confidence and determination I love so much and in its place is the same nervous and scared look she had when she first walked into my kitchen.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Was it the dick thing? I was just kidding. Sort of. I mean, I’ve always been able to last as long as I need to, but I’ve never been with someone I fantasized about for two years. I’m having a hard time believing this isn’t a dream, but I promise I’ll try my best to keep my dick in line,” I over-explain.
She laughs softly and shakes her head. “It’s stupid, but I need to tell you something. Ava told me to tell you but Charlotte told me to keep my mouth shut because it would ruin everything, but I can’t do it. I am really out of my element here and Ava even made me practice this in front of the mirror until I could do it without rolling my eyes or covering myself up but I still feel like a liar and a hypocrite and I don’t want to keep this from you because I really like you. I more than like you. I’m just going to spit out and if you want me to leave, I’ll understand.”
I don’t feel so bad anymore about the whole gorilla fingers thing when Molly rambles without taking a breath and it just makes me want to stick her in my pocket and keep her forever. You know, if Harry Potter were a real person and he’d let me borrow his wand to make her tiny. But there would have to be a reverse spell where I could make her big again so she’d have normal-size hands and a normal-size mouth and a normal-size vagina because I might not have a dick the size of a python, but I’m pretty sure it could still kill a teeny tiny Molly that fits in my pocket.
Mental patient, party of me, your padded cell is now available.
Removing one hand from her ass, I bring it between us and under her chin, tipping her face up so she’ll stop staring at a spot in the middle of my chest and look at me.
“No matter what you tell me, I would never make you leave, Molly. Don’t you get it? Don’t you see what you’ve done to me?” I rasp. “I’ve never been this crazy or this tied up in knots before and it’s all because of you. Because you’re just as amazing as I thought you’d be when I first saw you in the school kitchen with powdered sugar on your cheek and more talent in your pinky finger than the entire class put together.”
I see tears pooling in her eyes and it makes my heart skip a beat, which I’m pretty sure might be a sign of a stroke or possibly a heart attack but since I still have feeling in my left arm, I’m just going to ignore it.
“I think I’ve been in love with you since that very first day when the entire class groaned after I said we’d be starting with sugar sculptures and your eyes lit up in excitement,” I tell her with a smile. “I know it’s crazy, and I know we’re in the middle of a shit show situation with your family, and I know we’ve only spent a few weeks together, but I’m falling in love with you Molly Gilmore. I love how much you care about your insane family, even if you try to deny it. I love your talent in the kitchen, and I love that you’re a hard ass with everyone but me. I love your smile and your laugh and how you smell like apples and cinnamon and how being with you is as easy as breathing.”
&nbs
p; She closes her eyes to stop the tears from falling, opening them right back up to roll them at me in that fucking adorable way I love so much.
“You’re crazy and wonderful, and I think I’m falling in love with you too, and I’m still a virgin, but technically I’ve kind of, sort of had sex, so I use the term partial-virgin because it was one time and he only partially got his penis in before he finished, and his penis was literally the size of a piece of Pez candy and my sisters like to call him Pez Penis now and make fun of me because now I’m a pregnant partial-virgin, and I just wanted you to know because I don’t want to keep any secrets from you.”
She finally stops talking and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
I know I should have paid really close attention to every word she said, but she talked incredibly fast and my brain shut down after the words “falling in love with you too” and “virgin”. Then it came right back to life when she said she didn’t want to keep any secrets from me. Now is my chance. Now is the perfect opportunity to tell her who I am. It doesn’t get any better than this moment, right here.
“Say something so I don’t feel like even more of an idiot because I’m half-naked in your living room, talking like a dumb girl about dumb feelings and other dumb girl stuff that gives me hives,” she complains.
I open my mouth to spit it out, I swear I do. The words are right there on my tongue and I even take a deep breath, full of confidence now that I know she loves me back. Then Molly has to go and move her hips, doing this incredible little swirling motion that rubs her lace-covered vagina against my dick.
I’m such a cheap whore with a one-track mind.
“So, when you say partial-virgin, it’s because you and some fuck-for-brains were naked and something resembling sex occurred, correct?” I ask.