“Fine,” he said, but never raised his head or broke stride.
“You’re not staying for the worship service?”
“I’ve got a couple things I need to get done before I leave this afternoon.”
“You’re leaving today? I didn’t think you were leaving until tomorrow morning.”
“This will be easier on me. I won’t have to get up at three-thirty.”
“But you were going to slip out of church, and not say goodbye?”
“I didn’t want to interrupt your class.”
She pulled at him until he turned to face her. “Chuck, what is going on?”
“Nothing. I told you ServMed would be my life until it was settled.”
She studied his face for a moment. Something else troubled him. She knew it. “You feel okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You’re not sleeping. I can tell you’ve lost weight. You’re short-tempered—”
“Bobbi . . .” He shook his head slowly. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
“Did you decide about the trip to Detroit? The All-Star game?”
“There’s no way.”
“We haven’t had a vacation in a couple of years. This is perfect. Why don’t you want to go with us?”
“I can’t afford the time away right now.”
“You love baseball . . .” She glanced back toward the church to make sure no one else was leaving. “So you were gonna sneak out of church without telling me. You’re leaving early for Kansas City, and you don’t want to go on a vacation with us. It makes . . . It makes me think it’s me, Chuck, like you’re avoiding me.”
“Bobbi . . .” he whined. “If it was in September or October, I’d go.”
“So it’s just work?”
“Yes.”
“And you feel fine?”
“Yes, can I go now?” He flipped his wrist over and checked his watch.
“I’m not through, yet. I know it’s getting close to the time of year when your dad died. I know for me . . .”
“I’m not you. Dad died six years ago. I don’t even think about it anymore.”
“What do you think about?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“Because you used to tell me. You used to tell me everything. Now, you don’t care what’s going on with me, and you won’t open up—”
“This is ridiculous. I’ve got to go.”
He started to walk away, but she reached for his arm. “While you’re in the car this afternoon, I want you to think long and hard about what your priorities are. I’ll put up with this while you’re on this case, but come September, things have got to change.”
“Don’t lecture me.” He jerked his arm out of her grip. “My priorities are right where they should be! Providing for my family!” He paced away, but turned back and leveled a finger at her. “I’ll tell you what’s got to change! You, Bobbi! You used to support me one hundred percent. You used to build me up, encourage me, but now you hit me as soon as I walk in the door with a list of everything I failed to do.”
He raised his hand, holding it inches from her, counting with more anger and intensity with each point. “I’m not home enough. I don’t spend enough time with the boys. I spend too much money. I don’t meet every single emotional need you manufacture—”
“What? You’re mad because I want to spend time with you?”
“It’s not spending time! You want to control me. You weren’t like this when we got married.”
“And you weren’t a paranoid workaholic! I wish you could hear yourself. Who else is against you, Chuck, or is it just me?”
“And now you’re mocking me. Very helpful.”
“I’m not mocking, I love you. I will always love you, but right now, I can’t stand to be in the same room with you.”
“The feeling’s mutual, Sweetheart.” He stalked away, got in his car, and squealed his tires before speeding away.
As soon as he was out of sight, her hands began to shake and she had to brace herself against the nearest car. “Lord God, I don’t know who he is anymore.”
CHAPTER 11 EXAMINATION
FOUR WEEKS LATER
Friday, September 2
“Mr. Tennant,” the nurse called, and Chuck watched yet another seventy-year-old man make his way back to see Dr. Andy Hokoana. Even so, Chuck preferred the discretion of private practice to the speed of a clinic. The check-up was the last thing on Bobbi’s list, and meeting Bobbi’s requirements while protecting her privacy was just what he wanted.
Tuesday, he’d resume his normal work schedule and rejoin society. He ate with his family three precious nights and he met with Phil at least twice each week, but he spent the rest of his time alone. The loneliness gnawed at him.
He checked into a gym membership just to get out of his apartment, but after spending the trial evening surrounded by young women in workout gear, he dropped that idea. Far too dangerous.
Instead, he bought running shoes. Each morning he poured out his heart to God during his run, then he hit the books like a seminary student. In the afternoons, he worked at the small mountain of paperwork from BD&M, keeping Walter Davis happy.
Since he’d destroyed his reputation at Preston Road Community Church, he never hesitated to make his way to the altar during the invitation to pray. He confessed his pride, his failure to love Bobbi selflessly, and his undeniable refusal to listen to anyone who suggested he was wrong.
The more he learned from Phil, the more he marveled that Bobbi stayed with him, even before the affair. He took her for granted, never listened to her, and bossed rather than led, but she loved him in spite of it all. Every day he prayed for the opportunity to love her the way she deserved.
A nurse entered from one of the side doors and called his name. She smiled and held the door for him. “Follow me,” she said, with a bright smile. Leading him into an exam room, she scanned his file. “They didn’t write down the reason for your visit.” She looked up at Chuck with her pen ready to write.
“That’s because I didn’t tell them.” Chuck relaxed when she laid her pen down.
