It was a startling likeness, and necessarily had a startling look. The painter hadn't made the scar, but I made it, and there it was, coming and going, now confined to the upper lip as I had seen it at dinner, and now showing the whole extent of the wound inflicted by the hammer, as I had seen it when she was passionate.
I wondered peevishly why they couldn't put her anywhere else instead of quartering her on me. To get rid of her, I undressed quickly, extinguished my light, and went to bed. But, as I fell asleep, I could not forget that she was still there looking, "Is it really, though? I want to know," and, when I awoke in the night, I found that I was uneasily asking all sorts of people in my dreams whether it really was or not--without knowing what I meant.
CHAPTER XXI
Little Em'ly
THERE WAS A SERVANT IN THAT HOUSE, A MAN WHO, I understand, was usually with Steerforth, and had come into his service at the University, who was in appearance a pattern of respectability. I believe there never existed in his station a more respectable-looking man. He was taciturn, soft-footed, very quiet in his manner, deferential, observant, always at hand when wanted, and never near when not wanted, but his great claim to consideration was his respectability. He had not a pliant face, he had rather a stiff neck, rather a tight smooth head with short hair clinging to it at the sides, a soft way of speaking with a peculiar habit of whispering the letter S so distinctly that he seemed to use it oftener than any other man, but every peculiarity that he had, he made respectable. If his nose had been upside-down, he would have made that respectable. He surrounded himself with an atmosphere of respectability, and walked secure in it. It would have been next to impossible to suspect him of anything wrong, he was so thoroughly respectable. Nobody could have thought of putting him in a livery, he was so highly respectable. To have imposed any derogatory work upon him would have been to inflict a wanton insult on the feelings of a most respectable man. And of this, I noticed the women-servants in the household were so intuitively conscious, that they always did such work themselves, and generally while he read the paper by the pantry fire.
Such a self-contained man I never saw. But in that quality, as in every other he possessed, he only seemed to be the more respectable. Even the fact that no one knew his Christian name seemed to form a part of his respectability. Nothing could be objected against his surname, Littimer, by which he was known. Peter might have been hanged, or Tom transported, but Littimer was perfectly respectable.
It was occasioned, I suppose, by the reverend nature of respectability in the abstract, but I felt particularly young in this man's presence. How old he was himself, I could not guess. And that again went to his credit on the same score, for in the calmness of respectability he might have numbered fifty years as well as thirty.
Littimer was in my room in the morning before I was up, to bring me that reproachful shaving-water, and to put out my clothes. When I undrew the curtains and looked out of bed, I saw him, in an equable temperature of respectability, unaffected by the east wind of January, and not even breathing frostily, standing my boots right and left in the first dancing position, and blowing specks of dust off my coat as he laid it down like a baby.
I gave him good morning, and asked him what o'clock it was. He took out of his pocket the most respectable hunting-watch I ever saw, and preventing the spring with his thumb from opening far, looked in at the face as if he were consulting an oracular oyster, shut it up again, and said, if I pleased, it was half-past eight.
"Mr. Steerforth will be glad to hear how you have rested, sir."
"Thank you," said I, "very well indeed. Is Mr. Steerforth quite well?"
"Thank you, sir, Mr. Steerforth is tolerably well." Another of his characteristics. No use of superlatives. A cool calm medium always.
"Is there anything more I can have the honour of doing for you, sir? The warning-bell will ring at nine; the family take breakfast at half-past nine."
"Nothing, I thank you."
"I thank you, sir, if you please," and with that, and with a little inclination of his head when he passed the bedside, as an apology for correcting me, he went out, shutting the door as delicately as if I had just fallen into a sweet sleep on which my life depended.
Every morning we held exactly this conversation, never any more, and never any less, and yet, invariably, however far I might have been lifted out of myself overnight, and advanced towards maturer years, by Steerforth's companionship, or Mrs. Steerforth's confidence, or Miss Dartle's conversation, in the presence of this most respectable man I became, as our smaller poets sing, "a boy again."
