When the Tullys filed out gratefully, Birk stood in the doorway. He’d been a good friend last night. A good counselor. “I’m sorry that I put you in such an awkward position with your bosses, Birk. If they have any other questions, please tell them I’m willing to vouch for your professional behavior.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
She nodded, though she could feel the heat of Miguel seething behind her. When Birk was gone, she closed the door and turned to Miguel. “I don’t owe you any explanations, but nothing happened with Birk.”
“I believe you. And you don’t owe me anything. I understand. I owe you an apology, though. I shouldn’t have run.”
“I thought you were playing me. That you slept with me for revenge.”
“No, Sera, I swear. I was just...I don’t know how to do this. I freaked out.”
She shrugged. “I could have been a little more understanding. A lot of painful memories came bubbling to the surface for you this week. It’s a lot to confront.” She paused, steeling herself. “But it hurt.”
“I could have taken a walk or gone for a swim. It was immature of me to run away.”
She wasn’t going to argue.
She sat next to him on the couch. He’d told her some hard truths. Reasons why he couldn’t love again. It was maybe her turn to do the same. Clear the air. Their marriage was doomed from the start because they would never have mature enough hearts to make it work with anyone, much less each other. “My mom is a really nice, loving person. But she’s not a very sensible one. She’s got some mental issues that weren’t conducive to raising a special needs child. She tried very hard and she’s high functioning most of the time—but a lot of it is dependent on meds and she hates taking them.”
“That must have been hard on you growing up.”
Sera nodded. “I had to grow up quickly. And I learned to be very careful from a very young age.” Too young. Too careful.
“We have something in common, then.” He paused and she tilted her head, wondering what on earth that could be. “We both faced death pretty early on. You got careful. I got cocky. Sometimes, I treat my life like I’ve had too much Tequila and I’m wanting a fight.” He looked out the window across the lake. “I’m daring death to come at me again. Like this time, I’ll be ready for it. Sky-diving, rock climbing...I even raced cars for a while.”
“Maybe that’s better than what I do. I treat death like it could win at any moment.”
They stopped talking. Absorbing.
She accepted that Miguel did not try to hurt her—that he was hurting and trying to protect himself. Birk had helped her see that last night. What she didn’t know was how they could go on from here. They had to work together.
“What are we going to tell Mr. Martin?” she asked. “I really can’t afford to lose the job. I’m paying my mom’s back mortgage.”
“You’re paying two mortgages right now?” he asked. When she nodded, he shook his head, but chose not to comment on her financial woes. “We go in on Monday and we get along. We show him a trophy that we’ll pick up somewhere this weekend. They have trophy stores I’m sure, and maybe a certificate from the stationery store.” He looked like he needed to sleep, like this was all catching up with him.
“Can we get along?”
“I respect you, Sera. I like you a lot. It’s not going to be a hardship to make an effort to get along.”
She nodded. “We both need some sleep.”
He stood up. “I’m going to find a place to crash. Will you have lunch with me later?”
“I feel bad kicking you out of the cabin.”
“I kicked myself out. It’ll be good for me to deal with my consequences.”
She smiled. “Okay. I’ll see you at lunch then.”
He leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I’ll come to the cabin so we can walk to the buffet together. I don’t want anyone gossiping.”
She appreciated that. It was better if they carried on a little longer to save face.
Pride was in short supply today.
Chapter Ten
“I TOLD YOU IT WAS going to rain,” Sera complained as they slogged down the trail. It wasn’t rain, exactly. More like buckets being sloshed at them from all directions. The wind might have had something to do with that. It was miserable. Fucking miserable.
Miguel had hoped the weather would hold off so they could have a nice hike—but like everything about this trip, it didn’t just rain, it poured.
A small clearing came into site, a cabin sitting in the middle of it. “Look, shelter.” Thank God.
He was still surprised she came with him on the hike. He’d thought he was going to have to push harder. Turned out she was as eager to get away from everyone as he was. It was hard to keep up the pretense in public now that they were no longer fooling themselves.
He picked up the pace to the cabin.
“That might be somebody’s house,” she protested as he took the porch steps two at a time, thunder rumbling low and mean around them and echoing off the mountains.
“You want to stay out in this mess?” He looked in the window and knocked on the door. “Looks empty to me.” He picked up the mat and found a key.
“What are you doing? Miguel, you can’t just break into someone’s cabin so we don’t get wet. We’ll stand on the porch until the rain stops or something.”
He loved the look of incredulity. Her hair dripping. The hands on her hips. Was it less than a week ago it drove him nuts when she did that? Now the fact that she looked like a drowned rat about to school him turned him on.
He pushed open the door and peered in. “It’s fine. Nobody will even know we were here.” He pulled her through the door.
She freed her arm from his. “But what if they come back while we’re still—” Her words cut off as her eyes widened in surprise. She made a slow circle. “What...the...what is going on?”
He closed the door behind them. The room was lit with dozens of candles, a small fire snapped in the fireplace, and the table was set with the good china from the camp dining room. The stuff they used for the catered weddings. A crack of thunder shook the cabin, the lightning strobing the small room three times. Hail pelted angrily at the windows and the music from the small stereo cut out sharply when another boom came. Good thing they didn’t need power. Just shelter.