“Let me get your blood pressure then.” She quickly took a reading. “One thirty-two over eighty-six,” she said, and wrote the number down. “Is that typical for you? It’s on the high end of normal.”
“Stress.”
“You might keep an eye on it.” She straightened his paperwork, then closed the folder. “He’ll be right in,” she said and then slipped out.
Within minutes, an enormous Polynesian man came in the exam room. He stood at least six-and-a-half-feet tall, with his long hair pulled back into a ponytail. His glasses hung on a chain around his neck. “Hi, I’m Andy Hokoana,” he said, extending his hand. After the handshake, he flipped Chuck’s file open and slid his glasses on. “Well, Mr. Molinsky, when you won’t say what you’re here for, I know it’s got to be about sex. So what is it?”
Chuck felt the heat rising on the back of his neck as Dr. Hokoana looked straight into his eyes. Shame stirred inside him. Just get it over with. “I had an extramarital affair and my wife requested that I have an exam and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.”
The doctor sat down and began writing. “Do you have reason to suspect you have a disease?”
“No.”
“No symptoms?”
“No.”
“Any other partners besides your wife and the other woman? I’m assuming it was a woman.” He looked at Chuck over the top of his glasses.
“Yes, it was a woman.” Sheesh! I don’t need this. “What else did you ask me?”
“Any other partners?”
“You mean ever?”
“Yes.”
“Twenty . . . twenty-five years ago. That doesn’t matter though, right?”
“That remains to be seen. How long has it been since you had sex with this other woman?”
“Five weeks.”
“Have you had sex with your wife since the
n?”
“No. Well, I mean, I was with my wife during the affair.”
Dr. Hokoana finished writing, closed the folder, and took his glasses off.
“Mr. Molinsky, your wife is wise to ask for this. She should consider getting tested as well. Should any results come back positive you’ll need to inform your lover . . .”
“She’s not my lover.” Chuck said.
“What you call her is irrelevant to me. My part in this is medical, not moral. Should any of the tests come back positive, you have an obligation to inform her, and these other women as well.”
“There won’t be any positive results.”
“If you knew that, Mr. Molinsky, you wouldn’t be here. Now then, I’ll do a physical exam, take some samples, and draw some blood. I’ll have you come back in for an HIV screen because that takes six weeks to show up. Then in a week or two after that, all your results will be back, and we’ll go from there. Any questions?”
“No, I guess not.” Inform my ‘lover?’ God . . . please. Spare us that much. The doctor stood and slid open a drawer in a small metal cabinet. He took out a folded paper gown and tossed it to Chuck, smiling ever so slightly. “I’ll give you a few minutes. That opens in the front.”
Bobbi drove to the church for her four o’clock appointment with Phil and Chuck for their first joint session. Throughout the day, twinges of hope welled up inside her, but reality choked them away. Chuck cheated, but he confessed. It hurt with relentless freshness every time she saw him, but she forgave him. In time, she would exhaust her store of protests, then he would come home, and life would go on.
In some ways, that appealed to her. Isolated and abandoned by her friends and church family, at odds with Rita, she questioned whether she was accomplishing anything by holding out.
She pulled into a parking place near the church’s side door. If she could get out of Phil’s office without losing her composure, it would be a major victory.
Chuck pulled in and parked his car beside hers. He smiled at her, then got out of his car and waited at her front bumper to walk inside with her. “How does it feel to have your first full week over with?” he asked.
“Great,” she said, brushing past him to open the door.
“Here. Let me.” He held the door for her. She eyed him with suspicious surprise before stepping through the door. Phil Shannon sat behind his desk with a half dozen books open in front of him. Chuck knocked on the doorframe.
“Wow, is it four already?” Phil asked, looking at his watch. He stood to shake hands with Chuck and Bobbi. Immediately, he grabbed the corner of his desk and sat down again.
“Phil? Are you okay?” Chuck took two steps around the desk toward the pastor.
“I’m fine. The doctor changed some of the medication I take for my blood pressure. He said to expect some dizziness for a little while.” He released his grip on his desk one finger at a time. “I just stood up too fast. It’s happened before.”
“We can reschedule,” Bobbi said, hoping.
“No need. I’ve worked all day. I’ll not stand up so fast next time.” Then with a smile, he said, “Come and sit.”
Chuck waited for her to sit before taking the other chair. She never looked in his direction.
Phil closed up his books and set them on the floor. “Let’s pray first,” he said and bowed his head. “Father God, we need You as we try to help Chuck and Bobbi heal their marriage. We know that it’s Your will for us to have strong marriages and families. Give us wisdom, compassion and patience. Glorify Yourself through all this. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
He leaned back in his chair. “First off, let me say, Bobbi, you and Chuck have already made great advances toward restoration and healing.” He glanced at Chuck, then spoke to her. “He’s taken this very seriously. In all the counseling I’ve done, I doubt if I’ve had two out of a hundred take it to heart and follow what I tell them. So far, Chuck is one of those.” Bobbi heard Chuck shift in his chair and knew he was soaking in the compliment. How could she avoid being cast as the bad guy now? Chuck did everything he could, but she was unreasonable . . .