He got horses for us, and Steerforth, who knew everything, gave me lessons in riding. He provided foils for us, and Steerforth gave me lessons in fencing; gloves, and I began, of the same master, to improve in boxing. It gave me no manner of concern that Steerforth should find me a novice in these sciences, but I never could bear to show my want of skill before the respectable Littimer. I had no reason to believe that Littimer understood such arts himself; he never led me to suppose anything of the kind, by so much as the vibration of one of his respectable eyelashes; yet whenever he was by, while we were practising, I felt myself the greenest and most inexperienced of mortals.
[He was very often by, for his attention to Steerforth, at all times, was most remarkable. Without obtruding it, or watching him, he seemed to have the power of divining his wants, and supplying them at the very moment when it was agreeable to him that they should be supplied. He never showed the least sense of there being anything meritorious in this: neither did his master.]
I am particular about this man because he made a particular effect on me at that time, and because of what took place thereafter.
The week passed away in a most delightful manner. It passed rapidly, as may be supposed, to one entranced as I was, and yet it gave me so many occasions for knowing Steerforth better, and admiring him more in a thousand respects, that at its close I seemed to have been with him for a much longer time. A dashing way he had of treating me like a plaything, was more agreeable to me than any behaviour he could have adopted. It reminded me of our old acquaintance; it seemed the natural sequel of it; it showed me that he was unchanged; it relieved me of any uneasiness I might have felt, in comparing my merits with his, and measuring my claims upon his friendship by any equal standard; above all, it was a familiar, unrestrained, affectionate demeanour that he used towards no one else. As he had treated me at school differently from all the rest, I joyfully believed that he treated me in life unlike any other friend he had. I believed that I was nearer to his heart than any other friend, and my own heart warmed with attachment to him.
He made up his mind to go with me into the country, and the day arrived for our departure. He had been doubtful at first whether to take Littimer or not, but decided to leave him at home. The respectable creature, satisfied with his lot whatever it was, arranged our portmanteaus on the little carriage that was to take us into London, as if they were intended to defy the shocks of ages, and received my modestly proffered donation with perfect tranquillity.
We bade adieu to Mrs. Steerforth and Miss Dartle, with many thanks on my part, and much kindness on the devoted mother's. The last thing I saw was Littimer's unruffled eye, fraught, as I fancied, with the silent conviction that I was very young indeed.
What I felt, in returning so auspiciously to the old familiar places, I shall not endeavour to describe. We went down by the Mail. I was so concerned, I recollect, even for the honour of Yarmouth, that when Steerforth said, as we drove through its dark streets to the inn, that, as well as he could make out, it was a good, queer, out-of-the-way kind of hole, I was highly pleased. We went to bed on our arrival (I observed a pair of dirty shoes and gaiters in connexion with my old friend the Dolphin as we passed that door), and breakfasted late in the morning. Steerforth, who was in great spirits, had been strolling about the beach before I was up, and had made acquaintance, he said, with half the boatmen in the place. Moreover, he had seen, i
n the distance, what he was sure must be the identical house of Mr. Peggotty, with smoke coming out of the chimney, and had had a great mind, he told me, to walk in and swear he was myself grown out of knowledge.
"When do you propose to introduce me there, Daisy?" he said. "I am at your disposal. Make your own arrangements."
"Why, I was thinking that this evening would be a good time, Steerforth, when they are all sitting round the fire. I should like you to see it when it's snug, it's such a curious place."
"So be it!" returned Steerforth. "This evening."
"I shall not give them any notice that we are here, you know," said I, delighted. "We must take them by surprise."
"Oh, of course! It's no fun," said Steerforth, "unless we take them by surprise. Let us see the natives in their aboriginal condition."
"Though they are that sort of people that you mentioned," I returned.
"Aha! What! you recollect my skirmishes with Rosa, do you?" he exclaimed with a quick look. "Confound the girl, I am half-afraid of her. She's like a goblin to me. But never mind her. Now what are you going to do? You are going to see your nurse, I suppose?"
"Why, yes," I said, "I must see Peggotty first of all."
"Well," replied Steerforth, looking at his watch. "Suppose I deliver you up to be cried over for a couple of hours. Is that long enough?"