He reached for a towel by the door. “The storm is right over us. We got here just in time.” He started dabbing at the water on her face, her eyes wide and confused. “We should get you out of those clothes before you catch a chill.” He didn’t know what a chill was, exactly. Maybe people didn’t even catch them anymore. But it sounded old-fashioned and gallant, and he needed all the help he could get to turn this disaster date around.
“I don’t understand what is happening here.”
“We aren’t breaking in.”
She squinted at him. “We’re not?”
Miguel led her to the fire and unzipped her hoody while he spoke. “We were told where the key was.”
“We were?” Her t-shirt was soaked through too, so he lifted up the hem, but she didn’t budge her arms to help, so he left it on her. “Explain.”
He shrugged out of his own sweatshirt and draped it over the back of a chair near the fireplace to dry. “I didn’t go zip-lining after lunch. Michael Tully brought me out here and helped me get the place ready. He came back out to light the candles while we were hiking in.”
Sera shivered and relented when he went for her top the second time. “He hiked out here in the rain to light candles?”
“Nah. The cabin is accessible by road. It took him five minutes.” Miguel took the blanket folded on the rocking chair and wrapped it around her shoulders like a cape. “Why are you not asking me what you really want to know?”
“You mean, why are you doing this?”
He settled her onto the rug in front of the fire, added another log, and snagged two glasses and the bottle of wine from the table. Sitting nearly cross
-legged, which he was almost able to do now after a week of yoga, he poured the wine and thought carefully about how he was going to word what came next. “I did this for you.”
“For me?” She sipped the wine and contemplated the flames as the logs popped.
“I’m going to use a lot of ‘I statements’ right now. It would be easier for me if you let me get them all out at once.” He tried to ignore how uncomfortable his wet feet were, so he concentrated on how uncomfortable this conversation was instead. He’d never put himself out there, never wanted to, but this was one of those all-in things. You can’t halfway jump out of an airplane. “Yeah. I thought I was being smart all these years, not getting close to anyone, but it occurs to me that I’ve been a coward. I know this marriage of ours is all make believe, but so is my whole life. Being at this camp with you—it’s made me want to stop pretending. I’m not as okay as I lead people to believe.”
He had her full attention now. Her big expressive eyes watching him expectantly.
“Hell, I’m not very good at this. Enough of the ‘I statements.’ I’m moving on to ‘you statements.’ Sera, you are smart and annoying and beautiful and sexy. You make me think about things I didn’t know I wanted. You have burrowed so far under my skin that I hate to think about what I’d be if you left me. You are worth more to me than a week-long fling at camp. I’d like to see what happens if we keep going Monday. Well, maybe we could date for a while before we get the dog and the Prius. But that is the general direction I’d like us to take.”
She blinked. Drained her glass. Looked into the fire. Finally looked back at him. “You did all this for me because you want to date me?”
“Well, yeah.”
“I thought we agreed we were just going to work at getting along at the office.”
“We should do that too. But after we talked this morning, I realized I still hadn’t told you how I felt. I really like you. More than I thought possible. Do you like me?”
“I don’t really know. You’re too arrogant for one thing.” When he didn’t fight back, she carried on, “We don’t have much in common. Other than we’re employed by the same company. Hopefully we’re still employed, anyway.” She held her glass to him for a refill. “And you really hurt my feelings yesterday. I have spent my entire life protecting my heart. Figuratively and literally. You’re not a risk I think I should take.”
He stopped mid-pour. “Sera, you are the only person I have ever told about...my marriage. And I knew what I was doing when I opened up to you. I wanted you to know. I wanted you to understand that part of me because I don’t show it to anyone else.” Her lower lip did this little quiver thing that matched what his heart was doing inside his chest. “When I saw your scar, I did freak out. Because when I was a boy, I loved a girl and she died and it destroyed me. I don’t know how I could survive if I lost you.
“Miguel—”
“Please let me finish. I was an idiot yesterday. I can’t promise I won’t be an idiot again, but it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing either,” she confessed.
“Maybe we should just follow our hearts.”
She rolled her eyes at his cheesy line. It was pretty bad; he’d give her that. “My heart is defective, remember?”
He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles. “It’s not. It’s strong—so strong it survived multiple surgeries.” He squeezed her hand, thought of Howard and Lynn on the airplane, and went for it. “Can we try? Or have I ruined my chance at earning your trust.”
The fire popped and she jumped. “It depends. What’s under the domes on that table over there?”
“Sandwiches. I made them myself in the camp kitchen. And the coconut cake that they are serving with dinner tonight. I didn’t make that.”
“You made me a sandwich.”
“I made you a sandwich.”
She smiled but then shook her head. Shit, he could lose her here. “I’m scared.”
“I know. Me too.” Please, just give me a chance.
“But I’m tired of being scared. Also, coconut cake sounds really good. I’m a big fan of dessert.”
“I’ve noticed.” He reached over to move the wet hair sticking to her cheek. “There are marshmallows too, if you want to try your hand at those again.”