Phil continued, “I also appreciate your willingness to forgive. You’ve fought half the battle by separating the issue of forgiveness from the pain of the affair.”
His eyes darted back and forth between her and Chuck. “However, now it will get challenging. We’re going to get personal. I don’t want to mislead you. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to hurt. You’re both going to come up against some painful truth about yourselves and your marriage, but that’s how you heal. As long as we deny or ignore things, we can’t heal them.”
Bobbi crossed her legs. Personal, painful truth . . . great. Just what I need.
“I commend you both on being so honest and open through this. I also want you to know that nothing you say will cause me to think less of you, or shake my desire to see you work this out. All right?”
She nodded. Everyone wanted to see them work this out. They never spoke to her, but they supported her completely. “Bobbi, how old were you when your mother died?”
Phil caught her off guard with the question. “Twelve. It was right after Rita married Gavin. Mama was growing weaker all the time, but she seemed determined to make it until the wedding.”
“Then it was just you and your dad?”
“Yes, but he had a lot of trouble coping with losing Mama. He withdrew from everything, and at some point, he started to drink. He was never a violent or abusive alcoholic. He hurt, and dealing with a teenage daughter was beyond his ability.”
She never talked much about her dad, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Chuck lean forward, listening. “I never saw him. He came home from work and went to his room. Rita shopped and cooked for us. I took care of the house and raised myself.”
“You did a very good job,” Phil said. “Tell me about your spiritual life growing up.”
“We were raised Catholic, but Rita came here with Gavin after they married, and I came to some of the youth events. I got more involved and everything clicked when I was fourteen.”
“Then your dad died before you and Chuck were married, right?” She nodded. “He died in February before we got married in July.”
“So why’d you marry Chuck?” Phil asked with a smile, glancing toward Chuck.
Bobbi took a deep breath. “From the moment I met Chuck, I felt like I was the only person in the world. He made me feel like I was the center of the universe.”
“What about now?” Phil asked.
“I feel like I’ve been tossed aside. Worn out, used up.” Bobbi kept her eyes fixed on Phil. She didn’t want to see if her words had any effect on Chuck.
“Can you go back a year or so and tell me how things were between you and Chuck then?”
“Good. We enjoyed each other’s company. We talked. What else do you want to know?”
“No complaints at all?”
“Things weren’t perfect. We never seemed to have enough time for each other, but I doubt anybody does.” Phil nodded slightly. He was giving her every opportunity, every possible opening to attack Chuck. She was her father’s daughter, though, and she preferred throwing up emotional walls, bearing her pain privately.
“Bobbi, I’m sure that the one overriding question plaguing you is ‘why.’ Even though we can make some headway on it, we can never explain it. Even if we could, that wouldn’t justify it.”
If we can’t explain it, why are we here?
“Here’s where it gets dicey. Each of you brings a past and a personality into your marriage. Those determine where the trouble spots in your marriage will be.”
Phil leaned forward, putting his elbows on his desk. “Everyone has trouble spots in their marriage, even Donna and me. Sometimes they lead to anger, bitterness, or resentment that hang over a couple for years. Many times a husband and wife don’t even recognize that they have fallen into discontent.”
Was that us? Did I discount all the signs?
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Phil looked at her, then at Chuck. “All that is to say, that in order to protect your marriage from future problems, we have to identify and deal with all these issues.”
He then fixed his gaze on her alone. “My biggest concern is that you don’t come away from this process thinking you were the reason Chuck was unfaithful to you. You didn’t cause it. You didn’t drive him to it.”
Tears began to well up in her eyes. Had Phil convinced Chuck of that? “Chuck was wrong. No matter what was going on in your lives, in your marriage, committing adultery was wrong.” Chuck’s chair squeaked.
“But if things don’t change, you may be right back here at some point in the future,” Phil said.
I’m not coping this time. We can’t do this again.
“Now the flip side,” Phil said, turning to Chuck. “Just because Bobbi has been wronged doesn’t mean that she is intrinsically right on every issue that comes up. You still have to be the spiritual leader in the household. You can’t do that if we completely tear you down. We have to equip you for Christ-like servant leadership.”
Chuck, the servant? Not this Chuck.
“Finally, we need to get the two of you on a schedule. Starting out, I’d like to meet with you Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I know it’s a lot, but with you having dinner on the alternate days, that gives us the opportunity to address anything that comes up on those days. Unless you had plans, I included this Monday.”
Bobbi murmured her agreement with the schedule, as if she had a choice. Chuck took those choices away from her when he decided to commit adultery. So now, they would talk, three days a week, dredging up everything the two of them ever did wrong. She realized she missed Phil’s question, but Chuck was answering.
“Joel is great. I mean, considering everything. He’s a peacemaker.”
“How do you think Joel is coping?” Phil asked her directly.
“He looks at things simplistically, a black-and-white kind of kid. It’s hard for him to understand why things aren’t fixed already. He’s not the type to hide anything, so I usually know what’s going on inside him.”