I answered, laughing, that I thought we might get through it in that time, but that he must come also, for he would find that his renown had preceded him, and that he was almost as great a personage as I was.
"I'll come anywhere you like," said Steerforth, "or do anything you like. Tell me where to come to, and in two hours I'll produce myself in any state you please, sentimental or comical."
I gave him minute directions for finding the residence of Mr. Barkis, carrier to Blunderstone and elsewhere, and, on this understanding, went out alone. There was a sharp bracing air, the ground was dry, the sea was crisp and clear, the sun was diffusing abundance of light, if not much warmth, and everything was fresh and lively. I was so fresh and lively myself, in the pleasure of being there, that I could have stopped the people in the streets and shaken hands with them.
The streets looked small, of course. The streets that we have only seen as children always do, I believe, when we go back to them. But I had forgotten nothing in them, and found nothing changed, until I came to Mr. Omer's shop. OMER AND JORAM was now written up, where OMER used to be, but the inscription, DRAPER, TAILOR, HABERDASHER, FUNERAL FURNISHER, &c., remained as it was.
My footsteps seemed to tend so naturally to the shop-door, after I had read these words from over the way, that I went across the road and looked in. There was a pretty woman at the back of the shop, dancing a little child in her arms, while another little fellow clung to her apron. I had no difficulty in recognizing either Minnie or Minnie's children. The glass door of the parlour was not open, but in the workshop across the yard I could faintly hear the old tune playing, as if it had never left off.
"Is Mr. Omer at home?" said I, entering. "I should like to see him, for a moment, if he is."
"Oh yes, sir, he is at home," said Minnie, "this weather don't suit his asthma out-of-doors. Joe, call your grandfather!"
The little fellow, who was holding her apron, gave such a lusty shout, that the sound of it made him bashful, and he buried his face in her skirts, to her great admiration. I heard a heavy puffing and blowing coming towards us, and soon Mr. Omer, shorter-winded than of yore, but not much older-looking, stood before me.
"Servant, sir," said Mr. Omer. "What can I do for you, sir?"
"You can shake hands with me, Mr. Omer, if you please," said I, putting out my own. "You were very good-natured to me once, when I was afraid I didn't show that I thought so."
"Was I though?" returned the old man. "I'm glad to hear it, but I don't remember when. Are you sure it was me?"
"Quite."
"I think my memory has got as short as my breath," said Mr. Omer, looking at me and shaking his head, "for I don't remember you."
"Don't you remember your coming to the coach to meet me, and my having breakfast here, and our riding out to Blunderstone together, you, and I, and Mrs. Joram, and Mr. Joram too--who wasn't her husband then?"
"Why, Lord bless my soul!" exclaimed Mr. Omer, after being thrown by his surprise into a fit of coughing, "you don't say so! Minnie, my dear, you recollect? Dear me, yes, the party was a lady, I think?"
"My mother," I rejoined.
"To--be--sure," said Mr. Omer, touching my waistcoat with his forefinger, "and there was a little child too! There was two parties. The little party was laid along with the other party. Over at Blunderstone it was, of course. Dear me! And how have you been since?"
Very well, I thanked him, as I hoped he had been too.
"Oh! nothing to grumble at, you know," said Mr. Omer. "I find my breath gets short, but it seldom gets longer as a man gets older. I take it as-it comes, and make the most of it. That's the best way, ain't it?"
Mr. Omer coughed again, in consequence of laughing, and was assisted out of his fit by his daughter, who now stood close beside us, dancing her smallest child on the counter.
"Dear me!" said Mr. Omer. "Yes, to be sure. Two parties! Why, in that very ride, if you'll believe me, the day was named for my Minnie to marry Joram. 'Do name it, sir,' says Joram. 'Yes, do, Father,' says Minnie. And now he's come into the business. And look here! The youngest!"
Minnie laughed, and stroked her banded hair upon her temples, as her father put one of his fat fingers into the hand of the child she was dancing on the counter.