She laughed as she walked on her knees to sit Yab Yum like they had yesterday, and he was instantly hard. How could he have missed holding her so much in just one day apart?
“I’m not really a good starter girlfriend, Castillo. You might have chosen someone a little easier to get back into the exclusive dating game with. Dating me isn’t a walk in the park. I’m sometimes inflexible. I hear anyway.”
As she wrapped the quilt around them both, he pressed his forehead to hers, feeling her everywhere. Feeling her in his breath, in his heartbeat. “You’re the only one I want.”
“I’m going to annoy you.” She leaned back to look at him, his arms supporting her. He smiled and rested his head on her chest.
“I’m counting on it, princess.”
They stayed like that awhile. The tension drained away. The world didn’t matter. He just thought about how good it felt to hold her and the measure of their breath. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but it was too soon. She wouldn’t believe it. Not yet. He’d have to just keep showing her. Every day. And then he’d tell her when she was ready to hear it.
Maybe Tuesday.
Her fingers tunneled into his hair as he kissed the skin above her bra. She sighed. The good kind. “So, we’re just going to start dating when we get back? How does this even work?”
“You can brainstorm it all on paper and schedule me for a meeting to discuss it.”
“You’re super funny. Bring me a sandwich, Castillo.”
They disengaged and she eyed the bulge in his shorts while he moved to bring over the food from the table. They both got out of their wet shoes and socks and stripped to their underwear while they picnicked on the rug in front of the fire. It felt easy. He had a feeling it wouldn’t always be. But no sense borrowing trouble.
After food and more wine, she stood. “So, there’s a bed over there.”
“Fresh sheets and everything.”
She pulled him up. “Is it my turn to lead?”
He’d have followed her back into the rain in his underwear if that’s where she wanted to go, but luckily she stopped at the bed and directed him to sit.
Then she got on her knees.
Sera skimmed her hands up his calves, leaving goose bumps in her wake.
Up his thighs. Then back down. He thought his heart would stop when she made eye contact with him and cupped him through his boxer briefs. She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. But when he reached for her, she evaded his grasp.
“You’re going to have to trust me.” She scraped a fingernail gently above the waistband. “I promise I won’t take you anywhere you don’t want to go.”
Oh man. He was done for. All this time holding himself back. All his games. And he was done. The ice princess had him in the palm of her hand, literally now, and he was done.
She had him stand while she pulled down his underwear, then pushed him back down. She crouched low with a confident ease. Her hands were everywhere on his body except where he needed them the most.
He remembered the sweet sounds she made the other day. The way she tasted. He was harder than he’d ever been. Miguel screwed his eyes shut. “If you don’t touch me, princess...Oh Christ.”
She didn’t just touch him, she ran the flat of her tongue from root to tip and back down. “You’ll what?”
He didn’t know. He didn’t know what she was asking. He didn’t know the date, the year, his name. He knew Sera’s mouth. He knew Sera’s hands. He knew he wasn’t walking out of this cabin the same man who’d entered it. He couldn’t take much more. Not with his heart beating nearly out of his chest. Not with the heavy ache in his balls. Not w
ith her mouth and her hands and ...oh God...she rubbed her breasts on him. When had she taken off her bra?
Perfect pleasure. And a lot of it. She didn’t seem to be tiring and he was getting close.
“Sera?”
“Hmm?” she hummed around him, the erotic vibration skimming pleasure across every nerve in his body.
“Oh God.” That felt so good. A shower of sparks lit up the back of his eyelids. He was torn. If he asked her to do that again, he would come for sure. And everything inside him wanted to come. Now.
But no. “I need you. Up here. With me. Baby, please.”
She sat back on her haunches again. Stood so he could rip her underwear down her hips. And then he tumbled her to the bed, grinding into her center but remembering the condoms in the bedside drawer. He bent to kiss her, long and deep, while his arm fished through the nightstand in search of the box. He knew he needed to break away, to get the condom on, but she was heaven and she was his and he was not a strong man.
The last of his willpower got him through the brief separation, got them protected, and then he was free to do what he so desperately needed. Inside her body at last, he paused, holding both of them still so he could look at her. Just look at her. And then he rocked into her slowly, slower than he thought he was capable of. But he wanted to feel her, take in every second of the bliss.
She arched her back and he took the offered nipple into his mouth. That set her off and she contracted around him, bringing him with her into the freefall.
They never made it back for the end of session party that night.
Chapter Eleven
Well, hell. She’s wearing the pencil skirt again.
Of course, she was.
Miguel Castillo paused at her open office door. Not to leer. Not exactly.
Well, yes, exactly that. He was one hundred percent allowed to leer now. That’s a perk of dating the same woman for two months. Leering privileges.
Sera was standing at the window in her office, talking on the phone. He’d come in to find out what was taking her so damn long sending him back her notes, but he didn’t mind waiting for her to finish her call. It was a great view. Then he remembered she was supposed to get a call from the doctor’s office today. All his muscles bunched up involuntarily and he watched her for signs of distress. Were her shoulders tense? Were her lips in that tight line she gets when she’s upset and trying to keep it together? He couldn’t see her eyes or the crinkle above her nose, and he didn’t want to intrude or distract her. He had to wait.