"Two parties, of course!" said Mr. Omer, nodding his head retrospectively. "Exactly so! And Joram's at work, at this minute, on a grey one with silver nails, not this measurement" --the measurement of the dancing child upon the counter--" by a good two inches. Will you. take something?"
I thanked him, but declined.
"Let me see," said Mr. Omer. "Barkis's the carrier's wife--Peggotty's the boatman's sister--she had something to do with your family? She was in service there, sure?"
My answering in the affirmative gave him great satisfaction.
"I believe my breath will get long next, my memory's getting so much so," said Mr. Omer. "Well, sir, we've got a young relation of hers here, under articles to us, that has as elegant a taste in the dress-making business--I assure you I don't believe there's a Duchess in England can touch her."
"Not little Em'ly?" said I, involuntarily.
"Em'ly's her name," said Mr. Omer, "and she's little too. But if you'll believe me, she has such a face of her own that half the women in this town are mad against her."
"Nonsense, Father!" cried Minnie.
"My dear," said Mr. Omer, "I don't say it's the case with you," winking at me, "but I say that half the women in Yarmouth, ah! and in five mile round, are mad against that girl."
"Then she should have kept to her own station in life, Father," said Minnie, "and not have given them any hold to talk about her, and then they couldn't have done it."
"Couldn't have done it, my dear!" retorted Mr. Omer. "Couldn't have done it! Is that your knowledge of life? What is there that any woman couldn't do, that she shouldn't do--especially on the subject of another woman's good looks?"
I really thought it was all over with Mr. Omer, after he had uttered this libellous pleasantry. He coughed to that extent, and his breath eluded all his attempts to recover it with that obstinacy, that I fully expected to see his head go down behind the counter, and his little black breeches, with the rusty little bunches of ribbons at the knees, come quivering up in a last ineffectual struggle. At length, however, he got better, though he still panted hard, and was so exhausted that he was obliged to sit on the stool of the shop-desk.
"You see," he said, wiping his head; and breathing with difficulty, "she hasn't taken much to any companions here; she hasn't taken kindly to any particular acquaintances and friends, not to mention sweethearts. In consequence, an ill-natured story
got about, that Em'ly wanted to be a lady. Now, my opinion is, that it came into circulation principally on account of her sometimes saying at the school, that if she was a lady, she would like to do so-and-so for her uncle--don't you see?--and buy him such-and-such fine things."
"I assure you, Mr. Omer, she has said so to me," I returned eagerly, "when we were both children."
Mr. Omer nodded his head and rubbed his chin. "Just so. Then, out of a very little, she could dress herself, you see, better than most others could out of a deal, and that made things unpleasant. Moreover, she was rather what might be called wayward. I'll go so far as to say what I should call wayward myself," said Mr. Omer, "didn't know her own mind quite, a little spoiled, and couldn't at first, exactly bind herself down. No more than that was ever said against her, Minnie?"
"No, Father," said Mrs. Joram. "That's the worst, I believe."
"So when she got a situation," said Mr. Omer, "to keep a fractious old lady company, they didn't very well agree, and she didn't stop. At last she came here, apprenticed for three years. Nearly two of 'em are over, and she has been as good a girl as ever was. Worth any six! Minnie, is she worth any six, now?"
"Yes, Father," replied Minnie. "Never say I detracted from her!"
"Very good," said Mr. Omer. "That's right. And so, young gentleman," he added, after a few moments' further rubbing of his chin, "that you may not consider me long-winded as well as short-breathed, I believe that's all about it."
As they had spoken in a subdued tone, while speaking of Em'ly, I had no doubt that she was near. On my asking now, if that were not so, Mr. Omer nodded yes, and nodded towards the door of the parlour. My hurried inquiry if I might peep in was answered with a free permission, and, looking through the glass, I saw her sitting at her work. I saw her, a most beautiful little creature, with the cloudless blue eyes, that had looked into my childish heart, turned laughingly upon another child of Minnie's who was playing near her, with enough of wilfulness in her bright face to justify what I had heard, with much of the old capricious coyness lurking in it, but with nothing in her pretty looks, I am sure, but what was meant for goodness and for happiness, and what was on a good and happy course.